Episode 18: Dr. Whooves on the Daily Show

Even with his limited knowledge of the television program that was almost as old as he himself, Jon knew a few facts about Dr. Who, enough to carry a conversation, as was the case with a lot of television shows. It was this knowledge that helped Jon come this far in uncovering the true identity of the pony known in this world as Time Turner but was in fact the pony version of the Doctor, known here as Dr. Whooves.

If his continued suspicions were true, then any second now his time traveling friend would produce a multi-functional probe-like object, iconic to the Dr. Who franchise.

Before any more speculations could be done on the part of Jon his thought process was cut short by Whooves joyfully announcing his discovery.

“Aha! I found it!” he announced, loud enough to get Jon’s attention but low enough to not draw any more attention to himself from the other customers.

“Y-you have!?” Jon stammered.

“Indeed I have!” he proudly answered, his hooves still in his bag like a magician getting ready to pull out a rabbit. “I have in my possession an item... that will undeniably banish any thought you might have that I am false information and trickery... I have here a device that will prove once and for all that I am... the time traveler you know as Dr. Who!”

“W-well what is it!?” Jon bellowed, unable to contain his excitement at the prospect of being shown the distinctive tools required to be considered a time traveler. “Show me!”

“Calm yourself Mr. Stewart. Such things shouldn't be rushed... especially considering that what I have in my hooves is a machine of such power that I have never shown it to anyone in this timeline!” he continued to brag. “Brace yourself Jonathan, for what I’m about to show you... may very well change your interpretation of space and time and the very concept of life itself! Pray to whatever god you believe in that by showing you this I don’t enlighten your mind to the brink of insanity... now then... BEHOLD!”

With a mighty thrust of his right hoof Whooves produced a small contraption so suddenly that Jon jumped back in his seat, even though he saw it coming. Slightly out of breath, he reached into his coat pocket and with nervous hands produced his glasses to get a better look at the object that now rested on the table before him. It was bulky with square dimensions, a large light bulb attached at the helm, and a spherical lens in the front; it wasn’t at all what he expected.

“A camera?” Jon squinted as he looked again, this time without his glasses. “You wanted to show me... a camera?”

“Yes, yes I did! Marvelous piece of technology wouldn't you agree?” Whooves said as he carefully brought the device closer to his chest to admire it. “You know photography is a fairly new concept here in Equestria. For the longest time images of ponies were captured on the face of a canvas or a stone slab, but this... very sophisticated, very intriguing. I actually just bought it today in fact, that’s why I was so late to our meeting. Lovely, isn’t it?”

“Uh, y-yeah it’s uh... it’s nice,” Jon complimented, his voice thick with disappointment.

“You sound rather... disingenuous.” Whooves chuckled, placing his camera gently on the table.

“Well no offense but how is that going to convince me of anything?” Jon asked while making a gesture towards his device. “Because I gotta say I was expecting something different. Something like, oh I don’t know... something like--”

“Something like this?” Whooves interrupted as he quickly reached into his bag once more to produce a slim object which to Jon looked like a pen. To get a more clear look at what this new item was Jon placed his glasses back on his face so quickly he almost poked himself right in the eye.

“What... is that thing?” Jon asked as he leaned forward to get a better look at the probe-like object.

“This? Why it’s a little invention of mine,” Whooves explained while Jon squinted his eyes and tilted his head to get a better look. “It’s a screwdriver!”

“No it’s not,” Jon commented, his eyes still on the device.

“Aaaah you’re right... yooou’re right, no it isn’t,” Whooves said as he rotated the device to reveal it looked the same on all sides. “A screwdriver can hurt somepony but this... the reason I like this little number is because it’s completely harmless; doesn't hurt, maim, or kill but what it does do is it serves as a multifunctional tool like lockpick and body scanner.”

Even with this limited knowledge Jon was starting to piece together what this meant.

“Another thing it does rather well is it can remotely control nearby devices.... devices like the time machine I have stowed away at my house,” he explained further which made Jon finally take his eyes off the device and put them back onto Whooves in shock. “But it only works if the object in question is in range...a demonstration.”

“W-w-wait a minute!” Jon stammered as Whooves pressed a switch making the object extend outward slightly like a flower blooming. “You’re not going to--”

But by then it was too late for Jon to even comprehend what happened. Within a fraction of a second a bright light radiated from behind Whooves, leaving him unscathed but temporarily blinded. The true effect of what had occurred would be forever lost on Jon, not because he couldn't understand it, but because it was like it never happened.

Whooves took upon himself to speak after a lengthy segment of silence between the two.

“Aha! I found it!” he announced, loud enough to get Jon’s attention but low enough to not draw any more attention to himself from the other customers.

“Y-you have!?” Jon stammered.

“Indeed I have!” he proudly answered, his hooves still in his bag like a magician getting ready to pull out a rabbit. “I have in my possession an item... that will undeniably banish any thought you might have that I am false information and trickery... I have here a device that will prove once and for all that I am... the time traveler you know as Dr. Who!”

“W-well what is it!?” Jon bellowed, unable to contain his excitement at the prospect of being shown the distinctive tools required to be considered a time traveler. “Show me!”

“Calm yourself Mr. Stewart. Such things shouldn't be rushed... especially considering that what I have in my hooves is a machine of such power that I have never shown it to anyone in this timeline!” he continued to brag. “Brace yourself Jonathan for what I’m about to show you... may very well change your-- B’AHAHAHAH! Aaaah ha, ha, ha.”

Out of nowhere and without warning Whooves began to mysteriously bellow with laughter like a man possessed, which really surprised Jon since the buildup to his unveiling was quite serious in nature, only cut short by this spontaneous surge of laughter. Jon was still anxious to see this mysterious item but now he was curious as what was so darn funny.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Whooves apologizes in between fits of left over chuckling. “I... oh God... I can’t say that again with a straight face! Here here just take a look already.”

With the grace of a caffeinated chimpanzee Whooves unsheathed his hoof from his leather bag and plopped an item on the table; an item that left an anticlimactic Jon feeling more confused by its identity than Whooves’ outburst of laughter.

“A camera?” Jon squinted as he looked again, this time without his glasses. “You--

“‘You, wanted to show me... a camera?’” Whooves interrupted with his best Jon Stewart voice which only made him once again explode with laughter. “AHAHAHAHAAAAHA...aaaah, never gets old. ANYWAY! Yes! Yes, I wanted to show you this camera... not just because of how nice it is because honesty it is a rather nice camera-- I mean look at it, it’s even got a little doo-dad right here so I can add a little strap to put it around my neck... but yes, anyway anyway I wanted to show you this because it will prove to you that I am being honest with you!”

There were so many things that Jon didn’t understand. Like what was the deal with Whooves unable to control his laughter, how he knew what he was about to say word for word, and exactly how he intended to prove himself as a time traveler with just a camera. However ethics dictated that he continue the conversation path that ultimately lead him one step closer to realizing his plan.

“Okaaaay... I’m not exactly sure how a camera is going to convince me of anything,” Jon said, begrudgingly setting aside his odd behavior. “Unless you have some pictures from your trips through time or something like that.”

“Oooooo! Quite close, actually! You see my plan is to... well in a matter of speaking I want to... actually why don’t I just show you. A demonstration!” he said as he hoisted the camera to his face and aimed at Jon. “Now then! Smile and say ‘allons-y!’”

“W-w-wait a minute!” Jon stammered as Whooves pressed down on a button located atop the camera. “You’re not going to--”

But by then it was too late for Jon to even comprehend what happened. Within a fraction of a second a bright light radiated from Whooves’ device, leaving him unscathed but temporarily blinded.