The Long And Short Of It

‘Tonight’s the night!’

After the fiasco at the bar the last time Nocturnal Pike had met Cut N. Paste, Anon had been trying to put together an evening where the two of them could actually hang out and get to know each other. He kept stressing that this was meant to be a platonic sort of night, and Pike didn't doubt that. Nevertheless, she could see the undercurrents in it. She’d been talking to him about herding over the past two weeks since she’d originally met Cut, and Pike thought he was coming around. If tonight went well, Pike could find herself being an alpha sooner rather than later.

An idea that filled her with equal parts joy and dread.

Pike was raised to be an alpha, after all; to be anything less would make her less of a mare! So she was putting in the extra miles so that things went perfectly. Anon undoubtedly just wanted to sit around and hang out, but Pike had a much better idea: she’d give him a taste—just a small one—of what herd life was like, and by extension, give herself a taste of what kind of herd sister Cut would be. Thankfully, through Cloak, Pike was able to pass her plans on to Cut so she knew what to expect.

If she'd read the instructions, she should be here soon.

While waiting for Cut to arrive, Pike was preoccupied with milling about the kitchen in her apron, doing one last double check to make sure she didn’t forget anything.

‘Ingredients: check. Alcohol: check. Movies: check. Board games: check…’

Ding Dong!

‘That must be her!’

Prancing over to the door, Pike threw it open to see her potential herd-sister—and there she stood, looking appropriately nervous.

“H-hey Pike! Sis gave me your note a-and...” Cut trailed off mid sentence, her previous ‘nervous and excited’ face turning into a ‘shocked and confused’ face. As she continued to look at Pike, that confusion only seemed to grow.

‘What’s gotten into her? Do I have something on—’

‘aaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!’

‘WHY AM I STILL WEARING THE APRON!?’

Cut eventually found her voice again. “Uhhhh, what are you wearing?”

Cursing internally and in a flurry of hooves, Pike pulled the apron off as fast as she could. From Cut’s perspective, all she’d be able to see was a blur, as the batpony rapidly undid all of the ties before tossing the apron behind the sofa.

Cut was suitably awed. “W-woah!”

Leaning against the doorframe with a beet red face, Pike struck a pose that she hoped would hide how winded she was. “Wh-ha, whatcha talkin about?”

Pike internally braced herself, expecting the same kind of biting remark she would receive if anypony else had caught her wearing colty lingerie. However, all she received from Cut was a look of... genuine gratitude?

“Aw, y-you didn’t have to do that just to make me feel better, Pike. I-I do really appreciate it though...”

‘Wait, she thinks I did that on purpose? Why? What could—’

And then she remembered: Anon did say Cut still felt very embarrassed about two weeks ago. Pike supposed ‘this pony is making a fool of herself to make me feel better’ wasn’t too far fetched of an explanation for ‘this mare just answered the door in lingerie’.

Saying a prayer to her lucky star, Pike pinned her hopes on that actually being what Cut was thinking. “Yeeeeah, you caught me. Figured it’d make us even for last time.”

Her bluff was an apparent success; Cut was positively beaming at her!

‘Arrow dodged!’

Plus, based on the way her posture just relaxed, Pike’s weaseling seemed to have had the side effect of genuinely putting Cut at ease.

“Well, thank you.”

Meeting the mare’s smile with one of her own, Pike internally patted herself on the back.

“You’re welcome, now come in and I’ll make us something to drink.”

Cut N. Paste was sitting on the couch, waiting for Pike to return with hot cocoa. And as she did, she couldn’t help but be struck by something: Pike was exactly as marely as Cloak made her seem!

‘Aaaaaaah! I thought she was mostly exaggerating!’

The only thing keeping Cut together in the face of this apex Trixie was the fact that she’d seen her in a colt’s outfit. But the fact that she was willing to do that just to make Cut more comfortable made her seem even cooler!

‘AAAAAAAAAAH!’

And if all that wasn't enough, Pike’s tuft was MASSIVE! She was practically the textbook definition of marely! It made Cut wonder what Anon could see in an ugly, stuttering tuftlet like herself.

‘No, don’t think those thoughts, Cut! You managed to get in line for a potential herd, so you can’t be a complete buck up!’

Which reminded her—Pike mentioned herding in her note!

As the batpony walked over to join the earth pony on the couch, two steaming mugs of cocoa in hoof, Cut couldn’t help but let herself hope there had been a development.

“It's nice to actually meet you, Cut.”

‘Alright Cut, now's your chance to leave a good impression. Don’t squander it! Say something that shows how you really feel!’

“Y-you too...”

‘...’

‘BUCK!’

‘You BUCKING idiot! She hoofed you the perfect opportunity and you BUCKED it like the MORON yo-’

“Thanks! I’ve actually been looking forward to this. Although, as much as I’d like to do the meet and greet now, we need to take care of business before Anon gets here.”

Cut couldn’t quite believe her ears. No harsh remarks? No laughter?

‘Is this what our ancestors felt like when they met the Princesses, the original Trixies??’

“Business?”

Pike nodded. “Mmm hmm. Anon told you he comes from a herdless culture right?”

Cut tentatively nodded along, unsure where this was going.

Pike continued. “I’ve been trying to tell him what exactly a herd is, but showing is always better than telling, right?”

That made sense to Cut. “Right.”

Pike then smiled in a way that only a scheming pony could. “Well tonight, we’re going to show him.”

Anonymous was finally home. Jargon had made him stay late—for a completely B.S. reason—which left him running late to his own hangout night!

How embarrassing.

Cut had presumably already been at the apartment for about thirty minutes now, and once he opened the door, he’d find out how she and Pike had gotten along without him.

‘Please let them be friends, please let them be friends.’

Bracing himself for the worst, he pushed open the door to find...

...Pike and Cut chatting away in the kitchen. Overcome with relief, he let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding.

“Look Cut,” said Pike, “I don’t want to get all political on you, but thestrals are the fuzziest of the tribes.”

“O-oh yeah? Well, in a cross-Equestrian study conducted three years ago, s-seven out of ten stallions preferred earth ponies as their big spoon!”

Pike was facing away from Anon, but he could plainly hear the confusion in her voice. “Why have you memorized EBI snuggle statistics?”

“Uhhhhh, no reason!” Before Cut could dig that hole any deeper though, she noticed that Anon had finally joined them. Standing on her tippy-hooves to ensure he saw her, she gave the stallion a shy little wave. “Oh, h-hey there Anon! Aunt Jargon finally let you out huh?”

Crossing the threshold into the kitchen, he let out a vague sound of frustration. “Yeah, apparently she overheard me saying I’m ’’’mono’’’ so I just spent the last thirty minutes getting an earful about how ‘every good stallion needs at least four mares to his name!’”

Both Cut and Pike visibly cringed at that. “Ouch, yeah Aunt Jargon can be a bit... overzealous.”

Pike, finally smoothing out her fur, smiled. “Well, we’re glad you’re back. We’d been waiting for you to get here before we started.”

‘Get started?’

Taking a better look at the house, Anon noticed that the kitchen was all set up to make dinner. ’Set up’ being the key word here. “Uh, Pike, we have a guest. Why does it look like we’re about to make dinner?”

Pike blinked. “Because we are?”

‘Uhhhhhhhhhhhh’

Anon’s gaze flicked between the two of them, searching their faces for any sort of clue to what he was missing.

There was none.

“Pike, are you taking revenge on Cut by forcing her to help us with dinner?”

She looked positively aghast at that. “What? No! Coming together to cook a meal is a perfectly normal thing for a he- a group of platonic friends to do!”

Normally he would have bought that, but her overemphasis on the word ‘platonic’ made him sure there was something else going on. He knew he probably wouldn’t be able to pry the ‘what’ out of Pike though. Lucky for him, Pike was not the only one involved.

“Say... Cut.”

Singled out, she let out a startled, “Eep!”

Looking her right in the eyes, he asked, “Is there something going on here?”

Her eyes started moving around the room, avoiding his own. “I uhh, I don’t know what you’re talking about, Anon!”

He narrowed his eyes ever so slightly. “You suuure?”

Cut’s eyes continued to flick about until they settled on Pike. Following her gaze, he caught the tail end of Pike mouthing something. Something that looked suspiciously like ‘tell him nothing.’

His gaze shifted back to Cut as she resumed talking. “Y-you’re just letting your whimsey act up Anon! This is totally something we friends do here in Equestria!”

Shifting his gaze between the two of them, he eventually gave up.

‘Eh, I’m probably just reading into it too much.’

Still, considering this was Cut and Pike, cooking a meal did seem like an odd activity to do for the first time everyone had got together. As far as Anon could remember Cut had never shown an interest in cooking before, and Pike was usually pretty squirrely about showing off her cooking skills to other mares. Oh well, like many things he’d seen, it was probably just a pony thing.

“If that’s the case, let’s just get started then. I’m famished!”

That statement caused Pike and Cut to sigh in relief.

‘HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM...’

Dinner was well underway, and Cut N. Paste was surprised. Once Anon cleared the two mares of suspicion, she’d expected he’d assume control of the kitchen. But instead, the pony who took command was Pike.

“Hey Cut,” she said, “could you grab the cream out of the fridge? I want this alfredo to be extra creamy.”

Nodding, Cut moved to do just that. As she did though, she couldn’t help but notice this was the fifth time Pike had asked her to get something dairy related while putting extra emphasis on either the word ‘milk’ or ‘cream.’ It really made her wonder why.

'Wait... does she know!?'

No, no, there was no way. If she did, she’d never have allowed Cut in on this plan with her. An alpha mare like her would have no time for a big teated freak...

“Thanks!”

‘Oh, huh.’ Cut had hoofed her the cream without even noticing.

‘Come on Cut, you’re with other ponies right now! Quit getting lost in your head.’

Anon was standing on the other side of the stove, stirring the pot of boiling noodles; it was time to quit living in awkward silence and make some conversation!

“So uh, it's nice of you to let us do some cooking, Anon.”

Contrary to everything Cut thought she knew about stallions, he started laughing. “Nothing, ‘nice’ about it. Pike can tell you all about how terrible I am at this stuff. She’s the cook around here.”

‘What? A marely mare like her?’

Cut couldn’t help but voice her disbelief. “Really?”

“Yeah, she loves it!”

Pike, a look of panic on her face, interjected. “N-no I don’t! He’s just... he’s just teasing!”

“Pffft, whatever you say, hun.”

‘Wow, she even willingly helps her coltfriend around the house?’

The more time Cut spent with Pike, the more unbelievable her sister’s stories seemed. Stallionizers didn’t help stallions around the house.

“W-well, I think that’s really cool of you, Pike.”

She stopped dead as Cut said that, nearly dropping the container of spice she was holding into the pot. “You do?”

“Yeah, not many mares are willing to help out their stallion around the home.”

There was something in her eyes when she asked. Something Cut almost thought looked like hope. But whatever it was, disappeared in a flash and she returned to cooking.

Pike said something under her breath, which Cut barely caught. “Yeah, ‘helping out’, that’s what it is. Sure.”

For once, the earth pony’s social skills weren’t failing her; it was clear that there was something more there. However, whatever Cut was going to ask was immediately lost as Anon destroyed her train of thought by slapping her in the face with some cooked noodles.

“Ha! Gotcha!”

Nocturnal Pike and the others had just finished up dinner. A part of her was still reeling from that close call she had while she was making it. Cut almost figured out that Pike was just a pathetic excuse pretending to be a REAL mare. But now Cut just thought the batpony was a good marefriend, so all's well that ends well!

The pasta turned out really good too. Not to brag, but that alfredo sauce was her best yet! Plus, it had the added use of letting her spend the whole time making milk references at Cut. Pike wasn’t sure if she picked up on them though. Once she got to know the earth pony better she’d just have to actually ask her about those so-called ‘F-cup teats.’

Or she might just tell it all herself once they broke out the alcohol.

‘Speaking of…’

“Alright ponies, want me to grab some cider while you two pick out a board game?” Pike asked.

“I don’t know,” came the nervous reply from Cut. “A-after last time...”

Anon was quick to intervene. “Last time, shmast time! Have some fun, besides if you get too smashed you can just spend the night here.”

Cut looked over to Pike, her eyes silently asking permission.

‘Ha! This mare really was born to be a beta.’

The batpony smiled. “I’ll get us some ciders.”

As Pike leisurely trotted over to the fridge, she could hear Cut and Anon scurry over to the closet containing their growing board game collection. Pulling open the refrigerator door at the same time they opened the closet, she began browsing its contents.

‘Hmmm, let’s see…’ Some Apple Family hard cider did sound good, but they also had pear...

While Pike busied herself weighing the pros and cons of apple versus pear cider, the others’ conversation started to reach her ears.

“Yeah, I’ve totally gotten her hooked,” said Anon. “At least 30% of these games are ones she got herself.”

“That doesn’t seem like a lot...”

“Yeah, well compared to the zero she had before I’d call that a win.”

Pike zoned out again. She did have some of that Kirin Beer, although Cut’s stomach probably wouldn’t be able to handle that for at least another month.

Pike almost jumped when Anon suddenly shouted, “Holy shit, what the FUCK is that?”

“I’ve never seen one that big before...” said an awed-sounded Cut.

Quickly settling on some Pear Family’s Finest, Pike headed over to the closet to see what all the fuss was about. She didn’t remember putting anything weird in there, so what the heck had them in such a tizzy?

Crossing the room, Pike hoofed Anon and Cut their ciders. “What’s all the hullabaloo?”

In response, Anon reached into the closet with his magic...

...and pulled out her copy of Jenga?

After letting the box hit the floor with a loud ‘thud,’ he gestured to it. “Care to explain this, hun?”

Quickly giving the box a once over, Pike saw nothing out of the ordinary. “Explain what? It's Jenga.”

Choosing not to answer verbally, he grabbed her in his magic and slid her next to the box.

‘Hey, what’s he trying to show here!? It’s only what, twice my size?’

Honestly, this was getting her a little steamed. Really, what was the big idea!?

Staring at Pike, Anon gestured at the game. “You really don’t see what’s wrong with this?”

“No, I don’t.”

Sighing and facehoofing, Anon gestured to Cut.

“Alicorn Jenga, featuring a seven hoof tall tower,” she quoted off the box.

‘So what? They—’

Pike figured it out then: they thought she was too short for the game! “Come on, seven hooves is nothing!”

Anon’s flustered expression began to look frustrated. “Pike, seven hooves is taller than me!”

‘Unbelievable!’

His attitude made Pike indignantly puff out her chest. She didn’t have to take this from her own coltfriend!

“So what!? Are you saying I’m too short to play this?”

He suddenly had the audacity to look flabbergasted at her!

‘Where’s he get off?’

“Pike, I’m too short for this! Cut’s too short for this! Why did you buy this!?”

That was an easy one! She bought it because... because...

‘Oh, right.’

She’d bought it out of spite.

With that, Pike’s righteous indignations fell away to reveal the moment for what it was all along: embarrassment. “Okay, I may have bought it because the gal at the register said the normal size one was ‘not quite your size little filly’.”

Surprisingly, her admission instantly changed Anon’s tune. “Ohhh, well why didn’t you just say so?”

Cut meanwhile, walked over and put her hoof on Pike’s shoulder. “Was it at the Board Game Barn?”

‘Is... is there more than one board game shop?’

Pike paused, uncertain. “...I think?”

The look Cut gave her was, by far, the most pity a pony had ever directed her way. “Tut-tut-tut, big mistake. Everypony in the know knows that you never shop at Board Game Barn.”

“Hold on, that place?” chimed in Anon, “The place we went to get a copy of Bits N’ Bows, Cut?”

She nodded.

“Jesus, well in that case I take it all back. Getting this was absolutely worth it if it's to spite those fucks.”

‘Oh?’

He’d never told Pike anything about this. “What happened?”

In a rare moment of affability, Cut put on what the bat could guess qualified as a ‘manure-eating grin’. ”T-they outed him as a fake gamer colt!”

Anon feigned being angry, but Pike could see the smile on his face. “Bullshit! What kind of per- er- pony asks somepony to name ‘every board game’!? There are thousands!”

Cut, clearly invigorated by Anon’s response, responded with a bit more confidence in her bit. “Fake. Gamer.”

Anon’s eyes widened at her accusation, faux panic dawning on his face. Turning to Pike, he dipped his head to make direct eye contact. “Y-you still think I’m a real gamer, right honey? Right!?”

Leaning around him to look at Cut, Pike watched as she solemnly shook her head ‘no’.

Looking right back into his eyes, the thestral mimicked her motion. “No.”

Crying out, Anon threw himself backward onto the floor like he had just been shot through the heart. “AHHHH! My own beloved! What a world!”

“There there Anon,” consoled Cut, “not everypony can be a true geek.”

Sniffling, he pawed at his cider that was still floating in the air. “I guess I’ll just have to DROWN my sorrows.”

At that point Pike started laughing; how could she not? Before long the other two had joined her. The three of them stayed like that for a few minutes, just laughing their flanks off.

After a while though, Pike broke up the laughter by giving Cut a playful punch in the shoulder. “That was pretty clever there, Cut. I wasn’t sure you had it in you.”

Cut meanwhile had started trying to discreetly rub the shoulder Pike had just punched.

‘Did I really hit her that hard...?’

“Th-thanks! Anon and I have been joking about it for a while now though... I still can’t believe they did that to you though, Anon! Gentlemares should never talk to a stallion like that!”

As he got back up, Anon rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah they were pretty shitty but whatever. What are we actually playing?”

Cut blinked. “I thought we were going to play Jenga.”

Pike and Anon both did a double take at that. Pike had to voice her concern. “You sure? Won’t it be kind of unfair that you can’t fly or do magic? You’ll be stuck at the bottom of the tower.”

Cut turned a slight shade of red and hid her face, clearly embarrassed. “Don’t worry, I... I play a lot of Jenga.”