The Long And Short Of It

Nocturnal Pike felt that things were going well. Great, even! A few days had gone by since Cut had officially joined the herd, and the three of them were living it up. She’d even only questioned Pike’s unmarely hobbies just once! Pike had completely ignored the question at the time, of course, and Cut hadn’t brought it up again. That meant the matter was settled, right? Right!?

Regardless, today they found themselves starting the same way they did most days: Pike as the acting chef, with Anon and Cut trying to help out to... varying degrees of success.

Anon was fretting as he rummaged through the spice rack. “Oh God, what spice did the teacher say went well with savory foods?”

Cut wasn’t doing much better. “I think I remember my mom always using Bay leaves...”

Pike just rolled her eyes at the culinary impotency of these ponies. “We’re making haybacon. Quick just pass me the garlic and thyme.” Anon did just that, and Pike sprinkled liberal amounts of both on the strips.

‘There! That should be perfect.’

Removing the strips of the skillet, she evenly distributed them upon the three plates she had taken out.

‘Ah, bacon and eggs, a staple of any breakfast!’

Turning around with the foodstuffs, Pike saw a sight that made her sigh. Anon had already pulled the hot sauce out. It wasn’t even the authentic Thestralian hot sauce, but the extra spicy variant! “Anon, give yourself a break already. You are just not built to handle that kind of spice!”

When he replied, he didn’t so much speak to Pike as he spoke to the bottle. “Never! Besides, I told you if we’re visiting your family for the holidays I need to train myself until I can handle your dad’s home cooking!”

Passing him a plate, PIke watched with more than a little despair as he started adding sauce to it. “And I told you we don’t use that kind of spice in all our dishes! It's not like you’ll have to go hungry!”

The stallion just grabbed a forkful of the egged up sauce, and gave her a steely look. “It's not about being hungry, it's about sending a message. A message that I can hang with my F.F.’s parents.” Shoving the eggs in his mouth, he began eating in earnest.

Pike shook her head and turned to Cut, knowing that the only thing about to come out of Anon’s mouth for the next five minutes, were sounds of pain. “So, anything interesting happen to you and Anon at work?”

Cut, not used to just letting a colt hurt himself, bless her heart, was constantly shifting her gaze to check on Anon as she answered. “N-not really, but Aunt Jargon hasn’t said anything about how I smell like Anon and vice versa, yet.”

Pike could hear the sound of Anon jumping out of his chair and trotting in place behind her.

‘Anon, just let yourself start doing laps, all you’re doing by resisting is making it worse!’

Pike tried not to roll her eyes as she continued the conversation. “You think she’ll make a big deal out of it?”

Cut frowned, frustrated. “It's not what Jargon herself will do, it’s…” She heaved an exasperated sigh.” “It’s what my entire family will do once Jargon tells them.”

Pike twitched an ear as she heard Anon make a beeline for the fridge, having once again lost the fight against the sauce. “I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

Nocturnal Pike, clutching a timer in her wingclaw, hit the start button. “Aaaand, go!”

The assembled guardsmares took off, sprinting down the track. Today was the mile run, and Pike had to make sure everypony was up to snuff. Normally she’d be running out there with them, but the usual pony who kept time was out sick. It turns out that standing in the cold and blowing snow for hours on end made you more likely to catch a cold. Who would have thought?

Watching as the mares ran around the (thankfully plowed) track, a few things were becoming apparent already. For starters, Night Sky was already falling behind.

“You can do it poindexter!”

Pike could see Night roll her eyes from her spot beside the track, but she did start running a little faster.

‘Nice.’

As she continued to watch her subordinates, the batpony became aware of a pony approaching from her side. Turning to face the mare, but keeping an eye on the stopwatch, Pike saw she was a courier.

As the courier reached her, she saluted. “Sergeant Nocturnal Pike?”

Pike saluted back. “Yes indeed, at ease.”

Putting her hoof down, the messenger mare reached into her saddlebags and pulled out a piece of paper. “Telegram for you, it’s marked urgent.”

‘Oh buck.’

There was only one pony Pike knew who still bothered to use telegrams.

As the sergeant took it, the courier chuckled awkwardly. “I didn’t even know we still had telegrams.”

Tucking it under her wing, Pike sighed and turned back to the track. “I wish we didn’t... HEY! Don’t think I didn’t just see you trotting Astral! It's a run not a frolic!”

Only after all the mares had crossed the finish line did Pike dare to check the telegram, and it was exactly as she’d feared.

“Nocturnal business is taking me to Canterlot in the next few days stop we’re getting breakfast on Saturday stop I’ll be staying at the castle inn stop see you at twelve pm sharp stop Star Mapper stop”

Sighing, she crumpled the paper up.

‘Why can’t mom just call like a normal pony!?’

At least then she could weasel out of it. Pike liked visiting her family... occasionally, but seeing her mom was always the part she hated the most. Although she supposed she could just pretend she hadn’t received the telegram...

No, her mother would never go for that, and Pike would never hear the end of it come Hearth's Warming. Better to just go.

But on the subject of parents, that reminded her of the chat Pike and Cut had earlier. Pike had to wonder how things were going on that front...

It had been a slow month for J. Jargon Justification. They’d pushed out a lot of fluff pieces about ponies getting ready for the holidays for the last several days; nothing nearly as bombastic as when the Kirin came to visit. Such is the news, she supposed. If sales dipped too much, she could always just have one of her mares make news out of something. That, or have Anon write another piece on winter fashion—she knew he’d whine about that, though.

Speaking of, as she sat at her desk and looked out the glass walls, Jargon could see that very colt chatting away with her niece. They had been spending an awful lot of time together as of late. Did she finally...?

‘HA! No way.’

Jargon loved her niece, but the idea she would ask somepony out? Preposterous.

Although, Anon was definitely the type of firecracker that might’ve asked her.

‘Hmf, look at yourself Jargon, spinning yarns like a bored househusband.’

The mare had no reason to speculate when she could just do this:

“CUT!” she shouted, “GET IN HERE!” She couldn’t help but chuckle to herself as her nervous niece leapt off of her chair and made a mad dash for Jargon’s office.

As she ran in, Cut gave her her best attempt at a salute. “Yes, Au- I mean, Chief?”

Something in the room already smelled different, but Jargon wanted to be sure. “Close the door.”

Cut did so, looking confused the whole time. And ooooh filly, the moment she did, Jargon knew that it was exactly as she’d thought. She could smell not one, but two extra ponies on that mare!

‘Somepony’s been snuggling!’

She planted her forehooves on the desk and put on the most serious face she could. “Cut, I need you to answer me honestly. Have you been snuggling that colt?”

Cut’s alarmed look only further supported her theory. “Y-you know, Chief, I-I’m an adult so I don’t see how—”

“AHAHA, I KNEW IT!” Jargon’s shout made Cut jump, but she didn't care. This was the best news she’d heard in months! “Does your mom already know? No, she doesn’t, does she?”

Jargon didn’t even give Cut the chance to answer, the guilty look on her face told her all she needed to know. “You’ve got to give her a- no actually I want to hear the sound of her voice when I tell her!”

‘I’ve gotta get on the phone ASAP!’

She could already imagine her reaction, and it was going to be great!

Out of habit, Jargon called out, projecting her voice through the closed door. “CUT! I need you make a call to—”

That’s when she realized the problem with that.

“Wait, you're standing in front of me. Nevermind.”

Cut, the poor mare, looked thoroughly befuddled, and was just standing there in dumbfound silence.

‘Is it weird that I rely on my chief editor to make my calls?’

‘...Nah. At least until I actually get myself a secretary.’

Picking up the phone, Jargon started punching in her sister’s number. Hopefully she and Barely weren’t busy.

Cut noisily cleared her throat. “Ahem.”

‘Oh, she’s still here.’

Jargon glared at the mare and waved her off. “Well, wait are you waiting for, permission? Get back to work!”

“We’ll be on the next train out.”

It was Thursday. And for Nocturnal Pike, it was a very annoying Thursday.

It turned out that the mares in charge of records forgot to tell her that half her squad’s first-aid certifications had expired. So guess who got told she had to find a first aid instructor to teach them before the week was out? That’s right, she did!

Oh well; at least she was actually able to find one. Pike went ahead and signed the whole squad up, just in case. Except for herself of course—all the squad leaders had their own certification that they renewed every year. Which was why Pike was going to spend the day in her office, checking every one of her squads files personally.

Keyword there being ‘was.’

What Pike was actually doing was making her way to the conference room. Apparently, some Day Court petitioner had ‘demanded’ to speak to her personally.

‘Great, as if I needed that today.’

Arriving at the door, the guard on station saluted and pushed it open to let the sergeant inside.

Taking a look around, Pike noted that it was a small and sparsely furnished room, with only a circular table, about six chairs, and one window. Seated in the chair opposite the entrance was an Earth Pony, and an older one at that. Her coat was a charcoal grey color, with a black mane that was starting to turn silver at the roots. Her first reaction upon seeing the batpony was to simply grunt, and extinguish the cigar she had in her mouth.

As Pike actually entered the room and made her way around the table, the older mare extended a hoof. “So you must be Pike.”

Meeting the hoofbump, Pike spent a moment sizing her up. “Sergeant Pike.”

As the thestral took the seat next to the earth pony's, the older mare gave a quick, dismissive glance before leaning back in her own seat like she owned the place. “You’re a lot shorter than I expected.”

And just like that, the meeting was already off to a bad start.

‘EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!’

The same professionalism that kept her scream internal allowed her to suppress her first instinct to sock the mare in the face. “Might I ask why you’re here, miss...?” She answered back through gritted teeth.

“Oh right, of course! Forgive me, J. Jargon Justification at your service.”

The name jogged her memory immediately.

‘This is the chief of Anon’s paper!’

‘What the buck could she want?’

As if to answer the question, the newsmare continued. “Listen, I’ll cut to the chase. Tomorrow at one PM, I need you at the Canterlot Canterer office.”

Well, Pike could at least appreciate the frankness. “Why?”

“Can’t tell you.”

Pike briefly glanced around the room to see if her squad was going to jump out and yell ‘surprise!’ Unfortunately it seemed she would have no such luck.

‘Is this mare for real? Does she seriously think I can just walk out and spend the day milling about somewhere just because somepony asked?’

“So, you’re going to be there, right?”

‘Oh sweet Luna she does.’

Pike had a long career of dealing with pushy civilians, and this mare was triggering every one of her warning bells—and then some. The difference this time though, was the fact that she couldn’t just tell her to buck off and leave it at that. She had direct power over her stallion and her herdsister, so Pike needed to approach this with tact.

“Ma’am, I can’t just spend the day off doing... something on a whim.”

Surprisingly she adjusted her posture, leaning in to be more attentive toward her.

‘Seems like she’s now interested in negotiating.’

“You’re not just doing ‘something’! You’re doing something vital! Listen, I need a guard at my office tomorrow and that guard needs to be you!”

‘Just what is she getting at?’

“If need be I can see about sending a detachment—”

Jargon pounded her hoof on the table. “I don’t need some guards, I need you!”

The thestral resisted the urge to rest her forehead on her hoof and sigh.

‘It's like talking to a wall.’

Pike barely suppressed a frown. “Look, this would be a lot easier if you’d just tell me what you needed me for! Was there a threat? Are you in danger?”

“Why? Shouldn’t the fact a respected citizen is requesting your presence be enough?”

This time, Pike didn’t resist the urge. “No, no it is not.”

Jargon looked perplexed, and somewhat offended, before she glanced around the room in thought. She did that for about a minute or so, one which Pike simply abided by.

“Aha!” she said suddenly, “Let’s say, I have evidence of a snuggling syndicate, right here in the guard!” She accented each word with a wave of her hoof, like she was framing a headline. But the pauses made it sound like she just came up with it on the spot.

“And?”

“And I need your help to confirm it before I blow the whistle! There’s a reason we haven’t had to print a retraction in twenty years!”

‘Does she really think I’ll buy that?’

“Ma’am I—”

“Look.” Jargon leaned in, hushing her voice slightly. “It’s about Cut, okay? And it’s really important that you be there.”

Pike had a sudden flashback to what Cut had told her a day ago, and her worries about how her family might react.

The earth pony’s face hardened. “Now, either you can agree to this horseapple story now, or I can take it to the Princess and bombard her with it until she orders you to come by.”

‘Pah, as if Princess Luna would buy tha—’

But that’s when Pike remembered that Princess Luna wasn’t on duty right now, her sap of an older sister was. The same one who got fooled by that oversized gnat. She probably actually would have a formal investigation launched, even when Jargon’s story turned out to be just that—a story. And a formal investigation was something Pike did NOT want to bucking deal with.

“Alright, fine. I’ll be there,” she answered, suppressing a grimace.

Jargon smiled, and leaned back again. The smug satisfaction radiated off her like the heat of the sun. “I knew you’d see reason.”

‘Yeah ‘reason’.’

Hoping to the Stars that’s all she wanted, Pike got out of her chair. “If that’s all, then I’ll be going. I have some paperwork I need to file for tomorrow, and Jargon?”

She made a sound akin to “Hmm?”

Pike glared at the mare. “If this is a waste of my time, the best you can expect to face is a fine for wrongful use of guardsmare time.”

She smiled and let out some kind of half laugh, half wheeze. “Haha! Good thing it’ll be well worth it. See you at one!”

Pike left the room without a second glance, closing the door behind her. Somepony would come to see her out, she was sure.

‘Bucking unbelievable, this better be important.’

As she started making her way down the hallway, she was stopped by a voice to her left.

“I thought for sure you were going to bite her head off, Sarge.”

‘Hey, that sounded like…’

“Specialist Mulberry!” Pike sternly greeted the mare as she turned to face her. “Why aren’t you with the others? I distinctly remember ordering the whole squad to get recertified.”

The mare, colored the same as her name, saluted. “Ma’am, I got my certification last month, so Sepulcher put me on assignment, ma’am.”

‘Grrrrr.’

Pike didn’t like Sepulcher going around her like that, but she supposed in this case it was fair. Mulberry was her field medic; of course her first aid certificate was extremely up to date. So, Pike relaxed, glad the mare wasn’t just playing hooky.

The specialist chuckled. “For a moment I thought I was going to have to make use of my first aid training.”

‘Why? Was there an incident?’

Pike looked around for any sign of some altercation she could be talking about, but the sergeant saw no sign of one. “What for?”

Mulberry pointed behind Pike, and following her gesture, she saw a departing Jargon. “I heard most of what you two were talking about, I thought you were going to start a fight when she called you short. And then again when she accused us of hosting a snuggle syndicate.”

Pike shrugged. “Eh, didn’t seem worth it.”

Mulberry seemed taken aback by the comment. “Heh, no offence, Sarge, but I’d never have thought I’d hear you say that.”

‘Hm...’

For a moment, Pike was going to deny it, but the mare had a point. Jargon not only attacked her pride as a mare, but also as a leader. Even though it was a fabrication, she still implied a snuggle syndicate could run under Pike’s nose without her noticing it. Which is something past-Pike would have absolutely at least cussed her out for.

‘Huh, I suppose I have mellowed out some.’

‘Mellowed out?’ That little voice inside her head scoffed. ‘You’re going soft.’

Pike frowned. “Things change, Specialist. Things change.”