The Long And Short Of It

Cut N. Paste’s parents had just departed, leaving the three of them alone for the evening. Now that they were gone, it was time to bring up something she’d been wondering about for most of the day. The cutie mark story Anon told her parents today, and the story he’d told her back when they'd first met, were completely different.

‘But why?’

It was such a strange thing to lie about. He seemed completely, incomprehensibly unbothered by it too, happily trotting about the apartment without a care. Half of her wanted to let it go in favor of not crossing any lines, but the other half knew that she needed to put her hoof down.

‘I’m an equal partner in this relationship, dang it!’

“Hey, Anon?”

He didn’t even look over as he continued to pick up some stray glassware to take to the sink. “Yeah?”

‘Don’t chicken out, Cut!’

She took a deep breath. “D-did you lie about how you got your cutie mark?”

He halted mid-step, freezing dead still. After a moment, he turned to face her, opening his mouth to say something. “Well...”

Only to be cut off by Pike. “Bwahahahahaha! She’s caught you red-hoofed!”

The batpony hopped from her position across the room and glided over to Cut, elbowing her in the side when she landed. “What was it originally? Something about solving a mystery in a haunted house, right?”

’What? Did Anonymous lie about his cutie mark to her too?’

If he had, Pike certainly didn’t seem very bothered by it.

Cut rubbed her hocks together nervously. “N-no, he told me that he wrote an article for the school paper about how his teacher was giving worse grades to colts.”

Now Pike looked appropriately shocked. “What? That definitely wasn’t the story he told me...” Suddenly, she made some connection that Cut hadn’t been able to. “ANON!” she shouted, “Don’t tell me you were telling different cutie mark stories to different ponies!”

’That’s ridiculous! There’s no way a pony would do that!’

’...’

To Cut’s surprise, Anon was looking awfully sheepish.

’D-did he...?’

“I-In my defense,” he stammered out, “I had stopped doing it by the time I met you, Pike.”

’What the heck!?’

Pike, who seemed to have much more of the story than Cut did, facehooved. “Why in Equestria would you do that?”

“It was funny!” he unexpectedly shouted as he stamped his hoof. “ Besides, it’s not like anyone hung around me enough to fact check it.”

Pike’s face made something similar to an “O” and she settled into a more neutral posture. While it seemed his answer was enough to placate her, it was not enough for Cut; it just left her with more questions.

“So why’d you lie to my parents today, then?”

He paused, clearly considering his next words carefully—only to sigh heavily, as if seemingly defeated.

“Alright, it’s time I told you anyway.”

Cut’s sense of gradually mounting frustration instantly evaporated at the solemnity of his tone. Now, worry was taking its place. “T-Tell me what?”

She felt Pike’s hoof on her shoulder. Turning down to face her, she gestured toward the couch with her head. “You’re gonna want to sit down.”

They were right; Cut N. Paste was very glad she was sitting down.

Anon had just spent the last half hour explaining his whole life story while Cut watched and listened from her spot on the couch. Pike only occasionally chimed in when he started to get worried that his story was becoming too unbelievable—which, in hindsight, didn't happen as often as she would have expected, considering how outlandish the core of his narrative was. Who would have thought that Anon was an isekai protagonist this whole time!?

’NO! You bucking sperg! This is definitely NOT the time for manga references!’

But on the other hoof, Anon might’ve actually appreciated something to lighten the mood right then. She'd never seen him look so sad.

And, honestly? She completely understood why.

“Now you know why my localizations were all fucked up, haha...”

Cut could tell his heart wasn’t in the joke; it was the most forced laugh he’d ever made. Which, much to Cut's shame, left her feeling tongue-tied.

Seeing the silence as his attempt to lighten the mood fell flat, Anon dipped his head morosely. “I really killed the mood, huh?”

’Oh no, now he’s officially sad!’

’Sh-should I hug him? Is this the kind of sadness that hugs can even help with!?’

’Wait, why are you even asking, Cut? Anon is your husbando now, and it’s your job as a mare to protect his smile!’

As her eyes filled with determination, and with Pike nodding approvingly in the corner of her eye, Cut threw herself onto Anon and hugged him with all her might. Anon made a sound similar to hurrk, which Cut chose to believe was a sound of love and affirmation. As the earth pony nuzzled his neck, the batpony joined her at his side, placing a hoof on Anon's thoroughly hugged wither.

Pike looked up at him with a soft smile. “Was it a little easier this time?” she asked.

He made a tired, but somewhat less distressed sounding sigh. “A little.”

He let the two of them squeeze him for quite a while—something Cut was more than content to do. After a while though, he started prying himself out of their grips. “Alright, alright. Enough of me being a sad sack.”

He smiled for a moment, before turning to look at Cut dead in the eyes—something that, admittedly, made her a little uncomfortable. “Well... what do you think?”

She looked between him and Pike, confused. “What do I think?”

“Yeah,” he said. “You just got told your coltfriend is an alien. What do you think?”

’Oh buck. This is like one of those major moments in one of my Dad’s romcoms!’

’Better think of something good to say, something inspiring. Something like...’

“I think it doesn’t matter where you came from, Anon, wh-what matters is that you’re here!”

He held a straight face for a few moments, before a snirk came through. A few more chuckles slipped out before he looked her in the eye and smiled. “Bullshit.”

’What!?’

“Oh come on, Anon,” chided Pike, “that was sweet!”

He just rolled his eyes in response. “It was, but it wasn’t what she really thinks.” Grinning mischievously, he leaned in toward her. “What do you really think, Cut?”

’Oh he is asking for it! And if he’s asking for it, I’m gonna give it to him!’

Crossing her hooves defiantly, Cut answered. “I’m happy I get to be a main character in your real-life isekai manga!”

That put a genuine smile on his face. “Hahahaha hell yeah! That’s what I love about you, Cut!”

The more time Nocturnal Pike spent with her herd, the more she began to notice something: the stress of the earlier visit with her mother seemed further and further away. The tension had well and truly left her body, and all of her doubts and fears seemed far away.

’...Isn’t that how visiting your parents is supposed to make you feel?’

As the night went on, it was clear that Anon was feeling a similar effect. He seemed to have left the melancholy behind and was reveling in Pike’s and Cut’s company. Now, the three of them had gathered under a blanket on the couch, snuggling in defiance of the wind and snow blowing outside. As they snuggled on the sofa, the combined efforts of Cut and Pike actually managed to get Anon to talk at length about some of the stranger aspects of his home. Between sips of hot cocoa, Pike found herself listening to Anon’s tales in rapt attention. His current topic de jure were these strange items called ‘computers.’

“And they can connect to this thing called the internet and—”

Cut, who up until then had been following Anon’s story with quiet attention, spoke up. “Before you move on Anon, how do you make these ‘computers?’”

That brought Anon’s explanation to an abrupt end. “I uh... I don’t know.”

Anon’s sudden befuddlement gave Pike an evil idea. Cocking an eyebrow, she threw him an expression of utter disbelief. “These things basically permeated every aspect of your life but you don’t actually know how they work? Sounds fake to me.”

His face scrunched and turned a delightful shade of red at her accusation. “They’re real! I just wasn’t into tech!”

Thankfully, Cut picked up on the bit. “I don’t know Anon. Sounds a little far-fetched to me!”

That only made him redder. Despite both of their desires to keep the act going, the two mares couldn’t help but start laughing. Cut gave some minor chuckles, while Pike made a loud guffaw.

Which made him pout adorably.

“Laugh while you can! You won’t be laughing soon!” Lighting his horn, one of Pike’s DVDs zipped off the shelf and flew over the three of them. “You’ve already got digital media, it’s only a matter of time before your world will have them too!”

Well, he was partially right: that did put a stop to Pike and Cut’s laughter. But, more out of confusion than anything else. Pike leaned past Anon to look over to Cut; she was a nerd after all, so she should know what he was talking about! At the same time though, Cut had leaned forward and looked around to Pike, clearly hoping that she knew what he was talking about. Seeing the distinct lack of knowledge in each other’s eyes, they both turned back to Anon.

“Digital?” the two of them asked in sync.

He held the DVD a little higher as if that was the answer to their question. “You know, digital!”

His statement went unanswered as the two of them continued to sit there, uncomprehending.

“...Like the D in DVD?”

’Ohhhhhhhhhh! This must be one of those fucking/bucking things!’

“So your people called diamonds ‘digital?’” Pike asked.

His eyes widened to the size of dinner plates. “Wha?”

Pike continued. “Here, the D in DVD stands for diamond. What, were your DVDs not made out of diamond?”

“There’s no way,” Cut chimed in. “No other kind of gem has the lattice to accurately hold and cast a spell as complex as the movie projection spell.”

Anon seemed completely unable to process this though, simply continuing to stare wide-eyed at the DVD case. “Diamond?” he repeated in apparent disbelief.

Pike smirked. “Yeah, what else would they be? Ruby?”

She could hear Cut groan from the other side of the stallion. “Oh Celestia, don’t remind me about that,” she moaned as she leaned into Pike’s view. “My Dad totally bought into those.”

Now it was Pike’s turn to widen her eyes in shock. “You actually owned a RedRay player?”

She remembered back when those “RedRay” ruby disks and players hit the market. All those ads that preceded its release claiming that, ‘RedRay is the future!’ Half the ponies in Canterlot were scrambling to get one the day they came out. She also remembered how they all were recalled within a week.

“Yep,” Cut said while shaking her head. “And halfway through the only movie we ever watched on it, the player miscast the spell and teleported the disk into my sister’s mattress two floors up. Took us a week to find it.”

’Holy buck!’

Pike never really knew the specifics about the recall, but if that was the kind of stuff that could happen with them, no wonder they were pulled off the shelves!

Cut shook her head at the memory. “Dad threw it out after that.”

Pike chuckled at the mental image. “I’ll bet.”

Glancing at the still silent stallion sitting between them, Pike elbowed Anon in the ribs. “What do you think of that? Could your computers do something like that?”

He didn’t answer though, and when she looked at his face, she saw he’d become transfixed by the DVD case. He was staring into it, completely mesmerized. “How much would a disk made of solid diamond even be worth?”

Snorting to herself, Pike (needing more effort than she’d like to admit) pulled the DVD out of his magic with her wing. “I didn’t know you had dragon in your blood, Anon.”

That seemed to break the spell, as he blinked owlishly a few times before scoffing at her. “Hey, owning a disk of solid diamond would have been a big deal back home!”

Rolling her eyes, Pike tossed the DVD back over to the shelf. Her aim was a little off though, and it wound up slapping into the shelf with a loud ‘crack’ before falling to the ground.

’...maybe I should take Astral up on those precision throwing lessons...’

Watching the DVD tumble, Pike just shrugged. “Here they’re only worth about twelve bits.”

Anon chuckled as he watched the results of her failed throw. “I guess so.”

Pike could hear Cut whine a little from across the couch. “Aw, I wanted to watch that one.”

She knew Cut couldn’t see her from where she was, but she rolled her eyes anyway. “Oh come on, diamond is one of the hardest minerals out there! I’m sure it’s fine.”

Anon awkwardly coughed. “That’s uh, that’s not what they mean when they say diamond is hard, hon.”

“Wait, really?” Glancing toward the DVD case on the ground, Pike became painfully aware of how hard it hit the self when she threw it. “Aw, buck. I liked that movie too.”