The Long And Short Of It

‘Now this is luxury.’

When Anonymous wanted to dry off back at the apartment, he’d just use a towel. But here in the castle, they went crazy. Blueblood had a warm front physically imported from Cloudsdale, and stuck it in an aptly named ‘drying room.’ All he and the other stallions had to do was stand around and let the air do all the work. It was like being in an airfryer!

And it was a good thing that it was there, because standing was really all Anonymous was capable of at the moment. Caesar was still off getting him that glass of water after all, and the path to sobriety remained long and treacherous.

The others were more or less dry by that point, and were starting to put their ensembles back on. Blueblood his little bow tie, Fancy his monocle... and all of them their ball bras.

‘Ugh.’

Casting a dirty, sidelong glance at his own, Anonymous asked himself, 'am I drunk enough to broach this subject?’

The answer was yes, of course.

Picking up the garment in his telekinesis like he would a soiled tissue, Anon allowed it to lazily drift over to him. “Hey uh, guys?” Once again, all eyes turned to him. “Is it cool if I... ditch this? I mean it's just so tight and weird and...”

The longer they didn’t respond, the more awkward his speech became. The fear of breaching a major social taboo was rapidly setting in and he really didn't like it!

“A-Actually just forget I asked an—”

“Why Anonymous,” Blueblood cut him off, in a borderline sultry tone. “I didn’t take you for that kind of partier.”

‘Uh, I’m really not sure how I feel about this.’

“Now now lads,” piped up Fancy, “I’m sure we all remember promising Caesar that we wouldn’t let things get too out of hoof this time.”

‘I feel like I’m in danger.’

There was a sort of energy building in the room, like the pressure before a volcano blew.

“Ah, but Fancy,” Golden smirked, “Caesar isn’t here right now.”

Hoping to stop whatever he’d intentionally started, Anonymous weakly added, “He’s, uhm, he’s just getting me a glass of water.”

“And by the time he gets back, it’ll be too late.” The tension only ratcheted higher with Blueblood’s remark, and his words felt like nothing less than a threat.

The silence that followed hung ominously.

Then, suddenly...

“WoooooooooooooHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

Golden whooped — and with that, all hell broke loose.

In what Anon would describe as nothing less than a frenzy, the stallions all tore off their ball bras. Blueblood was practically frothing at the mouth as he flung his own over his withers and it sailed to a far corner of the room, while Golden spun it over his head a few times before letting it fly off in a random direction.

Even the old pegasus started pumping his hoof!

The energy was infectious, and in no time at all, Anonymous was feeling it himself. With a wide grin on his face, he spiked his own bra and charged back into the parlor with wild abandon.

‘Hell yeah, fuck that stupid thing!’

Cut N. Paste found herself alone in the apartment — which was not unexpected. Pike still had a lot of time left in her shift, and Anon was off to find out what the writer of that weird letter wanted from him. Cut had more than enough alone time to do something she’d never be willing to do in front of them:

Ice her sore teats.

“Oooooooooooooooh.”

She tried to stop it, but the moan came out nonetheless. She was just glad that nopony was there to hear it. The coolness of the ice pack seeping into her tender nips just felt so good! The mare was lying on the couch, belly down, with an ice pack under each teat. And filly, did they need it.

Cut heaved a sigh. “Even when you’re helping me out, you just can’t stop causing me trouble. Can you?”

Most ponies would consider talking with their teats weird, but frankly, she couldn’t care less: Those bitches just wouldn’t cut her a break!

...Even if they’d hoofed her the best thing in her life in a decade.

Honestly, she couldn’t really blame them; they’re just not used to all the stimulation! Ever since they’d come in, she’d tried to avoid even looking at them, let alone actually playing with them... Not for long, anyway, even during her hyper-horny teenage years! But now Anon was putting them through the proverbial wringer practically every night!

Little wonder her poor nips were so sore.

Cut let out another sigh and rested her head against a pillow. Content to simply sit, she let herself ruminate about how much had changed in her life recently. The earth pony was no stranger to being alone, but it'd become rarer and rarer recently. There was almost never a moment where at least one other pony wasn’t around with her.

It was a little exhausting but... in a good way.

Anon was always there to brighten her day, and Pike’s such an inspiration! Cut smiled at the thought. She really couldn’t have asked for a better herd.

Of course it was also a plus that Anon didn’t mind resting his balls on her muzzle. Though that made her wonder: did his nuts ever get sore too? She and Pike sure did give them a lot of attention, after all. Cut was just glad Pike was a fellow ball-trixie; flankmares just didn’t understand. And she still remembered the first time she and Pike took Anon by surprise.

‘Mmmf.’

The two of them ambushed him, each picking a ball, and indulged themselves to their heart's content…

A sudden spike in discomfort from Cut’s teats made her roll her eyes.

‘Great, now I’ve gone and done it.’

The cold already had her nipples hard, but thinking about Anon’s balls made them diamonds.

‘Better step away to cool off.’

‘...Ha! Ironic.’

Sitting up, Cut hopped off the couch without another thought. Though she did figure that it was a good idea to swap out the towels she had under the ice packs while she was up. She didn’t want to ruin the couch! Grabbing them with her teeth, she set off to ferry them back to the bathroom from whence they came.

On her way, she took a brief moment to reminisce. There were so many fond memories in this apartment already. The game nights where she was a guest. Their first time making dinner together…

And on the kitchen table over there was where Anon let she and Pike try the fabled cumshot! One part cream liqueur, one part butterscotch beer, and one part stallion cream ‘fresh from the tap’. Honestly, it was better than she’d been expecting. She’d probably never bother to have it again, but it wasn’t bad per say. The texture was certainly a little thick for a shot, but that might be more Anon’s fault than the recipe’s. It sure was nice to try out another locker room rumor for real though! Most stallions would have made her sleep on the couch for even asking.

Reaching the doorway to the bedroom, she spotted some of the boxes of cards that she’d won from the Cyber tournament stacked against the door frame. Anon had stacked them there because he wanted to see how many boxes tall Pike was (she was a little over seven, and she did not appreciate that fact).

Now she was in the bedroom, and oh what memories she’d made there!

Spooning... hugging... k-kissing...

And there was a special place in Cut’s heart reserved for the time Anon rolled onto her in his sleep. Who would have thought having the air slowly squeezed out of you by a gigantic stallion could be so comfortable? And then there was that time Pike grabbed Cut and shoved her into her tu—

‘OKAY! Moving on from that thought.’

With a new, faster pace, it was only a brief moment more before Cut was at her destination. She lazily tossed the hoof towels she’d been carrying onto the towel rod, knowing the others wouldn’t bother to question it.

‘Hm.’

Seeing the towels made her consider something: when was the last time any of them had washed them? In fact, when was the last time this bathroom had been cleaned at all? Cut had never really thought about it until then, honestly. Back when she was growing up, it would be obvious when she needed to clean the bathroom: her brothers always left it a mess of spilled powders and lipstick. But with the three of them, nopony ever really left a particularly big mess, so she’d never thought about it. And now that she was taking a closer look, it seemed Anon and Pike never thought about it either. The towels could use a wash, there was soap scum all over the sink, and somepony even left some fur in it!

Well, on the upside, this provided her with a unique opportunity. Cut had been wanting to start pulling her weight around the house more, and it seemed that life had hoofed her the perfect opportunity. Pike and Anon were going to come home tonight to the cleanest bathroom they’ve ever seen! Her teats were feeling better now anyway, so she figured she might as well get to work. Feeling it was best to start with the most immediate problem, she focused her attention towards getting the fur out of the sink. Leaning over it, Cut took stock of how much was in there and just what kind it was.

In hindsight it should have been obvious.

Pike mentioned she was running late this morning, so really was no surprise that it was filled to the brim with her tuft hair. Cut stared daggers at the discarded fur before tearing her eyes away.

‘Come on, Cut, don’t do anything weird here. It's just some of Pike’s luscious tuft fur, alone and unprotected.’

‘Don’t. Act. Weird.’

“I cannot bucking believe he’s got me beat!” Blueblood wailed.

Anonymous the unicorn, standing behind a privacy screen, was grinning like a madman. Of course the first thing the stallions wanted to do after discarding their bras was compare ball sizes. He’d tried not to encourage it, but that rat Golden went and grabbed Anon’s bra from the steam room while he wasn't looking. But, he’d be remiss to hold it against him considering what the stallions discovered. Anon got the biggest balls here, and that was something Blueblood was decidedly unhappy about.

After the verdict was reached, Fancy put up a privacy screen for Anon to change behind. Which took about ten minutes, give or take.

And Blueblood did not stop complaining the entire time. “I inherited these from the line of Celestia HERSELF! How can this be!?”

“As you’ve made us well aware, Blue,” Fancy’s monotone voice drifted over the screen.

‘Oh I am so gloating about this to the girls tonight, and tomorrow.’

Deciding he’d spent enough time relishing that ego boost, he turned his attention toward the dresser before him. Or, more specifically, the articles within. Fancy had indeed brought two outfits: one he’d mentioned was his own, and one he’d designed as a collaboration with Rarity. Fancy had encouraged Anon to start with his, and that he’d ‘know it when he saw it’.

And looking at the two of them, Anon was pretty sure he did know.

The first ensemble was barely an outfit by his book. It was indisputably flower themed, as it was almost entirely made out of chained fabric leaves. It was more or less just a collar, a pair of lapels,— with no suit to go with it,—a fabric corsage, and a trail that would drape over his back.

Anon couldn’t lie: it probably wouldn’t look too bad, especially on him: the dark green of the leaves would probably look pretty nice against his light green coat. But considering how much metaphorical skin it showed? There was no way it wasn’t codesigned by the opposite sex. It was waaaay too slutty not to be.

‘...Wait, hold on a sec.’

The moment that thought graced his mind, a certain feeling hit him.

He was forgetting something.

He was forgetting something really important about Equestrian customs.

‘...’

‘Eh, whatever. I’m too drunk to care.’

Moving on to the other outfit, he saw it was—

‘HOLY FUCK!’

‘It's a two piece suit for a pony! It’s a straight up, two piece suit designed to be worn by a pony! This is awesome!’

Anon couldn’t quite identify the theme—something to do with the sky and rainbows, but frankly, he couldn’t care less.

‘Dapper city, here I come!’

Pulling the outfit off its hanger, he took a closer look at how he was supposed to put the thing on. It came in two pieces, although from the way it was put together, he couldn’t truly call it a traditional two-piece suit. The first piece was clearly an outer layer, and it covered most of his body. If he was asked to describe it, it was almost like Fancy combined a human suit jacket and pants into one garment. It covered the entirety of his back and sides, with the front and back tapering off into four sleeves, one for each hoof. That would leave his chest and underside totally exposed, but that’s where the second piece came in. It was a sort of shirt that was worn under the jacket—almost identical to a dress shirt from back home. Although, it was obviously fitted for a horse.

Thankfully, with such similarity, even his drunk ass was able to open it up and slide it on.

It was a surprisingly nice feeling; familiar. Back on Earth, he’d wear stuff like this all the time, but since coming to Equestria, he hardly ever wore clothes, period. Well, excluding that jacket Pike got him, but he didn’t even really wear that anymore. It made putting on the dress shirt an oddly comfortable sensation—like he was reaching out and taking physical hold of his nostalgia. It was as comfortable and comforting as a blanket, even if it was just a shirt.

As he fastened that last button, a warmth bloomed in his chest and a contented smile found its way to his face.

Still, feeling good is all well and good, but he was trying to look good here, too! Thankfully, the dresser Fancy had stashed these outfits inside had a mirror in the door for him to use. Taking a gander at it, he had to admit that it didn’t look bad! The first thing he noticed was that it was definitely sized for someone a little beefier than himself, but it was a pretty close fit nonetheless. Frankly, without that little bit of wiggle room afforded by his thinner build, the shirt would almost be constricting.

‘Hm, a safety feature to keep me from tripping, or to show off my pecs?’

He was leaning towards the latter, as it certainly showed off his chest, without even needing to show any skin. Figuratively speaking.

This fact was furthered by the shirt’s pattern. The majority of it was a sky-blue with little cloud-like patches of white, but the majority of that would be hidden under the jacket. The parts that would be left exposed—, his chest and underside—, had something completely different. Starting somewhere on the underside, a series of rainbow pinstripes were projected outwards. Those stretched out and terminated along the collar of the shirt, and along where the jacket would start to cover it. Which made his chest look even broader in the already tight shirt. With curiosity, he followed the pinstripes down his chest to see exactly where they converged. Leaning down to follow them along his underside, he saw that they merged right where the shirt stopped covering his barrel.

Directly in front of his cock.

‘Ah, that’s... interesting.’

Anon did not expect this from Fancy. A second look just confirmed it: the shirt itself was doing its damndest to naturally lead the sight of any onlookers right to his cock and balls. Did he simply not notice this? That seemed rather unlikely.

‘Maybe it looks different with the jacket on?’

He decided it’d be better to see before he judged it.

There were no fuzzy feelings from putting on the second piece, since it was very different from the experience of putting on a suit back home. Frankly, he hoped the thing was designed for a unicorn, because putting it on without magic would be a major pain in the ass. The back sleeves were easy enough to slip into; it's the front where the problems would start to arise. Anon supposed a non-unicorn would have to pull the thing up with their mouth.

‘Ew.’

Thankfully, his magic pulled up the jacket handily, and he was able to slip his forehooves without any of the issues an Earth Pony would have. And with that, Anon had successfully dressed himself.

‘Go me.’

Turning toward the mirror, he wasted no time checking out the final product—and felt the urge to laugh. He looked like that image of the horse in the suit that circulated the internet however many years ago. Just obviously more colorful. The theme seemed to be the spring sky and rainbow poles? Anon wasn’t sure of the significance; he’d have to ask Fancy about that later. As things stood, Anon’s forelegs looked like wooden poles wrapped in rainbow ribbons, which, combined with the shirt, made it look like the ribbons were trailing off his legs.

And still pointed straight to his cock.

Putting that thought aside for now, he saw that the back had a similar theme to the dress shirt’s. A beautiful blue sky, but one that progressively got stormier the further back you went. It was on his rump where the true storm clouds started, with faux-rain running down the legs to an embroidered flower pattern right above where the rear sleeve ended. The raindrops functioned a little similarly to how vertical stripes did, slimming his hind legs just a bit. Anon supposed that made sense—mares like long, slim legs, right? Something about foal-chasing? He was pretty sure he’d heard Pike say that once.

All in all, he actually liked how it looked! Dapper, but with a nice Spring theme. He made a couple of quick poses in the mirror, stretching his legs, flexing a foreleg, and such. It puts one hell of a smile on his face.

‘Lookin’ fiiii~iine!’

Weird penis emphasis or not, Anonymous was actually really into this outfit! It looked good on him, he liked to think.

‘Welp, might as well stop wasting time and get this fashion show on the road!’

Making his way out from behind the screen, Anon tuned back into the other stallions’ conversation. “So Fancy,” started Blueblood with particularly excellent timing, “You’ve brought two suits for us today, right?”

“Why yes! One designed by myself and one with the help of the lovely Miss Rarity.” Anon could tell Fancy loved his job: he’d only just started and he was already gushing.

Either that or he was just that happy to not be talking about balls anymore.

“Oho!” Golden chimed in, “Do I detect thoughts of a proposition for her?”

That made Anon roll his eyes. He still remembered all that research he did! The last thing Fancy needed was MORE mares, and he knew it. So, to save him from the question, Anon stepped out from behind the privacy screen.

“Let’s get this show on the road!”

Thankfully the alcohol was still strong in his veins, otherwise he might have stumbled when every head in the room instantly snapped to him.

“Oh, you started with that one?” Fancy remarked. That seemed like an odd question, considering it was the one he told Anon to start with.

‘Oh well.’

Ignoring it, Anon did his best attempt at a model’s strut as he walked across the room. He wasn’t greeted by the sound of admiration for Fancy’s craftsmanship, though: everyone seemed kind of awkward and unsure.

“Is that... oh my Aunt,” Blueblood practically whispered, aghast.

“Colts really have no shame these days,” griped the old stallion.

That feeling Anon had forgotten something important was hitting him at full force.

“It's not that bad!” cried Fancy. “Look how the sheath was tastefully left uncovered, and Anon’s foregoing of a bra really leaves it far more chaste.”

Unfortunately, it left the outfit far more drafty, too.

Blueblood turned to Fancy with almost a glare. “Ah yes, a fact that shirt is all too eager to remind us.”

‘...Oh God.’

It just hit him.

And it took wind out of Anon’s sails like they just got hit by a haymaker.

These ponies have opposite rules about clothing. That collar was probably the one that Fancy made himself; this outfit was designed by a mare. And it showed.

‘Showed in how I’m dressed like a SLUT. FUCK!’

Fancy knew it too, judging by the desperation in his voice. “It really... I think you’re all just over reacting!”

‘God damn it. This world can’t even afford me the small pleasure of wearing a dress shirt without fucking with me in some way.’

It was obvious that Anon and Fancy were the ones in denial here, and Caesar was already trying to break Fancy out of it.“I’m sorry my friend, but you must admit it is awfully concealing.”

God, Anon hated how Caesar said that word: concealing.

Fancy genuinely looked a little hopeless. Who knows how many other designs he and that mare had made that would probably garner the same reaction? “No, no you see, it-it's based on a quaint Griffon tradition! They call them Maypoles! And the outfit itself is styled similarly—”

“Of course a Griffon would wear something like that!”

Anon heard none of it. All he thought about were all those good looking outfits, probably never to see the light of day. It made him feel...

It made him...

Mad.

Nocturnal Pike leaned into a hoof as she sat at her desk. This was one of the days when Sepulcher was in charge of running joint drills, leaving Pike behind to do administrative tasks. So seated there in her office, that should be exactly what she was doing.

She couldn’t focus on that even if she tried.

Recently, doubts had begun to creep in. They started infrequently, but they’ve been coming more and more. It all started that night she’d completely blown it when Anon was hurting, and her ironclad worldview blew up in her face.

‘But it wasn’t ironclad, was it?’

Pike had always pushed herself to act as a mare should; how she was raised. But more and more, she’d been asking herself, “is that really how I want to live?” And now that she’d seen it objectively fail...

Even more worries seeped in when she dwelled on how it wasn’t just how she’d lived her life: it's how she’d led her mares, too.

‘Have I been misleading them all this time?’

‘No, no, all the successes you’ve had? There’s no way that could’ve been chance. That happened because of your leadership.’

But at the same time, that leadership has hinged upon that marely discipline—that standard she’d tried to live. If she discarded that, could she still lead these mares?

Should she?

These lingering doubts were having a visible effect on her leadership, and she knew it. Pike tried to put them aside on the job but, all of her inner circle had confided in her that something seemed off. And if they were concerned, there’s no way others weren’t too.

She was just not sure what to do. A part of her wanted to discard her mother’s ideals entirely. Retire, and just live at home with Anon and Cut. It’d be... nice to be in charge of the home, and to have a nice meal waiting for them every night. Tend to her little garden while she kept everypony’s messes under control. It’d be easy.

Too easy.

Pike didn’t think she could live like that, as tempting as it may be. Even if she opted to make smaller changes instead, how would she know what to keep and what to throw away? How could she marry the image she’d spent her entire life cultivating with the mare she’d rather be?

Pike just didn’t know.

She slumped over her desk.

‘I’d give anything for a distraction right now.’

Just then, there were three sharp knocks at the door.

‘Oh sweet merciful Luna, may you snuff out the solar tyrant’s unholy light!’

The knock on the door was exactly what she’d been hoping for, and she threw herself over her desk scrambling towards it.

“Uh, Sarge?” Came the uncertain voice of Rook, “Are you okay? It sounded like something fell over.”

Pike’s answer was to throw open the door with joyful abandon. “ROOK!” Pike shouted in her Sergeant voice, “Why aren’t you running drills right now?!”

Surprised, Rook hurriedly snapped into a salute. “Uh, Ma’am Prince Blueblood requested our immediate presence, Ma’am!”

‘What, Blueblood!? Ugh. Great, that’s not the kind of distraction I was looking for.’

“He said he and Anonymous needed us to ‘settle an urgent matter’.”

At Rook’s declaration, Pike’s blood turned to ice in her veins.

‘Oh no.’

Astral mentioned that she’d seen Anonymous at the castle, but not that he was with Blueblood!

‘This isn’t gonna be good.’

Despite her best efforts to remain impassive and professional, Pike knew that at least some panic was showing on her face as the realization hit her like a train.

“We need to go. NOW.”

Thankfully Rook seemed to agree with Nocturnal Pike, and the two of them took off without another word. Rook knew the way, and the two of them were wasting no time. Sprinting full-tilt through the halls of the castle may not have been the smartest idea, but leaving the stallions alone with each other any longer than strictly necessary was even worse.

Pike could tell they were almost there; the sounds of arguing could even be heard over the frantic sounds of their hooves on the floor. In one last burst of speed, both mares pushed themselves to the limit. Desperate to defuse whatever situation was brewing, Pike practically shoulder checked the door, and the two of them burst into the room. Putting her years of conflict de escalation experience to use, Pike immediately scanned the room for—

‘WOOOOOOOAH PAPA! What is Anon wearing!?’

Whatever else Pike had been thinking was long gone as she gazed upon her stallion. He was wearing the hottest bucking outfit she had ever seen. She could hear him trying to talk to her, but he might as well have been speaking underwater for how well she could hear him. There wasn’t a corner of her mind currently unoccupied by the stallion standing before her.

‘The mare that designed this outfit knew exactly what she was doing.’

‘His chest... so broad.’

‘And his legs, so deliciously slender.’

Pike’s eyes couldn’t help but be led on a whirlwind tour of his finest assets.

A tour that left so much to the imagination.

‘Oh Luna, I think I just winked.’

“See, Anonymous!? She’s dressing you with her eyes as we speak!”

The Prince’s horrible, shrill voice was what finally broke the spell and brought Nocturnal Pike back to reality. And it was with abject horror that she realized she’d just winked in front of no less than six stallions, AND her subordinate! Praise the stars that her rear end was facing away from all of them. Basic was years ago, and she hadn’t been a teen for years; she needed to get herself under control, NOW.

‘But those bucking stripes on his shirt keep sucking me back in like a black hole!’

“WRONG!” Anon fires back, “She’s just stunned by how goddamn good I look!” To punctuate his statement, he flexed a foreleg AND his glutes.

‘Hnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng! He’s not making this easy on me!’

A loud sigh (thankfully) dragged Pike’s attention away from Anon and toward the squad of stallions sitting on the couches opposite to him. Among them was a gray Earth Pony stallion, who was the first to speak up.

“Miss Pike, Miss Rook, can you please help talk some sense into Anonymous here? He refuses to admit that this outfit is... unbecoming.”

While Pike’s attention was on them, she noticed a familiar face. A certain mustachioed stallion whose picture Anon had plastered all over their wall not too long ago: Fancy Pants. Despite the outfit clearly coming from a mare’s maverik mind, Pike wouldn’t be surprised if he’d had a hoof in this—especially since he seemed to be the only stallion who looked conflicted, and perhaps just a little bit guilty.

‘How the heck did this lot manage to convince Anon to play dress-up for them?’

‘Oh wait, probably the same reason this argument is even happening.’

They’d got him completely belligerent.

From elsewhere on the couch, a wheat colored Unicorn chimed in. “Yeah, we figured he’d finally give up if he heard it from a mare, too.”

Ah, so the two of them were called in to talk the stallion out of his whimsy.

‘Like that’s worked for any mare ever.’

Besides, Pike doubted that whatever was running through Anon’s head right then really qualified as whimsy. Whimsy typically has a fleetingness to it; here today, gone a few days from now. But the state of equine fashion is something Anon had been privately complaining about to her for months. She’d have to be a complete idiot not to back him up here!

But then again, that would just be lying to his face.

Sure, it was a high class outfit, but sure as there are stars in the sky, she wouldn’t be the only mare leering at it like a horny schoolfilly. If she told him that though, he probably wouldn’t want to wear it anymore, and that would SUCK. Could she really lie to him though? Bold-facedly deceive the stallion she loves? Especially over something so nearly inconsequential where she largely only stood to gain by lying!?

...Yeah, she could.

“I think you’re all just being too sensitive.”

“WHAT!?”

Rook, the Prince, and even the stallion who made the dang thing had all shouted at once. Quite literally the only pony who hadn’t screamed at Pike’s statement was Anon.

It seemed to him though that the outcome was never in question.

“OH YEAH! That’s my girl! I knew you’d see the drip! The SWAG!”

At that, Pike couldn’t help but stare at him.

‘Luna’s sakes, how much alcohol did they give him!?’

She’d been living with him for months, and even she didn’t have any idea what he was saying.

Anon started doing some little victory dance, but by sheer chance, Pike’s eyes flitted over to Rook. Her armor’s enchantment should’ve left her looking gray, but instead she was as white as a sheet.

‘Oh... I did just accidently leave her in a pretty rough position.’

Rook could either disagree with her boss and say her boss’ coltfriend looked slutty, or side against her coltfriend in an argument. That is not a choice Pike would want to make!

“ROOK!” cried Blueblood, “I’M right, RIGHT!?”

Rook tried to do her best Cut impression, rapidly looking between Pike and Blueblood with mounting horror. Luckily, their eyes meet, allowing Pike to nod her head and silently pass on a message.

‘Do whatcha’ gotta do.’

Pike could tell the message came through as Rook’s posture became a little less strained, but it was still far from being relaxed.

“Well...” she began uncertainly, “It's definitely a high class sort of... lewd.” She’d had to search for the word, still clearly trying to avoid offending either Pike or Anon. “But it's still certainly lewd.”

“AHA, I’M RIGHT!” Blueblood practically screamed in joy.

‘The most powerful stallion in Equestria, everypony.’

The room immediately descended into chaos, the gathered ponies now arguing about why they’d disagree as much as the merits of the outfit itself.

Pike, however, paid them no mind and hurried to Anon's side without wasting a moment more. He was visibly dumbfounded that her subordinate didn’t agree with her, so Pike reached up and put a supportive hoof on his shoulder; she couldn’t reach his withers.

“Pike!” he said breathlessly, “Get your subordinate under control! Tell her to stop SIMPing!”

“MISS PIKE!”

The scandalized voice of the gray stallion from before cut through the increasingly loud chatter with practiced finesse. There was an accusation in his tone, and it froze her blood.

“You’re just saying that because you want poor Anonymous to continue debasing himself in that outfit for YOUR pleasure!”

Every gathered stallion, and Rook, all gasped in unison.

‘Dag nab it! How did they have me figured out so fast!?’

Despite gasping along with everypony else, Anon still jumped to Pike’s defense. “How dare you! My beloved Pikey-wikey would never lie to me!”

‘Aw, that’s so sweet of him!’

‘...Pikey-wikey?’

“Especially about something stupid to make me feel better and also when its directly in her interests to! …Wait.”

‘Uh oh.’

No sooner had he finished voicing that thought than he turned on her. Literally, in this case, as he pivoted away from the stallions to directly loom over her. “Oh my God you totally would.”

‘Well buck, he’s got me there.’

With the jig officially up, Pike put on her best disarming smile and shrugged. He didn’t seem that mad about it, at least. But before she could come up with any sort of justification, much less voice it, he threw his head up and scoffed.

“UNBELIEVABLE! Pike, we are leaving!” And with that, he picked her up with his magic.

‘AAAAH, what!? Darn it, he knows how much I hate this!’

His grip was shaky, but still strong enough to hold her. Despite her valiant struggles, he had her hoisted into the air by his magic like a hoofbag.

“Anon—”

He instantly cut her off by shoving a hoof in her mouth. “No buts! You’ve earned this! And when we get home I am FUCKING you in this outfit as punishment!”

THAT got her to shut up better than the hoof ever would! All conversation in the room once again ground to a halt, but honestly, Pike didn’t even care. She’d bear it and more just for the sweet reward at the end of the tunnel.

“But YOU’VE got to wear that cute little apron again.”

‘Nope! Back it up, start struggling again!’

Unfortunately for her, her grunts of displeasure fell on deaf ears.

“In FRONT of Cut, too. Don’t think I haven’t noticed you don’t wear it when she’s home!”

Pike’s eyes frantically darted around the room, but thankfully nopony seems particularly perturbed by what Anon is saying. At worst Rook just looked a little confused, but she’d deal with that later. Fancy Pants, meanwhile, looked like he wanted to say something but Anon cut him off too.

“Fancy! Can I keep this?” Anon said while gesturing to the suit.

The stallion frowned, and for a moment Pike thought he'd protest. But for reasons she could scarcely fathom, he relented with a sigh. “I suppose. I need to take that design back to the drawing board anyways.”

“Awesome! I’ll be sure to write you a great review. BLUEBLOOD!”

The Prince jumped at being so suddenly addressed. Anon hoisted Pike up in front of his face, forcing Blueblood to look directly at her. She desperately tried not to look at him, or to think about how embarrassing this all was.

“Give her the rest of the day off. I NEED her.”

She felt like Blueblood was going to protest too, but then he got that scheming look on his face. “Only if the Sergeant gives Rook the day off too.”

Pike was pretty eager to get herself the heck out of this situation, so that was fine with her. Rook had run Sepulcher's drills enough that she’d be fine anyway; missing the end of one day wouldn’t kill her.

Right before she could speak up however, Rook unexpectedly threw herself at Pike’s hooves. Or, she would have, if her hooves were planted on the ground at the moment. Either way, Rook was staring up at her with the most desperate look on her face.

“Please, Sarge, don’t! He’ll put me on eye candy duty!”

Pike cocked an eyebrow at her, but she didn’t elaborate. She only looked between Pike and the gathered stallions in horror.

“Please,” she practically whispers.

Unfortunately, Pike saw no other way out of this particular pinch.

‘I’m sure she’ll forgive me.’

“Private Rook, you are relieved of duty.”

“NO! NO! NO!” she screamed in panic as a golden glow enveloped her tail, and with surprising speed, she was dragged across the carpet toward Blueblood.

“Oh don’t be such a foal, your flanks look wonderful in that gear!”

Without missing a beat, Anon was already making his way toward the exit, carrying Pike along with him. As he did, Blueblood continued to drag Rook toward a closed door on the opposite end of the room.

‘Ha, parallels.’

Right as Rook reached the other door, Anon crossed the threshold and exited the room. Immediately, he pulled the door shut behind them, cutting her off from seeing whatever ‘eye candy duty’ was. She’d ask Rook about it tomorrow, but frankly, she felt like the two mares would rather just put this behind them.

“Aw shit am I forgetting something?” Anon said under his breath. “Eh, it's fine. I’ll figure it out later.”

Pike struggled a bit more, but she couldn’t get the leverage she’d need to escape his grip without actually hurting him.

‘Geez, I’m surprised the Princess didn’t ask him to be a guard!’

‘Welp, it's going to be a long walk home, might as well start a conversation.’

“So,” Pike began, “how was it?”

“Not bad,” he said with a shrug. “Got kinda weird once we started comparing ball sizes, though.”

‘Oh sweet Luna what I would have given to see that.’

Pike was almost afraid to ask, but...

“So who was the biggest?”

Anon grinned from ear to ear, telling her the answer before he even said a word. “Are you kidding? Of course I’ve got the fattest nuts. Did you even have to ask?”

Suggested interlude music: AC/DC - Big Balls [1976]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xPlqLHcphyw