The Long And Short Of It

It was Saturday, and Cut N. Paste was standing outside of Anon’s and Pike’s apartment. This itself was not unusual; she’d been over—as Pike planned—more days than not. But tonight, it felt like something was different. When Anon had invited her over he seemed unusually... nervous?

Yeah, nervous was the right word.

Pike had also been oddly silent about progress updates over the last few days, and those two things together really got her wondering. Although, she was probably overthinking it, as she was prone to do. Anon probably wasn’t actually nervous, and Pike probably just didn’t have anything to say.

‘Yeah, that must be it!’

Confident that she had that mystery solved, Cut knocked her hoof against their door.

She could hear Anon’s voice from inside. “C-coming!”

‘...okay that sounded pretty nervous.’

Maybe she hadn’t been overthinking things?

Before she could ponder it further though, the stallion himself opened the door—and by the Sun, she didn’t think she’d ever seen him like this: he looked as much of a nervous wreck as she usually did!

“H-hey Cut!” he stammered, “Glad you made it. Come in!”

As Cut walked in, she was really starting to worry. What could have possibly put Anon, of all ponies, in such a state? Passing him, she entered the living room to see Pike smiling so hard that her fangs looked like they might fall out.

“Heeeey Cut,” she started, “Anon’s got something to say to yooooou!”

‘He does!?’

Excitedly whirling around, Cut's smile faltered when she saw that he didn't look any less apprehensive.

The stallion glanced at Pike. “C-can’t you say it?”

‘Huh?’

“WHAT!?” she cried from across the room, “You weren’t nearly this bashful when we first met!”

Cut’s heart started to beat faster as her brain began to put the pieces together.

“Well, yeah! Asking one per-pony out is one thing! But asking out somepony else while you’re already in a relationship? That’s weird! THAT’S WEIRD!”

‘Did-did he just imply what I think he’s implying?’

Pike scoffed at him. “Oh come on, quit being such a colt and leaving the poor mare in suspense! As the stallion, this is your call.”

‘Oh Celestia, my heart’s gonna stop!’

“Fine! Fine... Cut,” he began and took a deep breath. “...Would you like to be in a herd with us?”

‘I did it!’

‘I said it!’

It honestly freaked Anonymous out a little bit, but Pike was right: he needed to say it. He'd already been leaning towards letting Cut in before tonight, and being all non-committal, especially now that he’d gone ahead and asked, was fucking with her feelings. Which obviously, he didn’t want to do.

Speaking of Cut though, he was mildly afraid that her eyes were about to fall out of her head.

She’d started whispering something, so quietly he only barely caught it. “Really?”

‘Come on Anon, don’t bitch out.’

“Really.”

She inhaled sharply, and her eyes returned to normal size. “Well then,” she said at a surprisingly normal volume, “if you two will excuse me for a moment.” She didn’t even wait for an answer, quickly trotting into the bedroom and slamming the door.

‘What the heck?’

He looked to Pike for an explanation, but she seemed just as confused as he was. However, the yell that came from the bedroom told him all he needed to know.

“BUCK YES!” Cut screamed, her voice barely muffled by the door. “BUCK YOU, FIX-UP! BUCK YOU, FIRST DOWN! BUCK YOU—” She continued like that for several minutes, listing a frankly impressive number of names that Anon and Pike had never heard. “—AND BUCK EVERYPONY ELSE WHOEVER SAID I’D ONLY BE A LOSER!”

At the conclusion of her rant she threw open the door, and she was positively beaming.

‘Oh shit, I should probably say something, shouldn’t I?’

“Cut—” But before Anon could actually say anything, she charged across the room to him. Sweeping up Pike along the way, who let out a squawk of alarm, Cut approached at a worrying speed. Bracing himself, the two of them impacted with a force that probably would have bowled a smaller pony over. But thankfully, due to his sturdy constitution, he managed to stay on his hooves, and the collision resulted in what Cut had likely intended:

A somehow not-awkward tri-hug.

As she held Anon and Pike in her earth pony grip, he could see a few happy tears escape Cut’s eyes as she desperately tried to hold onto her composure. After letting out a few shuddering breaths, she eventually spoke. “Th-sniff, thank you both so much!”

Deciding that this was one of those ‘actions speak louder than words’ moments, he answered her by squeezing her extra hard.

Which wrenched a choked up sob out of her throat.

‘Wow, I really made her day.’

A fact that did a great deal to offset the feelings of uncertainty he had about herding in general. Looking at Pike, who was being crushed between the two of them, he watched the batpony roll her eyes, but the smile on her face told him she didn’t really mean it. Some silent communication passed between the two of them, as they both decided they ought to let Cut vent. They stayed together like that for a few minutes, as Cut cried into Anon’s shoulder.

Eventually the earth pony pulled away though, and she took off her glasses to wipe the tears from her eyes. “S-sorry,” she stammered out, “Aw buck, I probably look really pathetic right now, h-huh?”

‘Oh, mares and their need to look marely.’

Giving her a punch on the shoulder, Anon gave her what he hoped was a reassuring smile. “You’re fiiiiiine.”

Pike, having been freed, spoke up. “If a mare can’t cry in front of her herd, who can she cry in front of?”

Wiping a few more errant tears from her eyes, Cut met Anon’s smile. “Yeah... Yeah you’re right.”

Putting her glasses back on, she cleared her throat, still trying to regain her composure. “Thank you.”

A moment later, she looked around the room, curiosity touching her features. “So is this our first... date? W-what are we going to do?”

Pike smiled. “Anon figured we should keep it a low key affair. We got some movies, games, food is on the way, and...”

‘Aha! That’s my cue!’

Magically opening the door to the board game closet, he revealed an already assembled Jenga tower. “And we’re not going to lose again!”

He had hoped choosing an activity that she was extremely comfortable with would help her nerves, and he was right. At the sight of the tower, her posture visibly relaxed a bit, and her stutter started to recede. “I’ll believe that when I see it.”

Cut N. Paste was starting to think she might have messed up. After winning seven more games, the food Pike ordered arrived. As she trotted toward the table, she had to wonder: should she have let Anon win one?

‘F-fillyfriends do things like that for their colftriends, right?’

‘No, no, what am I thinking? Anon would have hated it if I let him win.’

‘Better to just win until they realize they’re not going to.’

“Unbelievable,” sighed Anon as he dropped the largest pizza box she’d ever seen on the table. “Not even a single game.”

Pike, with an air of faux-solemness, pulled a bottle of something out of the cabinet. “I think the dream is dead, Anon. Time to let go.”

“Never!” he retorted, “We’ll see how she fares after I’ve got some of this in me!”

As Cut took her own seat across from him, he pulled open the pizza box. She was kind of skeptical about splitting just one large pizza three ways, but honestly, it should be more than enough. Pike had apparently even had the toppings split three ways!

Speaking of, the batpony popped the cork off the bottle, and the smell of mango hit Cut’s nose.

As it did, Anon started beaming for some reason. “Heyyyyy, I recognize that bottle and two-thirds of this pizza!”

That was... something Cut had never heard another pony say before.

“Oh, do you?” Pike smugly replied.

“Of course! This is almost the exact same meal we had the night I moved in! With Cut’s pieces added in of course.”

‘Awwwww, I see what Pike’s doing here!’

‘Pizza symbolism!’

Cut couldn’t help but put on a big smile.

Pike herself beamed, happy both Anon and Cut picked up on it. “I figured it was fitting, considering tonight’s significance.”

Anon chuckled once. “What, are you planning on stealing my virginity, a second time?”

‘SHE DID WHAT!?’

“WHAT!?” Whipping her head towards Anon, she watched as he threw an accusatory hoof at Pike.

“It's true! She’s a THIEF!”

Whipping her head back towards Pike, Cut saw her wings extend defensively. “I didn’t STEAL anything! You gave it to me and you know it!”

‘I can’t believe it!’

‘Anon was a virgin, and Pike took his virginity before marriage!?‘

Despite her best efforts, Cut couldn’t keep herself from shouting. “Pike, what were you thinking!?”

Her hooves joined her wings in a defensive posture. “H-hey! It's not my fault! He didn’t even tell me until it was too late!”

Cut couldn’t believe this! Anon was a pure husbando and she’d DEFILED him! Although, the stallion himself seemed completely oblivious to the severity of the situation—he was laughing!

He’d had his virginity taken before marriage, and he was laughing!

“Haha, holy shit! It is a big deal!”

Pike, also seemingly in much higher spirits than the situation called for, had begun pouting cutely.

‘...N-no dyke though!’

“You mean you didn’t believe me all this time?”

Anon took a break from slapping himself on the knee to answer. “Oh, I did. But I really didn’t grasp how big of a deal it really was! Look at Cut, she’s about to blow a gasket!”

‘Oh gosh!’

‘M-maybe I was getting too worked up about it.’

‘Oh Celestia I was getting way too worked up about it!’

‘Th-they’re going to awkwardly ask me to leave now!’

‘THEY—’

Whatever she was about to think was instantly cut off by the feeling of something clasping her shoulder. It was one of Anon’s magic things!

“It’s okay, Cut. I’m just messing with you.”

‘R-right, of course.’

‘W-what was I thinking?’

Cut averted her eyes. “I-I know.”

She definitely didn’t know, and Anon knew it. Neither he nor Pike seemed interested in making fun of her for it, though.

Instead, Anon immediately started grabbing slices while Pike started pouring drinks. “So anyway, why the heck are we eating pizza at the dinner table again?”

The bat mare tossed a packet of parmesan his way, booping him straight on the muzzle.

“Wha—!”

“Where’s your sense of ceremony, Anon? This is our first meal as a herd! That’s the kind of meal you have at a table.”

Cut nodded her head. After all, her family always stressed the importance of eating together at a table. Reaching to grab a slice herself, she opened the pizza box and—

“SWEET CELESTIA!”

Cut’s cry of alarm made both Pike and Anon jump out of their seats.

“What is it!?” asked Anon as he opened the box himself.

As they both checked the pizza, Anon just looked confused, while Pike gave Cut a knowing look.

“It's your third of the pizza,” she said to him.

“What? No way!” he countered, “It’s obviously yours!”

Cut shook her head in disbelief. How could the love of her life have such a terrible taste in pizza!? “Pineapple and banana peppers, Anon!?”

He looked shocked. “What? What’s so odd about that? It's got sweet and it's got heat! That’s not weird!” He turned to Pike. “I-is it weird?”

Pike grimaced. “It's kind of weird.”

He worriedly looked between Cut and her. "Why didn’t you tell me?”

Pike moved between the two of them, addressing each of them equally. “Because if your colt’s willing to eat some pineapple, you don’t question it. No matter the dish he puts it on.”

‘Ooooooooh my goodness!’

She couldn't keep the look of childlike wonder off her face. “S-so it's true?”

Pike nodded like a mountain sage.

Cut almost couldn’t believe it; she always thought that was just one of those bogus sex tips her mom used to always give her. “Wow...”

Anon rapidly looked between the two mares, probably trying to figure out what they were talking about. “Wanna tell me what you two are talking about?”

Cut and Pike shared a smile that only two mares could.

“Nope!”
“Nope!”

Anon wasn’t happy, but eventually the conversation moved on, and so did dinner. When it finished, the three of them went to the living room to play some card games!

Anon was trying to teach the two of them a game called “Euchre,” and it wasn’t going well.

Cut glanced at the cards. “So then I would win this hoof.”

”No no no,” he said, picking up a nine of hearts. “Pike declared hearts the trump, so that would win.”

‘Ooooooh, now I’m starting to get it.’

“So I should have played the heart I had then.”

“No, since I led with clubs, if you had a club but didn’t play it that would mean you ‘reneged’ and you’d forfeit the round.”

‘Nevermind, no I’m not.’

Cut frowned. “So where does the Jill come in?”

“Well...”

Whatever he was going to say was cut off by a loud “UGH,” from Pike. “Only nerds could find a way to make cards boring!”

Anon looked a little offended by that. “It’s not boring!”

Pike was having none of it though, as she snatched up all the cards and began shuffling them again. “You said we couldn’t even play it ‘till we had a fourth pony. Let’s just play something we know and can actually play.”

His face and posture fell. “But...”

Cut put her hoof on Anon’s sullen shoulder. “It's okay, we’ll come back to it later.”

He sighed sadly. “Alriiiight. But this isn’t the last you’ll hear of it!”

Pike continued shuffling the cards, good-naturedly rolling her eyes.

Cut had to ask. “So what are we playing?”

“Well,” Pike said as she dealt the first card, “normally we’d need to liquor ourselves up more before doing this, but as it stands we’re in a unique position.”

Cut was intrigued, but that apparently piqued Anon’s interest as well. “Really?”

Pike “mm-hmm’d” as she passed him the first card. “You’d be okay with playing some dress poker right now, wouldn’t you, Anon?”

He shrugged. “Eh, I guess. It just kinda sucks cuz I won’t be getting anything out of it, you know?

Pike grinned; clearly that was exactly what she was hoping he’d say. “That’s why me and Cut will be playing strip poker!”

‘What? Anon’s weird take on dress poker?’

Cut didn’t get it, but Anon seemed to instantly make some connection that she wasn’t.

“Ooooh! That’s pretty clever!”

The earth pony blinked. “I don’t follow.”

Pike critically looked the mare over. “Cut, you’re pretty sober right? Would you really be up for dress poker right now?”

‘Of course I would be!’

‘Anon would just have to s-see m-my sweaty, ugly body p-putting on s... so... soc…’

Unable to even finish that thought, she sighed. “No, I wouldn’t...”

Pike nodded. “How about strip poker?”

‘Taking clothes off instead of putting them on?’

‘Yeah, that’d be easy.’

‘Oh, OH!’

“Now I get it! B-but what do I wear?”

Pike cocked her head toward the bedroom. “I’m sure we’ve got something.”