Diary Of An Earth Pony Stripper

THE JOB: Birthday Party Surprise for a single client within a group of six mares, all just recently of age to engage in such things as strippers

THE PAY: Five-hundred bits

THE CLIENT(S): Rainbow Dash and Applejack, as a 'kind gesture' to their friend Fluttershy on her birthday

--==[X]==--

Rarity-4-U was one of the hottest clothing shops in Saddle Row, and had a reputation of being somewhere that was hip, elegant and entertaining. They had a live stage, an active kitchen/bar, and more clothes than you could shake a coathook at. The owner was a bonafide fashionista (whatever THAT meant), and was respected by almost every high-society type in the entire city.

And apparently, that's where my gig was supposed to be tonight.

Don't get me wrong, here - clothes are clothes. Honestly, in my profession, the more clothes, the better - it meant that there were probably a number of taboos and hang-ups about nudity that would make my presence even more exotic, and would certainly attract more attention. And tips.

The clients had contacted me about a week ago; it was a birthday party, and they were eager to find a studly stallion to surprise the birthday mare with - hence, yours truly. I gave them the rules, set up the appointment and got the gist of their plan; the old 'hot cop at the door for noise ordinance' routine. I'd done it before, and it was one of my more favored acts - I LOVED seeing that look of shocked, sweet surprise when the client not only discovered they WEREN'T in trouble, but they were about to get a great show.

I was told to expect six mares, so I was naturally eager to check the scene to make sure I would have a way out, just in case things went badly. It had only happened once or twice... but it wasn't a situation I'd wanted repeated. So, on a quick bus ride, I'd examined the location thoroughly, marking the visible entrances and the best, quickest way to the street AND the closest police station.

See Rule Number Two.

With that done, I stopped in at this little restaurant that had some of the BEST potato wedges I'd ever eaten, then took my leisure with wandering around a bit before it was time to do my thing.

Manehattan was BIG; the entire city may have been no bigger than most other metropolitan centers, but it LOOKED bigger; the skyscrapers towered over mare and stallion alike, their shadows playing across the huddled masses as those beneath their silent vigil continued about their days, numbed and oblivious to the majestic monoliths above them.

... damn. I'm getting all poetic and shit - sorry about that.

After a number of hours in wait, my cellphone buzzed with the client's message:

[WERE HERE - ALL IS READY]

I nodded to myself - they were doing what I'd asked of them, in this case - and made my way towards the nearby public restrooms. Yeah, changing into a cop uniform in a small stall wasn't exactly fun or easy - but the uniform was hot and itchy; I wasn't going to show up to my job smelling like I'd been working out before I arrived. So it meant I had to change right before the job.

Gotta admit - the old diamond dog playing chess by himself gave me quite a strange look when I entered the restroom as some average stallion, then emerged as a cop. He didn't say anything to me, however - just gave me a grin and a wink in passing. I had no idea what he might have been thinking, but whatever it was, he must have felt like he'd stumbled upon some sort of superspy.

Hey. That might make for a good routine; I'd have to work that one out later.

I made my way to the aforementioned clothing shop, and I could see the [closed] sign in the store window. From what the clients has said, there would be someone waiting for me to get there, and would let me inside when I knocked. All sounded routine and stress-free... so far, anyhow.

Reaching the front doors, I could hear the churning and bumping of club music from inside; they must have had quite a nice sound system, as I could feel each bass thump through the door while I stood there waiting. It made me wonder if, instead of my little (but loud) boombox, they might let me use their speakers for my show.

Gotta say, it lended authenticity to my cop routine - the music was loud enough that some of the passing folks on the street occasionally ended up bobbing their heads unconsciously to the beat, as if it was a subliminal message to groove. Club music always had a good, solid thump that was its' own metronome, and it was easy to keep time with.

Shit, maybe I wouldn't even need to use the boombox; I didn't actually mind the sound of the tune that was whumping away inside the place, and I could already feel my foot tapping to the bumping, grinding rhythm.

Through the door's glass, I saw a cute mare with a rainbow mane poke her head out from the back area and smile mischievously before making her way towards the door. Reaching it, she popped the lock before opening it wide to let me inside.

"Great! Ya made it," she said with a voice that sounded like she was almost straining to be loud, even though she was whispering. "Okay, so - the girls are all back here, but we're gonna bring 'em out this way, so you can, uh..." she waved a hand in the air noncommittedly, "do your stuff, okay? There's a stage in here, so all we gotta do is close the curtains and bring the others out."

She looked at me and gave an overexaggerated wink. "Heh, Flutters won't even know what hit her!"

Okay, the blue mare was kinda cute, in a sporty sort of way... but if that wink was any indicator, she was NO actor. But for some reason, she looked excessively familiar. And faces I recognize but can't name... well, they concern me. Mostly because I know I should know who this is... but for the life of me, I've got nothing.

So familiar, though...

Anyway, she led me towards the back, where we met up with another mare. This one looked closer to where I came from; muscular, sturdy, weather-worn and confident. The cowpoke hat was a nice touch, too.

"Alright, good," she said in an accent that was easy-going, comfortable and most definitely country, "we're all set ta go here; Shy's in th' back with Pinks, Rares and Twi - we're just gonna walk in there like we're as nervous as a clumsy foal with a basketful o' Zap Apples, an' ol' Monty here's gonna do his thang. Just get 'em out here in th' main area, an' you can git started whenever yer ready."

The two shared a glance; either they were both masters of prank-playing, or they were meeting later to have a little 'squish-and-tickle'. From the knowing look in their eyes, it was more likely the first one... which, if this was meant to be a prank, these two were probably the most devious members of this little glee club...

Wait. Pinks? Rares? Twi? Why did those names sound so damned familiar..?

At any rate, I shook myself to clear my expression and set the 'hardboiled' look into place on my muzzle; playing 'bad cop' was kind of fun, really... of course, it wouldn't be as much fun if I actually had to arrest anyone. Hence, why this was one of my favorite roles; authority always seemed to be a boost to my ego a bit, and I did look good in a uniform.

The mares told me to give 'em a minute as they 'set everything up properly', and went back into the main area of the shop. I took a moment to look around at a few of the designs on display. Now, I wasn't a clothes-horse or anything like that, but even I gotta admit that they were pretty good, as far as frilly, glittery fashion stuff went - not exactly my style, but I wasn't gonna hate on it; good work was good work, as my Pa used to say.

After roughly a five minute wait, the country mare came back and gave me a smirk. "Alright, you folla me - when we git in there, just do your thang, an' me an' Dashie'll play along right proper," she drawled as she turned and motioned towards the hall that led to the front.

Okay - on with the show.

Walking into the large-ish main room, the cowpoke mare put on a highly-convincing expression of worry and regret - even a little fear seemed to seep into her green eyes as she swept her view along the single table that had apparently been set up for the occasion. Light seemed to glint off the few scattered empty beer bottles that sat on the tabletop as conversation there came to a stop as the cowpoke's expression was noted.

"Uh, y'all? We got us a problem," she started, sounding both guilty and somewhat nervous, "'cause it seems like we got us another visitor, here. I don't, uh..."

She glanced at me nervously - DAMN, she was good! She almost had ME feeling sorry for her!

"... d-don't know whut ta say 'bout this. This's more embarrassin' than Granny Smith hangin' out mah unmentionables t'dry smack dab in the middle o' town," she said as she put on a deep, guilt-ridden blush.

"OH! Yeah, THAT SUCKS," the blue pegasus chimed in... and she was AWFUL. She obviously sounded as if she were reading from some cheesy-ass commercial script - and there would be NO WAY IN TARTARUS that any company would hire her for her acting skills... fuck, even calling that ham-fisted cadence 'acting' was an insult to the profession!

"I HOPE we DON'T have to GO to JAAAAIIILLLL..." she said in a drawn-out, 'oh-look-at-me' voice. Shit, she'd blow the whole thing if she kept fucking yammering! I had to step up before the jock ruined everything!

"Ma'am," I said in my best and most authoritive voice. And trust me, when a farm pone like me speaks up, folks listen. "I was called out here because there's been a number of complaints; I'm here to solve the problem."

Stepping past the cowpoke, I finally got a look at the 'client', as well as the other friends surrounding her.

TITS. HUGE BONGOS. BIG, BEAUTIFUL, BOUNCY AND BULGING BOOBS - SWEET LUNA'S PLOT, THEY WERE AMAZING!

The pegasus mare they were attached to, however, looked like she would try to hide behind them if I so much as said 'boo' in her general direction. She had a buttery yellow coat, and a long, luxurious pink mane that did that whole 'cover-half-my-face' thing which looked sexy as Tartarus. The lone teal eye that peeked back at me was filled with fear and shame; shit, I wanted to go and hug her almost immediately, to tell her it was all a gag, and that she would be all right...

That, and getting a squeeze between those gazongas would be pure bliss.

To her right was what looked to be one of those 'party girl' type of earth ponies; her expression was merry, her smile was bright and happy, and she seemed as if she were already having the time of her life. She was slightly chubby, but in that cute manner that made it work for her... not to mention gifting her with a nice, bouncy rack as well. The massive floof of her hot pink mane seemed to bounce along with the music - as well as the aforementioned jiggle-jugs. She gave me a wave, apparently oblivious of my being a supposed 'authority figure'.

On the other side was what had to be the practical definition of a 'classy lady'; she was exquisitely built - one of those figures that other stallions compared to flashy sports cars. A gorgeous muzzle, a lovely and perfectly styled violet mane and a sense of style in a casual silk pantsuit that seemed to hug every curve as if it were her lover. Frankly, unicorn mares like that were one of three types: stuck up and mean, control freaks, or the rare Real Stallion's Mare. This lovely vision looked like she might have fit in the third category... and she knew it.

And on the other side of the party gal was the 'out of place' one; obviously the smart type, the purple mare had a cute, trim little figure that fit well into the 'average' category... except for those long, lovely legs. Otherwise, she was dressed conservatively, yet efficiently - the pockets I could see were filled with papers, notes and other various writings. Her mane seemed to perfectly accent her horn and her wings to a-...

... Sweet Luna's Plot... AM I DANCING FOR THE MANE SIX!?!?

Oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh - NOW I knew why I'd recognized them! They were the ones who held the Elements of freaking HARMONY!!! How did I NOT see that when I got the original order!? Was I blind, or just fucking STUPID!? They were here, ALL of them - Honestly, Loyalty, Generosity, Kindness, Laughter and Magic! The cute purple study-mare was the PRINCESS OF MOTHERFUCKING FRIENDSHIP!!!

Luckily, all of this took place ONLY inside my head; though I was freaking out internally, I kept up the cop act on the outside. The show must go on, after all - but now, I felt a nervous excitement at the idea that, after all they had done for Equestria, I was going to get the chance to thank them...

With my flanks of steel, heh.

"Oh, come now darling," the classy Rarity spoke up, "there's no need for trouble; I would be more than happy to turn down the volume of our speaker system, and I am dreadfully sorry if we disturbed anyone. Perhaps we did get a bit carried away, I suppose." She seemed like she really meant that, though the confidence she was trying to mask her worry with was rather thorough. I mean, I'd seen the like happen countless times, so she wasn't fooling me - but she wasn't bad at hiding her concern.

"It's a bit late for that, ma'am," I said in a disapproving tone, "as I said, I'm here to solve the problem."

The yellow mare gave a tiny squeak and seemed to fold in on herself a bit, which made her look even more adorable... and made her feisty funbags quiver with fear. I was starting to feel bad for making her afraid of me, but the resulting cleavage shot was MORE than wonderful to behold.

The alicorn princess (!!!) stood up hastily, almost tilting the table over in her rush to rise. "R-really officer, we just got carried away! We didn't mean to cause any trouble, a-and we promise we'll keep it down from now on! Please, there's not really a need to report this, is there? I m-mean, can't we simply discuss this?" She seemed as though she REALLY didn't want to get in any sort of trouble; seeing as how the rulership of Equestria was recently turned over to her, I figured she simply didn't want anyone to tell her teacher - the all-mighty Celestia - that she'd been a bad mare.

The wrong kind of stallion might be tempted to take advantage of that; good for her I wasn't an asshole.

The pink pone turned and put a comforting hand on Flutter~~boobs~~shy's shoulder. "It's okie dokie lokie, Shy! Don't worry, it'll be okay - the nice officer wouldn't put us in jail just for playing loud music, would he? If THAT was the case, I'd have been in there, like, a BAZILLION TIMES, as loudly as I sing!" She giggled, which made parts of her jiggle lusciously.

Honestly, I was surrounded by enticing, well-built mares; the feeling was both exciting and nervewracking, because since I knew who they were now, I'd be pushing myself to put on a grand performance. I mean, yeah - I'd seen my share of hot mares in my time, but to know they were bonafide HEROES, too? It looked like tonight was gonna be fun - for both parties, if the view was any indicator of what the night held for me.

Now, let me stop the complainers about 'chauvinistic mindsets' and make something perfectly clear; it may seem like I'm 'objectifying' mares by their looks, but come the fuck on - LOOK AT MY JOB. I get paid to let mares ogle me all night! You can't honestly sit there and judge ME for my thoughts when that's pretty much ALL the mares I work for do to me. Plus, it's not like I'm some kind of perv, looking to do nasty and wholly graphic things to them - I'm just admiring them as they admire me.

And they most certainly were admiring me.

Though there wasn't much of a visible reaction out of the cowpoke (Applejack, I think) or the athlete (the one 'n' only Rainbow Dash), it was obvious that the princess was a bit flustered, seeing the blush that rose into view on her cheeks each time she caught herself staring at me. And the classy one kept flicking her eyes at me, subtly giving my form a good look at her leisure. The pink one, I couldn't figure out - she was simply grinning from ear to ear, her eyes wide and expressive... and her stare was getting a little weird. And the busty yellow-coated sweetheart just kept her wide-eyed visage - but more out of fear than anything else, I figured.

"As I said," I continued in my most 'stern disapproval' voice, "I'm here to solve a problem..."

I stepped forward enough to make the mares seated at the table lean back just a bit, eyes curious and dread-filled.

"... and the problem is, this little party doesn't have enough STALLIONS," I smirked, "which is why I'm here, ma'am."

At that point, I brought my trusty boombox out from behind me and set it on the table, and pressed [PLAY] as I took a step back, my hands going to my shirt and beginning the show with the topmost button.

The moment the boombox came out, there was a decidedly different reaction from the table: Both Rarity and Twilight Sparkle (PRINCESS Twilight, you dope!) seemed stunned for a moment - but the alabaster beauty figured it out quickly, and the worry and hesitation in her eyes became a surprised amusement. Pinkie Pie jumped up (boingboingboing) and gave a cheer... admittedly, not the first cheer I'd ever gotten, but certainly among the most exuberant. Fluttershy (of the massive chesticles) didn't really change her expression much - but now there was a cute little blush to go with her wide-eyed stare.

"Applejack? Rainbow?" Twilight spoke up, "Was this YOUR idea?"

The cowpoke laughed and tilted her hat up at the brim. "Darn tootin'! We both figured y'all might 'preciate a little extra treat fer t'night's lil' get together, so me an' Dashie went in together on this feller!"

"Yeah, we wanted to make sure you got the best we could find - and we did!" Rainbow bragged on my behalf, "I mean, c'mon... look at him!"

To emphasize her point, I popped the last button free and yanked the uniform shirt back, thrusting out my chest and striking a pose that was decidedly risque`; I knew when to mug for the audience, and this looked like the perfect opportunity to do so.

The action got their attention, and made the Princess of Friendship gulp nervously. You gotta love the reserved ones; so shy, yet so eager to witness and/or experience. She'd be fun to watch tonight.

As my own boombox began to crank out one of my favorite songs, I started with my hips. Mares usually get their knickers in a twist just over the slab o' meat that stallions have in their drawers, but having a flexible pair of hips can bring 'em all to heel in a heartbeat, as long as you know how to work it.

I started swinging my grade-A flank from side to side, winding up into a rocking rhythm that made the mare's eyes swing like pendulums, following the sway of my rump as I began to work myself into the proverbial zone, the beat filling my ears and head. Each step was sure, each twist was planned out, and each smouldering glance and fetching smile were carefully planned for maximum effect as I began to woo them with my wily ways.

The danger obviously forgotten, the group of them stared to pay quite a lot of attention to my dance as I stared making my way around the place, using a number of different 'props' to accent my show; I slid my arms along the standing platforms occupied by displays of frilly and colorful outfits, used one of the sturdier clothing racks to slink around sensually and eventually made my way towards that conveniently-available stage I saw.

From the sounds and conversations I was catching in fits and spurts, it sounded like they were all duly impressed with my show - all but Fluttershy, whose eyes were still as big as saucers, yet she didn't say a single word. Even when Pinkie was talking in her ear about who knew what, she barely even blinked.

Normally, it'd be supremely creepy... but from the shy mare with the titanic tetons? It was unabashedly cute.

Rainbow Dash seemed to enjoy cheering me on, as she seemed to be getting a lot of laughs off it. She may have almost blown the entire act, but for what it was worth, she certainly made up for it with encouraging shouts and all-in-fun catcalls. Frankly, I got the impression that she was doing her part to help the festivities along... and she DAMN sure wasn't going to let her 'investment' go unappreciated. Of all the mares gathered here, her eyes were on me the least... but she still looked, all the same.

Applejack, the country cowpone, didn't say much; she simply sat back in one of the chairs with a bit of a smug look on her muzzle, as if she'd been the mastermind of the entire shebang. For all I know, she HAD been; the pegasus athlete wasn't exactly known for her brains like Princess Twilight was.

Speaking of which, that poor mare seemed like she was a bit overwhelmed by it all. Her eyes kept caressing my form appreciatively, yet she blushed and looked away whenever I made eye contact with her. The brainiacs were always fun to tease, and the fact she was a real, honest-to-Celestia princess made it twice as fun to make her ruby blush darken to crimson, over and over again.

Really, though - Rarity. Damn, but she was just as beautiful as I'd heard she was! But even with her self-control and sense of dignity, I saw her peeking at me a number of times - especially when I was shaking my groove thing; she seemed to like my flank, which suited me just fine. That pantsuit did a marvelous job of making her curves stand out, while keeping her lady-like appearance; if she'd made it herself, I could see why her shop was a hit. Maybe she'd tip well; if this store was any indication, she could spare it.

Of course, I'd have to EARN it - which I had every intention of doing.

As I gathered myself onto the risen stage, five of the girls all sort of meandered their way over - with Twilight having to be nudged in the right direction by her blue pegasus friend. Pulling chairs from the table they'd set up, they surrounded me along the stage's edge, and each one was watching me with their own level of intensity.

Well, I'd managed to surprise them, had given them a taste of the forthcoming show and got onstage to do what I did best, so it was time to let myself go into FULL Party Mode, and really wow these heroes.

See Rule Number Four. Damn it, if I was gonna work, I was gonna have fun doing it.

"Now, we ain't s'posed to touch 'im," Applejack mentioned, "but if'n ya feel like it, y'can give 'im permission ta touch YOU; he promises he'll be a gentlecolt, so ain't nuthin' ta worry about."

I was glad she'd brought that up; I was in no mood to deal with misunderstandings, and was relieved she remembered my rules. From the look of the gathered estrogen here, my money was on either Pinkie Pie or Princes Twilight to be the ones most likely to violate the 'no touchee' rule; party gals always thought it was okay, and desperate, physically-starved eggheads were likely to lose their minds in the right circumstances.

Either way, it was STILL a hard 'NO' for tonight's festivities; heroes or not, 'no touchee' meant 'no fucking touchee'... but touching THEM, with permission, could be fun. I didn't just grab tits or anything like that; mares responded better to light caresses and tantalizing touches - thighs, arms, shoulders, manes; as long as my touch was gentle and sensuous, most clients rather enjoyed the idea. I'd laid my hands on PLENTY of females - just in more of a sensual manner than a sexual one.

Sure enough, of those gathered, permissions were put forth by four of the six present; Pinkie Pie (excitedly), Rarity (demurely), Applejack (curiously) and Princess Twilight (adorkably nervously). As it stood, Rainbow seemed to be just fine with watching... and Fluttershy was STILL locked into some sort of paralysis, simply staring at me as I continued to work the stage.

A shame, really - pegasi fur was always a little extra fluffy; I'd just have to imagine those blue and yellow coats and their supposed level of softness.

By now, I was in full swing with my routine; I'd managed to strip my way down to my bright red speedo... and yes, I most certainly had their attention. I mean, I wasn't lacking at all in that department; I had a considerable asset between my thighs, and I knew how to make it juke and jive in that barely-there red fabric.

A few more minutes onstage, and I decided to make my way towards them to make good on this promised permission I'd been given. Part of me was elated at the idea I'd actually be able to touch the lovely lasses who'd saved Equestria more times than we all really ever knew. I HAD to do this right; they deserved it.

I started with Applejack - after all, she was paying for at least 50% of my services, so I reasoned that she certainly deserved some attention. Plus, she seemed cool about it, but I could tell she was quite curious as to what it would be like. Oh, she was in for a treat...

As I made my way over to her chair, she took a sip on what seemed to be a wooden mug of cider - now, I LOVED cider, but I didn't drink on the job; work was work, and play was play... and anytime the two mixed with cider, there was usually something dumb and painful about to happen to me. But as long as they all behaved themselves, I didn't mind my clients getting a taste of the Goofy Juice.

I started with a close lean-in, steadying myself on the arms of her chair as I brought my muzzle inches from her face. It was a bit weatherbeaten - as expected of one who did farm work - but she was still quite a looker. Those muscles might have sent other, lesser stallions off on their way, but I was a farmer too, once; I wasn't intimidated in the least by her obvious strength.

No... I was intimidated by the fact that I was dancing sexy for the Element of Honesty.

She gave a throaty chuckle as I ran my hands down her arms, giving them a squeeze as I did - it was like massaging rocks, they were so well-toned! Then, once reaching her hands, I thrust my chest forward until it was a hair's breadth from her muzzle and lifted a leg onto the chair's arm. Once in position, I began to thrust my hips at her, moving to the beat issuing from my small (yet powerful) boombox. And as for the aforementioned member in my speedo, he was managing to sway along, coming mere inches from the cowpoke's muzzle.

The orange mare gave a bit of a blush, but she didn't turn away - in fact, her eyes seemed to appreciate me considerably, though her body language was totally relaxed. There was certainly some interest there - I simply figured she was trying to be 'reserved' in front of her friends, so she wasn't giving much of a reaction on the surface.

But I'd seen SO many mares and how they reacted to me; it wasn't hard for a pro like me to catch the elevated breathing, the light flush on her cheeks and (muscular, yet considerable) chest, the lazy smile that hid the light ribbon of desire I could see in her expression.

No, she wouldn't fall all over me... but she might have something new to churn her own butter over, tonight.

"Yo, AJ - enjoying the view?" the blue pegasus called out, razzing the earth pony as she continued to watch the show in front of her, my swinging 'nanner hammock coming very close to contact with her muzzle with each thrust in her direction - but no touchee. Nope.

"Eeyup," she casually drawled, "an' provin' that I ain't 'fraid o' no stallion's tools in mah face - unlike certain sporty pegasi who ain't got the guts ta try it fer themselves!" She sat back a bit more and took another pull from her mug, grinning smugly while Rainbow Dash affected a chagrined look that made her all sorts of pouty and cute.

Meanwhile, I'd now turned around and, with my best ASSets right in front of her, I began to swing and sway accordingly. From where I was, I could turn my head to look back and shoot a sultry look at her while I continued to bob my rump in her face. On her part, the farm pone tilted her hat back and smiled broadly as I went to work right in front of her.

"WOO-HOOO!" Pinkie cheered, "Shake that moneymaker! Make AJ want to take you home tonight!"

"Ain't hap'nin', Pinkie," she chuckled, "but I got half a mind ta take a photo 'r' two, that's fer certain!"

Photos cost extra, for the record... but as I saw no cameras in sight, I took it as a jest. I continued to work myself around the mare, and eventually ended up seating my buns in her lap, rolling and sliding around on her hips and waist as the song changed to one that was a bit more risque`; the playlist I'd set up was meant to slowly build as it went on, eventually becoming nothing more than a bump-n-grind beat while I served the clients.

She may have been playing it tough before, but now the farmer looked as if she were sweating a little bit. Her eyes were glued to my posterior now, and she gave a nervous smile as I wiggled my ass in her lap and flashed her my best 'you're the only mare in the world' half grin.

Unbeknownst to me at the time, she'd also dropped her mug to the floor, the contents leaving a nice-sized puddle at the foot of her chair - more about that in a bit.

Once I'd worked Applejack into a bit of a panting stare, I leaned in and gave the tip of her snout a boop with my finger; it made her blink, and set the blue peg to laughing as I then chose to move on to the next one in line. The country mare smiled sheepishly as she took off her Stetson and fanned herself with it a bit.

Hot 'n' bothered - best recipe for great tips.

As I made my way to her seat, Pinkie's smile threatened to meet in the back, causing her fool head to fall off. How she was so irrevocably chipper was beyond me; I'd known a few mares who smiled a lot, but they had NOTHING on the grill of shiny white teeth that greeted me as I stepped up to her seat.

"Oooooooooh! Goody goody!" she said as she clapped her hands together, "This is gonna be FUN!"

Okay, the line was encouraging, but the way her eyes just seemed to bore through me was a tad unnerving. All the same, a job was a job, and she seemed eager for me to get to work. Besides, if she broke Rule Number Two by touching me, I could always just leave - it might be a waste of time if I wasn't paid full price, but I had my boundaries... it was up to my clients to respect them.

She giggled in anticipation as I slunk up to her and, with a playful smirk on my own face, I placed my hands on her knees and began to walk my fingers up her thick thighs, headed towards her little pooch of flab that suited her well. Chubby but cute was most certainly a thing, and Pinkie Pie had that thing in spades; she was bouncy in ALL the right ways and places, and I entertained the notion that, if she ever DID decide to seduce someone, she might be able to surprise just about ANYONE with how sultry a wiggly bust could be.

Seriously, they'd have to be a statue not to react.

Here, though - she was already giggling as my fingers tickled their way all the way up to the crotch of her jean shorts - but not actually ON her loins, as the enticement was always far better than just grabbing something to play with. From there, I slid my hands around where her precious mound would lie, and instead I sent my fingertips to massage that belly a little bit.

Not only was she soft there, but she was also apparently a bit ticklish, as she tittered with giggles while I kneaded her little bit of belly fat like it was cake dough. "Hee hee hee hee hee! Monty, how did you know I was ticklish!?" she replied as she fought to keep her hands down, gripping the arms of her chair in resistance as I continued.

Okay, this was kinda fun, I admit - making mares smile was one thing; making them laugh felt good... but, as an afterthought, how did she know my real name?

Pinkie suddenly jumped up and out of her chair, going OVER my head and landing deftly on the floor behind me - what the fuck, was she some kind of party ninja!? I gawked a bit, admittedly; it wasn't every day you saw such acrobatics performed right in front of you!

Laughing, she batted her eyelashes at me. "Oh, Monty - you look like you're having so much fun! I think I wanna dance too!"

And with that, she grabbed her tank top in the front and whisked it away, revealing two large, buoyant and rather bouncy breasts with puffy, wide nipples that almost completely covered the front of each one. She bounced them up and down a bit in demonstration, then began to rock and sway her own sizeable hips to my boombox's beat.

Wow - chubby or not, the mare had some fire under that flab! And now, with a smirk that couldn't be beaten on her muzzle, she began to try to match my own moves. I picked up quickly on it, and started moving myself in an easy pattern to follow - which she did, rather closely.

Soon, the two of us were both dancing together - never actually touching, but between my schlong-sling and her titanic titties, we made quite a spectacle of ourselves. Plus, I gotta admit - I was enjoying the show from the Element of Laughter as much as the mares were enjoying mine. I mean, she was cute, bouncy and the kind of chubby that I could see myself nuzzling up to every night.

She laughed and kept time perfectly, matching me move for move, for a good five minutes or so as we sort of improvised a dance that was both innocent and pretty raunchy. Of her friends, Rainbow, Applejack and Rarity all cheered her on (Rarity with more of a golf-clap than anything), while Princess Twilight's blush threatened to eat her alive.

Fluttershy (and her two large friends in her sweater) continued to just STARE at me while I worked; I'm not even sure she was blinking properly, and it was starting to get a bit unnerving. Pinkie's escapades helped me keep my mind off the unsettling sight of the yellow pegasus' full-bore stare of utter fascination... but it made me wonder if there wasn't some sort of hypnosis going on somehow, as if my butt had cast a spell on her.

No seriously - any other stallion being stared at like that would have probably called the cops by now.

As Pinkie seemed to end up dancing off to one side (which, ain't that a riot, Rainbow Dash was watching quite closely), I slowly slunk my way over towards the exquisite form and figure of the lovely Rarity. There were tales told among the streets about her beauty, but in the actual horseflesh, she was FAR more elegant and regal than anyone had ever prepared me for.

Those eyes, a beautiful and bold blue, took their time wandering across my own peaks and valleys - and lingered for just a second or two longer on a certain, specific peak - as I reached her chair and slid down to my knees in front of her. Sure enough, the gesture seemed to spark a light in her gaze; classy mares LOVED it when others bowed before them, and I had figured that she would react well to such a move.

When she gave those full lips a subtle yet playful lick, I knew I'd been right.

Starting at her delicate ankles, I slowly slid my fingers in whorls and circles across her fur as my hands travelled up and down her shins, then to her knees and waist, where her breathing picked up audibly... yet, as I touched nothing too personal, there was no protest as things rolled along.

My fingers eventually slid along her sides, then around to her arms, and up them both towards her long purple ma-

"*A-HEM*... no."

... shoulders, where I massaged just a bit before lightly caressing her jawline as I leaned in close enough to kiss... yet all I did was flash her my most charming smile and slink backwards, before turning with a grand gesture and presenting my backside for perusal and approval. And if the lady's act was all regal and civil, her eyes were ravishing me with abandon as I did my thing to the beat of the music.

At one point, the alabaster mare did raise a hand in my direction... but, with a naughty smirk, she simply used it to brush back a lock of her elegant mane to get a better view of me - though, from her seat, she had the best view in the whole house. Shop. Whatever.

Look - I've seen a LOT of mares, but it wasn't very often I saw one who was as lovely as this one; I... maaaaaaaay have stared at those gorgeous legs and hips a bit as I shook my saddle-hitch. Come on, though - legs that long and luxurious should be lined in kisses every day, in my humble opinion. Not to mention other places of hers I'd like to kiss...

But Rule Number One held fast. Besides, the classy ones never really hit on me much; I was the 'hired help' to most, and 'an entertaining distraction' to others. Frankly, I hoped I never found out which one Rarity was; I'd settle for her finding me interesting, and letting it go at that.

Pinkie, giggling, bounced up in front of me and began to wobble those massive funbags in my face as I shook my rump for her friend. If I haven't said it before, party gals are fun - and Pinkie Pie, the ultimate party gal, was being fun for ME. And believe me, I thoroughly appreciated it!

Now, her friends? Well, Rainbow Dash didn't seem to mind (bet she's at least bi-curious), and Applejack seemed to take it as 'that's just Pinkie for ya'. Rarity seemed to accept the behaviour well enough, though she did tend to keep Pinkie on the other side of the large purple swirl of mane that cascaded down from her head. The princess' eyes had gone wide and she'd sputtered a bit, which was fun; once she'd gotten back to watching me, she'd sort of lost track of her bouncy, jouncy pink friend.

Fluttershy hadn't moved. Hadn't spoken. Hadn't even BLINKED, as far as I'd seen. Now, I was getting worried - did I break her? I mean, stunning clients was one thing... but I didn't mean to give her brain a meltdown over me!

Okay, yeah - points for me - but it was still a bit disconcerting.

And so, with three down, I moved onto the bashful little princess. Oh, and she saw me coming - the prim and proper part of her was shivering a little bit and trying her best to sit up straight in her chair, as if she'd be graded on her posture. There was a line of sweat that was running from her forehead, and her eyes were both filled with sheer dread and practically vibrating with excitement.

Gotta love virgins.

When I reached her chair, I decided to play a bit of a game with her. I mean, fun is fun, right? And the cop act allowed me for some off the CUFF jokes that might put her at ease.

Yeah yeah, groan all you want to; you're not telling this story - I am.

"Princess Twilight Sparkle," I purred in my huskiest, deepest voice, "you have the right to remain aroused. Anything you see on me can be held against you, in accordance with your wishes. You have the right to observe me; if you cannot continue to observe me, an observer may be chosen for you... but you'd be missing out, ma'am."

Roses blossomed on those sweet purple cheeks, and her pupils contracted a bit; rotten jokes or not, she certainly seemed to like it.

Pinkie laughed at my shenanigans, as did Rarity and Applejack. Rainbow Dash, however, had discovered Fluttershy's vapid stare, and was now looking her over in confusion, waving a hand in front of her face at one point. No reaction. Maybe the blue mare could figure out what I couldn't?

Regardless, the show must go on.

I decided to give the ruling princess of Equestria the best show I could, and started such by sitting right in her lap, facing her with a come-hither smile fixed onto my muzzle as my eyes sank into her own, drawing her in like a magnet. Once I knew I had her undivided attention, I began a slow and lazy side-to-side sway, letting the contents of my red speedo caress her upper thighs while my tuchus bounced along her knees.

This sort of positioning was a bit uncomfortable for me, yeah - but the resulting gasp of surprise, combined with the barely audible panting my actions brought forth, made the poor thing look so thirsty for a tall, cool drink of me. Totally worth the effort, I think. I mean, if you're gonna dance sexy for a princess, you'd better have them panting like they're in heat; that's what they pay for, after all.

I could see her hands gripping the arms of her chair like they were trying to strangle them. Her other surrounding friends all wore matching looks of smug enjoyment as they watched the obvious greenhorn (no pun intended, that time) of the group get herself some sensual entertainment.

Now, I was admittedly feeling the groove - hard not to when you're wrapped up in what you're doing. Sliding forward, I gently placed a hand on the back of the alicorn's head and gingerly leaned forward, bringing her muzz into the fuzz of my chest floof and slowly moving from side to side, rocking her effectively. As I'd hoped, she took the bait and actually nuzzled against my barrel...

Which actually felt really nice. Seriously, somewhere inside, I smiled at that simple little action - of all the touches I allowed upon myself, I gotta say that the sweetest, most innocent ones are a hundred times better than the sexy ones. They make you feel better too, like you just helped someone who needed that contact.

Princess Sparkle came across as someone who craved that contact.

I lowered my head, bringing my face toward hers slowly and building up as if I was going to give her a kiss that would curl her feathers... but at the last moment, I quickly stood up off her lap and gave her a flash of my buns as I whirled around her, working my way back along the route of chairs I'd taken.

The music was rocking hard, I was in the zone, and my clients were enjoying the show thoroughly - Pinkie's joggling juggies kept waving in my peripheral vision, and even Applejack and Rarity seemed to be getting a bit heated with all this testosterone in the air around them.

Once I reached Applejack's chair, I figured it was time for the reveal - the cannon was coming out, the pillar presented for perusal, the dragon freed from its cave... blah blah blah, you know the words. Insert your favorite phrase for flashing a schlong HERE.

I planted my feet and gripped the left side of the speedo in hand, ready to whip it off at the next bass drop in the techno tune my boombox was cranking out. Now, when I pulled, I was going to put a good bit of force in that pull, so the speedos would come right off me and release their heavy load unto the world.

Remember that puddle of cider? Yeah, that's where my right foot was - and I didn't even notice I'd stepped into something wet, as my body was on the music while my brain was on the gathering of hot bodies in front of me. When the right moment came along, I gave the speedo a jerk to yank it free of my hips.

And in the process, my foot slipped backwards in the puddle as I literally pulled myself off my own feet.

Thankfully, I hit the floor on my hip and NOT on my junk, as that would have killed the mood instantly. But the bad part was, I'd landed on my hip. That meant I'd feel it tomorrow for sure... as well as feeling it tonight.

For what it was worth, five mares all jumped up to help me when they saw me go down like that... however, I'm a veteran of a number of spills, trips and falls; I simply struck a pose where I'd landed (owowowowow) and gave them a smile that tried to say 'I meant to do that' (owowowowow). I stretched a leg upwards from my prone position (owowOWowow) and shot them all a wink and a low chuckle.

And THEN, from the safety of the floor, I yanked my speedo off.

There are a number of mares today who insist that females were meant to be looked at, while males were meant to do the looking. Mares were curvy, they said, to attract attention for mating purposes - which seemed to mean (to them) that mares weren't supposed to find anything about a stallion to be attractive enough to pay the same sort of attention to.

Those mares had never laid eyes on my veiny warrior, either - and at the rate they kept putting us studs down, they never would. The mares in front of me, however, were MORE than happy to oblige the idea of complete fairness in this sort of situation; how noble of them all.

Now, they wore looks that matched the buttery yellow pegasus' expression.

Am I bragging needlessly? No, not really - I stand pretty damned tall, and I'm fairly big and broad, as I've explained. Well, the stack between my legs follows suit - and to this day, I have never had a complaint about THAT part of my performance. In fact, that's the part that most likely comes up in rumours and office conversations - not the dancing, not the jokes, but the dong.

Say what you want to; some mares want it just as bad - if not more - than stallions do.

Six sets of eyes were all staring unashamedly at my meatpole... okay, so five unashamedly, and one alicorn princess.

Pinkie Pie gave a low whistle, and Rarity couldn't seem to look away from it. Even Dash was staring at this point - it was most likely they'd either never seen one that size before, or they had just never seen one before. With as famous as they were, I doubted they were ALL virgins.

"Gracious, a-are they ALL that size?" Rarity asked with a voice hushed in awe as the rest of them simply stared.

... okay, I might have been wrong about the virgin thing I just said.

I slowly stood myself up from my, uh... 'surprise prone positioning', let's call it. Though my hip was twinging, I hid my cringing from my clients as I resumed my earlier dancing... but with a teensy bit less flexibility than before (owowow). I made up for it with a range of smiles, winks and sultry expressions that I knew did wonders for other mares.

Fluttershy continued to stare - but I was starting to phase her out of the equation; she wasn't reacting otherwise, and didn't give permission to touch her. I simply decided she would be the wallflower all night, then go home and write about it in some sort of girly diary she kept under her mattress. I've known the type. Weird, but ultimately harmless.

And you can wipe that smirk off your mug - this AIN'T no girly diary.

By now, the music from my little (but loud) boombox was starting to wind into the heavy part of the set - usually where I already had my club sandwich out, and my clients were already feasting their eyes. Yeah, maybe they didn't have any sense of the words 'eye contact' right then, but it was fair play; it was pretty fucking hard (heh) to keep my eyes off of those pillowy pink puppies bouncing freely around my performance.

I'll bet they're so damned soft...

Now that the star of the show had arrived, I went into a bit of overdrive (owowow) and did my best to swing and sling my thing for all to see. Watching the mares' eyes following my hip movements was funny, but I actually almost lost my shit when I saw that look of 'having a fantasy' slip across the princess' muzzle, her eyes half-lidding and a distant, almost orgasmic smile as she zoned out on whatever virgin princesses dream of.

Of course, when I whipped my hips sideways (OW) suddenly, it made Mr. Monster below waggle rather actively - THAT brought the alicorn back to reality in a hurry, not to mention the wide-eyed stare-and-gulp that came from Applejack. Interesting... maybe she was the dog-type, and liked wagging tails?

At any rate, I'd managed to really bring some heat into the room, as I was actively observing Rule Number Four (with just a touch of ow on the side) and receiving the adoration of the other mares present; they were loving the show, and I was happy to bring it to them. They were heroes; they had risked themselves again and again for pones they didn't even know - like me.

This? Seeing the actual smiles on their lovely muzzles was a wonderful sensation. I mean, shit, even us jaded strippers have a heart in there somewhere, and even if my method of thanking them wasn't exactly conventional... it was coming across, all the same. They appreciated this break from what had to be busy and possibly difficult worlds of their own to tackle, and I was sure that this was something they didn't just need as an escape, but as a chance to bond with each other.

I felt pretty damned good to be a part of that.

Okay, a lot of folks always say that old chestnut 'lightning never strikes twice', right? Well, that's bullshit, and I'm here to defuse that reflex phrase right now, because lightning goddesses-damned well CAN strike twice - or at least, apple cider can.

By now, I'd been doing my thing for a moment or three, and the girls all had their chairs at least a little wet, I reckoned by their expressions and looks. I knew the end of my current playlist was coming to a close - had it been that long already? - and started to slink my way over towards where it was positioned on the table they'd started out at.

By this point in time, I knew that puddle that had (ow) brought me so much joy tonight was soaked up and/or evaporated by now, so I had zero qualms about moving along a similar route as I'd taken before. I knew there was nothing wet to slip on, and had so much confidence in the idea that I kept my gaze on the ladies as I moved along.

That cider had dried up, yeah... but loose wooden cider steins don't dry up. Unfortunately.

My foot came down on it, and it promptly made me roll forward with the unexpected change in momentum. I watched the room tilt crazily as I tried to keep my feet, but managed only to swivel myself and land on my OTHER hip. Which not only started to ache (owowOWOWOW), but got the other side hurting again (owowOWowow), which was just fucking peachy.

And having your dick slap against the floor wasn't pleasant, either.

Now THIS fall, I couldn't hide; five mares, pretenses forgotten, all jumped up and made their way over to where I was, but I held up a hand that stopped them. "No, no, I'm... okay," I lied, doing an award-winning acting job of not showing the level of pain I was feeling. "Happens all the time."

I turned myself (ow), got to my knees (ow) and put my hands on the floor to attempt to get my foolish body into a standing position... and that's when I heard it. A voice that was thick with hunger, a deep-throated NEED to quench the desire that exploded from within:

"MAMA WAAAANT!"

Suddenly, there was the sound of a table being knocked over from behind me, and I felt the unmistakable sensation of a pair of hands - grabbing my fucking ass! My head swiveled like it was on a spring to see what the living FUCK had just happened behind me.

From my current position, I had my posterior up in the air and exposed; firmly latched onto my rock-hard buttcheeks were two delicate, yet firmly gripping yellow hands. Above those were a pair of enormous water balloons stuffed into a blue cashmere sweater, and behind those was the face of a mare who has just realized she's done something horribly wrong.

Those big, shock-filled teal eyes slowly looked up at me... and an embarrassed grin worked it's way onto her muzzle.

"... um... o-oh dear... eeep."

--==[X]==--

"Honest, sir, ah am SO sorry about all o' that," Applejack said meekly as she handed over the last few bits of my pay, "but she ain't normally that way, I swear to it! We've all had a bit o' drink t'night, an' we're ALL awfully sorry, Mister Monty."

Behind her stood the athlete, who looked like she genuinely felt bad that I'd stopped my show the very moment I'd been grabbed - but as I've stated before, I have to give permission to be touched... and I don't play that shit. Birthday Mare or not, 'no touchee' means 'no MOTHERFUCKING touchee'!

Next to her was the princess, whose ears were flattened against her head as she watched me preparing to leave. I felt bad for HER, because she was the one who'd seemed like she needed this the most. Stodgy and straight-laced, she'd been really just keeping her libido cooped up in that brainy head of hers; I'd given her a chance to let it out to play, and she'd liked it.

But facts were facts: My hips hurt, my ego was deflated, I was irritated and I just wanted to get paid and go home for the night. I'd made an absolute mess of trying to do a great job with this, and in front of the Mane Six to boot. Shit, I didn't show it, but I felt like trash after such a pathetic showing, and even though my line was crossed, I STILL felt bad for leaving like this.

But listen - in this day and age? You've gotta stick by your guns when it comes to your own personal preferences; NO means NO, and that goes for stallions as well as mares. Sure, the mares mercilessly groping on the young buck may look like fun in the movies, but believe me that it gets old fast, and it never seems to end, once females get away with it once or twice. They may think it's cute; FUCK those bitches, because they make sexual assault and unwanted advances sound like a joke.

Yeah, that's NOT what happened here, I know; give me SOME credit, shit.

I took the money - bit bills, for convenience - and popped them into my fake cop uniform's chest pocket. I wasn't going to count them in front of the customer... and besides, if I couldn't trust the Element of Honesty, I was a paranoid dumbass.

"Thanks," I muttered as I turned to walk away.

"L-listen," Princess Twilight spoke up from behind me, "tonight was a lot of fun for us... and we wanted to make sure you knew that your show was, uhh..." she blushed brightly, "very... s-skillful! Yes! A-and I'm sure we'd all be happy to spread your name around a bit... if you'd like that?"

Word of mouth advertisement from the Mane Six.

... OH TARTARUS YES.

"Sure," I said as I glanced back over my shoulder at the three of them, "that'd be great. And I'm sorry I-"

"Nope," Applejack held up her hand to stop me, "we get it - an' yer well within yer rights ta head on out. B'sides, we got a great show, and we'd be pleased as punch ta get th' word out about ya."

"Yeah, hey, I know a few mares who could use a dose of Monty, here," Rainbow smiled, "besides, there's always Spitfire's birthday; I'm pretty sure she'd enjoy the view - and WHOA, what a view!"

Okay, that helped a bit. Part of it, I knew, was just them trying to cheer me up... but they meant it, too. I'd heard that dealing with the Elements usually left you feeling pretty good. Well, unless you were one of the baddies they'd pummeled with rainbow lasers.

They all gave me a wave as I headed out of the alleyway, towards where I'd be-

"U-um... e-excuse me."

Oh? What was this?

Fluttershy's form and figure were hard to hide; even standing around the corner of the back alley dumpster, there was no mistaking the two ushers she had in front of her that greeted others before they could see her face. If they bothered looking. The lone pink lock that obscured her eye trembled as she nervously brushed it aside for a moment, to get full eye contact with me.

"I, er, w-wanted to... ap-p-pologize for what happened, um... back there. I simply c-c-couldn't, um... couldn't help myself. A-and I'm sorry for that, Mister Monty; I had no idea that one beer could do that to, um... t-to me. But that doesn't excuse my behavior, and I wanted to be sure I t-told you that before you left."

She gave a light, full-~~booby~~body shiver as she seemed to force herself to face me directly. "And I w-wanted to... t-to... to... oh, dear..." Her expression was full of anxiety and worry; there was NO way I'd be sleeping soundly tonight if I yelled at this sweet and kind individual.

If it had been a grab from an entitled-feeling mare, or a don't-give-a-fuck drunkard, or even just a gal looking to play it off as harmless, then the conversation with this mare would have already been over... but Fluttershy had simply gotten too carried away, and she didn't seem the least bit angry at me for ending early.

"Yeah, no, I get it," I said reassuringly as my hips reminded me that I wanted to sit down soon, "and no hard feelings. For the record though, I'd have thought YOU would be the last one to ever do anything like that, ma'am."

Now, she looked down and blushed hotly. "W-w-w-well... I wanted to... t-to offer you some, um... c-compensation, too... since I, uh, d-did such a thing to you, I felt that... w-well, I thought... o-oh, goodness..."

With her mouth unable to properly put forth the words she was trying to say, she simply reached down with both hands and lifted her shirt up, allowing her huge breasts to drop down into full, unobscured view.

GODDESS-DAMN.

"... I know you were looking; a l-lot of stallions look, a-and I just... I thought that, since I... oh dear... th-that this would be... umm, appropriate?" Her expression then took on a bit of a fearful edge. "Y-y-you... y-you... you can t-touch them, if you w-want to. It would o-only be fair."

Poetry of the highest quality, made into the softest, sweetest flesh I had ever laid my eyes on - and I have seen a LOT of tits in my time and profession. These incredible heavenly bodies were the pinnacle of the female breast, and were crowning examples of marehood and motherhood. Round, firm, flawless... and neat, tiny nipples that made the boob around them seem that much bigger by comparison.

Somewhere in my mind, I wished I was a foal again, because I'd do nothing but pig-out all day long on those massive mammaries... they were perfection made into soft, jiggly flesh that was on full display, only an arm's length away from me.

I lifted my hand, slowly reached out...

... and patted her on the head, her eye-peeking lock bobbing lightly as I did.

"I appreciate that," I said softly with a small smile, "but you wouldn't appreciate it. And I respect that more than you know. As for your 'presentation'... tell you what, we'll call it even. You want me for another party sometime, feel free to gimme a call; we'll call this 'cider under the bridge', so long as you don't tell anyone about my trip-ups, deal?"

She gave a small yet relieved grin as she slowly lowered her shirt (boooooooobs! come baaaaaaaack!) and fixed me with a slightly nervous, but kind look. "Th-thank you, Mister Monty."

As I turned and began to hobble away (ow), I smiled to myself. "No problem... and happy birthday," I told her as I made my way out into the streets of Manehattan, headed for home a bit sore, but with a smirk to help me along.

--==[X]==--

TOTAL PAY: 500 Bits + 75 Bits (Tips)

AFTERMATH: Hips hurt for two weeks, but hopeful for word of mouth advertising from the Mane Six

WOULD REPEAT CUSTOMER?: Yes (with a reminder about permissions to touch)