The Long And Short Of It

“The game will be a 40 card draft,” Blueblood declared.

“Woah! Is this the new expansion!?” Cut gleefully questioned, sounding rather awestruck. “It doesn’t even come out for a few more months!”

“Yes, and I wouldn’t hold your breath for it,” Blueblood replied, wearing a slight frown. “I’m not a fan.”

Nocturnal Pike, meanwhile, was completely lost. Just when she thought she had a handle on how these nerds operated, they went and completely changed the game on her. Instead of sitting down and pulling out their decks, like they’d done every other time, Blueblood had just pulled out a few sealed packs. They looked like the same kind of little foil packs that game stores kept near the checkout counters.

‘Guess they need to make their decks on the spot or something?’

‘Ah, who knows, and more importantly who cares?’

There was a much more pressing issue on Pike’s mind. That being, how in Equestria was Cut not freaking out!? Prince Blueblood, the most colty colt for probably a thousand miles and Prince of Equestria, had just told her that one of her favorite pastimes was made for colts to play while the mares were out doing the real work! If he’d told Pike that, she’d be freaking out!

‘Stars above, no wonder this whole night has felt so jam-packed with whimsy. This game was designed with whimsy in mind!’

‘...should I stop this? Pull Cut out?’

Pike was feeling more than a little torn. Sure, this tournament seemed to be accomplishing the short-term goal of helping Cut’s confidence, but would it end up damaging the long-term goal of increasing her mareliness? Pike knew what her mom would say, at least. She would’ve slapped the cards out of Cut’s hooves. Heck, she probably would've done that even before Blueblood’s bombshell! But Pike had been trying so hard to coax out that fire she’d seen when she first met Cut, and tonight had been bringing it out in spades!

‘How can that be? Shouldn’t marely things be what brings out her fire? Her confidence?’

It would’ve been one thing if Cut was the only one enjoying herself, but Pike had been having fun, too.

‘So what should I do?’

“Alright,” Cut’s voice cut through Pike’s thoughts. “We take one card and then pass the pack right?”

This was more intense than Cut N. Paste had expected it to be. The Prince must’ve really wanted a test of her skills if he was insisting on a draft game. Nothing showed Cyber mastery like being able to build a winning deck on the spot!

“Yes,” the Prince replied. “On the count of three, we open our packs and get started.”

Looking down at the booster pack in her hooves, Cut felt a little sweat begin to gather on her brow. This expansion wasn’t even on the market yet; she had no idea what to expect when she opened the pack in her hooves. As Blueblood began counting, she steadied her breath.

“One, two, three!”

Without a moment’s hesitation, Cut tore into the booster pack and gazed at the cards within. Her eyes were immediately drawn to a green card with an extremely well-muscled colt on it.

‘Kinda reminds me of Anon…’

Quickly fanning through the rest of the cards, it seemed this set’s theme was “genetic modification” — which meant there were a LOT of hunky, buff stallions.

‘G-Gee, is it hot in here or is it just me?’

Lost in indecision, Cut noticed a stack of cards drifting in from the corner of her eye. It was Blueblood putting his pack next to her. He must have picked his card already.

‘Oooooh, better hurry up, Cut!’

She began rapidly glancing over the cards, and soon realized she’d been so caught up in the art that she’d forgotten to check any of their stats!

‘Aw jeez, and Blueblood’s waiting on me too! Better just pick the card that looks like Anon.’

It was only the first draw of the first pack, if it turned out not to be good, it was no big deal. She could make up for it, easy! Passing the rest of the cards on to Blueblood, she took hold of the stack he passed to her.

‘Hmmm, what to pick…’

“And thus ends the draft!” Blueblood declared, and what he said was true. The Prince and Cut N. Paste had passed their first packs back and forth until not a single card was left, and then did the same for their second packs. Cut had been kind of worried at first, but once she had a feel for the set and a good rhythm going, she felt more confident in her choices. Now the two of them just had to make their decks and the battle could begin.

Blueblood had already started poring over his cards, so there was no reason for Cut not to do the same. Neatly laying her cards out in front of her in several rows, and knowing Blueblood was too honorable to look at them, she began assessing her options.

‘...’

‘Uh oh.’

It seemed in her zen-like state, Cut had unwittingly allowed something a bit more primal in her brain to take over. Because all of her cards seemed to have… really good art. Really, really, REALLY good art.

‘D-did someone turn up the heat?’

“Woah, look, it's me!” came Anon’s voice, prompting Cut to shift her eyes to the right. It seemed that while Cut was taking in her cards, Anon and Pike had come to stand by her side.

“Wow, they are you,” Pike said, grabbing a card off the table and looking it over.

Definitely not embarrassed, and certainly not in a panic, Cut immediately threw her hooves onto the table and sloppily dragged all of her once neatly laid out cards into a big pile. She was definitely not embarrassed by the deck she’d built, no ma’am.

“P-Pretty crazy coincidence, huh?” Cut stammered, chuckling unconvincingly.

“I’m not sure about that,” Anon’s honeyed voice chimed in. “I saw those other cards, babe, and if I didn’t know better, I’d say you have a type.”

The earth pony hunched further over her pile of cards at Anon’s slanderous accusation. “I just uh... I just like the art on these cards is all!”

Pike’s positively devious, fanged grin slid into view. “Oh sis, I am right there with you.” Pike let the card she was holding fall onto the pile, and Cut got an eyeful of exactly what she was talking about. Front and center on the card was nothing less than a wild stallion, perched in a jungle tree and garbed in a combat harness Cut would call nothing short of ‘slutty’.

‘‘Dripping Commando’ indeed…’

“Such good taste!” Pike continued. “Check the fetlocks on him.” At that, she switched her attention to Anon. “You should grow ‘em out like that, hun.”

Despite herself, Cut’s mind immediately leapt into the gutter.

‘Mmm, they are quite unshorn, aren’t they?’

Cut glanced up nervously and caught Anon as he cocked an eyebrow. “Really? Think I’d look good with the shaggy look?”

‘Do not imagine it Cut! Stop fantasizing right now! If you wink on the Prince’s chair you might actually get sent to the dungeon!’

Pike grinned devilishly. “Cut certainly seems to think s—”

“Are you two quite done?” Like the Princess herself coming down from the sky, Blueblood’s voice saved Cut from certain embarrassment. He was a metaphorical bucket of ice water, instantly killing the mood her herdmates had been building. She wouldn’t even call it unjustified; seeing that from the outside was probably extremely uncomfortable. ”You’re delaying our mighty battle!” He declared, gesturing to his own, seemingly completed deck.

“Great,” Cut heard Anon mutter under his breath, “Of course the aryan pony is a fun nazi.”

Looking down to her haphazard stack, Cut considered her options. She could either pick through them to separate a few out, or just play with all of them. Well, seeing as the Prince had already made his deck, she saw no reason to keep him waiting. Sliding her haphazard pile of cards around until it eventually was formed into a deck, Cut took a deep breath.

“Alright, I’m ready.”

For the first time in so long, Prince Blueblood, Cyber Grandmaster was finally being presented with a title match!

A match that hadn’t quite gone like he’d expected it to.

“I summon... a-another Enhanced Mercenary!” That was his opponent’s fifth consecutive construct, representing four out of the five colors, too. It was quite the eclectic style, but he supposed a skilled pony could make a multi-colored deck work. Sure, he’d never actually seen it happen, but Blueblood had wanted this tournament to surprise him.

And if nothing else, her construct choice had certainly surprised him.

She had taken more than one Enhanced Mercenary, but left him all of the Ape Sidekicks? Those cards were practically made to go together! But despite that, he’d ended up with all of them. Not because he’d particularly wanted them, but because she left them in rotation so long he ended up taking them just to take cards. And one of the other constructs on her field paired fantastically with a program she practically let him have!

‘Mmm, maybe springing this never-before-seen expansion on her was a bad idea…’

Cut N. Paste was in deep trouble now. She’d been playing this game far faster and far looser than she would have liked, searching urgently for the synergy in these cards. She knew it had to be there, there was no way she would’ve built a deck just based on cards she thought were ho—based on cards she thought had such good art, that is. For now, it seemed her only available strategy was to vomit out constructs. Which was becoming increasingly hard, considering that she had apparently lacked the mental faculties to at least stick to one color! Or even TWO! She nearly slammed her head into the table in frustration.

‘This freaking deck is all over the place!’

Dimly, she become aware of the fact that Blueblood had just ended his turn. Another great setup for a damage combo, no doubt, while Cut was stuck throwing constructs at him. Reaching out to draw her next card, she sent up a silent prayer that it would be something she could actually use. With bated breath, she turned it face up…

‘Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand it’s another useless, but good looking, construct.’

She played it, of course; no reason not to when she had the production. As she laid the card on the board, however, Blueblood scrunched his face so deeply that Cut couldn’t help but feel like she’d made a horrible mistake. “Ms. Paste,” he began with no small amount of disgust, “did you hornybuild this deck?”

‘Wha—’

‘No I—’

‘I just—’

At that moment, Cut mentally threw up her hooves and sighed. Who was she kidding? It was time to be honest with herself. She’d let her clit do the thinking, and now she’d not only thrown the game, but she was also about to make an absolute flank of herself in front of the Prince, too. THE PRINCE!

‘Oooooh this is terrible! This is the WORST!

‘How could I do this to myself? First he’s gonna call me a creep, then he’s gonna tell EVERY stallion in Canterlot! Everypony knows he’s the biggest gossip on the mountain! Then my reputation will be ruined! No stallion will ever even SPEAK to me! AND—!’

‘...and?’

For once, no external forces interrupted Cut’s doom spiral to bring it to a halt; it simply stopped on its own, hanging on that simple question.

‘And?’

‘So what if he goes and tells every stallion he knows? Even if I didn’t have Anon, this is still Blueblood we’re talking about. Would I really want to talk to a stallion that takes what Blueblood says at face value? Buck no! So for that matter... Why do I even care what he thinks about me, to begin with?’

Prince Blueblood was profoundly disappointed. It seems he’d overestimated his opponent, and by extension, Anonymous’ taste in mares. Her silence in the face of his question all but confirmed his worst fears. To think she’d throw away the tournament by doing something as base as thinking with her clit! THIS is why Cyber was always meant to be a stallion’s game! Dejectedly, he began to wonder if maybe it was time to admit that this fiasco of a tournament was a failure, and go back to bugging the other noblestallions to play.

His attention had already started to wander, so Blueblood only barely caught sight of his opponent putting down her cards. And it seemed she was putting them down... face up? Once again giving the mare his full attention, he found that he hadn’t been seeing things. The cards she once held were lying on the table, face up. This was typically a sign of surrender, but the determined look on her face told him that he might be in for something quite different.

“You’re right, Blueblood,” she said, “I do want to buck these cards.”

Well, that was unexpected. He didn’t think she’d just up and admit to it like that. He supposed he could at least give her credit for owning up to it. “Would you like to do a redra—”

“But that’s okay!”

‘HEY! She can’t cut me off! Doesn’t she know who she’s talking to!?’

But before the stallion could properly get himself fussy over it, she slammed her forehooves on the table, rising to stand in her chair. An act that, coming from an earth pony mare of her size, was more than a little intimidating.

“In fact, I want to buck most of my cards!”

With wild abandon, she threw open the saddlebags she’d set by the chair and pulled out a deck. Whipping it onto the table, the box broke open, scattering the cards all around the left side of the table. The sight of them made Blueblood roll his eyes.

‘Ugh, submariners.’

The earth pony mare continued, impassioned. “Could you imagine how good Anon would look in a skintight wetsuit? How about with unshorn fetlocks spilling out of the cuffs?! Can you even comprehend how hot that’d be!?”

“Not particularly,” Blueblood said, frowning.

“So, yeah,” she continued on, undeterred. “If wanting to buck these stallions drawn to be hot makes me a creep in your eyes, so what? I’ve got a coltfriend! I’ve got a great job! I don’t need the validation of somepony I’ll never see again!”

‘I’ve got a bad feeling about this.’

“But most of all, I...”

‘Oh no, she’s started building up to something!’

“I’m...”

‘Should I run!? Take cover!?’

She was practically trembling on her hooves. “I’M...!”

“Oh Auntie, please protect me!” he whimpered.

“I’M going to attack with the Slutty Commando, and since he has reach that deals an immediate three damage,” she declared. “Then the ability of the Coochie Killing Clone allows me to flash and flicker him which lets him deal another three damage for the cost of one production. Since, technically, two of the same kind unit dealt damage this turn I can activate the Vat Grown Horror Husbando’s genomorph ability which lets me search through my deck and add five constructs of my choice to my hoof.”

‘Wait, what? Hold on here!’

Before Blueblood could even process what her move was, she’d already pulled five more cards out of her deck. “Because this construct is late for work, I can play him even though I’m in attack phase...”

Nocturnal Pike was over the moon. It seemed her lessons had gotten through to her herdmate after all! In one fell swoop, Cut not only shook off a level of embarrassment so bad that most mares would have run for the hills, she’d also completely turned the game around! Pike was worried she’d wuss out there for a bit, but in the end, she owned it like a true trixie.

“Both these soldiers can attack even though I’ve just played them, so that’s another six damage.”

Cut had been going at it for fifteen minutes! Blueblood put up some paltry resistance at first, but now he looked well and truly defeated. It seemed a major part of her strategy was repeatedly bringing her opponent to the edge of defeat, only to heal them back up. Well, either that or Cut happened to be feeling sadistic. Either way, it had long since knocked the resistance out of the poor prince.

“Oh and the lifesteal they’ve got brings my health total up to 79. Next, I’ll—”

“THAT’S IT!” cried Blueblood in desperation, “I SURRENDER! NO MORE!”

Cut looked almost disappointed. “Aw, but I still had to play my Spandex—”

“NO MORE SPANDEX! NO MORE SKIMPY OUTFITS!” He shouted, throwing his cards into the air. “I YIELD!” Rookie was next to him in a moment, and he threw himself onto her, babbling hysterically into her fur about how he never wanted to see lingerie ever again.

Cut, meanwhile, seemed to have been stunned. “Wait, that means... I won?”

“I WON!” Cut shouted, pure elation on her face.

Anonymous, meanwhile, was HYPE! She actually won! His big titted babe actually won!

“Way to go!” he cheered.

Cut immediately turned to Anon, and with a beaming smile on her face... jumped off the fucking chair!

‘OH SHIT!’

Though caught off guard, he quickly braced his hooves for impact and summoned his hands, successfully cushioning her collision with him just enough to not lose his balance. That wasn’t the most surprising thing, however. No, that came when just as he’d felt her impact on his chest, she smoothly threw her forehooves around him and went in for a passionate kiss.

Feeling her lips on his, Anon let out an involuntary grunt of surprise. He didn’t know she had moves like that in her! But of course, he wasn’t complaining.

Nocturnal Pike was starting to feel rather left out. It was fine while Blueblood was still whimpering, but he’d stopped doing that several minutes ago. As things stood, she really wished there was something else in the room to focus on than the sound of Anon and Cut sloppily making out.

‘Maybe I could motorboat his balls while they do it?’

The kiss had gone on for a pretty long time, and had been pretty heavy, it's not like she’d make it that much more obscene. Plus doing that in front of the Prince would make for one heck of a story.

Ah, but alas, just as Pike made up her mind, Cut pulled away. “W-was that too much tongue? I don’t want to gross you out or anything.”

Anon chuckled, using his hands to gently guide her hooves back to solid ground. “No no, it was fine. I was NOT the one grossed out in that situation.”

As if on cue, Pike heard Blueblood noisily clear his throat. The three of them turned towards him just in time to witness Rook ask, “Should we start making out too? You know, to get back at them?”

Blueblood just scoffed, before quietly whining, “not in public!” Taking a moment to compose himself, he turned his attention to Cut. “Well, Miss Paste, I seem to have been utterly defeated. I’d say well done, but I feel like this was a hollow victory.”

‘What!? He has the AUDACITY to say that after she beat him fair and square!? What an absolute dick! I ought to give him a piece of my mind!’

“Yeah, it kind of was.” Any sort of diatribe Pike was about to release was immediately smothered by Cut’s surprising statement. Anon was seemingly as confused as she was, as he looked to her for confirmation on what they’d just heard. All Pike could do was shrug back.

‘Guess it's a pro-gamer thing.’

“Once I got over the shame of playing those cards I realized how completely broken they were,” Cut said. “I mean, did you see some of those ‘genomorph’ abilities? There’s no way half the cards will ever make it into a professional tournament.”

Blueblood, for the first time Pike had ever heard, laughed in a manner that wasn’t condescending. “Ha! Maybe. But I doubt many ponies will bother building the five-color decks that can truly take advantage of it. Oh, speaking of…” Lighting his horn, several small boxes flew out from beside his throne in the back of the room. “These boxes are supposed to be the prizes for the next five months of tournament winners. But, I don’t foresee anypony else winning these and frankly, I never want to look at this expansion ever again.”

His magic abruptly cut out, roughly dropping the boxes on the game table in front of Cut. Now that the three of them could get a better look, Pike realized they were ‘booster boxes.’ Cut popped the closest one open, and it was filled with dozens of those little packs that she’d opened at the start of the match.

‘Holy cow, that’s over two hundred cards she’s being offered!’

Cut managed to surprise her once again though, as the earth pony’s face scrunched up. “Ehhhhh I dunno.”

But Anon, devilish as ever, took the opportunity to lean in and whisper dark temptations into her ear. “Do you think Silken will take those as payment for all those outfits you want me to wear?”

In an instant, Cut’s mind was clearly made up. “I'd be MORE than happy to take these off your hooves!” No sooner has she said it than she’d started trying to greedily shove all the boxes into her saddlebags. Considering the size of the boxes, it didn’t work, for obvious reasons.

Ever the drama king, Blueblood sighed like a great burden has been lifted from his withers. “Then all’s well that ends well.” Hopping off his seat, he deftly threw the disguising cloak back over his body. “Now let’s get out of here,” he said to Rook in the magically altered voice of the ‘grandmaster.’ “As much as I hate to admit it, she gave me some pretty good ideas to do with you tonight.”

Rook just quirked her brow. “Wait really? Like what?”

Now Pike was hearing something else she’d never heard in her life: Blueblood acting sheepish. “Well, I’ve got some fur growth tonics I could use on my fetlocks if you wanted—”

Before he could even finish the thought, Rook tossed him onto her back in a groomal carry, before calling out to her. “AlrightSargeSeeYouSoonWe’veGottoGoBye!”

“Wait wait wait not in front of the tournament goers!” Blueblood futilely cried in doppler as she ran off with him. And just like that, they were gone.

Cut couldn’t care less though: she was still desperately trying to make all of those boxes fit into her saddlebags. Pike could see the seams stretching to their limit as she forced another box in where another box was never meant to go, and the earth pony mare began to sweat nervously. “Come on, come on!”

Anon apparently couldn’t help but shake his head at the scene. “Babe, just give it a rest, we’ll get a bag from the front.”

The three of them were back home now, and Nocturnal Pike would call tonight a major success. Cut was practically floating through the store as the three of them departed, soaking in all the awe thrown her way like a sponge. It seemed to have had a lasting effect on her too. She’d been standing just a little straighter and smiling just a bit brighter.

It truly was a total victory for her, Anon, and for Pike.

Now the three of them were piled on top of each other on the couch, sharing their favorite parts of the night, which they’d doubtless remember for weeks to come. “My favorite was still the first,” said Anon. “I mean, when she collapsed? Priceless.”

“I still can’t believe I beat him!” Cut added, her voice filled with awe. “By luck! Wow, I’ve got to stay far away from Cyber once this expansion drops, it really is awful.”

Seeing Cut like this though, Pike couldn’t help but feel... odd. Tonight had seemingly gone out of its way to force her to recontextualize what she thought of ‘mareliness.’ She’d set out on this journey with the intention of making Cut more confident, and then in the long term, more marely. There was a part of Pike that’d been nagging her all night, saying ‘When are you going to stop stalling and tell Cut that a true marely mare would drop the card game?’

A part that got especially loud once Blueblood broke the news it was originally for colts.

But if Pike looked at the mare for even a second, she could plainly see how tonight’s victory had made her happier, and so much more confident. Cut had found a new way to truly discover her own worth, and to stand on her own hooves—through an undeniably unmarely card game, of all things! How?!

Cut let out a heavy yawn from her pinned-down position between Anon and the back of the couch. “Ooh, sorry to make you two get up, but can we move to bed? I-I’m feeling pretty beat.”

Anon chuckled, and Pike could feel the reverberations against her back as he did. “I can’t imagine why. It's not like you’ve spent most of the night screaming at weirdos or anything.”

The thestral spent a moment more staring off at the ceiling, before finally coming to a decision. “Yeah, I think it's time we all hit the hay.”

Especially since she had something she needed to sleep on, now.

“Speaking of hay,” Anon suddenly said, “I’ve been wondering, do you still use it in your mattresses?”

Pike smirked, unable to even think about resisting. “Why? Do you want a bedtime snack or something?”