Starlight read the direct, easy-to-follow instructions of the emergency contraceptive at least fifteen times by now. Each time she started at the top, she held her breath, feeling each word steal away a particle of oxygen until she was almost suffocating.

This wasn’t advance magic studies, this was just life, but even the smart safety of it all terrified her. The fact that Sunburst had everything under control was even more disorienting because he should be panicking. Not that outward, wide-eyed franticness that she was exhibiting, but he hadn’t even pulled his usual blank mask, the one that told her that underneath it all he was shutting down and his mind was a discordant mess.

Even worse—and what seemed the most irrational of all—was that she couldn’t cry, even if her drowning in her own tears felt like the most logical outcome. Life was over. The easy existence she and Sunburst shared was doomed since a romantic relationship between them was as plausible as the Storm King making a comeback. Instead, as she read the paper clutched in her magic for the sixteenth time, what really wanted to bust through was contentment. There was the tiniest of voices in the back of her mind that begged her to unlock the door, curl up on his lap, and let him tell her that everything was going to be alright because if Sunburst said it, she would believe it.

So why was she still shaking, holding on to more than just the directions in her magic? Because Starlight Glimmer could be brave in the face of the enemy, but it was the ones she loved that she feared the most—they were the ones that could absolutely destroy her and there would be nothing she could do about it.

She swallowed the medicine and a bit of her pride along with it.

Waves of orange hair were low on the doorframe when she walked out, the profile of his snout popping out next when he turned to look at her knees. She shuffled her hooves and purposefully ignored the box of condoms in the sink because the only other option would’ve been to throw them at him. After stepping into the hallway, Starlight slunk down. Since there was no room on the wall next to the door she just leaned back, taking up the space between his legs. A sudden thrill hit her as he eagerly made room, his forelegs wrapping around her shoulders to pull her tightly to his chest.

“Do you want breakfast?” She couldn’t tell if she felt more than heard his words, his lips were so close to her ear, his chest buzzing against her back.

She wished he would hold her tighter; her hooves came to press his against her skin. “I’m not hungry.”

“Are you sure? Not even some tea?” He asked. One of his hooves came awkwardly to her neck, experimenting again by running his nail along the cord of muscle. “That’s not like you.”

“Sunburst…” She slid against his shoulder, giving herself enough space to turn her head and look into his eyes. “What’s going to happen tomorrow?”

He blinked and that smile that sent her stomach on a rollercoaster ride came back. “Tomorrow’s Monday, the best day of the week!”

Starlight rolled her eyes as her hoof came up and tightly gripped the collar of his cape. She shook him lightly, enough for his floppy hair to fall over his eyes and elicit a grunt from him. His grin refused to disappear.

“Fine. It’ll be Monday.”

“Huh,” he let the vowel roll against the back of his throat, his eyes lifting to the ceiling as if their itinerary was written on the crystal. “I think I have a meeting with Shining Armor. Definitely have hallway monitor duty with Smolder. Then I’m supposed to give a lesson on the history of harmony. I’m sure you have the morning in the library, a meeting with the mayor about expanding the school grounds, and you’re teaching a class on the magic of friendship for the second half of that afternoon, just like always. I’ll show up at the tail end to watch you work because I like that.”

Listening to his list had only increased the pressure in which she held his cape, and she was about to shake him again because he was messing with her, but the last sentence struck her, leaving her confused. “You like what?”

“I like watching you,” he said it like it was obvious.

Her grip loosened, just a tiny bit. “But why?”

“I’m not sure,” he shrugged. “Makes me feel…proud of you, I guess. It’s odd, I haven’t figured it out myself either.”

“I assumed you had everything figured out...”

A hearty laugh vibrated through his chest, leaving her back tingling. “I have today figured out. Maybe tomorrow. But beyond that…”

“Beyond that?” She wanted to pry all this surety out of his being, to force him to share because it was all in his head right now, not hers.

“We’ll find out. Together. Like always.” Each word came out with an amused certainty like he was stating everyday facts. His hoof came to hers, the one fisting his cape, unraveling the muscle before tangling it in his. “Can I kiss you?”

Her face flushed because it brought all those weird feelings back; recalling the way his touch burned her skin and make her forget herself. “Why?”

“Why,” he laughed. “Starlight, why? Because I like it, it feels good, and maybe you like it too.”

“…it feels good,” the words sounded more like an echo instead of admission, just like she intended.

He didn’t call her on it, only raised his eyebrows before speaking, “So?”

“Fine…”

“Fine,” he mimicked her, his grin still wide and sweet as he leaned towards her.

The kiss was nothing like the first one, not heated and desperate enough to bruise her lips, just a gentle caress that made her hoof twitch in his involuntarily. He ended it quickly and all she could do was let out a shaky sigh as he pulled away, another battle starting in her head. It feels good. Starlight ditched his hoof and threw her forelegs around his neck, to cling to him for dear life because everything made sense and yet it didn’t. Everything felt fine, safe, perfect and so very dangerous, disorganized—disastrous.

“It’s fine, Starlight,” he murmured.

If Sunburst said so, she believed it. That was always the rule.

Trixie was leaning into Maud, absent-mindedly reading the bulletin board as she took down the old notices to replace them with new ones. It was then that Starlight zoomed by. It wasn’t just a regular I-have-work-to-do Starlight rush, but some kind of a grayish whirlwind of panic that sent both Trixie and Maud’s eyebrows up to their hairlines.

“Did you see that?” Trixie nudged Maud and both their gazes followed after the whipping purple hair slowly receding in the distance. “What’s that all about?”

“We should find out.” Maud dropped the stack of rolled posters to the floor and just as she took her first step towards the hallway a wall of stars appeared in front of them.

Sunburst held his ground long enough for them to trip into a stop, both mares blinking at him in confusion. “Don’t do that.”

“Excuse me?” Trixie raised an eyebrow at him.

He turned to face them, and though his expression was impassive, it was hard to figure what the tightness under his eyes meant. “Just leave her alone for today.”

Maud put a soothing hoof over Trixie’s shoulder, certain that the next thing out of her mouth would be a sharp retort, and pushed her own calm, monotone voice first. “Did something happen?”

“Yes,” Sunburst answered but chose not to elaborate.

“Well? What?” Trixie snapped despite Maud’s attempt to subdue her.

Sunburst looked down the hallway as if he could still see her. He could imagine her still storming her way to her office, her face withdrawn and unsure. Him running errands with her all day yesterday like nothing was wrong (because nothing was wrong) didn’t seem to make a difference since he came down to breakfast this morning with her blue eyes heavily scrutinizing him. But it was fine, this was still within his predictions. She needed time.

“She’ll tell you. Probably tomorrow, but let it go for now.” He swiveled his head back to the mares and almost enjoyed the confusion on their faces.

“What the hay, Sunburst?” Trixie barked. “Don’t act so—”

Maud yanked the unicorn back. “It’s one day, Trixie.”

Trixie narrowed her eyes incredulously at her. “But—”

“Please,” Sunburst added. Better late than never.

“Ugh, fine,” Trixie spat with a roll of her eyes. “But tomorrow I better get a least a note from her.”

Sunburst nodded, and while some things seemed under his control, that most certainly wasn’t. The only thing he could guarantee was that Starlight Glimmer was so closed in on herself today that she was practically unreachable.

Every thump of the library door sent Starlight’s eyes darting from the text, leaving sentences jumbled and facts completely left behind. The itinerary Sunburst had laid out for her was accurate, she had put the morning aside for a headfirst dive into a variety of documents and volumes currently spread out across the desk in front of her. There should have been pages filled with her notes by this point, but there was nothing except sharp pen marks where she had stabbed helplessly as she jumped at each creature that walked through the door.

Even though she had her own office, she liked reading in the library, like to look up, and observed the faces of happy students eagerly reading and making friends. Now she wished she had stayed in her office instead; she didn’t feel like being around anycreature at the moment.

And the worst part: each ounce of this nervousness was unreasonable and she knew it. Sunburst had been clear that today would be normal, even if it felt anything but. I’m creating it, all the worry, all the craziness is just in my head, and yet I can’t help myself. I can’t stop the twists and turns because I’m scared of a change that’s technically not a change. She tried to fit that anxiety and confusion into the spreadsheets and reports she had to fill out and sign, confusion and pain slotted into blank boxes between the dotted lines signed with devotion and passion.

It wasn’t a complete distraction, but she was sucked in enough that she didn’t notice any more entrances, especially the eventual one of a certain redhead unicorn.

Sunburst stood for a moment in front of her desk, Starlight missing the fond smile on his face that made his eyes so very gentle. His smile widened into something more humorous by the time he tapped a hoof on the desk. “Equus to Starlight.”

She jumped, instantly slapping the folder close in the process. “I thought you were in class.”

“Just finished, actually.” Which should have been obvious by the number of papers he held in his foreleg for him to grade later, as well as the stains of chalk on his face. “You hungry?” He nodded at the clock.

Her eyes landed on the wall and she gaped as the hands on the clock betrayed her. “It’s noon?”

“Yeah,” he chuckled. “And I’m asking you to eat lunch with me. You’re spacing out today, Starlight.”

Starlight’s face flushed and her tail was no longer under her control, curling around her as her ears lowered sheepishly. “Like a date?

Sunburst leaned over her desk. “I’m saying it’s lunchtime and nine times out of ten you and I eat together.” He narrowed his eyes and pushed his glasses up his snout, she could see him examining her face like a book written in a foreign language. “Unless that’s what you want. You want a date?”

“I…” She ran a hoof down the top of her thighs. Isn’t this the wrong order? Isn’t it wrong? All wrong?

He turned away from the desk, leaving her with his tail. “Come on, I’m hungry.” His hoofsteps were slow but steady and Starlight only had a few seconds of indecision before she took the leap. Still, she refused to bound after him, just walking fast enough to catch up to him and linger by his periphery, forcing Sunburst to curb his step. “Lunchroom and then balcony?”

Starlight nodded with all the strength she had left. The rest of her felt listless and she was thankful that her body was used to this routine, that way she didn’t have to think much as she went through the motions and soon found herself at the school’s balcony with a mundane lunch in her magic. Not that it mattered, since she was sure she left her stomach back at the library and her mind was busy chewing on the idea they’d left next to it.

Sunburst was his ravenous self, looking less like he was enjoying his food and more like inhaling it as she leaned against the balcony’s railing, watching the clouds roll by.

“Did you finish your paperwork?” He nudged her gently and, when Starlight turned to look at him, the crinkle of his eyebrows told her he’d asked her more than once.

The question didn’t have an adequate answer and instead her mind was screaming for release, the words starting quickly off her tongue. “Why aren’t you…acting any differently?”

A smirk ticked at the edge of his mouth but he pressed his lips together instead, erasing it with a sigh. “I told you, nothing’s changed.”

Starlight let out a huff of air, ready to snap back when his hoof came out to let his foreleg ease the air between them and make her bite her tongue.

“I walked with you all day yesterday through town until you ran off,” he murmured. “That’s nothing new, right? Or us having lunch. If anycreature saw us sneak up here it wouldn’t even be gossip, it wouldn’t even register.” He stretched out his foreleg and his hoof drifted down the length of her cheek. “And how I feel about you today is the same as it was yesterday. Same as last year, and the year before that.”

Arranging her own words in the wake of his seemed impossible, so the only thing that left her lips was, “That long?”

“Yeah,” Sunburst shrugged. “That’s why I had enough time to figure these feelings out. Maybe…” His voice dipped and jumped just like his Adam's apple, and his eyes faltered to his hoof. “Maybe they’re new for you, so that’s why…”

That was laughable, the idea that Starlight’s need for him was something that had magically appeared with that kiss or even a few moments before it. It felt like an ageless something as if it were there before she even knew him, only getting a name when she learned his. “Don’t be stupid.” She grabbed his hoof from her cheek, using it to pull him closer until they were shoulder to shoulder.

Sunburst seemed to accept the admonishment and the closeness, letting a silence slip between them as they leaned against the railing and stared at the sky together. Tentatively, his hoof slipped across the small of her back until it settled on her hip. “So, really, how was work?”

“Terrible,” she murmured as she rested her head against his shoulder. “I was distracted.”

He grunted a laugh. “But things have been so calm lately.”

Starlight didn't even reward him with an eye roll, smacking his back legs with her tail instead. “How was your meeting with Shining Armor?”

His hoof clenched against her side and his voice came back without a hint of amusement. “Bad.”

“Bad?” Starlight turned the smack into a peaceful caress.

“Just a cute-ceañera,” he was forcing the calmness in his voice as his ears were visibly folded. “Flurry Heart’s, to be exact, and apparently there’s a whole ceremony involved besides the party. I'll be gone for all of next week.”

“Well, you did warn me that you would be needed for the occasional tradition or festival.”

“Yeah,” he murmured.

His lips rested softly on her forehead. The sensation wasn't alien to her, her father had done it a million times while she was growing up, but the hum that it stirred up in her chest was.

“Sorry, PDA is not allowed on the school grounds,” he muttered.

Starlight didn't even bother to look around, she just tilted her head enough to catch his lips before they got too far.

Author's Note

It's a slow-going you guys, but it's coming along, I swear.