The Long And Short Of It

As Cut N. Paste and her herdmates stepped past the curtain leading to the grandmaster, she swallowed heavily, with a heart full of fear.

It was an honest to Celestia throne room.

Whatever the room’s function had been before, it has been totally converted for its new purpose. The lights that were once built into the ceiling had been completely torn out, leaving a row of novelty crystal torches lining the wall as the room’s only source of light. It gave the place a dim, dungeon-like ambiance that would’ve been really cool if not for the fact it belonged to a madmare. The center of the room itself was taken up by a massive game table that Cut was almost positive that no mare in the building could move, even if they worked together. It was thick, wooden, and covered in ornate carvings of unicorns playing cards.

‘How rich is this mare? That thing must have cost a fortune!’

Speaking of mares with fortunes, the grandmaster, no, the Grandmaster herself was seated on a beautiful throne that’d been given its own raised platform. Like the table, it was made of solid wood, inlaid with gold trimming that made a beautiful pattern that reminded Cut of the pattern that was printed along the edges of old Cyber cards.

‘Dang, I wish I had that kind of money!’

“Welcome! Welcome, Cut N. Paste!” the Grandmaster’s voice suddenly rang out. Stepping off her throne, she strutted down the steps to the floor and began approaching the three of them. “I had hoped you’d be the one to take my challenge tonight.” A white hoof suddenly jutted out from under her flowing robe, gesturing to the game table. “I hope you’re prepared. For tonight you shall face a master in the game my ancestors have been dominating since—”

Suddenly, the Grandmaster’s monologue was cut off by the sound of the curtain fluttering open, accompanied by a familiar voice. “Honey? Sorry I’m late, but I picked up some of those cookies you really like as an apology.”

Almost as one, Cut, Pike, and Anon all turned to look at the newcomer. Awkwardly standing halfway through the curtain with a tupperware container on her back was none other than the most recent addition to Pike’s squad, Rook. “Oh! Uh, hi, Sarge! Didn’t expect to see you here.”

Pike stood there in confusion for a moment, before something seemed to click. “Wait a second, if you’re calling this grandmaster ‘honey’ that means...” Her eyes widened to the size of dinner plates before she suddenly whipped around, pointing an accusatory hoof at the cloaked mare. “YOU’RE PRINCE BLUEBLOOD!?”

Cut’s jaw just about hit the floor. “WHAT!?”

“YOU!?” Anonymous the unicorn shouted, scarcely able to believe what he’d just heard.

No, in fact, he couldn’t believe it. The “mare” who’d been running everyone who came to this tournament ragged, was actually Blueblood!? That’s—

Actually, now that he thought about it, that would be completely on-brand for him.

Also completely on-brand for Blueblood was the reaction the grandmaster had toward Rook’s intrusion. “Baaaaaaaaaaabe!” his familiar, whiny voice rang out. Lighting what Anon was now certain was HIS horn, the grandmaster tossed aside his cloak in one swift motion, revealing himself to truly be none other than the nephew of Princess Celestia, Prince Blueblood. “You ruined my dramatic reveaaaaaaaal!”

‘Wow, talk about a blast from the past.’

Before Anon could even blink, Rook had crossed the room to be by his side. “Aw, geez, I’m sorry dear. I just didn’t expect somepony else to actually be back here this time.”

Blueblood’s horn was soon surrounded by a golden glow, one that rapidly spread to the tupperware’s lid. “It's fine, it's fine,” he said, “Just let me have one of those cookies.” A similarly glowing cookie shot out of the container, stopping just close enough to his face that he easily took a bite. “But only let me have one,” he mumbled through a mouthful. “I don’t want to ruin my princely figure!”

The living cliche made Anon roll his eyes.

‘Jesus, no wonder I never wanted to hang out with him.’

Still, he felt compelled to greet the stallion. “Blueblood. Long time no see.”

The white stallion held up a hoof, probably intending to indicate for him to wait until he’d finished with his treat. Upon scarfing the final bite down, he pulled out an honest-to-God embroidered silk handkerchief to wipe any errant crumbs off his mouth.

‘Pompous doesn’t even cut it, fuckin’ hell.’

As soon as that handkerchief was put away, however, Blueblood’s attitude did a complete 180. “I’ll say!” he shouted. “You only came to Marg Monday ONCE!”

The accusation in his tone caught Anon off guard. He hadn’t even expected Blueblood to remember inviting him, period, much less routinely. “Well the one time I went, you all wouldn’t stop giving me that freaky ‘advice!’”

‘Hm, that sounded a little more defensive than I had meant it to.’

Blueblood, meanwhile, looked downright aghast. “Freaky!?”

Anon grimaced, as he began to recall that day. It was all coming back to him. It probably made for one of the top ten, most uncomfortable times in his life. Without even realizing it, he’d slipped into his mocking noble impression as he recounted some of the highlights for the gathered ponies. “‘Oh why don’t you put on a little eyeliner!’ ‘Oh, here’s the crash dieting plan I use, mares would pay a lot more attention to you if you lost some of that muscle mass.’ ‘You really ought to let my stylist put some highlights in your flank fur, it would make your cutie mark pop!’”

By the time he was done, Pike was in hysterics, and Cut looked like she wasn’t far behind. Rook was, admittedly, not far behind either, but she was trying a lot harder to hide it than Cut was. Smart move, considering Blueblood did not look like he appreciated that.

He loudly harrumphed, before retorting. “Well, everything we said was true.”

‘Ha! Obviously not!’

As far as Anon was concerned, and last he checked, he was doing just fine without dyeing his flank! Before he could make that point himself though, Blueblood softened his expression as he beat Anon to the punch. “But, you do seem to be getting along just fine without our tips.”

“I don’t know, hun,” Pike coyly cut in, “I certainly wouldn’t mind some highlights on that flank of yours. Maybe some purple stripes to match those socks?”

“See!” Blueblood shouted in triumph, “Even your mare agrees!”

Anon rolled his eyes. “Gee honey, thanks for encouraging him.”

Suddenly, Cut’s voice cut through the room, bringing all conversation to a half. “Wait, PRINCE BLUEBLOOD PLAYS CYBER!?” she shouted, the shock of the revelation apparently needing that long to catch up with her. Galloping up to the noble stallion, she jabbed her hoof right in his face. “YOU PLAY CYBER!?”

Blueblood glanced at her hoof and grimaced. “By my Aunt, you had such nicely pedicured hooves and you CHEWED on them!?” With surprising force, he batted her hoof away.

“I-I’ve been doing better,” she weakly protested while self-consciously tucking the hoof against her chest.

The stallion ignored her, and indignantly cried out his retort. ”Of course I play Cyber! Before it was a card game for loser mares, it was an ancient means for noble stallions to hold battles of wits! While the mares performed magic duels and other boorish things, we had great contests and battles of will!”

‘Wait, so Cyber was originally a colt’s game!?’

Anon would’ve paid anything to see the reactions of those mares out in the main room if they’d heard that.

Prince Blueblood continued prattling on. “While you were still learning to spell your name, I was being trained to conduct tournaments! As is the duty of a stallion born of my noble house! ”

Cut’s eyebrows knit together. “Cyber was only released a few years ago...”

“To the common pony, perhaps!” he spat. Despite Cut, and everypony else for that matter, still very obviously having questions, Blueblood had clearly decided the matter was concluded. Without another word he turned away from Cut and pranced his way over to the fancy table.

Cut N. Paste had been left a little stunned. Cyber was a game for unicorn nobles!? Unicorn noble STALLIONS!?

‘HOW HAD I NEVER HEARD THIS BEFORE!?’

‘To think my favorite card game was originally a powerful means for noblestallions to settle claims without violence…’

‘...Nah, that’s probably just a whimsical exaggeration.’

What was much more likely was that it was something the mares gave to their husbands to keep them distracted while the real work was done, if anything. Which, considering it was still her favorite game, sure made Cut feel a little emaresculated. But, really, who cares? Knowing that didn’t really change anything about the game, or how much she enjoyed it.

‘...wow, Pike’s right! This is making me more confident! That would not have been my reaction a few months ago!’

Blueblood, meanwhile, had stopped his prancing by the table’s side. The Prince began gingerly, almost lovingly, tracing his hoof around one of the ornate carvings of a unicorn. “This table has served my family in those battles for generations. Ah, the victories it has seen...” He sighs wistfully, a dreamy look in his eyes. “The Conquest of Dream Valley, the Recapturing of Phillydelphia, even the Blitzkrieg of the Rhineland—”

“Hold up,” Anon’s alarmed voice interjected, “What the FUCK was that last one?”

“—all of these great victories were won on this very table,” Blueblood continued, ignoring Anon. He stopped running his hoof along the carving, only to throw himself onto it like he was diving into the hooves of his lover. “And I’ve been letting it LANGUISH in here without a single duel to be conducted on it!”

‘Well, that doesn’t make any sense! This tournament’s been running for what, a couple years now? If he’s the noble financing this whole thing, wouldn’t he have oodles of opponents to face?’

Oh well, best not to question it. Cut knew all too well how stallions got when she interrupted them while they were trying to be all dramatic. “Hasn’t this tournament been running for years?”

‘...’

‘Mouth, buck you.’

Thankfully, Blueblood didn’t fly a rage when she questioned him. Instead, he moaned as if he was in pain and covered his eyes. “It’s true!” he cried. “I created this tournament to find the brightest Cyber strategists in Canterlot! Free of the “rules” and “regulations” those PHILISTINES put in place when they localized my beloved game!” Letting his hooves fall away, Cut saw the most exasperated pony she’d ever laid eyes on. “And all I got were a bunch of yearlings too afraid to even be at the same table as me.” As he let his head fall against the table, all of the gathered mares were wise enough not to speak up.

But Anon on the other hoof… “So what was with the stupid get up then if you weren’t trying to psych ponies out?”

Blueblood lazily rolled his head so that he could make eye contact with Anon. “Come now, Anonymous, could you imagine the scandal if I was seen amongst the ponies outside that curtain?” The prince violently shuddered. “Eeeeeug, awful.”

Just barely out of the corner of her eye, Cut caught Pike rolling her own. She said nothing out loud, but Cut could tell exactly what she was thinking.

‘Stallions.’

Blueblood, meanwhile, remained in total ignorance of Pike’s silent mockery as he climbed off the table. “But enough about my disappointment.” He practically cantered over to one of the two ornate seats at the table, letting his fillyfriend pull it out before he sat down. “Let’s start the game shall we?”