Episode 18: Dr. Whooves on the Daily Show

During his interview with Whooves, Jon learned a lot about Equestria, both in the present and in the future. He learned things he should not have and discovered that time can change anyone. At one point during the interview Whooves told Jon to marvel at the interconnectivity of all things and as the interview was nearing its completion he did just that.

Even though this interview was about Whooves there was another name that came up time and time again, the name of a soon-to-be tragic character who was one of Jon’s best friends and at one point, Whooves’ greatest enemy.

“T-twilight?” Jon asked. “What did she do this time?”

“She ruined everything!” Whooves sneered. “She tried to take Derpy away from me!”

“You’re going to have to put this into context for me,” Jon advised. “What exactly did Twilight do?”

“I swear, I thought I’d never have to explain this again,” Whooves said aloud to himself as he brushed his hair back. “It’s like this... after a few months of living with and getting to know the new Ditzy... I mean Derpy, things were going great... but then Twilight sent an order to have Derpy institutionalized at an asylum located inside Canterlot Castle.”

“Are you serious!?” Jon asked.

“Yes... I tried to keep what happened to her a secret because I knew if any official from the Castle caught wind they’d send for her immediate admission,” Whooves said. “There’s a whole system in place to keep ponies from barging into houses abducting other ponies, but I just knew that if Twilight learned about this incident she’d take her away from me.”

“The more I hear-- I’m sorry but it’s really hard to... to, to, to imagine Twilight hating you this much!” Jon said. “To go as far as to detain your fiancee just because you two are rivals seems so... not-- so monstrously unlike her.”

“Okay... to be fair... she didn’t take Derpy just to get back at me as much as it seems that way,” Whooves admitted. “The reason she did so was for the protection of her subjects by utilizing the Canterlot Mental Health Act, or MHA.”

“Equestria has a mental health act?” Jon asked.

“In the future it does. It’s a legislature passed by YEP YOU GUESSED IT, Twilight Sparkle at the same time she also tried to erase all traces of time travel spells,” Whooves recounted. “And do you remember why she tried to do away with all those spells?”

“Uh, yeah because she uh... because of that one guy who tried to go back in time and destroy the Elements of Harmony,” Jon answered.

“Retchstrike is who you’re thinking of,” Whooves helped.

“Yeah that guy!” Jon continued. “He tried to change history and Twilight wanted to make sure he-- make sure no one could ever do it again.”

“And it’s because of him that Twilight also came up with the MHA. The main reason why Twilight, as well as so many others, were terrified of Retchstrike was because he wasn’t some ancient monster brought back by some evil magic or a deadly weapon created by terrorists from another country... he was just some pony,” Whooves revealed. “Just some run-of-the-mill Unicorn who had an exceptionally strong handle on magic, later grew up to abuse the dark arts, and was a bit touched in the head. See, everypony knew he was out of his mind but no one did anything about it on the basis that he was no danger since up until then he had never gotten into trouble.”

Like a jigsaw puzzle nearing its completion, Jon was starting to get a sense of the bigger picture here.

“And like with time traveling magic she didn’t want to risk another... mentally unstable pony doing what he did,” Jon added to the conversation; Whooves nodding in agreement. “So how... how exactly does one get sanctioned under the mental health act? Because from... f-f-from what I understand Derpy got admitted, and Retchstrike would have warranted being taken in... and those two couldn't be further apart. Retchstrike tried to throw the laws of Equestrian nature into chaos by destroying the very elements that bind your world and keep it in order... while Derpy... gets her head stuck in trees.”

“It is rather unfair, isn’t it? That’s exactly how I presented my case as to why Derpy should live with me rather than in a wing for insane ponies, but they wouldn't listen to me. Under the mental health act anypony who fails a psychological test is to be admitted,” Whooves explained. “This test is basically a series of questions to determine how self-aware you are and how psychologically intact your mind is.”

“And Derpy failed this test?” Jon assumed.

“She got the very first question wrong. ‘What is your name?’ is the first thing they ask you,” Whooves recounted. “Those in charge expected her to say ‘Ditzy Doo’ but she said ‘Derpy Hooves’ instead... from there it went downhill,” Whooves continued on. “She answered almost every question incorrectly... I tried to explain to them, and to Twilight directly, that despite what their tests said she wasn’t a danger to herself or anypony else.”

“I’m just going to play devil’s advocate here for a second,” Jon experimented, immediately getting Whooves’ attention. “But perhaps, and I’m not saying Derpy deserved this herself, but perhaps this Mental Health Act isn’t such a bad idea if it will prevent situations like--”

“That idiotic law was most certainly a bad idea, Jonathan!” Whooves interrupted, confirming Jon’s suspicions. “That terrible, unjust law was put in place by an arrogant leader who, once again, was making decisions on behalf of ponies on topics she knew nothing about! Twilight abducted my Derpy away from me and had the nerve to call her crazy! What did she know!? Did she have a masters degree in pony psychology!? NO! I HAVE FIVE OF THOSE!”

“Okay, okay I get it!” Jon backed down. “You didn’t like Twilight’s policy in this matter.”

“She just wouldn't listen! They claimed they just wanted what was best for her... as if they knew anything!” Whooves continued. “Derpy she... she did know her name, I know she did and even though they thought she was beyond saving I knew she was in there... somewhere, I could tell!”

“With all due respect, it seems like your diagnosis was purely based on emotions rather than facts,” Jon commented. “Maybe they didn’t listen to you because they thought you biased.”

“YOU’RE WRONG!” Whooves blurted. “She... I knew she was still there! She took my name... my name... no pony elses!”

“What do you mean she took your name?” Jon inquired.

“‘Whooves’... my last name... when she... when she changed her name it was mine she took as her own... in the past we discussed it and decided that when we got married she’d take my last name,” Whooves desperately tried to explain. “She... s-she even did that thing she did where she forgot about the silent ‘W’... a-a-and the name ‘Derpy’ is no coincidence... that was my pet name for her when we first started dating... You see! She does know her name! She belonged with me!”

“Did the Castle still refuse after you... I mean what did they say after you told them all this?” Jon asked.

“I didn’t... they never gave me the chance, they just wanted to lock her up as soon as possible. This is why I forged her medical documents when we arrived in this point in time. Ponyville doesn't have any legislation on one's mental health but I didn't want to take any chances." Whooves explained his decision fueled by emotions rather than any cerebral processes. “You know what the last straw was? At one point, while pleading for Derpy’s release, Twilight contested that she may be dangerous but we just don’t know it yet... she even went as far as to imply that there was a chance that Derpy was the one who murdered her own mother... that... was it.”

“I... wow... well you have Derpy now,” Jon observed. “So... how did-- what did you do about it?”

“Oh I’ll tell you what I did... I already lost Derpy once and I wasn’t going to let it happen again. So instead of standing around like a blasted lemon I decided to give Derpy what she always wanted,” Whooves began, looking as fired up as the day he ran away. “Derpy detested the world she lived in and thought it too complicated and unjust... she yearned for a life most simple... when we first met she would often say how she fantasized about running away to live in a small village or countryside untouched by the skurge of modernity... and when her mother died she retreated into her mind to escape the evils of the world. And it was on that day that I decided to give it to her.”

“So that was the day?” Jon asked. “The day you took her to the past?”

“I had Zenith help me break into the Castle, since he grew up there he knew all the tricks to get in and out, plus he was still technically a member of the royal family so no one could stop him from entering,” Whooves continued. “All I had to do was tell him how I planned on undermining his mother’s authority and reveal to the world about my time traveling device and he was all too eager to help me. And as I said before... after a particularly lengthy bout of chases here and alarms going off there I managed to escape a thousand years into the past... at the time a thousand seemed like a good number.”

“I’ve been wondering about that... it sounds like a large reason as to why you went back rather than forward in time was to get away from living under the monarchy of future Twilight,” Jon said. “But you just ended up in a point in time where she still existed, granted she wasn't in charge of anything yet.”

“That was certainly a problem at first... when future Twilight tried to stop me she actually almost succeeded. At one point she damaged my time machine and it looked as if it wasn’t going to work, but thanks to some quick calibrations I managed to throw myself into the past. Problem was, ironically enough, time was of the essence, so I just picked the first big number I could think of,” Whooves admitted. “When we arrived I would have gone further back but my Tardis was damaged so I spent close to a year repairing it... but in that time Derpy had fallen in love with the place and those who inhabited it and thus I decided to stay here… soon after we started a family and the rest is history.”

“Let’s say that Twilight didn’t know that you had a time machine or that Derpy hadn’t undergone mental trauma... and instead of making a split second decision you had all the time in the world to think things through without fear of either you or Derpy being taken by the Castle,” Jon had Whooves consider. “Would you still have done it? Would you still have taken her and yourself out of your own time and into another?”

Taking a crucial second to think this over, Whooves turned slightly to gaze upon the time machine disguised as a police box that was still present on screen.

“If it meant that we could have the life we have now... absolutely,” Whooves answered with absolute certainty. “I maybe would have chosen a different time period... not the future though, Twilight has this nasty little habit of not being able to die so I would have gone deep into the past… perhaps a couple more milleniums than just one… I hear Starswirl the Bearded was one heck of a party animal.”

“Help me out here because you... I just can’t seem to understand how you’re so... l-laid back about the idea of leaving your own time... and traveling through-- uh, back so many years,” Jon baited. “I get that... that you... uh, that you love your wife but to leave everything behind for her... what I’m saying is it sounds difficult but you... you sound so confident about your desicion.”

In truth, Whooves tried not to think about the implications of the actions he took only a few years prior. It took only a fraction of a second to come to the same conclusion that manifested in his mind on that fateful day.

“Jon... you will never know how much I had to give up for the sake of Derpy. I left everything behind, gave up the future that was laid before me just for her. My colleagues, my friends, my eleven brothers, mom, dad, and Zenith... I left them all behind,” Whooves listed. “My research and ideas were on the verge of unlocking so much for ponykind. For years I had been working on endless projects to advance us into a new age… an age where everything could be explained and nothing was unobtainable. Sounds boring I know, but I was working on projects ranging from the obliteration of all diseases to the construction of machines to send ponies into space... I was planning on being the first pony to walk the moon... of his own free will.”

“Can’t you still do all that?” Jon asked. “What’s stopping you... haven’t you gone back to the future before?”

“The great tragedy is that I can never go back to the future for the sole purpose of completing any of my works... doing so would draw too much attention and if Twilight even caught a hint of my return she’d pounce... and none of my colleagues can continue my research because there is no pony alive, not even Zenith, who can comprehend my notes and journals,” Whooves explained. “And while I’m in the past I can never use my future ideas or advanced intellect because doing so would alter the timeline... present day Equestria is pretty much stuck in the stone age and everyday I see ways life can be improved, but I must act as ponies did from this time... so I subject myself to a menial job as a timekeeper as to not draw suspicion.”

This, more than anything, made Jon understand his guest.

“Do you ever regret it?” Jon asked. “Do you ever just... do you ever look back and wish you didn’t leave all that behind? Your friends, family, all that you’ve accomplished now gone... don’t you ever regret your decision? Don’t you sometimes wish you hadn’t had to press that reset button?”

“Honestly... not even a little bit.” Whooves chuckled. “And I’ll tell you why... because I didn’t leave everything behind... as long as I can spend the rest of my life in peace with the one I love most, then I know I made the right decision. Everypony I knew and everything I ever did or accomplished is nothing compared to knowing that Derpy finally has what she always wanted, to see she’s finally... at peace.”

“And it’s all thanks to you; you made this all possible,” Jon praised as he faked applause, which in turn made the audience do the same but in a genuine fashion. “Because you didn’t want to lose a loved one, because you were willing to do whatever it took and risk everything for someone you cared for. Even though an entire Castle was against you and those who were supposed to watch over others were claiming to only look after everyone's best interest, you still did what needed to be done.”

Those in attendance believed Jon to be actually congratulating his guest, but Whooves was too smart and quickly saw through his forked tongue.

“Oh, cute Jon, cute,” Whooves chimed.

“Whooves... help me out here,” Jon said as he reached over to grab his foreleg. “You... more than anyone else, know what I’m going through... help me... help me like you helped Derpy.”

“You know I can’t do that,” Whooves reminded, taking back his hoof and leaving Jon half sprawled on the desk. “Your circumstances couldn't be any more different. I’m sorry but I can’t help you save Trixie.”

There was a rustling in the crowd as they geared up for another shouting match between the two. As it turned out they misjudged as Jon was still in the bartering phase.

“Whooves please! You have to help me! Without you Trixie will die!” Jon begged, his voice not angry though loud enough one might mistake it as such. “I know how you’re feeling! To know that you may never see a loved one again... that feeling that somewhere in that big Castle your friend lays waiting to go home with no way for you to do anything about it... except you found a way! Please Whooves, I’m sorry for trying to trick you and I’m sorry for trying to force your hand but if you don’t help me Trixie will--”

“Don’t try to pin this on me Jon!” Whooves warned. “I’m sympathetic for you, truely I am, but I already risked altering time once for selfish reasons and I won’t do it again!”

“Why!? Why can’t you see things from my point of view!?” Jon begged to know. “You are unbelievable! You know you claim to not like Twilight or those in the Castle and yet here you are playing God, deciding who lives or who dies! What do I have to do to make--”

“Don’t you EVER compare me to Twilight!” Whooves interjected. “She was out to get me from the moment we met! And you’re right our circumstances are similar BUT, Twilight and those who worked for her took my Derpy away from me with the intention of having her rot in a cell with lunatics the rest of her life! At least she TRIED to help you! WHAT DID SHE DO FOR ME!? NOTHING!”

“Wait... w-w-wait, what?” Jon asked as Whooves recoiled his hooves in a panic. “What did you say?”

“N-nothing.” Whooves turned his head to avoid eye contact. “I’ve said too much already.”

“No, you’re going to tell me right now,” Jon demanded. “What do you mean by she tried to help me?”

No matter where Whooves turned his head he was greeted by watchful eyes begging for him to continue. Whether they be Jon’s or those in attendance, those working the cameras or lighting, or the invisible eyes of those watching from their living rooms... the classic peer pressure that came with being on The Daily Show proved too great.

“Fine.” Whooves sighed. “Jon, I know how and when Trixie dies.”

Jon was ready for anything Whooves was to come up with... or so he thought.

“W-what?” Jon could only ask.

“While researching you for this interview I came across Trixie... I know when, where, and how she dies... and it’s not from her bout with Clausus,” Whooves revealed.

“R-really!?” Jon blurted as he felt a lifting feeling in his chest. “Does... does she get cured!? Does she live a long and healthy life after all!?”

“I’m sorry, Jonathan.” Whooves shook his head. The sunken face he displayed told Jon more than he wanted to know, and yet he needed to know, he had to.

“When?” Jon asked after a lengthy pause of silence between them. “When does she die?”

“Jon, don’t do this to yourself,” Whooves advised.

“No... I want to know,” Jon said. “When does she die?” Another eerie moment of silence fell between the two with no noticeable movement or signs of either of them letting up on their intense staring contest.

Whooves was the first to make a move. He did so by digging into his pocket with a free hoof to produce his trusty golden pocket watch. After a quick glance he placed it back inside his vest and faced Jon once more; his face unchanging, still a template of discomfort.

“About five hours ago,” he answered.

His answer might as well have been a bullet going through Jon’s heart. As if his legs could no longer function on their own, Jon fell back with even odds whether he’d land in his chair. As with his legs his arms followed in turn, and were now dangling over the side of his armchair, giving him the resemblance of a life-size puppet that had lost its master. The only part of him that still had life was his head which seemed to be permanently fixated on his guest, but soon drooped downwards like he could no longer control the muscles in his neck.

The audience was in shock by this revelation and attempted to stay as silent as possible to give Jon the time needed to process this new information. Little did they know that it wasn’t a matter of how long it would take for Jon to accept this but rather a willingness on his part... he refused to believe.

“I’m so sorry, Jon,” Whooves said. “I would have told you earlier but... but I--”

“How?” Jon finally asked, his energy almost depleted just from asking.

Rather than fighting him on this inquiry as well, Whooves allowed his host to further punish himself.

“Again it wasn’t from the Clausus... but instead it was on the operating table,” Whooves revealed, which was enough cause for Jon to look back up. Before he could ask, Whooves took control once more. “Celestia, Twilight, and numerous other ponies attempted the ‘Entropy spell’ to cure her... but as they predicted it didn’t work and before they could restore the body she passed on... she didn’t feel a thing.”

“But... but they... they... t-t-they said,” Jon struggled to argue. “T-t-they said they... they said--”

“Yes, I realize they informed you that using such a spell was out of the question because, like they said, it didn’t work,” Whooves explained. “History tells us that they tried anyways because they were persuaded by an individual who explained that what they were doing was basically putting her to death... I believe his exact words were, ‘You won’t do it because Trixie isn’t worth it to you.’”

Hearing this familiar statement caused yet another bullet to go through Jon’s heart, only this time he knew who fired the shot. All Jon ever wanted was for Trixie to be happy, all he ever wanted was for her to be safe... but it was not to be. As if this new information was coal being dumped into the furnace of a steam powered train, Jon felt a rising heat in his body as he slowly began to regain life.

“Trixie does undergo the ‘Entropy spell’... but only because you convinced them to do so,” Whooves revealed as Jon firmly planted his feet. “I’m not sure if they did it out of guilt or because they agreed with you but thanks to you they went and--

Without warning Jon lunged forward across the table, his arms just the right length to grab Whooves by his jacket and drag him towards him as he lifted him into the air. Despite his age he did this in such a swift motion, and with such ease, that Whooves didn’t even have time to react, one second he was busily describing how Jon killed his friend the next he was hoisted in the air.

“Jonathan!” Whooves gasped as the crowd did the same. “W-what in Equestria are you doing!?”

“Whooves please, you have to help me!” Jon pleaded. “I won’t let it end this way! I won’t be responsible for... for... PLEASE! For the love of God help me!”

“L-let go of me!” Whooves ordered as he tried to break free, but to no avail against the man three times his size. “I already told... you I can’t!”

“I refuse to accept that!” Jon warned as he tightened his grip.

“You’re... you’re hurting me,” Whooves gasped.

“I don’t care!” Jon shot back. “You’ve broken the rules before and you’ll do it again!”

“I... I can’t,” Whooves struggled to say.

“Yes you can! And yes you will!” Jon roared. “I won’t have Trixie’s blood on my hands! If you don’t help me right here right now then so God help me I’ll--”

“FINE!” Whooves yelled with all his might as Jon’s grip began to choke him.

Out of surprise, rather than cooperation, Jon relinquished his guest whereupon he fell to the table, gasping for breath and struggling to get up on all fours.

“I am sick... and tired... of you asking me to do this!” Whooves complained in between huffs of much needed breath. “So you know what... fine... I’ll do it... I’ll save your precious Trixie!”

“Y-you w-will!?” Jon stammered, finding it hard to speak was such a strong smile on his face.

“Yes... but it will cost you,” Whooves warned as he continued to straighten his clothing. “... deeply.”

“Literally... whatever you want, it’s yours!” Jon offered. “What do you want? Money, power, Colbert? I’ll give you anything you want!”

“No, nothing like that... I’ll give you what you want but in exchange you need to give up something... far more precious,” Whooves informed, the weight of the situation lost on Jon who was too focused on the fact that he was about to get what wanted from the start. “Here’s my proposition for you... I’ll go back in time myself and stop Trixie from ever getting injured and-- no, you know what... I’ll do you one better, I’ll go back in time and make it so Queen Chrysalis never tried to invade your show... that way you, your family, and Trixie are to never be in harms way.

“T-that’s... that’s great! This way not only is my world never put in danger but neither is Equestria! A-and if you do this than Trixie can stay in my world forever!” Jon theorized with giddy anticipation. “Oh thank you, thank you so much Whooves! This is great I--”

“Oh don’t thank me just yet... remember there’s a catch,” Whooves reminded. “And I’m afraid it interferes with your little ‘lives happily ever after’ scenario you got going on there.”

“... What do you mean?” Jon asked. “What do I have to do?”

“It’s simple really... I’ll go back in time and save Trixie... but in exchange I’ll also make it so you never get the chance to met her?” Whooves told a now perplexed Jon.

“What... wha-wha-what are you saying?” Jon asked.

“What I’m saying is if you want me to save Trixie then the best way to do so is to make sure she never gets the chance to know you,” Whooves explained, his words cutting Jon deep like sharpened knives. “So... here’s my deal... I’ll save Trixie... but in exchange I’ll alter the timeline so you never get the chance to travel to Equestria.”

Through this interview, as indeed was the case with most interviews, there was a percentage of viewers (mostly human) who wondered if what was occurring on-screen was actually happening or just a staged performance. Some believed that the talking animals on-screen weren’t actually time travelers or magic beings but were just pretending to be while others took it a level further and thought them to not even exist and were just really well done cinematics.

When Jon first did “Equestrian Interviews” he did so with his opening act being Spike the dragon, and at the time people thought it was just a cutesy skit to compete with other shows for ratings, but as time went on it was revealed that it was in fact real; though some still doubted its validity.

But even those very same nonbelievers and naysayers were as stunned as Jon was when they heard that he was given the option to wipe that all away like it was nothing. Everyone was on edge to hear his answer.

“W-wait... you’re saying...” Jon paused as he placed his hand over his forehead, his head spinning. “You’re saying that... in order to save Trixie I have to... t-to--”

“That's right, you have to give up ‘Equestrian Interviews’... and everything that came out of it,” Whooves reiterated as he turned his head to face the audience. “I know my way around a tech or two and I got to say those cameras are as basic as they get. I’m sure you know how your show gets transmitted to Equestria... I’ll just simply go back in time and tinker a bit with your equipment so that when you broadcast only human eyes will view it.”

“B-b-but if you do that then,” Jon tried to say but couldn't bring himself to do so.

“You get the idea... if you agree to this then you also agree to an existence where you never know the ponies of Equestria and alternately they’ll never know of you. You’ll live the rest of your life having never gone to Ponyville, a life where Celestia never teleported you on that fateful day to help you... a life where all the friends you’ve made and experiences you’ve had over there never happened... and of course... a life were Trixie never becomes a part of your family,” Whooves cautioned Jon. “If you’re wondering why it has to be like this it’s because it’s the only way to absolutely keep her safe. You never broadcast to Equestria so Celestia never helps you, which in turn means that you don’t have Twilight on your show, which means Trixie never seeks to be on your show out of jealousy, which means that she never gets stuck and has to stay in your world. In addition, this also means that Queen Chrysalis won’t know about you so she never tries to invade your show to steal the love of your audience which was the reason why you had to get Trixie to help you which is how she ended up getting hurt... do you see... the only way to be sure that she lives is to make sure she never meets you.”

Even though this was what Jon wanted all along he never thought the cost would be this great. He never considered that this day would end up like this, where the future of so many lives would depend on his next answer.

“There has to be some other way,” Jon tried to have him consider.

“There is none... I’ve already looked over all the scenarios in my head; too many variables,” Whooves countered. “The only way to be absolutely sure of her safety... is if you two never meet.”

The way he made his point, so cold and calculated, was enough to hurt Jon... though it didn’t hurt as much as the thought that he was right.

“So what’ll it be, Stewart?” Whooves asked. “What's more important... keeping Trixie alive... or keeping your memories of her alive.”

Jon found it difficult to think with the audience ignoring the rules of the studio by yelling at him with advice. Every single member of the audience was yelling at him to not go through with it. Some groups were chanting the phrase “don’t do it” while others who were in the back row ran down the aisle so he could hear them.

All of their pleading was pointless; Jon had long since made up his mind.

“I realize now that... the concept of changing the past is a harsh and dangerous one,” Jon began. “A reckless and selfish idea that should never be used lightly if at all and should only be considered by the most responsible of people.”

“Finally... you see things my way,” Whooves congratulated. “Maybe now we can--”

“Too bad I’m not one of those people,” Jon interrupted.

“Excuse me?” Whooves asked.

“I’ll do it,” Jon said

“What?” Whooves responded.

“I said I’ll do it,” Jon repeated. “I’ll take you up on your offer... make it happen.”

As if he was a coyote trying to operate a stick of Acme dynamite, Whooves felt his own plan backfiring on him, his face black from his own contraption turning on him... even he didn’t predict this.

“Are you serious?” Whooves asked, his inquiry drowned out by the sound of the crowded audience yelling obscenities or crying out for him to not do it.

“Dead serious... if giving all that up is what it’ll take for Trixie to be safe, then I’ll gladly do it,” Jon answered.

Whooves still couldn't believe what he was hearing, as evident by his shaking his head in utter disbelief.

“I don’t... you have no idea how... don’t you understand what this means!? Have the the slightest idea of the implications of what you’re saying!?” Whooves yelled. “For God’s sake Stewart, don’t you care!? Don’t you care about what effects this might have on those around you?” In response the host began to shake his head.

“Not really,” he answered.

“Don’t you realize that by doing this you’ll lose all the friends you made in Equestria as well as the experiences you shared with them!?” Whooves asked.

“I know,” Jon answered. “I still want to do it.”

“Don’t you realize that this could damage your show!? ‘Equestrian Interviews’ is your most popular segment!” Whooves reminded. “If you lose that there’s a chance you could lose your entire program!”

“I know,” Jon answered. “I still want to do it.” Whooves was starting to get mad.

“Don’t you realize that this could permanently alter the chronological stability of not only the human world but Equestria as well!?” Whooves asked. “This show is the connection between our two worlds! Without it you could forever change the timeline of billions of humans and ponies! For crying out loud you won’t even remember ever saving her in the first place!”

“I know,” Jon answered. “I still want to do it.”

“How can you still want to go through with this!? Don’t you understand!? Don’t you care!?” Whooves roared. “Don’t you care about yourself, about your well-being, about everything you’ve accomplished because of those interviews!? You’ll lose everything related to my world, your friends, your experiences, your memories, everything... EVERYTHING!”

A sense of understanding was nowhere in sight and was not going to be established at any point between the two. After his pressing of the issue at hand, Jon allowed his guest a moment to catch his breath before continuing.

“If you’re quite done, I’ll make the arrangements with Celestia to allow you to return home after all this is set and done,” Jon said while standing up. “I have one request though... before you change the past I’d like one last moment with Trixie to say goodbye.”

Shifting his weight, Jon began to round his table to a chorus of audience members begging him to reconsider his decision. But before he could leave to go backstage he was halted by Whooves speaking out in his direction.

“Are you insane?” Whooves wondered out loud. “If you think for a moment I was actually serious then I severely misjudged you.”

A familiar swelling was rising in the bowels of his stomach. Jon now realized that he had been had.

“But you said--” Jon began only to get cut off.

“I lied!” Whooves interrupted. “Of course I’m not going to alter the past like that! And you are a fool for even thinking I would!”

In a rare example of the crowd working against their host, the audience began to cheer at Whooves’ decision. This joyous celebration was not shared by Jon who immediately ran up to Whooves out of blind rage with his arms stretched out with horrible intentions. This was easily foreseeable, especially for Whooves who quickly jumped atop the Daily Show table just in time to see Jon almost crash into the swivel chair he had been occupying the entire time.

“We had a deal!” Jon roared as Whooves held his foreleg out at him like a circus ring leader trying to steady a show-lion.

“Calm down, Stewart!” Whooves demanded. “I was trying to make a point!”

“What point!?” Jon yelled as he looked as if he was about to climb the table himself, making Whooves walk backwards to widen the gap between them. “To show that you’re the only one who can be selfish!?”

“It was a test... and you failed!” Whooves said as he slowly lifted his other hoof into the air which still firmly held his cylindrical device. “I’m sorry for giving you false hope, I-- perhaps I went about this the wrong way, but the fact of the matter is I can’t change history the way you want me too.”

It was quite common for an actor to be able to change their emotions at will, but it was still an uneasy sight for Whooves to see Jon go from murderous anger to pathetic begging in a blink of an eye.

“Please Whooves... I can’t... I need this!... Please help me!” Jon clasped his hands together as he looked upwards at his guest like he was some kind of deity. “I can’t stand seeing her like this I can’t... she’s dead now fine but you can change that... please, I don’t care about the show, or those I’ve met in your world, or... o-o-or any of that!... I just want Trixie back, please give me back my Trixie!”

“How can you just throw that all away for one pony!?” Whooves shot back, yelling as loud as he could to match Jon’s intensity. “Why do you care so much about... Why can’t you just accept that she’s dead and that she’ll stay that way!”

“BECAUSE IT’S MY FAULT!” Jon yelled so loud that even if he didn’t have a mic attached to his person his voice would have carried to all corners of the building. As if the act of doing this was enough to drain him of all the energy in his body, Jon collapsed into the chair previously occupied by Whooves... he was visibly exhausted and surprised for saying what he just said, but he still had enough energy to say one last thing before burying his face into his hands. “It’s... it’s all my fault!”

There was no longer any reason for Whooves to think Jon was a threat. So while Jon began to silently weep to himself he backed away to the edge of the table and threw himself into the host’s chair behind the desk.

“You’re too hard on yourself ya know,” Whooves commented as he admired his own pocket device, looking at the reflection of himself on its shiny surface. “You can’t keep blaming yourself for what happened.”

“But... it’s... it’s because of me that she’s dead.” Jon sniffed. “It’s like you said... she’s dead because we met. If it wasn’t for me she’d never try to get on my show... I was the one who let her stay with me, I was the one who begged her to help me fight Chrysalis, and it’s because she tried to save me that she ended up getting hurt... it’s all my fault.”

“And like I said, I sympathize with you... I honestly do... but there’s nothing I can do about it,” Whooves reiterated. “I’m sorry... but I can’t help.”

“No... I’m sorry,” Jon rebutted. “Because you’re still stuck here.”

“I beg your pardon?” Whooves said.

“There’s only one way back to your world... and that’s through me,” Jon said as he stood up and pointed his arm behind him. “I made a deal with Celestia that as long as she’s in my world... she’d follow my lead... so if you ever want to leave this place and see your wife again... you’ll help me.”

“There' that... or, you know... I can just time travel myself on out of here,” Whooves suggested as he waved his probing device in the air. “Quick reminder: This device can remotely control other objects... even my own Tardis.”

“Impossible... there’s something you overlooked,” Jon said.

“I highly doubt that but by all means... go on,” Whooves humored him.

“I’m sorry but... you don’t have your time machine... Celestia does,” Jon revealed. As expected this made the audience immediately start talking amongst themselves with surprised looks... the same could not be said for Whooves.

“Are you sure about that?” Whooves asked as he looked slightly to the left of Jon. “Because Celestia can’t get to me and last I checked my Tardis is... well, right there.”

“You’re wrong,” Jon corrected. “That’s not your Tardis... that’s a Tardis. You see I--”

“You told Celestia about my time machine before my arrival in this world and you instructed her to use her magic to switch it with a decoy before our interview. That way when I arrived on your show I would go on thinking my faithful time machine was next to me the entire time but in actuality it’s back in Equestria being looked over by officials at Canterlot Castle,” Whooves interrupted. “You begged her to switch mine with a replica because you wanted me to think I had the option of leaving whenever I wanted to but in reality was stuck here and couldn’t escape so you could whatever you want with me... am I right so far?”

“Y-you knew?” Jon asked, as he began to feel physically ill.

“I always knew... do you think I’m stupid enough to come on stage in front of billions and out myself without having a backup plan?” Whooves asked. “See, I knew you’d be a big ol’ tattle tale and tell her about me the moment we parted ways and I knew you’d try to strand me here which is why... I took extra precautions.”

“You mean... oh no,” Jon said as he turned to look at the looming blue Tardis. “Don’t tell me that... this fake Tardis... is actually the real one.”

“You’re quite close... but no, the one right there is in fact the fake one that Celestia used as a clever subterfuge,” Whooves admitted. “The real one I suspect is in Equestria right now being guarded at Canterlot Castle... too far away for me to activate even at long distance so in that regard you performed admirably.”

As well as being shocked by this turn of events Jon was confused. If what he was hearing was true Whooves predicted the plan that he and Celestia had cooked up but did nothing about it.

“I don’t... I don’t understand,” Jon said. “If you knew what we were up to... why did you let us get away with it?”

“Because the thing is Jonathan... I can still travel through time.” Whooves smirked. “The fact of the matter is... I could have left any time I wanted.”

“Y-you're bluffing... you're bluffing!” Jon stammered. “Tha-that’s impossible! Celestia took your time machine before the interview, it said so in the text she sent me!”

“Who said anything about using the time machine you took? All I’m saying is that even without it I can still time travel,” Whooves said. “So I waited... and waited till the time was right. And by the time you guys made the switch I was already right here being interviewed... ready to send myself into the past when I needed to.”

As was the case, Jon clasped his own head as if he was trying to prevent it from exploding. He was having a hard time keeping up with Whooves who had by now ran this particular scenario multiple times through his head.

“But that makes no sense!” Jon argued, still unable to comprehend. “We have your time machine!... Celestia told me she had it and was keeping it safe long before our interview! How can it be that we have your time machine, and yet you still claim you can time travel without it!?”

“To answer that allow me to share a quote with you that my mentor Zenith once said... ‘Although it may still serve some practical function, and at one point was the dominate form of ingenuity, magic is no match for the power of science,’” Whooves bragged as he slowly leaned in. “Jon... it’s simple! While I was here in your world... I just built new one.”

“You... built a new one?” Jon asked out of habit. “Right... right here... but... but ho--”

“How? You’re wondering how!?... Really!?” Whooves laughed as loudly as he could. “Oh come on! Look at who you’re talking to!”

Jon could do nothing but.

“I was able to build another quick time machine, quite easily I might add, because I’ve done so once before and the knowledge to do so is still in my noggin,” Whooves answered as he pressed his hoof to his temple. “While I was waiting for my turn to go on stage I spent my time making a new one to stave off boredom, I even had the parts to do it in my bag. It took me a couple of minutes, about as long as it takes to prepare of cup of tea, and while it’s not as advanced as my original one it’ll get the job done.”

“But...how?” Jon repeated, still unable to believe it.

“HOW!? For the same reason I knew that you two took my original one. For the same reason I knew Celestia was here the entire time, for the same reason I knew every way in which you’d trick me, for the same reason I was able to turn on the cameras and broadcast our little battle for everypony to see, for the exact same reason I knew about what would happen in your future and the future of your show, for the same reason I knew who your next interviewees would be, for the same reason I knew Celestia would release Discord as a test to help Twilight become a princess, for the same reason I knew that in the future she would give birth to a pony named Zenith who would lead all of ponykind into a bright future where ideas and science are the dominate power, and how I knew that the events of that moment in time would eventually lead to me going back in time!” Whooves listed with such rapid speed that it was hard to understand him. “For the same reason I know everything about anything before it happens with 99% percent accuracy by analytically running scenarios in my head faster than any machine, for the same reason that I am forever blessed with the knowledge of everything that was, is, or will be, from now till the end of time which I have already seen with my own eyes. I know all of this for the same reason and do you know what that reason is, Jonathan!?”

“N...n-no,” Jon whimpered as Whooves caught his breath. “W-why?”

Taking a moment to smile a most devilish smile, Whooves produced once again his trusty sonic probe which he dangled in front of his face.

“Because I’m the Doctor,” Whooves answered as he pressed down on a button.

“Wait!” Jon pleaded as a bright light began to engulf the stage. “What about my--”