Episode 18: Dr. Whooves on the Daily Show

From what Jon understood, the main problem one usually faces when living in a residential area not of the city, but rather suburban, is a tendency to get lost in the sameness of it all. Structurally speaking, neighborhoods that weren’t in the city or countryside tended to all look the same, with rows of neighborhood being the same design repeated over and over again.

Housing projects like these, though expected in certain middle class areas, were not common in major metropolitans; New York especially. Jon’s ability to memorize the layout of his beloved city was not just because of his memory (which wasn’t even that good) but because at any given time you’re in a section of The Big Apple that is completely its own.

A street corner in Tribeca is a hell of a lot different than one in SoHo, making it fairly easy to determine where everything is.

Ironically Ponyville, as with every location in Equestria, was completely unique in its own respects to the point where everything just felt the same to Jon. Oh sure, some cities in Equestria were different in that they were located on a mountain, near the ocean, or in the sky, but once inside things tended to get a bit confusing.

Jon’s numerous trips to Ponyville had made it so he had a handle on the street layouts, but individual buildings were a hurdle he still hadn’t conquered. Everything here was completely different than what he was used to back home, making it all the same in that it was all different.

For starters, each house was uniquely made which visually made it look like a jumbled mess. With no patterns to go by it’s easy to get confused and mistake one oblong shaped house for another. In addition, there was also a problem on Jon’s part of only knowing what a building's main purpose was after venturing inside it, because you know... seen one cartoonish looking residence, seen them all.

Luckily for him however, he had some clues to go on. He still had no idea what this restaurant was called or where it was located, but he had some leads; look for the building surrounded by a white picket fence which has a red roof. He also knew it was by Derpy’s house, but unless her building was in the shape of a giant muffin (a possibility which Jon was completely ready to believe) than it wasn’t going to help him.

Another thing Jon learned from his visits to Equestria was that most ponies were huge gossips, so word traveled fast. In this case the fact that Jon was here to see his best friend Trixie only to learn she was terminally ill had by this time already left Canterlot and spread through Ponyville as common knowledge. It was this reason, and this reason alone, why not a single resident bothered to approach him.

Confidently he walked down the dirt road to the heart of Ponyville, where he would make his way to the southeast side, from what he could remember that was where most eateries were. As he continued on his way he noticed that while no one came to talk to him, almost everyone was staring at him and whispering to each other. He hated how they looked at him with pity filled eyes; they both knew why he was in Equestria. For Jon it was slightly annoying, but at the same time he appreciated how they respected him enough to not get in his way, this meant he could find Derpy’s husband in peace without any distraction.

With a turn of his heels Jon was now in the center of Ponyville, where most official business took place; a wide assortment of government buildings, fountains, and pathways leading to other parts of the town laid in front of him. If this day was a major holiday this area would be packed with ponies in the middle of decorating for a festival or some such event.

From where he stood, if he stretched his neck, he could make out Twilight’s treehouse and he could easily see Carousel Boutique, but since both were in the opposite direction of where he was heading he didn’t get a chance to stop for a quick visit. Heading to his right, Jon went down an identical dirt road with some not-so-identical new buildings to look upon.

As he walked up and down this semi-busy street, he noticed that there were several businesses specializing in food, one of which he recognized as Sugercube Corner. He walked all the way down to where the road split in two, one going left and the other right; he recalled that both lead to more residential housings, so he turned back to do another look around.

Again he noticed restaurants, some of which he didn’t see the first time through, but none of them had a red roof, let alone a white fence. Sensing that he was looking for a needle in a haystack, Jon decided to try a different approach, he might not have known the restaurant's name, but he knew of a place nearby.

With every step Jon was getting closer to being back in the center of Ponyville, but before he could count himself officially lost he did the one thing that all true New Yorkers hated doing and hated seeing; he asked for directions. Right at the border between this road and the center of town a few mares could be seen gossiping among each other; about what he didn’t know or care, he just needed to ask one of them something. From his angle he could see three of them, two Unicorns and an Earth Pony, with the latter of whom having her back to Jon. Feeling as if this was as good a pony to ask as anyone, Jon leaned in, almost on one knee to get the attention of the rust colored Earthpony with fluffy yellow hair which curled up so much that it bounced when she moved.

“Excuse me,” Jon said, causing the Earth Pony to spin around in surprise.

“EEP!” she shrilled in surprise, first by his sudden introduction and then by the fact that it was Jon Stewart. Jon took a second to see if he could break the ice by mentioning her profession via her cutie mark, when he realized it was a palm tree, he decided to go a more direct route.

“Hi, sorry to bother you, but do you know where Derpy lives?” Jon asked, skipping introductions and getting straight to the point.

“Uh... y-yeah... I mean yes I do,” she stammered, looking to her friends then pointing in another direction past the town square. “She lives in a house over on south-west street.”

“Thank you very much,” he said as he got back up and made his way without saying goodbye, but instead giving a faint wave of his hand as he walked off to a symphony of hushed whispers.

A combination of late night fatigue and impatience fueled Jon to rush off to his next location so abruptly. But while his lack of proper manners was evident and ceaseless at the moment, he knew he would have to put on a better poker face for when he met up with Derpy’s husband. After all, he’d pissed off a few doctors today; and this next one was his last hope.

“Alright Jon,” he thought to himself as he rounding a corner of the town square to get to his new location. “When you meet with the guy... drop the attitude.”

Without checking his bearings to make sure he was going the right direction, Jon went down a new road opposite of the one he had just left. This new area seemed to be geared to a more residential zone but still had a few shops here and there, though most of them were kiosk-esque set-up tents, giving a feel more of a bazaar than anything else.

Again he got the same level of attention as before from ponies as he walked down the dirt road with his hands holstered in his pockets. This time Jon didn’t check to see if ponies were glaring at him because by now he already knew they were, though none of them dared approach him. Those who generally knew why he was here didn’t want to disturb him during such difficult times and those who had no idea what business he had in Equestria didn’t come near him because they could gather from his exhausted expression that he wasn’t in the mood at the moment.

At first glance, Jon didn’t see any building resembling the one described by Derpy, but he was starting to see a pattern. The shops were on one side of the street while a long stretch of pony homes were on the other. One house had a very dark red rooftop which would have given him a moment to ponder if he had found his elusive rendezvous spot, but said house was on the side of the street that carried the housing structures, so it couldn't have been.

The road he was currently on eventually spilled into a trail that led to a grassland area and then into the hills and forests of Ponyville’s outer border, rather than another part of the city. Thinking that maybe he took a wrong turn, Jon slowly made his way to a nearby mare who was stationed at some kind of makeshift shop where she sold some fabrics. The mare herself noticed Jon coming her away and stood up in her seat in preparation for anything he might say.

Moments away from asking his question Jon’s mouth opened as he took a breath so he could ask his question in one long take. The pony minding the stand watched as Jon, instead of talking, exhaled without making eye contact, like he was momentarily distracted... because he was.

Before he could ask for directions again, Jon’s eyes caught a glimpse of something toward the end of the street; a red roof. And not just a red roof but one with a white picket fence out front.

“Um... hello?” the pony working the counter asked. “D-did... did you need help with someth--”

If there was any pony in the area who didn’t notice Jon’s presence before they certainly did now. Without warning Jon bolted as fast he could towards his hopefully desired location, leaving the would be helpful mare baffled by his antics. Weaving past groups of Earth Ponies here and Unicorns there, Jon wasted no time in scouting this building in the hopes that he could finally stop searching.

Out of courtesy, most ponies in his way moved aside to make a path for him and didn’t follow, though his effort to get to this location did pique their curiosity.

Eventually he made it, he was now standing just outside of a white fence that surrounded a building with a red roof. Near the entrance was a small sign which had some fresh scribbles on it describing the afternoon special which was some kind of tomato soup. As well as daily specials the sign out front also had the name “Corner Street Eatery” in slanted letters, cementing that this was definitely the right place.

However, despite this building’s blazingly obvious status as the place Derpy wanted Jon to go to, he was too busy marveling at something she failed to mention. His attention was not on the red roof, white fence, or the sign out front giving away the location. No, what he actually noticed, now that he was up close, was the fact that the front yard of this restaurant had giant mushrooms littered everywhere. Not fake lawn ornaments, or structures made to look like mushrooms, but genuine giant mushrooms growing out of the ground. Some smaller than others, but all of them a few feet tall.

Jon had been in Equestria long enough that seeing this didn’t surprise him. The reason he was in disbelief was because in her description of this elusive restaurant this was completely omitted.

“Mushrooms... giant mushroom!” Jon sighed to himself as he slapped the palm of his hand to his forehead. “Wow Derpy... way to bury the lede.”