Episode 18: Dr. Whooves on the Daily Show

Life in Ponyville was not what one would describe as “never ending.” It didn’t quite have the hustle and bustle of cities like Canterlot, Manehatten, or Balitmare. But its striving economy was one that was very self sustainable, and as such everyone had a role to play and something that needed doing. All except for Jon Stewart, who stood in front of the Corner Street Eatery silent and unmoving, no longer marveling at the many mushroom extremities, but now looking to see if his contact, Derpy’s doctor husband, was even here.

This was easy to answer; no he was not. It was easy to notice early on when dealing with all that Equestria had to offer, that the amount of males to females was about 1-5. As well as their being no pony occupying the designated restaurant, Jon saw no male ponies in the general area, let alone anyone who even looked like a doctor. So unless Derpy couldn't tell genders apart, Jon was the first to arrive to the meeting.

Eventually Jon did see a male pony make himself present, but he didn’t get his hopes up for, again, this was clearly no doctor. Emerging from inside the restaurant's main building, an older looking stallion began to make his way up to Jon. From far away his coat looked white and his mane black, but once he got closer he realized that he was in fact a very light color grey and his unkempt mane a dark purple; though his facial hair (a skinny mustache and goatee) were pale white.

Over his shoulder was a black apron which contained numerous pens, a pad to write on, and some drinking straws, from this Jon gathered he was a waiter. Slowly he walked up to the fence separating himself and Jon and placed his front legs on the top as a boost to better get on level with Jon, who felt as if he was at a petting zoo and the waiter was a begging animal.

“Can I help you with something, sir?” he asked. “You’ve been standing outside my establishment for quite some time.” If Jon had to place his accent, he would guess a slight mid-western tone.

“Uh, yeah I’m... I’m actually supposed to meet someone here,” Jon answered as he strained his neck to try and get a good view of the restaurant to see if anyone was inside. “Don’t suppose anyone else is here, huh?”

“I’m afraid not, sir,” he revealed. “We’re not open yet, I’ve just been busy getting things ready.”

“I see... OH! And uh, my name is Jon Stewart,” he said with an extension of his arm for a greeting. “I’ll be dining here later this afternoon.”

“Ah, I thought you looked familiar... you’re that human fellow that’s on television,” the waiter replied as he shook his hand. “The name’s Coatcheck and this is my restaurant... but like I said we’re not open yet.”

“Oh, well then, sorry to disturb you,” Jon said as he slowly backed away. “I’ll kill some time and come back la--”

“But you know,” Coatcheck interrupted before he could venture far. “If you want you can come in now... I won’t be able to get to you for a little bit but at least you’ll have a place to sit down.”

“That would actually be great!” Jon said to the helpful Earthpony who was now opening the front gate for him. “I could use a rest after today so genuinely thank you!”

“Not a problem, you just take a load off while I get things ready,” Coatcheck replied as Jon walked past the front gate.

“Now you wouldn't be doing this because of who I am, now would you?” Jon teased.

“Eeeeeeeh, I just want to make sure you get the best seat in the house.” He winked. “Now then... how many did you say would be joining you again?”

“Just one other person-- er, pony,” Jon answered as he stood in front of the entrance to the building. “You might know him... his name is Dr. Whooves, lives nearby with his wife Derpy.”

“Oh you mean ‘Time Turner.’ Of course I know ‘em,” Coatcheck chuckled. “He and his wife come in to eat every other day... cute couple those two.”

“‘Time turner?’” Jon asked.

“That’s right. He’s the Ponyville timekeeper,” Coatcheck explained. “Though I’ve never heard anypony refer to him as a doctor... but it wouldn't surprise me, that young lad is quite the intellectual.”

“Hm... I see. Well while I’m inside if you see him can you let him know I’m already here?” Jon asked as he preemptively ducked to get under the door to the restaurant. Grabbing the handle, he tried to open the door to the building only to realize it was still locked.

“That won’t be necessary,” Coatcheck advised.

“Uh... what isn’t?” Jon asked, taking stock of his situation. “Letting Whooves know that I’m here or me opening this door?”

“Both actually. When Time Turner comes he’ll see you right away... also that’s not the restaurant, that’s my home,” Coatcheck revealed. “It’s where I keep my supplies... employees only.”

Backing away from the house with the red roof, Jon realized that it was indeed far too small to be a restaurant, even by pony standards.

“Wait... if this isn’t the restaurant... then where do customers eat your food?” Jon asked.

“Why, right out here!” Coatcheck motioned his hoof in a sweeping gesture. “My joint is an outdoor restaurant.”

“Hold on, what... how does that work out?” he asked, shaking his head in disbelief as he pointed to one of the nearby giant mushrooms. “Your front lawn is littered with these... these things! How is a guy supposed to... oh... OH... oh you have got to be kidding me.”

A smile found its way onto the Earthpony’s face as he demonstrated its usage by sitting at one of the smaller ones like a chair and placing his elbows on the bigger mushroom in front of him.

“I’m guessing you don’t have these where you’re from?” he asked, smiling.

The thought that they were tables never once even crossed Jon’s mind, but as he looked on at the fungi being sturdy enough to support the pony’s weight he realized that it was indeed their intended usage. Suddenly everything made sense to him and he now looked at Coatcheck’s establishment with fresh eyes, not as a restaurant with some oddly chosen decoration but as an outdoor dining establishment.

Hopping down from his fungal seat, Coatcheck saw Jon trying to make sense of something in his head.

“Wait, wait wait... so you’re telling me... you’re telling me that THESE mushrooms are the tables!?” he guessed with a nervous smile, getting a nod and smirk in return. “I just... I just can’t believe that you... I mean how... I-- you know what? Nevermind. I’ll just uh... I’ll just find a seat... over... over there.”

Coatcheck watched as Jon made his way to a corner mushroom that was up against the fence and under the lip of the roof which provided some shade, muttering to himself along the way.

“Seriously Derpy?” Jon chuckled to himself. “Of all the... ‘giant mushroom tables,’ that’s all you had to say... was ‘giant mushroom tables,’... that’s all you had to say...”

Before returning to his house, where he would get his supplies ready, Coatcheck caught Jon sitting at his mushroom which, despite its larger than average size, was still a bit small for him. Moving in odd angles to try and find a spot most comfortable to him, as this was his first time sitting in such conditions, his increased size made him lean awkwardly like he was about to fall.

“Hey Mr. Stewart!” Coatcheck called out, getting the human’s attention. “If you’re uncomfortable I can get you a cauliflower pillow.”

Rather than agreeing or disagreeing to his offer, Jon’s mouth just dropped as if he was moments away from taking a bite of his table. The look in his eyes was that of complete shock, with a hint of naivety in that he actually believed him.

“Are... are you serious?” Jon asked as Coatcheck unlocked his front door.

“No,” he answered as he made his way back inside. “That... was a joke.” He passed through the front door just in time to hear his future customer burst out laughing.