The Long And Short Of It

Sitting across from Cut N. Paste was her first opponent in tonight’s games: Monopoly Money. The wiry mare was cockily eyeing her up, although Cut wasn’t sure where the mare's confidence was coming from. Was she actually good at Cyber? Or did she peg Cut as somepony who’d be easy to drive off through vitriol alone? She supposed she’d have to wait and see.

The ambient noise of the room had quieted considerably, with a set of judges stopping by each table to facilitate a coin toss to decide who goes first. Eventually, one stopped by Cut’s table.

“Alright. You, in the outfit. Heads or tails?”

Monopoly Money smiled with a strangely smug confidence.

‘Why does she look like that over a coin toss?’

“Heads,” Cut’s foe replied.

‘Dang, that’s what I would have picked!’

Wordlessly, the judge telekinetically flipped the coin she’d brought. Cut watched it with bated breath as it tumbled through the air before landing right in front of her.

‘Heads, buck.’

Monopoly’s confident smirk widened. “Heh, looks like I’m first!”

As Cut took a look down at her hoof, she figured she’d be fine. In her hoof was a construct, a program—which Anon said were called ‘sorceries’ in his game—, two regular factories, and a special factory; she had every type of card she needed.

Cut was drawn out of her musings as Monopoly made her move. “I play a single black factory, and end my turn.”

Confused, Cut looked up from her hoof to see she'd done exactly as she'd said. One plain old factory; nothing special. That was rather unexpected. She’d figured Monopoly would summon a construct, at least. Oh well, her loss, Cut supposed.

“In that case, I’ll summon a basic blue factory as well...” Which would give Cut exactly enough production to summon the construct in her hoof! “...and I’ll tap it to summon, Salacious Combat Diver!” She’d never admit it, but that was one of her favorite cards. Sure, it was just a basic two attack, one defense construct, but it only cost one production!

‘And the art is pretty great…‘

‘F-From a purely aesthetic viewpoint! Sure, s-some less than savory mares might only like it because they think an amazonian shark colt in a banana hammock is incredibly hot... b-but I’m above such baser impulses!’

Monopoly scoffed. “Well well, what an incredibly mundane choice! Too bad you can’t attack with constructs you summoned this turn.”

‘Is this some new kind of flame? ’Condescendingly explain rules your opponent already knows’? Seems kinda weird, but hey, might as well give it a shot.’

“Y-Yeah, lucky you! S-since you don’t have a construct to block or... anything.”

‘Okay, that sucked. I’m not trying that again.’

The mare annoyingly chuckled at Cut’s fumble, and drew a card from her deck. “Oh! Would you look at that.” Looking up from her card, Monopoly smirked at Cut. “You know what? You seem like you’re in a tough spot, so I’ll do you a favor.” As she spoke, she put down the rest of her hoof. “I’m going to give you a little hint as to how I’ll beat you. I’ll start by playing THIS!”

With all the flair of a mare who thought her battle was already won, Monopoly placed the card before her—and Cut nearly fell out of her seat. Before her lay a card she’d never believed she’d ever see. Printed on it was what was known as a ‘car’ in the world of Cyber, and it had the straightforward effect of adding four production to one’s production pool. On the surface, it wouldn’t look like anything special to a pony who wasn’t in the know.

But Cut knew.

Oh, she knew, alright. KNEW THAT IT COSTS OVER A THOUSAND BITS!

“THE BLACK LOTUS!?”

Monopoly just laughed. “Oh don’t look so surprised. This deck’s got dozens of them!”

‘What.’

“Heck, I’ve got so many of them that I could line one of the wheels on this ‘car!’”

‘WHAT!?’

In her shock, Cut was leaning so far back in her chair that she was practically making a 125 degree angle with the table!

‘How is that possible? How much money did she spend!?’

Monopoly was practically leering from her side of the table. “I only need five, or maybe six of them to take you out though. Better hope you get those constructs out fast!”

‘Okay. Okay, Cut, this isn’t terrible. Sure, this mare just admitted to blowing thousands of bits to build this Cyber deck, but she also admitted you’ll win if you can kill her faster than she can get those out. And this is an aggro deck; killing is what it's good at.’

“Oh, and I’ll tap it to summon a Corporate Death Stooge,” Monopoly added, almost as an afterthought.

‘Okay, that’s a simple 1/2 construct. She’ll probably use it to block my attack this turn, but at least my combat diver’s two attack means the stooge will die despite it’s two defense. Now to just draw my next card…’

‘Yes! A submariner!’

The card cost three production, but if Cut played that special factory this turn, she’d have enough to summon him. “Then I’ll start my turn playing Offshore Oil Rig, giving me two more blue production!” Placing the card next to the factory she’d already put down, Cut readied to summon her construct.

Monopoly glared at the table. “Hm, another cheap card. I see you spent all your money on that hooker.”

Cut stopped dead in her tracks, her move forgotten. “What did you just say?”

Her opponent laughed callously. “Oh come on. You really think you’re the first one to try that? Every mare here has tried her hoof at the old, ‘hire a whorse to pretend it's your coltfriend’ routine.”

Slamming her hoof—both of cards and her appendage—onto the table, Cut shouted back at her. “AS IF! ANON IS MUCH TOO CLASSY A STALLION FOR THAT!” White hot anger was surging through her veins!

‘How dare she compare my KING to a whorse!?’

If looks could kill, the look Cut was beaming right into her face would’ve vaporized her. And yet, the flankhole had the audacity to smirk back at her. “Though, props for also getting a mare to pretend to be your alpha! That's original.”

‘Ooh this mare is going to GET IT!’

“Most mares would be too proud to do something like that. Then again... you don’t seem to have much to be proud about, do you?”

As Monopoly shifted the verbal target towards Cut, she could feel the flames of her indignation start to fade.

‘No! Remember what she said about Anon and Pike, forget what she says about you! You’ve got to... you’ve got to finish your turn!’

“O-Oh yeah? Well you won’t be so smug you uh, idiot, after I summon th—”

“After you summon? Did you forget who’s turn it was?” Monopoly jeered, cocking an eyebrow as she interrupted her.

‘Huh?’

All of Cut’s prior feelings were washed away in a flood of confusion.

‘Is she really trying to pull something that basic? It's obviously still my tur—’

‘...Oh no.’

Cut’s eyes widened with horror as they fell on Monopoly’s side of the table.

‘When did she put a second Black Lotus out!?’

“When you put your hoof on the table I took that as you ending your turn,” she said with a condescending shrug. “You didn’t even flinch when I drew and played my next Black Lotus.” She briefly glanced at her cards. “But I suppose I’m done with my turn now anyway. You can go.”

‘She’s not even going to use those lotuses to summon a construct!? She’s mocking me!’

‘...in more ways than one.’

As that realization hit home, Cut thought that, for the briefest of moments, she could actually see two counters: the kind they sometimes used in card game mangas. Except these weren’t there to show her life points; instead, they said 'mental points.' And hers had just gone from twenty out of twenty, to fifteen out of twenty.

‘Buck, is this really my mind’s best way of coping with this? Inventing fake card game mechanics just to keep track of my failing resolve?’

It certainly looked like it, as Cut’s internal despair made it tick down another point.

‘Great.’

Shaking her head, Cut made her next play. “I’ll uh, put down a basic green factory.”

‘Come on Cut, you’ve got to gain back some traction.’

‘What would Pike say? ’Luna’s sake, you actually spent money on this crap?’’

‘No, that wouldn’t work, I’ve spent way too much money on this too.’

‘Maybe Anon? ’Bitch, your fuckin’ face is ugly as hell!’’

‘Mmm. Well, might as well try it.’

‘Wait, what are you saying, Cut? You’re (probably) the best Cyber player in this room! This is your domain! You ought to let her have it!’

With her fire rekindled, Cut made her play. “And now I’m going to summon Submariner! That way next turn he can hit you in your s-stupid ugly face!”

‘Yeah! YEAH!’

“Woo, go Cut!” she heard Anon shout from the sidelines.

‘Oh yeah, oh yeah! There’s no way she’s not reeling after that one!’

Grinning triumphantly, she slid her salacious combat diver forward to denote an attack. “Now Salacious Combat Diver! Go forth!” Grinning like a madmare, Cut turned her expectant gaze toward the face of her opponent, who would surely bear a crushed expression of defeat!

...Only to have her hopes dashed by the mare’s thoroughly unimpressed look. “That’s what? Two damage? Yeah I’ll just take that.”

‘She... she’s not even going to bother blocking it? Does she think she’s that far ahead?’

‘Is she that far ahead?’

“Is that all for your turn?” Monopoly asked condescendingly.

Cut cast a desperate look toward her cards, hoping for something, but the only thing she could play was that Program, which wouldn’t do her any good at the moment. Trying to keep her voice strong, she answered. “Yeah...”

‘Celestia damn it, that wasn’t strong at all.’

Drawing a card from her deck, Monopoly smiled as she placed it in front of her.

‘Another Black Lotus!? Arrrrg!’

“You might be right about my face, but with enough cash, any stallion is more than happy to look past it.” Cut had obviously lost any sort of insult momentum she’d had, and judging by the vicious smirk she wore, Monopoly intended to take full advantage of that. “But I don’t know a single stallion who’d actually be able to stomach teats like that, even with my kind of money.”

‘Ouch, right in the foalhood insecurity.’

Almost unconsciously, Cut felt her posture sag while her tail attempted to press itself as close to her butt as possible in order to obscure her teats. It was something that worked quite well, if she was standing.

“I mean, look at them! They’re huge!”

‘Oh, this is bad.’

Nocturnal Pike and Anon had decided to wait before intervening, in order to give Cut a chance to stand on her own four hooves. But listening to her flounder in the face of adversity had Pike deeply reconsidering her whole approach.

Anon, of course, echoed her own thoughts. “We gotta do something, stat!”

Pike grimaced. “Agreed.”

Her mind was reeling, trying to come up with something that could turn the tide. As fun as it would be, she couldn’t just run up and start insulting the mare herself. That’d only make Cut look weak, and put an even bigger target on her back for the rest of the tournament. But she couldn’t just sit idly by…

“They’re completely repulsive!” shouted Cut’s foe.

She really seemed to be digging into Cut over her teats right then, which was expected. Cut was withstanding the blows, but Pike could tell by her slowly drooping posture that it was really getting to her.

‘Hmmm, how can I turn that around?’

Turning her eyes back to Anon, Pike noticed he had a smile slowly creeping up his muzzle. “You come up with something?”

His smile grew. “Oh yeah. Oh-ho-ho yeah!”

Cut N. Paste once again saw her mental life counter before her eyes, and she was watching in horror as it rapidly approached zero.

‘I don’t think I can do this.’

The things Monopoly Money was saying was filling her head with doubt. “Be honest, how much cow is in your family?”

She didn’t even have it in her to protest anymore.

‘Maybe I should just go, and get it over with.’

Cut didn’t want to listen to Monopoly anymore, lest she start believing the things that she was saying were true. That Anon didn’t actually think she was attractive. That he was just being nice to her.

‘It would make more sense though…’

Suddenly, the miasma consuming Cut’s mind was interrupted by a weight on her withers.

It was Anon! He’d leaned himself over the back of her chair — almost like he was mounting her...

‘How l-lewd.’

Leaning his head down next to her ear, he put on an expression that could only be described as obscenely sultry.

Monopoly could only stare in surprise. “Hey, what are you—”

“Cut,” he cut her off, “If you beat this bitch to the curb, when we get home I’ll suck your titties ‘till milk comes out.”

‘Uhhhhhh.’

‘Uh uh uh uh!’

‘Cut is not home right now, please come back later!’

“Eeeeuugh! That’s disgusting!” shouted her opponent. “What the buck is wrong with you!? Why would you say that?!”

Cut knew in her heart that she was right; what Anon said was, strictly speaking, revolting. But something about a stallion saying something so vulgar, so crass, and about her no less, turned Cut’s face bright red.

“What?” Anon retorted, “Never had a stallion approach you for sex before?”

Her face turned a little red too, whether out of anger or shame, Cut couldn’t tell. “No! Stallions don’t do that!”

Anon smirked. “Maybe not to you.”

Just then, Cut saw it. A crack in Monopoly’s defense, as her mental health points dropped to seventeen. She started stammering, “Well, I uh,” before abruptly shouting, “COACHING! MY OPPONENT IS BEING COACHED!”

‘Uh oh!’

That brought Cut back to reality real quick! Coaching was a serious offense, and ponies regularly got ejected from tournaments for it. Even though this tournament was notorious for ignoring rules of conduct, she couldn’t be sure if maybe—

“IGNORED,” came a booming voice from across the room.

All three of them turned their heads to the source: a pony wearing a very fancy hooded cloak with glowing golden eyes.

“Grandmaster?” Monopoly Money asked with a mixture of awe and fear.

“Hey, thanks!” Anon shouted back with a grin. Turning back to Cut, he quickly gave her a peck on the cheek. “We’re rooting for you, babe.” And just like that, he returned to the sidelines with Pike.

‘Phew, talk about dropping in in the nick of time!’

No longer in the spiral of negative thoughts her opponent had shoved her into, Cut felt much more clear headed. She could practically see her mental health points filling back up to twenty!

“It's just an act,” Cut heard Monopoly whisper bitterly under her breath as her mental points dropped a few digits lower to fifteen.

Which gave her an amazing idea!

It seemed that Monopoly claiming that it was “obvious” Anon was hired was just as much a case of her trying to cope as it was an insult. But now, it was much harder to deny what Cut already knew: Anon and Pike DID care about her! And seeing how that little display of affection had already impacted her opponent, Cut knew just what to do! She didn’t need to drum up insults to insult her, she just needed to do what she did to the mare at the front counter: tell the truth. So, with a genuine smile on her face, Cut unleashed her inner dreamy schoolfilly.

“Isn’t he so sweet?” she asked without a hint of mocking or sarcasm. “He fusses over me so much sometimes.”

Monopoly actually growled in anger. “You’re full of it! Did you really th—”

Pressing the advantage, Cut cut her off. “He even insisted I start using this new shampoo. It's a little fruity smelling for my taste, but he just gushed about how great it’d make me smell.”

Cut caught the moment her nostrils flared ever so slightly as she subconsciously took in the scent. Something that made Monopoly grimace. “He’s messing with you. You smell like a stallion now,” she bitterly retorted.

Cut was practically bursting at the seams with smug satisfaction. “Hey, not just ‘a’ stallion! He smells like it too! After all...” She leaned in over the table, getting into her face. “...I-I get to lather him up in it, every night.” Cut’s voice wavered a bit as she pictured herself lathering him up in suds and rubbing them all over his toned flanks...

Okay sure, that’s not the truth; she hadn’t actually done that yet. But it’s not like Monopoly would know that!

Which, indeed, seemed to be the case, judging by the growing expression of shock on her face. Whipping her head towards Anon she shouted, “Hey! You! Get over here and let me smell you!”

Cut didn’t even need to look at Anon to visualize the disgust on his face as she heard him scoff. “Ew, what the fuck? Fuck no!”

Cut could see the desperation in Monopoly's eyes as she went for her bit bag. “I-I’ll pay you! I just need to know if she’s lying!”

He gagged loudly. “I’ll pass.”

His denial seemed to shatter her resolve. The simple fact that some stallions wouldn’t do anything for money seemingly shook her to her core. Cut could practically see her mental points dropping down to ten!

Seeing as she was distracted, Cut took the opportunity to take in the table with a clearer head. It seemed while she was beating her down, Monopoly managed to get another Black Lotus out, which made four. Less than ideal, but Cut could work with that. Especially since she’d managed to summon a second submariner; only one more and she could sacrifice the three of them to pull the Submarine out of her deck and play it. Monopoly had been cockily letting Cut’s constructs live every turn—something that was going to bite her hard, soon. Especially since it was Cut’s turn, and she’d just drawn another submariner!

“Well, if you’re done, I’ll just tap three production and summon another submariner.”

As Cut put the card on the table, she couldn’t help but admire the art on that one too.

‘F-For purely aesthetic reasons of course!’

She could really see every curve of the depicted stallion in his skin-tight wetsuit. The outline of all his finely honed muscles…

‘I-It must have taken quite an artist to paint!’

Looking up from the table, Cut saw Monopoly was glowering at her, teeth gritted in anger. “Don’t think I don’t know what you’re trying. Go ahead. It won’t save you from my deck!”

Cut’s eyes widened a bit in surprise. Did that mean she’d given up on attacking her personally, and was only going to attack her deck?

‘Ahahaha, well she’s in for a rude awakening, then!’

Cut smiled. “Well, if you insist!” Moving the three submariners to exile, she paged through her deck until she found the card she was looking for: The Nuclear Submarine! With eight attack, eight defense, and its special ability ‘Mmmm, Bombs!’ this card was a real powerhouse! And in-lore, staffed exclusively by stallions in skin-tight suits!

‘How lewd…’

Unfortunately, this wasn’t a construct she could attack with after she’d just summoned it, so Cut would have to wait until the next turn. “And I’ll attack with my Salacious Combat Diver!”

Monopoly grumbled, simply taking the damage.

‘Yes!’

Although she was still not on track to kill her before she got her lotuses out.

‘Buck.’

Luckily, a new avenue of victory had just opened up to Cut: psychological victory.

“You done?” Monopoly practically spat. Seeing as she actually couldn’t do anything else, Cut nodded affirmatively. Monopoly wasted no time drawing her next card—the sight of which made her curse under her breath.

‘Yes! Must not be a lotus. Okay, maybe I can beat her in the game after all!’

Monopoly’s eyes narrowed. “I’ll tap one of my lotuses to play ‘Database Search’.”

‘Rats!’

That was a program that let her take three cards off the top of her deck and add one of them to her hoof, while the other two were discarded. And judging by the sheer frequency she’d been drawing lotuses, Cut would bet there’d be at least one among those three cards.

‘Hmmm, maybe I ought to use the program in my hoof.’

It was an ‘instant,’ which meant she could potentially play it, even though it wasn’t her turn. Disruptive Virus: it immediately canceled out any program being played. That would stop Monopoly right there, and potentially buy Cut another turn to hit her. But, something was telling her to wait. Something deeper than her instincts.

‘Is this what Silken called ‘the heart of the cards?’’

Sure, playing it right now would be the safe option, but... BUT! Cut was feeling a little bold. Confident, even! So she decided to hold on to it for the moment. Looking up from the card, it seemed that while she was thinking, Monopoly was able to get another Black Lotus out.

‘Hm, expected. Disappointing, but expected.’

“You’re running out of time, Paste,” Monopoly sneered. “One more and this game is over.”

‘Hmm, she’s right. I need to step up my game. Come on, play it cool.’

Dredging up all the nonchalance she could, Cut spoke. “Y-Yeah, and?”

‘Come on, buy iiiiiiiit...!’

Her heart soared as Monopoly Money sputtered. “What do you mean ‘and’!?”

‘Yes, score!’

“I mean, what’s it matter if I lose?” This was, of course, a lie. Cut wanted to win. She really, REALLY wanted to win. However, it was obvious Monopoly wanted to win too. So what better way to get under her skin than to act like winning didn’t even matter? “It’ll just free up my evening. Let my herd and I get to b-bed faster.”

The mare across from her looked utterly stupefied. “What? Weren’t you listening to your own coltfriend!? He said he’d only buck you if you won!”

‘...’

It started as a simple snicker. But before she knew it, Cut had burst into genuine hysterics. “Oh hahahaha! You think... ehehe, you actually think...!”

‘Oh Celestia, I’m in tears!’

If this kept up, she was going to fall right out of her chair!

“What’s so funny!?” her opponent shouted.

‘This is too much!’

Cut nearly dropped her cards as the spasms of laughter wracked her body. “Hahaha! Oh hooo. Oh you do not know Anon.”

“But I know stallions!” Monopoly cried. “They’ll take any chance they can get to not put out!”

Nocturnal Pike was nearly on the floor. Cut had been put in a similar state, and the combined sounds of their laughter had nearly drowned out every other sound in the room.

“Oh come on,” Anon said while looking mildly miffed, “Am I really that horny?”

‘Oh Luna, don’t say it, don’t say it!’

‘Wait, Anon’s not a natural unicorn, he won’t mind!’

Choking back a giggle, Pike quipped, “I don’t know, Anon, maybe you should check your forehead!”

He was confused for a moment, reaching up a hoof to check his forehead. A hoof which, predictably, bumped into his horn. “Pfffft hahaha! Okay, that was pretty good.”

‘Yes! Lick my clit, equestrian resources! Horn jokes do NOT make unicorns feel "excluded!"’

Pike let herself have another short laugh, before she answered his question for real. “But honestly, you are inequinely horny. For a stallion, at least.” Reaching up, she gave his shoulder a little bop with her hoof. “You would've been an animal during heat season.”

Anon snorted. “Ha! I wouldn’t know. Luna insisted I spend it in the highest room of the tallest tower in order to ‘preserve my innocence,’ or whatever. Weirdo.”

‘Tsk tsk tsk, how ungrateful! And such disrespect to boot!’

Anon had no idea what horrible fate he was spared thanks to Princess Luna’s stalwart devotion to chivalry! And Princess Luna, likewise, had no idea how many guards she probably kept off of maternity leave. Stars, what a logistical nightmare that would have been. It might even have been bad enough to convince the Princesses to finally repeal that dumb policy.

Actually, speaking of royals, that reminded her of something. That white pony who called out earlier, Pike noticed they seemed particularly interested in Anon. They didn’t take their eyes off him for quite awhile, even after Anon left Cut’s side. It made Pike think their interest in him went a touch beyond preserving the rules. And, turning her head towards them, Pike could see that they were already back to looking Anon’s way. She did not like that.

Anon continued on. “Although, I guess I can’t complain too much. You ever been up there? That ‘room’ is like an entire house. It's got a library, a hot tub, and— ”

Poking him in the shin to cut him off, Pike pointed a hoof toward the mysterious pony. “Hey, check the dude in the cloak.”

Following her hoof, Anon saw that pony, still brazenly watching him.

‘Holy Luna, they’re not even going to look away while Anon’s staring right at them? Bold.’

Anon frowned. “Ugh, weird. Probably just an admirer I gue—” He cut himself off mid-sentence as some realization hit him. “Wait, you said “dude.” You think that’s a stallion over there?”

Pike cocked her eyebrow, surprised that that’s what he had chosen to focus on. “Uh, yeah? Look at that get up. It's so... flamboyant and dramatic. And the way that enchantment made his voice boom? No mare would do that.”

Borderline mocking disbelief was written all over Anon’s face as he gestured across the room with his hoof. “Pike, I want you to take a good look around this room. Then look me in the eyes and say that again.”

Pike rolled her eyes at him, but did as he asked nonetheless.

‘Hmmmm.’

As she looked around, nothing immediately struck her as whatever he wanted her to see. The scene was mostly just what Pike had expected:

‘A buncha’ freakin NERDS!’

The room was packed to the walls with over a dozen mares of every tribe. They were all bickering, shouting, and she thought she had caught a glimpse of one crying! But she didn’t need to see that for herself; Pike could have guessed that. Ironically, it was only when she looked back at Cut’s table that she realized what Anon wanted her to see.

‘It's the mare across from Cut! She’s wearing something just as dumb!’

Realizing exactly what she was missing, Pike looked around the room again, this time with fresh eyes. And at least half of them were dressed in things just as ridiculous! Sure, none as overtly bombastic as the ‘grandmaster’s’ attire, but strange nonetheless.

‘How didn’t I notice this before?’

She supposed... maybe she didn’t want to see it.

After appraising the thestral for a moment, Anon leaned in. “Now, can you really tell me that there’s no way that there’s a mare under that hood?”

She really couldn’t. Furthermore, now that Pike was really thinking about it, Cut would’ve been more than happy to cavort around in something like that.

‘Hm, something to think about I suppose.’

“Yeah, yeah. You’re right,” she conceded.

Grabbing Cut’s bra off his head, he doffed it as he smugly lowered himself in an eye level bow with Pike. “Thank you.”

Straightening himself back out and putting the bra back on his head, he cast a brief look over to the pony in question once more. He seemed to hesitate for a moment, eyes trailing the distance between the hooded pony and themselves. Once he seemed confident that the mystery pony was out of earshot though—they were nearly on the other side of the room, after all—, he spoke.

“Although, assuming that’s their actual coat color, you could still be right. Going off their build at least.”

‘Oh!’ Actually, Pike hadn’t even considered that. But the pony was a white coated unicorn, which in Canterlot almost always meant one thing. “You think that’s a noble over there?”

He shrugged. “I think it’s a definite possibility. Cut was saying that some rich bitch was the one bankrolling the tournament.”

Honestly, the more Pike thought about it, the more plausible it seemed. “They do have that tall, lithe build nobles love so much.” Nudging Anon in the leg, she grinned widely. “You’re still taller though!”

That statement made him snort as a few chuckles escaped him. “Oh God, that just reminded me of this dude who always hung around with Celestia. He kept telling me how I needed to work out less, since...” His voice rose in pitch as he did what Pike believed to be a fairly accurate imitation of Blueblood. “...You look like you could be a common Earth Pony! You’ll never catch the eye of a mare of the court, looking like that!”

The impression nearly made her burst out laughing. She could totally see him saying that! “Well, I’m glad you ignored him!”

Anon affectionately bumped her, mirroring the nudge she’d given him. “Me too. I wasn’t interested in ‘mares of the court’ anyway.” He shuddered a bit. “The one time I actually started talking to one, she almost had an aneurysm because I didn’t recognize any of the names on the pedigree she whipped out.”

‘Ha! Sounds like a noble.’

Just as Pike was about to share her story about the time she’d met up with a duke, a shrill sound caught her ear.

“LIAR!”

‘Oooh, it's coming from Cut’s table, and it's not Cut!’

“Hey, speaking of aneurysms,” Pike nodded towards the table. “Check the mare across from Cut.”

Cut N. Paste couldn’t help but smile; she was undoubtedly winning! “It's true! He came up to me at work and asked me out.”

She beamed as Monopoly visibly recoiled in disgust at the word “work.” “Eugh! You’re a wagie!? Just when I thought my respect for you couldn’t go any lower!” She drew her card a while ago but hadn’t played any yet. It may have been the perfect opportunity for a little turnabout!

Trying to keep her cool, Cut stealthily reached for her own deck. “But how’d you get all those lotuses if you don’t have a job?”

Monopoly sneered, turning up her nose and looking away from her.

‘Perfect, now's my chance!’

“Bah, I wouldn’t understand a wagie like you to understand the NEET lifestyle.”

‘Ha! If only she knew.’

Cut really needed to give Aunt Jargon a big thank you hug for pulling her out of that life the next time she saw her. But right now, she could’ve given this mare a hug for giving her turn away! Sliding the top card off the deck, Cut added it to her hoof.

‘She didn’t even notice!’

“Well, I guess being chief editor of a newspaper is pretty far from a NEET.” Placing down another factory, Cut smiled again. “And by the way, I tap four of my factories to use the nuclear sub’s special move!” It cost almost all of her production, but it was worth it. Five damage straight to Monopoly, and three to the constructs on her field! Unless she had a program to block it, of course.

“WHAT!?” Monopoly shouted, “But it's not your turn!”

‘Oh, what did she say earlier?’

Cut shrugged. “You didn’t even flinch when I drew and played my most recent factory, so I thought you were done with your turn.”

She could see the burning anger in her opponent’s eyes as she stared her down. “Why you little...”

‘Hey! I was just copying her bit. The least she could do is be a good sportsmare about that.’

But suddenly, and very unnervingly, Monopoly’s mood did a complete one-eighty. In an instant, all that anger was suddenly replaced with a smile. A smile that left Cut deeply unsettled. “You know what? I’ll just take it!” Sweeping her hoof across her side of the table, she knocked all the constructs she’d played right off the side. “I don’t need these!”

Surprisingly she did the same to her health counter.

“Hey wait—”

“I don’t need this, either!” As it clattered to the ground, Monopoly slammed her hooves on the table. “Are you done, Paste? Cuz now you’ll be DEAD!”

Cut was... feeling a lot less confident in her victory now. Even if the mare’s erratic behavior implied she was close to breaking.

‘What the heck’s she got in her saddlebags?’

Cut sat in confused silence for a moment. “Uhhh, yeah? I guess I’m done...”

‘Better leave the rest of my constructs to block, who knows what this mare is going to do.’

Not even bothering to reach for her deck, Monopoly slammed a card down onto the table. “Then I play this! My sixth and final black lotus!” With all the flare of a madmare, she proceeded to spike all the rest of the cards in her hoof onto the ground. Well, all except for the one she just slammed onto the table.

“Which lets me play this! Blot out the sky!” Tapping all of her black lotuses, she let out an unhinged laugh. “Those six lotuses are worth twenty production, Paste! You know what that means!? This program gives me twenty 2/1 constructs, with flying, and everything on your side of the board DIES!”

‘WHAT!?’

Any worries Cut had were immediately washed away with white hot anger.

‘Who’s this mare trying to fool?!’

“Give me that!” Cut snatched the card off Monopoly's side of the table. She’d used this card before herself, and that was NOT what it did. The summoning part was right, but it didn’t kill all of her constructs too! “Where do you get off pulling such a blatant— ...lie?”

Cut felt a pit form in her stomach. She knew she’d played with this card before. She knew how it worked. So why did it say exactly what Monopoly just said!?

“You’re probably thinking of the version that isn’t a misprint,” Monopoly said, her voice oozing with satisfaction. Plucking the card away from Cut’s face, she laid it back down on her side of the table. “The one that says ‘destroy all non-factory, non-constructs’?”

‘That’s the one. Wow, I’ve never even heard of this misprint.’

‘Hold on, there’s no way this mare bought these on a NEET allowance! Her parents must be more loaded than mine!’

“Any last words before I send you home with your ‘coltfriend’, PASTE!?”

‘Wait, manure! This last push might actually wipe me out!’

Twenty 2/1 constructs was more than enough to kill her in a single turn. Especially if she didn’t have any constructs of her own that could also fly, and therefore block.

‘Buck buck BUCK!’

‘Well, Cut, it was a good run. But apparently even Cyber is pay to win.’

‘This blows. If only I had something that could cancel her program! Like Disruptive Virus or something…’

‘Wait a second.’

‘I have that card!’

“In that case,” Cut said so casually that she even surprised herself, “I’ll tap the last of my production to play ‘Disruptive Virus’. So that goes straight to your junkyard.”

‘Thank you, heart of the cards!’

The mare across from Cut froze shock-still. “Huh?”

Placing it in front of her, Cut tapped it for emphasis. “You know, the card that cancels any program that’s being played, sending it to your junkyard?”

Monopoly continued to remain perfectly still, her face frozen in the triumph she thought she’d had.

“Oh.”

Without warning, the limb she was putting her weight on gave out. Before Cut could even flinch, Monopoly fell toward the ground, her head impacting the table along the way with a loud BANG!

“SWEET CELESTIA!” Cut cried.

“Oh shit!” she heard Anon shout.

Eventually Monopoly landed in a crumpled heap on the carpet, motionless.

“Clear the way!” Cut heard Pike shout moments before she zipped past her. Watching her go, Cut saw her leap right over the table before landing at Monopoly Money’s side. The mare’s eyes were white and unfocused, and Cut thought she spied a little foam leaking from her mouth! Meanwhile, Pike was a flurry of motion as she wasted no time getting to work. Her hooves were all over the still mare, presumably checking her vitals. After rapidly poking and prodding her for a few moments, Pike shouted to the room. “MARE DOWN!”

But no sooner had the words left her mouth than two mares and a stretcher were by Monopoly’s side. Without a word, the mares roughly rolled poor Monopoly onto the stretcher.

“Hey, you shouldn’t—” The two didn’t even acknowledge Pike as they lifted the stretcher and trotted off with Monopoly Money supported between them.

Cut sat there for a few moments in silence as she watched them go, unsure of what to think. She guessed the mare’s entire strategy was building up to that card, and without it, she just fell apart.

Almost literally.

Thankfully the sound of approaching hoofsteps snapped Cut out of her stupor. It was Anon, coming to join Cut and Pike at the table.

“Welp, uhhhh, looks like you kicked her butt!” he said awkwardly.

“Indeed!” The sudden fourth voice made all three of them jump a little. Whipping her head towards the source of it, Cut recognized her as one of the mares who arbitrated the coin toss at the very beginning of the game. She apparently approached them from the other side while Cut was focusing on Anon. “Congratulations, Fattest Teats in Canterlot! You’re going to advance to the next round!”

“Th-Thanks...”

Anon cleared his throat to get the mare’s attention. “Hey, is that Monopoly mare gonna be okay?”

The judge dismissively rolled her eyes. “Of course you’d ask that. This is a mare’s game, colt, that kind of thing happens all the time.”

Both Pike and Anon raised one of their eyebrows and looked at Cut for a second opinion. One which she gladly gave!

“No it doesn’t,” she mouthed.

The judge either didn’t notice or didn’t care and continued. ”You should fuss over your fillyfriend instead. It's only going to get harder for her from here on out.” Without waiting for any kind of acknowledgement from Cut or Anon, the mare started walking away. “Take a break, your next game is in fifteen!”