The Long And Short Of It

About two weeks had passed since Cut's visit to the apartment. Anonymous the unicorn had just gotten off work, and Pike hadn’t gotten home yet, so for now, he was just chillin’ in the main room, and reading the latest print of his workplace’s newspaper, the Canterer. Honestly... it was kind of weird being home alone. Pike had, apparently, really hit it off with Cut, so the earth pony had been coming over more or less every day, either at Pike’s behest or his own. It had sort of gotten him used to always having someone around.

Not today though; today, Pike specifically asked for ‘no company.’

Something about a ‘bog day?’ Anon couldn’t imagine what they’d want her to do in a bog in the middle of winter. Whatever it was though, Pike was usually home by now, so he couldn’t imagine it would be much longer before she walked in.

In the meantime, Anon continued to flip through the paper. And it seemed Quick Wit’s article on the odd increase in fires around town finally got printed. She apparently thought it was Canterlot’s aging gas pipelines, but Anon wasn’t so sure…

The front door started to open, which must have been Pike! Hopping off the chair and heading to the door, Anon smiled in preparation for the sight of his lovely fillyfrie—

He choked back his laughter for a moment before it all came out anyway. “Pfffft, hahahah what the heck happened to you?” The sight that greeted him was not the usual tired Pike that was pleased as punch to be home from work, but a Pike who looked like she'd taken a detour through a lake on the way there! She was covered head to toe in dried mud and grime, and clearly mad as hell.

A very terse “bog day,” was her only reply. Without another word she stomped into the house, making what could only be a beeline for the shower.

‘AHHHHHH! I JUST cleaned the floor!’

“Don’t they have showers at the castle?” Anon asked, grimacing at the filth Pike was tracking through the apartment.

She didn’t even turn around to address him directly, as getting clean was the sole occupier of her mind. “Every public shower is about to be clogged. I just told the mares they were done for the evening and got here as fast as I could.”

‘Ah jeez, sounds bad.’

He’d have to ask her about it once she was out of the shower. In the meantime, he figured he might as well get back to reading Quick’s—

‘Wait...’

As Anon turned to look at the discarded newspaper, still open to Quick’s article, he suddenly remembered a recent event involving that very mare. As soon as he’d walked into the door at work a few days back, she’d approached the stallion and handed him some sort of weird gift basket. “You’re workin’ too hard sugerdick, tell your mare to treat you one of these days. Or better yet, call me over and I can treat you.”

The basket, as he’d later found out, was some kind of ‘do it yourself spa day’ kit. When he’d returned home, he just sort of put it in the bathroom and forgot about it. But now... now he’d been given the perfect chance to use it! Doing a quick one-eighty, he made a beeline for the bathroom as well.

Pike was still waiting for the water to warm up when he ran in, and she lazily turned her head toward him. “I appreciate the enthusiasm to shower with me, but I’m really just not up to it right now, hon.”

Chuckling at the joke as he passed her, Anon pulled open the cabinet under the sink.

‘Aha, perfect! Right where I left it.’

It was pretty big, honestly. The basket itself was filled to the brim with froufrou soaps, various oils, and even some manicure supplies! ...Or would that be pedicure?

Hooficure?

‘Ah, who gives a shit.’

“Au contraire my dear, you won’t be showering at all!” Pulling the basket out, he gave her a prize winning smile. “Because I, your loving coltfriend, am going to treat you to an at-home spa day!”

Her eyes widened in abject terror. “What!? No Anon I—”

Tearing open the basket’s wrapping without another thought, he held up the enclosed instruction book for her to see. “Come on, it’ll be fun, see? ‘So easy even a mare can do it!’ What, worried I’ll mess up your tuft?”

He could tell she wanted to say yes; she’d started doing that shifty eye thing she did whenever she wanted to say yes to something, but didn’t want to outright admit it. “W-wasn’t that a gift for you? I-I wouldn’t want to take away your chance at a nice—”

Leveling a massively smug grin her way, Anon cut her off. “Pike?”

She knew what was coming. He could see it on her face. “Y-yes dear?”

Magically closing the drain, he turned the knob so the water started coming out of the faucet.

“Get in the tub.”

As much as Nocturnal Pike didn’t want to admit it, Anon was right:

She desperately needed this.

Due to her height impaired stature, it didn’t take long for the tub to be full enough for her to hop in and submerge herself. And she had to say: after traipsing around in freezing bog water all day?

The hot water was Elysium.

Slowly disconnecting from reality, Pike felt herself melt away in the water’s warm embrace...

At least until Anon started dumping things in with her. “Okaaay. A touch of this, a splash of this, and bada boom!”

Lazily glancing up from her seated spot, she saw no less than five bottles of various things floating about above her. Considering the number of things in the basket, she was honestly surprised he was only using five. She was familiar with the contents of a few of them, typical shampoos and the like, but some of the stuff he’d put in were things she’d never seen before.

‘Are those beads?’

“Anon, what’s all this stuff even for?”

Keeping his eyes on the instruction book, he continued adding various things to the bathwater. “Honestly? No clue.”

‘What!?’

Pike was flabbergasted. “What’s that instruction book for, then!?”

Switching his gaze between the book and the basket, Anon chuckled. “It just tells me what to do, even got a little script and everything. Doesn’t tell me what any of this stuff actually does though.”

Rapidly leafing through the pages, he came to a stop near the front of the book. “If it’ll make you feel better, I’ll read you an excerpt from it. Ahem, ‘Dear my beloved coltfriend-slash-husband, you are about to embark on a mystical journey from the comfort of your very own home. Contained within these balls are the finest therapeutic aromas, hoof crafted to invigorate your ocular senses and open your chakras. This body wash, here, has been proven to desquamate your skin and-,’ that’s enough of that, you get the idea, it's nonsense.”

‘Stars above, I sure do.’

“That’s so weird. Why?”

He flipped back to the cover and showed it to her. ’You don’t need to know what these words mean, because your stallion will!’ it boldly claimed.

As Pike read that cover, Anon leaned around it to meet her eyes.

“I don’t,” he said, as if he was responding to the cover itself.

Pike grinned. “HA! You better hope I’m not allergic to any of this stuff, then!”

The bottles all stopped in mid-air, as he instantly ceased their pouring. A look of genuine worry was plastered on Anon’s face; apparently that was a possibility he hadn’t considered. “You’re not actually allergic to anything right? You’ve never mentioned if you were.”

She couldn’t help but laugh out loud at that.

‘Come on, Thestrals? Allergic?’

‘What in Equestria is- oh right he’s an alien.’

“Thestrals don’t have allergies you doof!” Pulling a hoof out of the water, she gave her muzzle a tap. “Eighty-something percent of our magic pathways connect to our senses. Can you imagine how bucked we’d be if we could have allergies?”

Anon smiled. Worries assuaged, he resumed adding ingredients to her bath with a laugh. “Magical allergies? Haha, oh man, yeah that would be pretty bad. Can you imagine a magic powered sneeze?”

“I don’t have to, we can still get sick.”

He cringed, clearly understanding the implications. “Ouch.”

With that, he closed the various bottles and started putting them away. “Alright, that’s everything I’m supposed to add. Now I’m supposed to let you ‘soak in the atmosphere’ while I find a good brush.”

Pike just hummed appreciatively, closing her eyes and letting herself sink into the water a little.

‘Ahhhh…’

She could feel the warm water seeping into her coat and pulling the grime away.

‘Luna above I needed this.’

“Say, which brush do you want? Hard or soft bristled?”

She thought about that one for a moment. While soft bristles sounded nice, she felt she could really go for a nice HARD scrubbing right then.

“Hard.” Pike didn’t even need to open her eyes; she could hear him prepping the hard brush with another new soap.

“I wonder, if your senses are altered by magic, does that mean you taste things differently than me?”

Letting herself relax and sink further, practically only her ears and muzzle were sticking out of the water. “What, like we’ve unlocked the secret sixth taste? Don’t be ridiculous.”

Anon was approaching her now, sudsed up brush in hoof (or, in this case, his ‘hand’). “Aw, so my cock isn’t magically delicious?”

‘Booooooooo!’

Opening her eyes, Pike gave him a deadpan stare.

She saw him looming over her now, primed and ready to brush. “Oh come on, not even a little chuckle?”

Cracking a smile despite herself, she denied him. “Nope!”

At that, he collapsed onto the floor, feigning hurt. “Aah! And here I was starting to think I was clever!”

That one got a laugh out of her, which, in turn, got a laugh out of him as he climbed to his hooves. “Alright hon, now I’m going to have to ask you to sit up. I hope your cute flank is prepared for the scrubbing of a lifetime!”

‘What was I doing again?’

Nocturnal Pike tried to remember where she was. She seemed to have... blacked out?

As she slowly came to, she realized she may have blacked out, but she hadn’t passed out. She was still sitting upright, and a torrent of VERY unmarely things was coming out of her mouth!

‘AHHHHHH! I’m moaning and mewling like a schoolfilly!! Why am I—’

The question was wiped from her mind before she could even finish thinking about it; Anon just got done putting more soap on his brush, and he’d resumed brushing.

“Oh BUCK yes! Harder! HARDER!” she gasped. He didn’t verbally respond, but she could feel the brush start to work harder, and deeper.

‘Oh stars, why haven’t I asked him to do this before!?’

“Mmmmmmmmm, BUCK...”

Pike was in ecstasy. Anon could’ve done anything he wanted to her right then, and she wouldn’t even care—as long as he kept up that divine brushing.

Hoping to keep herself from completely fading out again, she cracked her eyes open. The sight that greeted her brought Pike a small amount of comfort, as Anon was not faring any better than she was. He had a far off, zen look in his eye, like a painter immersed in his craft. And he was... whispering something under his breath?

“Monkey brain like brushy pretty pony.”

‘Odd.’

She would’ve asked him about it if she wasn’t so busy being putty in his hooves. Speaking of, he’d just reached a particularly gnarled part of her coat, and—"Ohhhhhhhhh Luna."

It was a good thing she was too lost in the sensation to care, because that moan was particularly unmarely.

Pike blinked her eyes blearily, as the fog of sleep left her mind. It looked like she did pass out, this time. She was lying against the sloped side of the tub, head propped up by Anon’s magic.

‘Ooooh, the water feels warmer too, did he change it while I was out?’

Considering that it didn’t look as brown with grime as it should, she bet the answer to that was yes.

“Oh hey,” Anon’s voice called out, “you’re finally awake.” Turning towards him as the magic dissipated, she saw he was looking pretty sheepish for somepony who’d just scrubbed her so well she passed out. “Sorry about that, I uhhhhhh, went a little overboard clearly.”

Stretching her forelegs,—‘Luna that feels good’—she smiled at him. “Did ‘monkey brain’ enjoy himself?”

In rare form, he blushed and hid his face behind his hoof. “Ah, I said that out loud, did I?’

Pike nodded, sagely. “That you did.”

Putting down his hoof, but still clearly blushing, Anon made an attempt to own it. “Well, they did say my people are hard wired to enjoy grooming.”

“And mine are hard wired to enjoy being groomed. Clearly we’re a match made in Elysium.”

He smiled a little more earnestly at that, and pulled out the book again. “Guess so.”

As he read from it, a bottle of an as of yet unused shampoo drifted over, and he squeezed the contents into two of his magical hands. “Alright, this stuff is for your mane and tail. I’ll do your mane first so you can lay down a little longer.”

Settling in, Pike just hummed as he set to work massaging her scalp.

‘Mmmmm, mare his ‘fingers’ can really do work!’

After laying there and enjoying the feeling, he eventually motioned for her to stand up so he could do her tail.

“How come you never go this deep when we shower together?” As he set to work running his fingers through her tail, she couldn’t help but let it flick.

‘Did his magic just falter a bit?’

She heard him inhale under his breath. “Well I’m usually a little distracted.”

‘Oooooh.’ She had a pretty good idea of exactly what was distracting him.

‘No reason to just leave it up to conjecture though!’

Flicking her tail again, she felt his magic once again falter as his concentration slipped ever so slightly. “Like right now?”

Behind her, she could hear his breath get a touch heavier. “Exactly like right now.”

‘Aha! I’ve got him under my spell...’

He was slooooowly leaning in toward her marehood, his eyes glazed over and his mouth hanging lazily open.

‘Closer.... Closer…’

He’d make contact in just a few seconds.

‘5... 4... 3... 2... 1...!’

‘Aaaaaaaand—!’

Just as he was about to shove his tongue between her folds, she kicked the water as hard as she could, sending a generous splash right into his face.

“BWAAAAAAA!” he cried as he stumbled back, before landing right on his rump.

‘Ha! Got him!’

Turning to face him with her hooves resting on the side of the tub, she was the one who got to look down at him smugly for once. “Now now, finish what you started and then the fun can begin.”

He cracked a smile at that before pulling a towel off the wall to dry his face off. “Oooh, you tease. I’ll have to get you back for that one.”

As he climbed back to his hooves, he started grabbing more towels off the wall. “Go ahead and rinse your mane and tail out, the next part is outside the bath.”