The Grimdark 6 Vol Three: Dark Humor

by SuperSaiyanDiclonius

Chapter 3: Know Thy Enemy

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"Uuuh..." Adagio groaned as she came to. "...Wuh...what happened...hrk!"

"YOU'RE OKAY!!" Sonata shouted as she hugged her sister.

"Wuh-AH! GET OFF!!" The leader of the Dazzlings shouted as she pushed their ditziest member off of her...and realized that she wasn't alone...and that she had an icepack on her face.

Adagio's confusion turned to anger as she glared at the green skinned girl between the two Fluttershys. "You! Just who the heck do you think you are!?"

One of the Fluttershys nudged the girl who groaned in discomfort. "Gah, I'm sorry I zogged ya." She said unconvincingly.

The Fluttershy who nudged her rolled her eyes. "Greenskin didn't know that you weren't villains anymore and thought he was fighting bad guys."

"Yeah wel- wait...he?" Adagio inquired, but the conversation was cut short by another waking groan.

"Urn, huh? YOU!!" Aria shouted as she glared at the green girl.

"I'm so-gak!" Aria tackled the other girl to the ground and tried to pound the daylights out of her, but Greenskin had managed to get her hands up first.

"Gah, piss off humie! Fluddashoy said I wasn't allowed to foight ya no more an' I had ta apologize! So get offa me so I can apologize!!" The girl shouted through the ineffective beating.

The two Fluttershys tried to pull the siren off their friend, but Aria pushed one of them off her and pulled the other one's hair. She was about to deck the second one when a green hand shot up and grabbed her lower jaw, two fingers pressing into the gap where her lost teeth used to be, and pulled her down to the other girl's face. "Don'. Touch. Da Boss."

At last, Aria began to consider that angrily attacking the girl that knocked her out with one punch may not have been the best idea. Luckily for her, the tension was melted by the sound of crunching taco shells and a shrill scream of horror.

"NOOOO!!!" Sonata screamed as Hooknose, who had slipped away unnoticed by the Fluttershys during the fight, devoured what was left of the Dazzlings' lunch.

"OOKNOSE!!" Greenskin shouted before throwing Aria off her and running after the Snot Dog, who was too concerned with his meal to notice until Greenskin grabbed him by the scruff "I! Have! HAD IT!!" Greenskin shouted as he brought Hooknose over his head and slammed him into the bench the Dazzlings had been sitting on.

The Dazzlings were absolutely stunned by the display of brutality. And one of the Fluttershys was a bit more than stunned. "HOW DARE YOU!? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!? THAT CREATURE IS YOUR PET! HOW DARE YOU TREAT HIM LIKE THIS!?"

"Wut? It'z Ooknose! You know wut kinda trouble he causes, an' maybe dis'll be da fing dat foinally makes'im stop fer a min-" "I DON'T WANNA HEAR IT!! YOU ARE GOING TO APOLOGIZE TO THAT CREATURE RIGHT! NO- "STOP!!" Greenskin and the outraged Fluttershy and the dumbstruck Dazzlings turned to the other Fluttershy who had just spoken up.

"I know that was hard to watch, and I know that it's hard to understand, but Hooknose deserved that, and maybe he'll finally listen for the briefest moment." The two Fluttershys stared at each other, one in dumbstruck confusion, the other in understanding sympathy.

"...Fanks Fluddashoy...fer a moment, I fought dat waz you yellin at me." Greenskin said, her eyes moist with hurt tears at the thought that the one who brought him back to an acceptable level of Orkyness cursed him for it.

"Uh...what just happened?" Adagio asked.

The Equestrian Fluttershy breathed out through her nose before addressing the Dazzlings. "Greenskin isn't a Pony or a human or any other creature native to this world or Equestria, he's an Ork. Normally, Orks are violent monsters that worship war. But Greenskin was captured by an even worse monster, and tortured until he just wanted to die. I found him and nursed him back to health. He's...sort of normal again, but he appreciates Friendship just as much as violence...and he probably thinks Aria is the friendliest of the three of you." Fluttershy explained.

"As long as she keeps it tween us. 'Ands off da Boss." Greenskin stated.

"Uh...that...explains why she, or he, attacked us. But there is still too much going on here an-" Adagio was interrupted by a sudden series of noises coming from her pocket.

She pulled out a phone and her eyes shrank to pinpricks. "Oh crap, we're late! We need to get to Capper's now!" And with that, the Dazzlings lost interest in the bizarre chain of events and ran.

"Oi, where deyze goin?" Greenskin asked. Still holding the dazed Snot Dog in her hand by one leg.

"I guess they're late for something? Maybe th-" Fluttershy was interrupted by a noise from her own phone. She took it out and had a similar reaction to Adagio when she read the message. 'Ive found what happened to Sunseg'


"Okay, the hospital should be ri-" Twilight stopped when, just as she about to park her vehicle, she saw her other self jumping into a taxi.

"You all saw that too right?" She asked. "Indeed, it appears this trip was meaningless." Aries stated. "Well, I wouldn't say meaningless. You're not thinking about your hormones anymore." Krae'Nakh chuckled.

"The moment you lose value to the Imperium, I am going to kill you." Aries declared.

"Maybe...maybe." Krae'Nakh hummed to himself.

"Uh, okay so...back home?" Twilight asked nervously.


The other girls had all made it back with the sole exception of the two Pinkies. Twilight explained that she needed everyone present before she could address the primary issue, which gave the others time to talk.

The two Raritys got along famously, the Equestrian Rarity had never seen a mall before, and was just as determined to open one in Equestria as she was to introduce her counterpart to the Equestrian bazaar.

The two Rainbow Dashes were disappointed. The Equestrian Rainbow Dash couldn't use her counterpart's geode, nor was she experienced enough on two legs to race effectively or play soccer...but she was confident that she could learn in no time.

The Applejacks had a good time on the farm. The Equestrian Applejack was amazed at how much longer the harvest takes when you have to pick the apples one by one...she also had to explain to Granny Smith that she bucked the trees, opposed to something else.

There was a fair bit of concern when the Fluttershys explained their run in with the Dazzlings, but the Equestrians were content to celebrate the fact that since his beating, Hooknose had stayed on his best behavior.

It was concerning for most, but as Applejack had been forced to run the Snotling out of her orchard more than once, she was the most vocally delighted.

Finally, the door opened to reveal both Pinkie Pies...dressed in Russian winter clothes for some reason. "Sorry we're late everyone. We were snowboarding in Russia when we got Twilight's text." One of them said.

"And on the way, we had to help an aspiring author find time in the main plot to explain what the supporting characters were up to." The other added.

"We have no interest in your shenanigans. Let us proceed with our objective." Aries demanded.

The two Pinkies sat down and all eyes went to Princess Twilight. She had been incredibly nervous this whole time and could be heard talking to herself until the Pinkies arrived. Now, she was as quiet as death. "...Do you remember how I told you all that Sunset and some other denizens of this world are aware of Aries' world without realizing it?"

"You're talking about Warhammer 40k right? What about it?" The human Rainbow Dash asked.

"Well, Sunset said something to me, a quote, and when I looked it up on the internet, it was the quote from a villain in a Warhammer 40k video game called Dawn of War...I think that villain is who attacked her...if he attacked her." Twilight explained.

"What is that supposed to mean?" The human Applejack asked.

"Are you suggesting that Sunset just had a panic attack and did that to herself!?" The human Rarity inquired.

"Sunset Shimmer is an empath. She can read minds and feel emotions, and this villain...is a Daemon Prince." Twilight stated.

Aries was on his feet in an instant. "We have to kill her." Shouts of protest followed the statement. A cacophony of noise thundered through the livingroom until the arguing teens were engulfed in lavender light and levitated into the air.

The human Twilight took a breath and turned to the Princess while retaining her hold on the group. "If this Daemon Prince knew about Sunset's powers, I would qualify that as an attack...and so would you."

Princess Twilight nodded and her human self released the others and adjusted herself to sit between Aries and the door. "The other me is right. I don't think Sindri meant to expose himself. If he did, he probably would've possessed Sunset...but I don't think he can. At least, not without help."

The human Rainbow Dash snarled. "Sindri. I beat that jerk a dozen times in Dawn of War, but players take on the role of Space Marines who had to join forces with Eldar to pull it off. He's an Alpha Legion Sorcerer. A real mustache twirler. He's planning something, and if I were him, my first step would be getting some goons."

"...Or some gitz! Didn't dem Dazzlinz 'ave somewhere ta be? Could dey be werkin wiff dis spiky git?" Greenskin interjected.

"That's...actually a good possibility. They gave up because we took their magic away, but...a Daemon could definitely give it back...or say they will." Princess Twilight stated.

"Then we should find them and destroy them." Aries stated.

"We don't even know if they're guilty yet." The human Rarity stated.

"If they would take the first offer of power given to them, then they are a liability. Just purge them and be done with it." Aries said.

"Does it always have to be violence with you!?" She retorted.

"Uh, you do know he's a World Eater right?" The human Rainbow Dash asked.

"Enough!" Shouted Princess Twilight. "Fluttershy, both of you, take Greenskin with you and find the Dazzlings. Try to figure out if they have any connection to Sindri. The rest of us are going to look into other people that could possibly be swayed. Aries, I understand. After what happened when three Chaos Space Marines got into Equestria, and the Dark Eldar two years ago, the last thing I want is to let them strike again. But for now, just wait for something more solid than 'they might be bad guys' okay?"

"...Very well. Is there anything else?" Aries asked, knowing there was further point in arguing.

"Yes...there may be another reason we're here." Twilight took a breath as everyone's attention once more focused on her. "Sindri Myr became a Daemon Prince through the blood and souls of an entire world...this may or may not make him just as powerful as the Spirit of Harmony...in it's current state."

Aries stood and paced in a small circle, unable to control himself as he once would've as Twilight's implication set in. "You want...to spread faith in Harmony to this world."

"Well...yeah." The Princess replied. "Is that not what would be necessary for its power to function as you wish?" Added Krae'Nakh.

"...yes...I suppose it would...Emperor preserve me." Aries pleaded.

"The Emperor of Mankind demanded the destruction of religion because it was used to control the subservient, the Spirit of Harmony does no such thing...less so than your Emperor." The Death Jester stated.

"...Very well...but I am not preaching." Aries stated.

"Pretty sure that's my job. For now, just keep an eye out for other potential risks. Okay, I think that's everything." The Princess concluded.

The group dispersed, many of them lingered to say goodbye and wish their friends good luck, but Aries was not one of them. He knew of another potential risk far more likely to be corrupted than the Dazzlings...and he remembered the way to the local Hospital.


There was no point in arguing, but the Equestrians were unhealthily forgiving.

Aries had hailed a local transportation system called a Taxi cab and returned to the hospital. He froze up when he realized he hadn't considered payment, but was relieved to find a wallet with sufficient funds in his jeans...odd, but convenient.

He had to be quick, he knew Twilight and her friends would try to stop him when they figured out where he had gone. Luckily, visiting hours were still open, and the receptionist never considered that Aries was anything more than another concerned friend...she even blessed the girl's fortune for having so many.

Aries made sure to bring the school bag that his power pack had transformed into, as it held his weapons within. Making it much easier to carry armaments among civilians whilst being one himself.

Aries came into the girl's room. Sunset slept anyway but peacefully, flinching and jerking this way and that as the horrors of the Warp tore at her mind.

Aries had to be quick, he went to the other side of the room and opened the window. They were only on the second floor, and there a small garden of flowers beneath them, a perfect getaway.

It was time, Aries removed his school bag from his shoulders and opened it. Defiance had become a large pistol chambered in 50 caliber bullets. Aries ignored the pistol for now and drew Warp Eater, the massive sword having been reduced to a double edged blade that measured two feet from tip to pommel. It would suffice for the task at hand.

Aries came to Sunset's side. In one fluid motion, he placed his free hand over her mouth and raised his blade. It would've fallen into her chest just as swiftly...but something unexpected occurred.

Fear. Suffering. Despair. Aries knew these emotions from Istvaan III, but had never felt them as he did now. The sensation was overwhelming. He opened his mouth to scream, but no sound came forth.

The bland colors of the hospital room gave way to the vibrant and maddening colors of the Warp and Aries fell to his knees with a great thud.

The first thing he saw was an armored gauntlet digging its fingers into the tainted earth. It was his own hand, he was transhuman once more...but still felt a mortal's fear.

He rose from the ground, Warp Eater still in his hand, and surveyed his surroundings. He was once more in the bowels of the Immaterium, but he wasn't alone.

Not far from where he stood, an Equestrian Unicorn with a bright orange coat, a red and orange mane, and bright blue eyes was staring into the void.

The void stared back. Streaks of lightning revealed countless eyes as thunderclaps drowned out a thousand secrets whispered into the mare's ears.

That was it. Not a single Daemon moved to end the mare's life and devour her soul...why?

Aries knew there was only one way to find out. "Sunset Shimmer!"

Thunder roared once more. A slight twitch of her ear was the only sign the mare had heard his voice among the others.

Aries moved towards her, and the Daemons lunged at him.

A frightened scream erupted from the flame colored Pony and she projected a crimson shield on instinct. A single Daemon collided with it as it moved to attack Aries...disintegrating with an agonized shriek.

Aries' Astartes mind gathered all of this...even while the mortal fear spiked and drove him into a panic.

For the first time in his life, Aries instinctively fled from combat. Leaping backwards in a panicked flight that saw him tumble to the ground...back in the hospital.


Author's Note

Well well well, what have we here? There is a logical explanation for what just happened, but I'm not spoiling anything.

As I'm sure you've all guessed by now, the Dazzlings are Red Herrings. But they do serve a greater purpose than that...as do the Pinkies, beyond giving me windows to explain what the other characters have been up to.

Aries' weapons have turned into a Dessert Eagle and a Spartan Xiphos, in case my description wasn't clear enough.

And of course, the big bomb. What just happened? There are two possibilities, one will be used as a Red Herring, the other...you will have to figure out.

That's all I got for now, see you all next time.

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