The Long And Short Of It

As Nocturnal Pike followed Anon through the market, and as the implications of their journey lingered in her mind, her blush refused to wipe itself off her face. After all, it didn’t take a master sleuth to figure out where he was headed:

A lingerie store.

A notion that had her both giddy and terrified in equal measures. Giddy, because she’d never had a stallion dress up for her, much less one as excited to do it as Anon. Terrified, because the one who’d be dressing up was Anon. She knew there was no way in Tartarus he’d just settle for breaking out the unmentionables on special occasions for lewd times. No, he was gonna put her through the wringer.

And she was going to love every second of it.

And since he was practically cantering to the place, he was clearly excited to do it, too.

“You’re really into this whole ‘wearing socks for me’ thing, huh?”

He turned to face her without slowing his stride. “How could I not be? I have before me the unique opportunity to drive you absolutely wild, and all I have to do is buy and wear a clothing item that, to me, is completely mundane! It’s perfect!” He turned back to face forward. “I’d be a fool to pass this up!”

It took everything she had not to scoff and roll her eyes. Of course his weird home culture would view socks as ‘mundane.’ First the virginity thing, now this? Sometimes, she really wondered what kind of horrible Tartarean culture Anon had come from. Before she could ruminate further however, their destination came into view.

Silken Evening’s Naughty Nightwear (and other assorted garments).

As she and Anon stepped into the shop, the green stallion hanging up his new coat on a convenient coat rack, Pike was, honestly, kind of blown away. Sure the outside didn’t look like much... but inside…

There were a lot of garments. Socks, costumes, even regular clothes!

‘Aw mare, Anon’s gonna be in here for hours!’

‘Speaking of…’

She looked over to him, expecting to see the face of a colt in a candy store. But instead she saw something that looked like... fear?

Anon glanced at Pike. “Honey, you ever get that feeling that you’ve forgotten something important, and that something is about to hit you right smack in the face?”

“Yeah, why?”

He desperately started turning his head in all directions, searching for whatever threat he felt was nearby. “Something’s coming.”

‘What the heck is with this colt?’

Intending to grill him on what was actually bothering him, she opened her mouth...

Only for the sound of an approaching pony to distract her. “Hey there! Welcome to Silken Evening’s Naughty Nightwear! What can I do... for...”

Pike recognized the mare the instant she came out from behind whatever display she was previously stocking. Her pale orange coat and her two tone pale red, pale blue mane were unmistakable. Sergeant Pike had seen pictures of that pegasus on at least a dozen reports of ‘disturbing the peace’ and ‘disorderly conduct.’ Something that, based on the look on the mare’s face, Pike may very well have been experiencing first hoof.

“YOU!? What the buck are YOU doing here!?”

Pike immediately assumed a fighting stance. After all, if she was reacting so negatively to having a guard in her store then she—wait a second...

Allowing the initial adrenaline to fade, Pike realized something. The pegasus wasn’t talking to her...

She was talking to Anonymous!

And the same said Unicorn’s only response was a strained, “ha haaaaaaaa, now I remember!” Followed by a 180 turn that was so quick that Pike couldn’t even see his legs move. “AlrightPikeLet’sGoSomewhereElse.”

Thankfully for the thestral however, her position behind him had provided her with a unique opportunity. As such, his attempt at a hasty retreat was immediately cut off by a bat wing barricade.

“Come on, let’s get out of heeere!” His strained visage stared into Pike’s own, begging her to relent.

She put on a sadistic grin. “And miss the chance to hear what this is about? I’d be a fool to pass this up.”

Anon could only whimper, realizing his plan to spend the day embarrassing her, would instead be used to embarrass him. Turning to the agent of said embarrassment, Pike saw that the pegasus had remained where she was, but Pike’s keen guard’s eye could see what Anon probably couldn’t. The mare’s stance was defensive, like she was expecting Pike to hit her at any moment.

“So uh, you must be Silken Evening?”

Silken's stance relaxed at Pike’s tone, but not completely. “Yeah; is he your coltfriend?”

Pike nodded.

“Okay... keep him under control then, or it’ll be your flank I kick to the curb.”

‘Woah, hold up!’

“Why me!?”

“I don’t fight colts.”

Interestingly, despite the pegasus’ response being aimed at Pike, Silken was looking at Anon when she said it. Suddenly the pieces started coming together. Silken’s stance from before—she wasn’t expecting a hit from Pike! She was expecting a hit from ANON!

“Luna's teats, you tried to fight this mare didn’t you Anonymous!”

After he winced and lowered his head in submission, Pike knew she was right on the money.

She expected him to start defending himself, but Silken was faster. “Oh, you didn’t tell her before coming here?”

Anon was, unsurprisingly, quick to respond to that. “Of course not! Why would I? It happened months before I even met her! Hell, it must have been over half a year ago! How do you even still remember that?”

Based on what Pike knew of Anon, whatever had happened, happened relatively soon after his move to Canterlot, and by extension, Equestria.

‘Hmmmm, another piece for the puzzle.’

”I don’t think I’ll ever forget the one colt who said he’d kick my flank and meant it. Tartarus, I’d have been impressed if it wasn’t over something so stupid.”

Suddenly, it all made sense. A flashback to what he said earlier provided the final piece: “All I have to do is buy and wear a clothing item that, to me, is completely mundane!”

So when Anon opened his mouth to respond, Pike halted him by putting a hoof on his shoulder. “Anon, tell me you didn’t.”

He looks down at her, genuinely confused. “Didn’t what?”

“Tell me you didn’t try to fight this mare because she told you socks were lingerie.”

Neither he nor Silken responded to that for a good few seconds.

Which basically told Pike all she needed to know.

“I-it wasn’t just that...”

For Silken Evening, owner and proprietor of Silken Evening’s Naughty Nightwear, things were, thankfully, going very differently than she’d expected.

“HAHAHAHAHAA! I CANNOT BUCKING BELIEVE YOU DID THAT, ANON! I-I, HAHAHAAAA, I CAN’T BREATHE!”

When Silken saw that green unicorn walk in with a mare, she thought it would devolve into a brawl. But instead, she was watching the mare roll around on the floor, laughing her flank off.

“Come on Pike! It’s not that funny!” And the colt, pouting. Silken had to admit, when he wasn’t screaming in her face, he looked pretty cute when he was upset. ‘Awwwww, and look at that! He just did some little stompsies!’

“Piiiiiiiiiiiike!”

“G-give me a moment Ano-hahaaaaaa...”

Although to be honest, Silken was on the colt’s side, here. She was there after all, and it certainly wasn’t funny then. But... there was no way in Tartarus she was going to stick her neck out for that guy. As far as she was concerned, the thestral could laugh it up as much as she wanted.

‘Jesus christ this is humiliating.’

“HAHAHAHA! OVER SOCKS! OVER SOCKS! AAAHAHAHAHAAAA!”

But to be perfectly honest, Anonymous realized that he did deserve this, at least a little bit. After all, now that he recalled the incident, he really was the one in the wrong. But, in the sake of fairness, what he’d done was less because he was mad at the shopkeep, and more because he’d hit rock bottom.

Which was probably why he had put the event so far out of his mind to begin with. It wasn’t exactly a time he wanted to remember.

All he’d wanted to do that day was put a little normalcy back in his life. He wanted a regular outfit to wear, so he could at least sort-of pretend that his entire life hadn’t been uprooted forever and that everything he’d ever known was gone.

But of course, he couldn’t even do that because, as he’d learned from the shopkeep, there was only one reason a stallion would wear socks in public. She wasn’t even particularly mean about it, just blunt. ‘You know there’s a reason socks are in the lingerie section, right?’

And that was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

Jesus, just thinking back to it was starting to make him feel miserable.

But thankfully, that sadness was short lived, because honestly, right now? He had it pretty good.

Besides, Pike may be laughing now, but he would be the one laughing soon...

‘Oh yes I will…’

Speaking of Pike, it seemed that she’d finally laughed herself out. As she stood up from her place on the floor, she asked him the million dollar question, all the while still chasing away a few errant chuckles. “Heeheeee, oh Luna above Anon, what kind of day were you having when you did that?”

He couldn’t help but share the smile on her face.

‘Ahhhh, the living proof of how much better I’ve got it now.’

“A pretty fucking terrible one.”

The only thing that stopped Silken Evening from scoffing at that was the fact she’d rather not provoke a confrontation. Of course the stallion would have some kind of excuse for shouting at her over nothing.

He started walking up to her, no doubt to tell her off for not knowing he was having a bad day or some other manure. “Hey so, uh look. Last time I was here was a pretty rough time in my life. And you just caught me on a really bad day, and I sort of took it out on you. Which I know isn’t right, or fair, but that’s what happened, and I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve that.”

Silken honestly couldn’t believe what she was hearing. A stallion, apologizing?

No manure? No passive-aggressive deflection?

Before the words were even able to register past the initial shock, he stuck out his hoof in a familiar gesture.

”We cool?”

She couldn’t believe it. He really was apologizing. He certainly seemed earnest, at least.

‘Might as well preen the bad feathers and let bygones be bygones.’

But, as Silken went to accept the hoof bump, something occurred to her. The mark on her flank wasn’t a needle sewing a sock on a stallion's leg for nothing; it meant she was both good at making them, and good at making stallions look good in them. And as she looked over at his fillyfriend, whose laughter came at Silken’s expense just as much as Anonymous’, she realized this might be the perfect opportunity to indulge in one of her favorite pastimes.

“We’re cool,” she said while stopping her hoof just short of the bump. “On one condition.”

And as that condition came to her lips, she couldn’t suppress an evil smile.

“I get to help.”

An evil smile that mister “Anon” had matched to a T.

“Deal.”

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

Anon was loving every second of this. Who would've known that the lingerie salemare, of all people, would turn out to be a secret bro!?

“Oooh, that definitely got more of a reaction than the last one!”

“You sure, Silk?” Although, now that he was looking closer, Pike’s face had turned a shade darker than it was before. “On second thought, you’re definitely right. Got any more of those lacey mesh type ones? Ooooo maybe with little moons on ‘em?”

‘Oh that would be perfect.’

“Maybe, I’ll need to check in the back."

This was perfect! Not only would he get to rile Pike up even more, but as an added bonus, it would give him time to molest Pike, unmolested! He couldn’t hold back his grin. “See what you can find.”

Silken quickly left the sales floor for the back rooms, leaving the two of them alone. He couldn’t wait to see how he could push Pike even further. Putting on his best strut, he sauntered on over to his fillyfriend.

She only glanced at him for a second before she buried her head in her hooves and started shaking it in adorable distress. “An~oooon I don’t know how much more of this I can ta~haahaaake!”

He couldn’t keep the toothy smile off his face if he tried! This was delicious!

Circling her like a shark honing in for the kill, he remembered a certain fun fact from last night…

“Oh? Why’s that honey? Could it be there’s something else you’d like to be taking right now?”

To complete the tease, he leaned in and ran his tongue along the membrane of her wings, getting her to make the most wonderful sound.

“Eeeeeeeeeeee!”

‘Ahhhh, music to my ears!’

And speaking of ears, it sounded like Silken was coming back! Quickly running back to his previous position, Anon assumed the pose he’d held when she left. But she was a crafty one; as soon as she came into view, she only needed one look at Pike to know what he’d done.

”Mare, Anon, you’re one sadistic buck, you know that?”

He could only smile in response.