The Long And Short Of It

Anonymous the unicorn had blazed through every piece of reference material he had related to Songbird and her herd. As he’d gone through the material, he had a massive breakthrough! Songbird’s herd didn’t go critical! All they need to do is—

“Do you think he’ll like it?”

‘Hey, that’s Cut’s voice! The two of them must be back from their errands.’

Leaving the bedroom—where he’d ended up moving his research materials—, he returned to the living room just in time to hear Pike from the other side of the front door as well. “Ah-ah! What did we talk about?”

“R-right, what matters is: am I happy with how I look.” There was a brief interlude before Cut spoke up again. “B-but do you think he’ll-”

“Of course he’ll like it! Now come on.” With that, the door swung open and Pike walked in. “Tah-da!”

She was soon followed by a brand new Cut! Well... not that new, really. She still looked the same: same mane, same glasses, but everything about her looked so much neater! Hardly a hair out of place! And her hooves! They were so neat and shiny!

Anon couldn’t help but stare in pleased surprise. “Wow, Cut, you look great!”

She lit up like a Christmas tree. “REALLY!?”

“Ahem,” Pike interrupted.

The unfettered glee on Cut was replaced with a more mellow joy. “R-right. I mean, uh, thank you, Anon, for noticing!”

‘Awww look at her trying to be all self-sufficient!’

He continued to smile. “Looks like today was a success?”

“I’ll say,” Pike said with a grin. “I’ve just got one more thing I want to show her and we’ll be all done.”

Anon quickly pulled the two of them into a hug. “Excellent! I’ll get dinner started while my two lovely mares, whom I love equally, finish up.”

He closed his eyes as he hugged them, so he didn’t see the concerned look they shot each other at his choice of words. He also missed Pike’s slight frown as she answered him. “Uh, thanks, Anon. It's good to be loved.”

“Y-yeah,” echoed Cut as he let them go.

‘Wonderful!’

Prancing over to the stove, Anon grabbed a pot and started filling it with water.

“Alright, this shouldn’t take long,” he heard Pike say. “We just need the stuff I’ve got in the bathroom.”

‘Alright, that’s enough water.’

He was thinking of making a ravioli pesto, presuming he wouldn’t burn the sauce again. As he placed the pot on the boiler, he could hear the two of them enter the bedroom, and then stop for some reason.

“Anon?” Pike called.

“Yeah?”

“What the buck is all this?” Nocturnal Pike called out in questioning as she glanced around the room, her eyes filled with a newfound and deep concern. The walls had been covered with an assortment of pictures, newspaper clippings, notes, and strings linking them all together.

‘What in Tartarus?! None of this was here this morning! Is this what Anon spent all day doing?’

“Oh, right!” came Anon’s voice from behind her. Both she and Cut pivoted to face him in sync, as he stood in the doorway to the bedroom. “Well I was doing some research for an article and—”

“What’s the article?” asked Cut.

He looked around at the various things stuck up the wall. “Well it was going to be about the theory that Stallionism is making ponykind stronger...”

‘Wait, he’s not just ‘looking around,’ he’s following the strings!’

“...but I got kinda sidetracked.”

‘Side tracked?’

Pike had never seen him do anything like this for any of his previous articles. “Sidetracked by what?”

The sound of shuffling hooves brought both Pike’s and Anon’s attention to Cut, who’d walked over to one of the eye-level articles. “Songbird Serenade’s Star Powered Herd Goes Critical,” she read.

Without even seeing him move, Anon was already by the earth pony’s side. “And I can tell you EXACTLY why!”

Cut, who was more than a little startled by that, meekly responded. “Uhhh wh—”

“I’m glad you asked!” Anon declared, as he started wildly gesturing around the room. “According to most of the gossip pieces, it all started when Coloratura joined, but that’s not true!”

Rushing to the polar opposite side of the room, he lit his horn illuminating several strings. “See when things actually started going wrong was about three months later!”

Sprinting to another corner of the room, he started pulling papers off the wall. “It was when their schedules started conflicting. Songbird, Sapphire, and Coloratura all went on tour, Fleur had to go abroad for a fashion show, and Fancy started touring the country opening franchises!”

He lit several more strings up, some of which crossed the entirety of the room. As he did, Pike noticed his speech was growing more and more manic. “During this time the only one of his mares Fancy was with was Coloratura, by complete chance! The cities they were in just happened to line up!”

A large group of strings converged on one article, placed near the center of the room.

‘Luna, how many of these things did he put up!?’

“And here’s where the trouble REALLY began! This interview is the KEY! In it, Fancy talks about how great having Coloratura with him is, but he doesn’t mention the other mares AT ALL!” Anon paused in his rant, standing shock-still as he pointed to the article with his hoof.

After a couple of moments of awkward silence, Pike realized he was waiting for either she or Cut to answer. “And that...?”

“THAT’S when the other mares started thinking he didn’t care about them! That’s when it all went wrong!” Launching back into motion he essentially started running circles around the room. “See, in an interview Songbird gave just one month later, she states—”

At this point she’d honestly stopped trying to follow his logic. It was now very clear what was going on here. Something was bothering Anon, and it allowed whimsey to consume him. Sparing a glance at Cut, Pike saw she was too dumbstruck by what she’s seeing and hearing to take any action—which meant it was up to the thestral to break him out of this fit of whimsey.

‘Fine by me; I’ve got a heaping helping of the cure for whimsey that mares have used since the dawn of the equine species. Just got to wait until he’s in range…’

“And here, an interview by Songbird says the same thing!” He was still making laps around the room, so it was only a matter of time until he passed her. “And here’s where Fancy made his biggest blunder! He—”

‘NOW!’

Just as he was about to rush past her, Pike leaped into the air and put herself directly in his path.

Which caused him to run face-first into her tuft.

“MMMMF!” As he did, she wrapped her hooves around his head, ensuring they were locked in place. He stumbled confusedly for a brief moment before he came to a stop and visibly started relaxing. It was a sight that made her breathe a small sigh of relief.

‘Ahhh, the classic remedy of putting your stallion’s face into your tuft; it never fails. Especially on Anon!’

As she felt his breathing return to a much more relaxed rate, Pike decided to let go of his head and return to the ground—which allowed her to see her hoofiwork. Gone was the expression of maniacal whimsey, and in its place was naught but a dopey smile.

“Heehee, fuzzy...” he, almost drunkenly, slurred.

Cut approached, awestruck, and waved a hoof in front of his face. He didn’t even flinch. “Woah!”

Pike couldn’t help herself, and beat her chest a little in pride. “A combination of how fast he was breathing, his weakness to scents, and the naturally calming smell of a mare’s tuft! Works every time.”

As a testament to his willpower, and due to the relatively brief exposure, Anon was already starting to come out of it. Blinking blearily, his eyes eventually focused on Pike. “Wha- hey! You did the tuft thing to me again!”

Reaching up, Pike was able to extend a hoof just high enough to affectionately pat him on his withers. “You were in the throes of a fit of whimsey, Anon. It had to be done.”

He rolled his eyes, but he was smiling as he did. “You mares and that stupid word.”

“Anon?” asked Cut from his side, “You should probably sit down. One of the side effects of whimsey fits can be some pretty extreme dizziness.”

‘Well, well! Look at Cut, busting out the medical knowledge.’

Pike looked over at her. “Where’d you learn that?”

To which she blushed. “W-well there was the one manga I really liked that took place in a hospital—”

Anon cleared his throat, cutting her off. “I am going to sit down, not because I think any of what either of you said is true, but because all that running tired me out.”

Pike and Cut both chuckled at that. Anon, meanwhile, sighed as he took a seat on the bed. “Sorry about that gals, I guess I just got way too into it.”

“But why?” Pike asked as she hopped up next to him. “This is the most I’ve ever seen you get into an article, and it's a gossip piece.”

He idly tapped his hooves together as Cut took a seat on the other side of him. “I figured that if I found out what Fancy Pants did wrong, I could avoid it. You know?”

Cut suddenly looked like a light bulb just went off in her head. “Is that what the ‘my two mares whom I love equally’ thing was about?”

Anon winced at the question. “You make it sound like that was weird. Was it weird?”

“Yes,” Pike and Cut answered together.

“...Oh.” Suddenly, some of that earlier mania returned. “But that was Fancy’s problem! He wasn’t explicit enough!”

Pike and Cut both look around the string covered room, before the earth pony spoke up. “I-I thought it was a distance problem?”

That, thankfully, took the wind right back out of his sails again. “W-well that was part of it, but I’m serious! It can all be traced back to that first interview!”

Pike shook her head. “It sounds like that had a lot more problems than that, Anon.”

Even so, he didn’t seem keen on letting it go, and gestured to the room with his hooves as if that’d make the point. “It's all a snowball effect and-!” He held his hoof up for a moment more, taking in the web of conspiracy around him, before letting both his hoof and his head fall. “-and you gals are right.”

Now it was all starting to come together. Hoping to be of some comfort, Pike draped a hoof over his back and pulled herself close. “Still anxious about herds?”

He nodded his head as he grabbed Cut and pulled her close to him as well. “Still anxious about herds.”

Cut, clearly worried by this, leaned into him. “Is there anything I can do?”

“No, Cut,” he said while giving her an affectionate nuzzle, “you’ve been perfect.” Leaning back around, he did the same for Pike. “You’ve both been perfect.”

Quickly shooting Cut a look, Pike confirmed she was feeling exactly as she was.

‘This is a perfect hug moment.’

Exploiting the fact the two were on either side of him, the mares synchronized their motions to wrap him in the near-illegal double-sided hug. Which, as it often did (which was why it was nearly illegal) almost squeezed the life out of him.

”Ooof.” He still smiled, though. “Thanks, gals.”

Pike had a good idea for a great statement to cap off the hug, but Cut looked like she wanted to say something, so the thestral let her. “Un... aw jeez. Ahem. U-Unlike that herd was, we’re in this together! So, uh don’t just bottle the feeling up and let yourself be anxious. I-I know how that turns out...”

‘Not bad, she could use some work on the delivery, but her heart was in the right place.’

Pike nodded in agreement. “Well said, Cut! Remember, you can always talk to us about these things, Anon. And please don’t stress about these things so much in the first place.”

She couldn’t tell if the breath he let out was relief, or the last bit of air leaving his lungs, so she let go, which prompted Cut to follow shortly after. Considering the size of the breath he took after they’d let him go, it may have been the latter.

”I will,” he said solemnly, “but that’s just something I need to work on, I guess.” He awkwardly rubbed his foreleg. “It still feels a little like cheating...”

Empirically, Pike understood why he felt that way, but that didn’t mean she was going to stand for it! His eyes crossed as she booped him straight on. “Unless you’ve got a secret second herd hiding behind all that string on the walls, it's not.”

The joke made him chuckle, and before long, those chuckles turned into a full laugh, that Pike and Cut both joined in.

Pike turned around to face Cut N. Paste with a gravely serious look. “Alright Cut, what I show you here does not leave this room.” After helping Anon clean up the bedroom, she’d pulled Cut aside to the bathroom to show her something of ‘great importance.’ “Nopony can know. Not even your own mother, got it?”

‘Wowee, whatever this is must be really important!’

Cut couldn’t help but smile in excitement. “You can count on me!”

Pike smiled in turn, and pointed to her tuft. “You see this, then?”

‘Her... tuft? How could I not see it? It's so big! And voluminous! And soft-looking…’

‘Okaaaay, not following that train of thought!’

Pike continued. “There’s a secret to it.”

‘Wait... there is!?’

“Is there a tuft enhancer that actually works!?” Cut shouted.

That made Pike’s face fall a tick. “Well, no. But I do have a secret thestral technique that makes what you got pop just a little bit more!”

Cut glumly gazed down at her own tuft, so small Acrylic didn’t even trim it. “Do you think it’ll actually help?” she asked as she dejectedly ran a hoof through it.

Pike reached under the sink and pulled out several vials of oil and a specialty comb. “I think it won’t hurt to try.”

Anonymous was quite relieved to find that the pot hadn’t boiled over while he was occupied in the other room. The ravioli were in it now, and he was hard at work making some sauce.

‘Let’s see, what goes in pesto. Uuuuuh, is it rosemary? Yeah I think it's rosemary.’

“Ahem, hey Anon.” came a voice to his left. It was unmistakably Cut’s, but it sounded like she was trying to sound more... husky?

“What’s up?” He asked as he turned his head away from the pot.

She stepped over to him. “Notice anything... different?”

‘Uhhhhh.’

Looking her over, he kinda didn’t. Well, nothing that didn’t already look different when she got home, at least.

‘Wait, there is something different—her chest!’

What was normally flat as a board now had the barest hint of volume to its fluff.

“I like what you did with your tuft, it looks cute.”

Cut looked like she was about to explode.

“WoooaaaaaaaaaaAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

‘Jesus, she actually jumped in the air with glee! ‘

‘Got some pretty good air, too.’

She immediately landed into a dance, which continued long after Pike left the bedroom and joined him in the kitchen.

“How’d you do it?” Anon asked her.

Pike chuckled as she floated up on her wings to survey the pot. “Not telling~!” Her smug expression suddenly turned to surprise. “Wha- why’d you put rosemary in this but not basil?! This is a pesto, right?”

‘Aw, rats! I knew I was forgetting something.’