The Long And Short Of It

It was Sunday, and this one meant something very special to Nocturnal Pike. Today would be the first day of her new regimen to make Cut more marely. The thestral had intended to wake her up early and do the whole drill sergeant routine, but that plan was derailed by one key fact:

Cut was diurnal, and Pike wasn’t.

While the shift she’d worked for so long had allowed her to wake up before most thestrals could even dream, the fact of the matter was that Cut just plain woke up earlier. While she was adjusting faster than most could to Pike’s and Anon’s sleep schedule, the earth pony still typically woke up at what most ponies considered to be a “reasonable hour.” “Most ponies” in this case, not including a single thestral. So, waking up to find Cut had already departed the bed, Pike made her way toward the kitchen for a morning cup of coffee.

Cut quickly spotted her as she exited the bedroom. “Good morning, Pike!”

“Mornin,” came her groggy reply, as she hopped into a seat at the kitchen table while Cut, very helpfully, poured her a cup as well.

“So, uh, today’s the first day of my “training,” right?”

Pike nodded affirmatively as she lifted the proffered cup and took a long sip.

Cut started to get excited. “What are we going to start with then? T-talking to stallions? Working out!?”

At that, Pike shook her head. “No, Cut, the first step to you being more marely is to make you more confident.”

Cut opened her mouth to ask a question, but Pike cut her off.

“And the first step to that is making you more self confident.” Putting on a severe look, Pike leaned in far as she could over the table. “And the first step to that is teaching you to actually take care of yourself.”

“I know how to take care of myself! I’m not a filly!” Cut balked, red in the face and with a little incredulity in her voice.

Pike gave her a disbelieving once-over. “The basics, sure. But tell me, have you completed your morning routine by now? Would you be comfortable going outside right this minute?”

The little defiance she'd shown was rapidly fading. “Y-yes.”

’In that case...’

Pike leaned back and really began to scrutinize her appearance. Right off the bat, it was obvious Cut’s mane was a mess. She wore the same haphazard bun she always did, meaning about a fourth of her mane was sticking out in random directions. It looked improperly washed too: it was a little greasy and Pike could see the split ends. Even her coat had an oily sheen!

Pike raised an eyebrow. “You took a shower this morning, right?”

“Yes!” came the exasperated reply.

‘Hmmmmm, maybe she needs a better brush. Oh! I’ve still got some coat conditioner leftover from my spa day, that could help.’

Pike already knew there was nothing to be done about Cut’s tuft, so there was no need to comment on how she marescaped it. Ducking under the table, the thestral took a look at her hooves.

‘Luna, they look awful.’

All those years of nervously biting them without any kind of proper hoof care seemed to have taken their toll. Honestly, the only thing on her that was immaculately kept was her bra. Which, after a bit of thought, made sense to Pike; no doubt Cut was worried that sullying the garment would compromise the enchantment and let her teats out for all the world to see.

Having reached her conclusion, Pike straightened up and looked her in the eyes. “Cut, would it be fair to describe the effort you put into your appearance as ‘bare minimum?’”

Cut hung her head in shame. “...Yeah. Why put in effort if nopony wants to look at me anyway? It’s just a waste of time...”

In that instant, Pike finally understood her—and knew what she needed to do about it.

‘Looks like I’ll get to use that drill sergeant bit after all.’

“WHAT THE BUCK DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME, MAGGOT!?” Pike yelled.

Cut was so startled she nearly fell out of her chair. “AAAH!”

“I DON’T WANT TO HEAR ANY OF THAT MAMBY PAMBY I FEEL SORRY FOR MYSELF CRAP! THIS IS NOT THE PLACE FOR THAT! NOW DROP AND GIVE ME TWENTY ‘I AM AN ATTRACTIVE MARE AND I DON’T NEED OTHERS’ APPROVAL TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT MYSELF!”

Cut very clearly did not understand. “Wha-”

“I SAID DROP AND GIVE ME TWENTY ‘I AM AN ATTRACTIVE MARE AND I DON’T NEED OTHERS’ APPROVAL TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT MYSELF!”

That time seemed to get through to her, and the earth pony hopped off her chair. Cut wasn’t really standing tall when she spoke, but at least she was standing. “Uhhh, I am an attractive mare and I don’t need others’ approval to feel good about myself?”

Pike pushed herself up into Cut’s muzzle. “I CAN’T HEAR YOU!”

Cut stood up a little straighter. “I am an attractive mare and I don’t need others’ approval to feel good about myself!”

“LOUDER!”

Now she was standing proud! “I AM AN ATTRACTIVE MARE AND I DON’T NEED OTHERS’ APPROVAL TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT MYSELF!”

“What the FUCK is going on out here?” A voice coming from the short hallway that ran to the bedroom caused Pike to whip her head around—where she saw a disheveled, and very unhappy looking Anonymous.

‘Oh, riiiiiight. He was still asleep. Whoops.’

Cut, meanwhile, was seemingly too lost in the feeling of getting herself pumped up to notice. “I AM AN ATTRACTIVE MARE AND I DON’T NEED OTHERS’ APPROVAL TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT MYSELF!”

Anon, recovering from his initial confusion, gave her a steely look. “You’re goddamn right, babe.”

“Alright, let’s start with mane care.”

The first step on the journey to help Cut to take better care of herself was undoing all of the horrible habits she’d undoubtedly picked up over the years. To do that, Nocturnal Pike had taken her to one of the local apothecaries. Anon elected to stay behind, saying he needed to work on an article he’d fallen behind on—which, while unfortunate, wasn’t much of a setback. Pike was the resident expert on marely; she could do this job in her sleep!

“Ooooh, this one has tea tree oil! This should help with the grease!”

Cut, who’d strapped herself into the shopping wagon (they didn’t have any in Pike’s size, much to the thestral’s frustration) nervously spoke up. “Pike, i-isn’t this the stallion’s section?”

‘Hm?’

Craning her neck up to the sign above the shelf, Pike saw that it read ‘Stallion’s Manecare.’

‘Oh... right.’

Pike had been shopping at this end of the shop as of late. But it was definitely not because she liked the shampoos Anon used on her during that spa day, no ma’am!

Pike, burying her nerves and clearing her throat, began to answer. “Ahem, Well Cut, uh tell me. What do you usually use to wash your mane?”

The earth pony scrunched her face in thought and kept it that way far longer than a pony ought to when remembering the kind of shampoo they use. Eventually though, she blushed and turned her head away in shame. “W-well sometimes I sleep in too late so I’m in such a rush that I forget...”

‘Oh no! Cut!’

She quickly jumped to her own defense though. “But only sometimes! Usually, I use Original Oakley A’s fifteen in one.”

‘Oh Luna, that’s worse than not washing it at all!’

“Cut!” Pike chided, “The fifteen in one is for your coat! It’s basically just body wash!”

Poor Cut looked so confused, and Pike honestly couldn’t blame her. “B-but then what are the fifteen things it’s for then?!”

The thestral reached up and patted her on the shoulder comfortingly. “Not your mane.” Reaching back to the shelf, she started pulling out various bottles. “We need to start undoing that damage. Here’s a good shampoo for that, here’s a conditioner... oooh and this moisturizer is really nice! Anon loves the smell, too.”

Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Cut watching in awe. “How do you know all this? I can’t tell any of these apart.”

Pausing briefly, Pike thought back to how she’d actually learned all of this. Sure, in the past she’d taken great care to make sure her appearance was at its peak at all times, but that never included using stuff from the stallion’s section.

...She supposed most of it must have come from the time she’d spent re-reading that spa pamphlet that came with the gift basket. Both the “section for stallions” and the “section for mares,” of course.

…And that library book she’d checked out and read a few days ago on break called ‘Turn Your Home into a Spa, a Guide Every Stallion Should Have’.

‘N-not because I found it interesting or anything! Haha, that’d be ridiculous! I just want to pay back the favor to Anon is all!’

Plus, he really liked how those shampoos made her mane smell. So did she, but that was beside the point!

“Because it’s uh... it’s my job to know! As the alpha, the health of the herdmates is my responsibility!”

Cut, once again, looked confused. It was obviously an innocent confusion, but for some reason, it still made Pike’s fur stand on end. “I thought that usually fell to the stallion?”

Pike nervously shuffled her wings. “Ahem. Well, since Anon’s a... you know... he doesn’t know a lot about pony health. So that means it falls to me to pick up the slack!”

The confusion vanished off Cut’s face. “Ohhhh! That makes sense.”

‘Phew, that was... wait, what’s got me so worried? That’s not even false!’

Sure, she should be encouraging and teaching Anon all of these things instead of just learning them all herself, but she’d get around to that eventually!

‘Yeah, totally.’

“Aaaanyway, you can switch to something like Original Mane N’ Tail after using these for a while,” the thestral said as she patted the assortment of products she’d amassed.

An assortment that Cut was staring wide-eyed at. “I-Is that everything?”

Pike laughed, quite hard. “Are you kidding? We haven’t even gotten you some new coat wash yet!”

While the gals were out and about, Anonymous needed to get some work done. His typewriter was still in the office, so unfortunately he couldn’t do any actual writing. What he could do, however, was the important first step to writing anything good: research!

There were a couple of topics he could write his next piece on, but he was yet to decide which one to go with. That’s why he’d gathered a range of supplementary materials, organized into stacks based on which topic they were related to! The stallion figured that he’d read all of that stuff, and if something jumped out at him, he’d just go with that topic.

‘Let’s see, then, where to start… Eenie meenie minie mo!’

Reaching out with a magic hand, he snatched the top paper off the chosen pile. It looked like his first topic was...!

‘Aw, some gossip crap.’

On the plus side, with those bits, he could just rehash the information that others already compiled and add in his ‘stallion’s opinion’ and that’d be enough to make it sell like hotcakes.

Kind of a cop-out? Definitely.

Easy as pie? Absolutely.

Turning his focus to the article, he finally got a proper look at what ‘Creep Shot’ was writing about beyond the initial grazing glance.

“Songbird Serenade’s Star Powered Herd Goes Critical!”

‘Aw jeez.’

He hated to see it.

“Songbird claims she felt neglected! Love not shared equally!”

‘Okaaaaaaay! That’s a little too related to current anxieties for comfort!’

He decided to give it a hard pass. Placing the article back, he turned to the next pile. Already, it was looking like a much better choice.

“Race of superponies on the way? How Stallionism may be metaphysically strengthening ponykind.”

‘Alright, now that sounds like it’s worth writing about!’

Thoroughly enticed, he read further.

‘Mages have debated for years over what makes a pony’s magic pool stronger. Is it bloodline? Celestial intervention? Well, in recent years the prevailing theory is that the strength of one’s spirit determines the strength of one’s magic.’

‘Hm, that’s an interesting idea.’

And if it was true, he could see how stallions becoming generally more productive and proactive could positively influence the population’s magical prowess.

Putting the paper down, he checked the next one in the pile.

“Why Stallion’s Liberation Will Only Erode the Pony Race, Not Strengthen It!”

‘Right, I remember picking these two articles out. They were right next to each other at the library! Welp, it’s safe to say I won’t find a better topic than this! Time to get reading.’

Picking that first essay back up, Anon dove in.

‘When one looks at it objectively, it’s easy to make the connection that the mares who have performed the greatest magical feats in recent times come from liberated...’

As the unicorn stallion absorbed the presented information, however, he couldn’t help but feel something nagging at the back of his mind. Something about that first article, Songbird’s herd. Something that made him want to pick it back up instead.

He still would rather write about how Stallionism was creating the master race, buuuuuut...

‘Maybe if I can figure out what that stallion did wrong, I can avoid it!’

‘Yeah... yeah!’

Putting the Stallionism article back, Anon once again grabbed the article about Songbird. He’d read that one, and just that one, and take some advice from it. Then he’d switch back to the other topic so he could do his job.

‘It’s a perfect, flawless plan!’

‘Now let’s see what the trouble with Songbird’s stallion was…’

‘Songbird herself claims the trouble began after the addition of the newest herdmate...’