Author's Note

As the title says, this chapter has a little more spice to it than my normal stuff. Nothing that goes past the teen rating, but just to be safe:
Ye be Warned.

16. - Spicy

* * ✹ * *

“Good afternoon, Your Highness. I’m glad you could make it with your busy schedule. Come in, please.”

Baked Bean glanced around the cozy office of Doctor Cherilee, and slowly stepped inside. “Thank you, Doctor. Am I late? I’m sorry if I am. Discord held me up at tea time; he wanted Fluttershy and I to try his new brie tea.”

“I see,” Doctor Cherilee replied, closing the door. “You’re actually a bit early, Your Highness.”

Bean sighed in relief. “Good. I don’t want to waste your time. But speaking of which, I’m afraid I’m not entirely sure why I’m here. Was there a particular reason you wanted to meet with me?”

Cherilee motioned to the chaise lounge which awaited plump princely posteriors, and to the frosty glasses of water on a nearby table. “To be honest, there isn’t a specific reason why I asked you here. I think your wife is making wonderful progress, and whenever she speaks of you, she does so with a great deal of love and delight.

“But Apollo has a mother and a father, and far too often, we inadvertently neglect the physical and mental health of fathers in our worthy and noble efforts to care for mothers. I wanted to give you the opportunity to talk about your own personal transition into fatherhood, and any unique challenges you may be experiencing.”

“Oh.” Bean slowly sat as Cherilee moved to her own plush office chair. “Well, um… off the top of my head, I can’t think of anything that’s troubling me.”

Cherilee smiled knowingly. “You’re not just saying that because you worry what you say will get back to Celestia, are you?”

Bean slowly shook his head. “No, I… I really can’t think of anything.”

“Your Highness, I know you love Celestia. From what she’s told me, you have bent over backwards to be accommodating, and all without complaint. I believe the last thing you want is to cause her any undue stress or concern, especially while she is fighting this depression.

“But my main concern, as a therapist, is to support my patient’s mental health and to help strengthen your marriage, if either is needed. Whatever you tell me here will never leave this room. However, if you truly feel that you don’t need my assistance at this time, then I will end this session with sincere thanks for your time and a standing offer for a future appointment, should you ever feel such is needed.”

There was a long silence as Bean took this all in. Cherilee wisely allowed the Prince all the time he needed, and took the opportunity to have a drink of water.

“I guess…” Bean started, stopped, and then drew in a deep breath. “Well, I suppose that no relationship is absolutely, one hundred percent perfect, but I really do think that Celestia and I have a healthy relationship. I mean, I understand why she worries about me and my overly helpful ways. I suppose you can take the chef out of the kitchen, but you can’t take the kitchen out of the chef.”

He paused, as if realizing his analogy didn’t quite make sense, but he pressed on. “What I mean is, I’ve been in customer service all my life, so I’ve learned to withhold any complaints or criticisms. The customer is always right, after all. Even if I do have some kind of issue, I’ve been trained and conditioned to just suppress it and get the work done.

“But after my little rebellion against Tirek, that notion…” Bean glanced back to his left rear leg. “Despite the near death experiences—or, maybe, because of them—I think all of that really opened things up for us. We have minor disagreements about things, sure, but if it’s something that either of us feels is serious, we’re very open about it. I don’t hold back my thoughts or feelings from her now, and I don’t think or feel that she does either.”

“So you feel that you and Celestia are on equal footing?”

Bean nodded. “She gives me far more than I give her, so it’s easy for me to do what I do. I guess… well, maybe I just need to show my affections in a different way.”

“How so?”

“Well…” Bean hesitated. “There was something that happened the other night that might help me flesh out what I’m thinking. But you Pinkie Promise you won’t tell Celly I told you?”

“Bean, the only thing more powerful than a Pinkie Promise is doctor-patient confidentiality,” Cherilee kindly assured. “But I promise to never say anything about what you tell me here. Cross my heart, hope to fly, put a cupcake in my eye.”

“Thank you.” Bean finally sat back in his chair and relaxed. “It happened earlier this week…”

* * ✹ * *

“Good morning, Miss Lulamoon.”

Trixie quickly stood, bumping her bowl of corn flakes but somehow managing not to spill the contents everywhere. “Your Highness!” She offered a quick bow to Princess Celestia. “Trixie didn’t mean to sleep in! I’ll have Prince Bean’s morning notes correlated in just a few minutes!”

“Actually, you’re up early,” Celestia said, suppressing a smirk. “There’s still half an hour until sunrise, at least.”

“Oh! Oh.” Trixie sighed in relief, plopped down in her chair, and resumed eating. “That means Trixie isn’t on the clock yet. Trixie will finish with those notes after eating breakfast.”

“It is the most important meal of the day,” Celestia offered, moving to sit opposite of the secretary. “I did not know you enjoyed corn flakes.”

“Princess Luna suggested them after Trixie accidently mentioned a… personal issue that Trixie does not wish to discuss right now.”

“Then we’ll leave it at that, but please feel free to make an appointment with Doctor Horsenpfeffer if you need to.”

“Thank you, Your Highness. Trixie will keep that in mind.”

Celestia nodded, Trixie returned to her cereal, and for a moment, there was silence.

It was doomed to a short life with Celestia around. Trixie had barely shoveled another spoonful of cereal into her mouth before the Princess spoke again.

“Miss Lulamoon?” Celestia’s tone was surprisingly subdued. “May I ask you a personal question?”

Trixie grunted, her gaze still on the nutritional information panel on the side of the cereal box.

“I was wondering if… well, in all of your travels, have you ever heard of… um, what I mean is, do you know anything about something called B.S.D.M.?”

Trixie choked, then let out a weird gagging-honking noise as she desperately tried to not shoot chewed up corn flakes out of her nose, with limited success.

Celestia retreated, and her cheeks took on a bright red hue. “My apologies, Miss Lulamoon. Please forget that I asked.”

“Nuh,” she moaned, rubbing the end of her snout. “Trixie just wasn’t expecting you, of all ponies, to ask about that particular subject. Trixie is a bit surprised you’ve even heard of the term, though you’ve got the acronym mixed up.”

“So you have some knowledge of it, then?” Celestia asked, a note of eagerness breaking through her embarrassment.

“Trixie is familiar, yes. Why do you ask? And why ask Trixie, of all ponies? Does Trixie give off an aura of a mare keen on such... adult hobbies?”

“I ask because I have been trying to think of a special gift to give to my husband, and since you are a well-traveled showmare, I concluded that you, out of all of the ponies I associate with on a regular basis, would be the most likely to have knowledge about this matter.” Celestia glanced at the main door, as if expecting somepony to barge in at any moment and overhear the conversation. “Bean has been trying so hard to bring some happiness into my struggles with depression and…” She dipped her head. “I wanted to show him how much I appreciate those efforts. Admittedly, it’s been a difficult conundrum. With just a word, I could have the most luxurious and expensive treasures laid out before him, but that’s too impersonal, too easy. I want to do something for him that’s special and unique.”

“Uh-huh. So, you figured you’d spice up your evenings with him as a show of gratitude.” She shook her head with a light laugh. “Trixie is getting quite the educational experience working here. What, exactly, do you want to know? Trixie isn’t an expert, by any means,” she hastily added, “but Trixie might be able to help you.”

Celestia’s cheeks went even redder than before, and she quickly placed several magical locks on any and all entrances to the room, with a golden shield over the pair to be extra secure. “Do you happen to know where I… um, where I could procure a saddle and tack?”

“Extra spicy,” Trixie teased with a bob of her eyebrows. “Trixie may be able to get the items you want, but only under two conditions.”

“And those are?”

“One: do not ask Trixie where she gets them. It’s a trade secret. Two: never reveal that Trixie acquired them for you. Plausible deniability would be best for both of us in this circumstance.”

“I agree to your terms.”

“Good.” Trixie stood and downed the rest of her cereal like she was finishing off a bottle of bourbon. “First things first: if you’re serious about getting tack, I’ll need to get your measurements. It’ll need to be custom fit, or else you’ll have some nasty chafing issues.”

“Very well. Why don’t we take care of that this afternoon, during the meeting with Deputy Plum Level? Wysteria has the day off, so nopony will think twice about you pulling me out for some sort of an ‘emergency.’ Bean can finish up the meeting, and we can step into my drawing room to take care of whatever you need to do.”

“What about Princess Luna?” Trixie asked.

“She should be asleep at that time, but I will place a ward spell on the room to make sure she stays out.”

Trixie nodded. “Until this afternoon, then.”

“How long will it take you to procure the tack and saddle?”

Trixie tsk’d, her magic moving the measuring tape around Celestia’s barrel. “Normally things like this can take several months, but Trixie could probably call in a few favors and get them within a week or so.”

“Really? So soon?” Celestia asked eagerly. “But how could you—” She stopped herself with Trixie’s quelling look. “Right, right. Don’t ask.”

Trixie nodded, put the measuring tape down, and picked up her clipboard and pencil.

This action, however, piqued Celestia’s curiosity. “Miss Lulamoon, how many items can you hold aloft simultaneously with your magic?”

“Alas, Trixie is Great and Powerful in theatrics, sleight of hoof, and beauty, but not so much in magic. I can only hold maybe two things at once, depending on weight.”

“Interesting. But as I recall, you were accepted at my school for gifted unicorns in your younger years. If your magic strength is truly that low, I’m not sure how you would have passed the entrance exam. I think you have more magical prowess than you believe.”

Trixie scoffed. “Bit late for that, isn’t it?”

“Not at all. Perhaps, as payment for your assistance with this unusual request, I could help you develop your power further. I won’t be able to teach you like I can my students due to my schedule, but perhaps a few minutes in the mornings, or just before you go home for the night.”

Trixie put her supplies down and gave Celestia an enthusiastic look that was badly suppressed, but then she forced herself to appear dismissive and aloof. “Well, I suppose I could allow you to show me a few of your tricks. I could use them in my magic show.”

“Then we have an accord. Once we’re done here, I’d like to get an official thaumic reading. That way, I know exactly where to start.”

“Thank you, Your Highness. Trixie greatly appreciates your assistance,” Trixie said gleefully.

“You are welcome.”

“And I think I have all the measurements I need. May Trixie be so bold as to offer a suggestion to help you really bake Prince Bean?”

“Of course.”

“If I were you, I would consider going for a gothic aesthetic. Black saddle, black tack, black socks, and maybe even dye your mane and tail with dark blues and blacks.”

“That would be a lot of dye,” Celestia noted, glancing at the main door with a bit of concern. Was somepony trying the doorknob?

“Use magic then, whatever. Point is, since you’re mostly white, the stark contrast would be appealing, and it would help you get into character.”

Celestia’s cheeks began to burn again. “Do… Do you really think Bean would be enticed if I did all that?”

“Trust Trixie,” Trixie said with a wink. “If you don’t want to mess with your mane, just put a bunch of black ribbons in there instead.”

“All right. I suppose you’re the expert,” Celestia said nervously.

“Trixie will let you know when I get your tack and saddle.” Trixie gathered up her effects, and the two moved to the door. “You know what? Black lipstick, too. He’ll go wild for that.”

“Should I be concerned that you know how to arouse my husband?”

“Please.” Trixie scoffed. “All stallions are alike. They’re very simple and stupid creatures, in the end. Trixie is convinced their brains are at their hind end.”

* * ✹ * *

Two Weeks Later…

* * ✹ * *

The night had finally come.

Princess Celestia drew in a deep, comforting breath, tossed several dozen empty fur dye bottles into the trash bin, and took an appraisal of her appearance in the bathroom mirror. It had been difficult to procure enough black coloring to change her coat color without raising any suspicions, but there hadn’t been enough left for her mane and tail. This was probably for the best, as the Mare of the Morn did not like how the black dye made her look like her younger nocturnal sister, and changing her mane would only further the effect. Time was also against her; her meetings that day had run long, leaving her little time to get ready for Bean, and she wasn’t sure the dye was fully dry yet.

Not to mention, Celestia wasn’t sure if Trixie had said “dye your mane” or “dye your coat.” She’d been a tad too preoccupied with worrying about somepony overhearing them at that moment.

It was too late to undo what she’d done anyway, so she would just have to press forward. With a grunt of determination, she moved into the bedroom proper, trotted to her bed, and took a moment to look over the displayed items that Trixie had covertly procured. The Eternal Princess of Day had heard whispers about ponies who would wear tack as a way to add a layer of spice to their love lives, but she had never looked into the details. What she had heard was mostly from walking in on bits of private conversations unintentionally, so that left her little to work with.

Celestia’s magic picked up the ebony saddle first, and she looked it over as she considered what she did know. There was supposed to be a dominant player and a submissive player in this game, if she understood the rules properly, and the submissive one was to acquiesce to any demand of the dominant, no matter how peculiar or humiliating.

Celestia was not comfortable with the idea of being the dominant one, thus leading to her selection of items intended for the submissive pony. The bridle and bit she could understand—they had been used by tyrants and warlords in the past to control enslaved ponies, forcing them to bend and obey. Saddles, on the other hoof, were simply one of those high fashion items that seemed to be in demand for a season, then outdated, then back again as a “retro” look.

But this particular saddle had a great many more straps and miscellaneous pieces that she was unfamiliar with. Either the fashionable tastes had changed since the last go-round, or this particular saddle had more additions because of its intended use.

The Princess steeled her nerves, and unbuckled what she thought was the billet strap. She was going to do this for her beloved Bean. She just needed to remember that, despite her anxious desire to drop the whole thing.

The saddle slid on with a bit of work, but the princess had no idea where the other accessories were supposed to go. She twisted and squirmed about as she tried to figure it out, looping things over her flanks and twisting things under her stomach, feeling like she was being tangled up and pinched in sensitive areas the whole time. The rational part of her calmly noted that she could summon Trixie to assist her, but her embarrassment provided the convenient excuse that there wasn’t enough time. Eventually, after more wriggling and tugging, Celestia determined she had everything in place, or at least close enough. The small silver bells along the edges began to jingle softly with her movements, providing soft tones that she hoped would be alluring as she took a moment to look herself over in the mirror and make some minor adjustments.

The next part would be far more difficult, but not in a physical way. Celestia picked up the bridle with a wince, the silver bells along the cheekpieces matching in tone with the ones on the saddle. With a hard swallow, the princess forced the bit into her mouth, pulled the bridle up and over her ears, and worked her jaw to set the bit in place as she buckled and secured the straps.

Celestia felt rather foolish, and the feeling intensified as she again looked in the mirror. To her eye, she looked absolutely ridiculous, and it took some considerable willpower to keep herself from yanking everything off.

“You’re doing this for Bean,” she said, her words mushed and slurred slightly by the metal in her mouth. She forced her thoughts to her husband as she moved to a nearby vanity, and she plucked a tube of glossy black lipstick quickly from the selection of cosmetics. It was a bit hard to apply evenly with the obstruction in her mouth, but she somehow managed to get an even coating.

The socks were not so bad. Most ponies enjoyed wearing them during the cold winter months, and they felt smooth and soft against her legs. Their allure came from the individual’s preference, and Bean had already confessed to liking how she looked when she wore them.

Then there were the black ribbons. Celestia hoped they would add to her intended allure, and if Bean liked them—and if he thought she looked good with the dye—then she would make sure to stain her mane and tail for a future session.

For now, the ribbons would be sufficient. It only took a few moments to weave the strips of fabric into her pastel swirls, and with that, she was as ready as she ever would be.

Celestia jingled over to the pile of cushions in the corner of the room, her every step setting off the bells on her outfit. She lit the few candles around her, snuffed the rest in the room, and wiggled to position herself in the most alluring pose possible.

She settled on a stretched out pose, her wings spread out on the cushions in the traditional pegasus mating display. Bean wouldn’t know that, of course, but it was mostly to get herself in the mood.

And to get her heart to quit thumping loudly in her throat.

Celestia wasn’t sure how long she would have to wait, and with every passing moment, her anxiety soared higher and higher. She worried about how she looked, what her little ponies would think if they saw her wearing the tack, and above all else, how Bean would react.

After an eternity of waiting—and just a few moments before her nerves convinced her to give up—Celestia heard the doorknob slowly turning. She swallowed hard again as Bean’s tail slowly entered the room, and it sounded like he was telling Wysteria something about tomorrow’s meetings.

Bean finished entering the room, shut the door, and turned. Celestia fought down the near heart attack within her, and tried to give her husband a sultry look.

“Celly?” Bean called out. He finally turned to face her.

And then he completely froze.

“Good evening, my beloved.” Celestia’s words were as smooth as silk, and she tossed her head back slightly, making the little bells ring. “I’ve been expecting you.”

Bean’s eyes grew as wide as dinner plates, but otherwise, he remained motionless.

Celestia slowly rose, making sure to be as seductive as possible. “I hope you’re ready for an unforgettable night, my dear Bean. Until the break of dawn, I am yours to command.”

“Uh… huh?” Bean offered with a squeak.

“I am your slave for this night, my Master,” she cooed, slinking towards him. “I only desire to satisfy your every whim. Command me, and it will be done.”

Bean whimpered, and his rear legs gave out on him. “A-anything?” he weakly stammered, his voice trembling.

“Anything at all,” Celestia said in a husky tone. She flicked her reins at him.

Bean didn’t move for several long moments. Celestia wondered how badly she’d damaged their relationship.

But then slowly, Bean’s hoof reached out. He took the reins with a soft touch, and he slowly pulled her head down until they were eye to eye.

“Um… I don’t know if… um…” he swallowed hard. “You really want me to do this? To be your… what? Some sort of master?”

Celestia answered his question by giving him a passionate kiss. True, the bit in her mouth did hamper her efforts, but based on the shudders that overtook Bean’s body, the end result was still acceptable.

His lips were stained with her lipstick when she pulled back, his gaze unfocused and dreamy. He clearly had enjoyed that.

“What is your bidding?” she purred.

Bean’s reply took a moment, since he clearly had to remember what words were. “What brought this on? I’m not complaining, mind you, but this is all rather… unexpected.”

“Does a slave need a reason to lavish love and affection upon her beloved master?” she whispered, her breath teasing the hairs of his inner ear.

“Um… I guess not?” he squeaked. “O-okay.” He hesitated, glanced at his hooves, then back to her. “So, you’ll do whatever I tell you to do?”

“Anything at all.”

Bean stalled again. “Um… then I, uh… I want you to go lay down on the cushions again. Please.”

Celestia kissed the end of his nose, turned, flicked her tail in his face, and then pranced to the corner, the bells on her tack jingling all the way. With slow, seductive motions, she slunk back into the position she started in. “Does this please you, master?”

“Yes?” Bean cleared his throat, and tried to sound more authoritative. “I mean, yes. This does please me.”

“What more may I do for you?”

“I don’t know. Um… maybe you could… that is, if you want you to… um… you could rub my back. If you don’t mind, that is,” he finished timidly.

“Are you sore?” she asked with concern, snagging him with her magic and gently bringing him into her waiting embrace. “I sent you to too many meetings, didn’t I?”

“No, not really,” he said, as she gently touched his withers and shoulders in search of tight muscles. “I think I went to fewer meetings than normal today, honestly.”

“You do feel a little tense in spots. Here.” Celestia took a bottle from the vanity table, uncorked it, and applied the contents on her husband liberally. “This should help ease the tension.”

“Ooo, that feels good.” Bean went limp, and Celestia smiled as she began to knead. “So, where is Apollo?”

“Mama Nana and Luna are looking after him. My sister mentioned something about a field trip to the royal orrery. I presume she is going to try to teach him about her stars, if he’ll stay awake.”

“Did they actually get that thing working?”

“Indeed. How are you feeling?”

“Very relaxed. And better. Thank you.”

“It is my pleasure, master,” Celestia said, remembering that she was supposed to be acting submissive. “May I do anything else to please you?”

“Not at the moment.” He grunted. “Little to the left. That’s it.”

Celestia continued to work on the knots, slowly and tenderly massaging until Bean felt like a lump of dough in her hooves. He hummed with content, and when she was finished, he almost sounded like he was snoring.

“Bean?” she whispered, and he snorted and jumped slightly. “What else might I do for you, my beloved master?”

Bean took in a long, thoughtful breath. “I guess…” he stalled, tapping a hoof on the floor in thought. “You could… maybe do a dance for me?”

“What dance would please you most?” Celestia glanced down, and watched him blush.

“I guess you could do one of those Saddle Arabian dances. I don’t know what they’re called.”

Celestia stood, softly moved Bean onto her cushions, and then stepped out in front of him. “I think I know what you speak of. I’m afraid I’m not familiar with the specific steps, but I should be able to improvise something for you, my beloved.”

“Are you sure? I’m not really comfortable with forcing you to do this.”

Celestia glanced over her shoulder, gave her hips a shake, then turned back to Bean. “No, it’s no problem. I live to serve you, after all. Just allow me one moment to plan what I will do.”

The Princess of Day had, at one point in her life, taken dance lessons. In theory, she should have been able to perform for her husband.

But in reality, Celestia couldn’t remember how long it had been since she’d had those lessons. It was easily a number with three digits, with the first one possibly being either a four or a five.

After a moment of thought, she realized it would have been before Luna’s banishment, so whatever she had learned had been lost to the ravages of time many, many, many moons ago.

So, despite Celestia’s best attempt to perform in an enticing and seductive way for Bean, the end result was easily worse than even her own former student’s creative and interpretative dances. She twisted and tweaked, flipped and flopped, fumbled and stumbled until she tripped over her own hooves and went down with a hard whumpf.

“Celly?!” Bean was instantly at her side. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” she groaned, rubbing her ribs. “I just knocked the wind out of me. Give me a moment, and I’ll start again.”

“No way. I don’t want you hurting yourself.”

“Are you sure?” she said with a pout. “I’m supposed to do anything you want me to do.”

“Why? Are you… wait. Are you trying to do that… that bedroom thing? I can’t remember what it’s called. It’s that thing where one pony orders the other one around?”

“That’s what I was trying to do, yes. But we’re not doing very well with it, are we?”

“Yeah, I don’t think this is how it’s supposed to work. And I don’t feel comfortable about ordering you around.”

“Perhaps we need to take a different approach.” Celestia thought for a moment. “What if we tried pretending to be somepony we’re not?”

“You mean roleplay?” Bean asked, and she nodded. “I guess we could try that. My parents would roleplay as angry customers sometimes to help me learn how to deal with them. So, how should we try this?”

“Let’s have you be a dark, fearsome, conquering warlord,” Celestia suggested slowly. “You have attacked my lands, and taken me captive. I will be defiant, and you have to quell my rebellious nature to fully claim this kingdom as your own.”

“Oh. Okay. Um…” Bean thought for a moment. “Should I still be called Bean, or should I have a different name?”

“A different name would help us both get into character, I think. How about Lord Darkstone Sunslayer, Conqueror of Ten Thousand Kingdoms and Scourge of the East?”

“I could try that,” Bean said, bobbing his head back and forth.

“And… What if, since you need to be more powerful than me, we say that you are a black alicorn with a blood red mane and tail, and a scar over your left eye.” Celestia tried to imagine the pony she was describing. “And you could have a lightning bolt for a cutie mark, and sharp, cold blue eyes that always feel like they’re penetrating somepony’s very soul.”

“Um… Okay. I’ll try it. Let me just…” Bean stood, walked over to the door, then pantomimed opening and shutting it. “Ah! Your Highness!” he cried, dropping his voice down an octave. “I have you right where I want you.”

Celestia tried to hold back her snort of amusement. She really did.

Sort of.

Well, not.

She did manage to stop laughing and wipe the tears from her eyes after a few minutes.

“No good?” Bean asked, blushing furiously.

“Sorry, sorry. I wasn’t ready.” She cleared her throat, then stood at her full height. “I’m ready now. Go ahead.”

“Ah! Your Highness!” Bean repeated, but this time with an attempt at a posh accent, which was just as amusing as before. “What a delightful honor! I’ve been eager to finally meet you. Wait. That didn’t sound very intimidating.” He bit his lower lip in thought. “You have no idea how desperate I’ve been to formally make your acquaintance.”

“Then the pleasure is all yours, Lord Sunslayer,” Celestia said defiantly, tossing her head and flaring her wings, which made Bean stumble back a few steps. “Oh! Are you okay, love?”

“I’m fine. That just kinda scared me.” Bean shivered.

“I’ll ease up a little, then.” Celestia cleared her throat, forced her wings down, and intentionally slumped her shoulders. “You may have bested my armies, you foul fiend, but you will never break me.”

“I was hoping you’d say that.” Bean stumbled back into the role of Lord Darkstone Sunslayer, and he began to circle Celestia with a predatory expression that looked more like he needed to sneeze. “I do enjoy it when my victims fight back.”

“Do your worst!” Celestia challenged.

Bean stopped, reached for her reins, missed, lost his footing, caught himself, slowly tried again, and finally pulled her down to his level with a halfhearted tug. “You don’t want to know my worst, my precious. By the time I’m done with you, you’ll be begging for mercy.”

“Ha!” Celestia scoffed.

“Now, where to begin?” Bean said, forgetting to use his fake accent. “Perhaps a few lashes would take the bite from your words, my pet. Er, my dear.”

“Do your worst,” Celestia said, before remembering she’d already said that. “Your whip will feel like harmless pinpricks to me.”

“Such defiance.” Bean gently guided Celestia towards the cushions in the corner, being careful to not pull or tug on her reins. “It’s a shame I’ll have to rip it out of you. If only I could bend it, mold it to my will…”

That’s it, just a little more, Celestia thought to herself as a plan came together in her head. “Your reputation is fearsome indeed, but in the end, you are a coward and a fraud. My little ponies will never accept you as their king.”

“Oh, I rather think they will, especially after they see you broken and bent to my desires. They’ll have no choice but to yeeEEEEKK!”

“Surrender!” Celestia bellowed at Royal Canterlot Voice level, throwing Bean into the cushions with a quick flick of magic and pinning him with both forehooves. “Your evil ends here!” she proclaimed, quickly preparing to send an emergency message to Shining Armor, Cadence, Luna, Lieutenant Spear Point, and Lieutenant Velvet Midnight. The Royal Guard and the Thestrals would respond in seconds, Luna a few moments later, and…

And Celestia hastily retreated, leaving Bean to curl up into a protective ball and hyperventilate.

Pretend. This was all pretend. There was no real threat, Equestria had not been overrun, and the Crystal Empire did not need to send their finest troops to drive out an invasion force.

Something deep inside her had lunged forward at the thought, something that centuries of habit had ingrained into her soul, freezing it, moulding it into a fierce warrior who could be called upon to defend her helpless ponies in their hour of need. Something that had no room in it for a well-meaning, loving husband. Or a child.

She fought that terrible, yet needed, feeling down, subordinating it to her will. She could change, and for the better. She could be a mother and a spouse and the immortal defender of a world.

And the most important step in that change needed her attention right now, regardless of her uncomfortable attire.

“Bean? I am so sorry!” Celestia picked him up and pulled him into a tight hug. “I got carried away!”

It took a few moments for Bean’s breathing and heartbeat to slow down enough for him to respond. “I… I don’t think… this is… is going to work,” he gasped.

“I am so sorry,” she repeated, hugging him a little tighter and wrapping her wings around him. “I didn’t… I just couldn’t help myself. As soon as I started to think that Equestria was in danger…”

“You moved to eliminate the threat.” He nuzzled her chest fluff, leaving a cute smudge of black dye on his adorable nose. “I can’t blame you for that. But that was rather, um, intense.”

“Please forgive me. I never meant to scare you.” She released him with deep contrition. “I only wanted to give you something special and unique tonight, to show you how much I appreciate your efforts to cheer me up.”

Bean didn’t say anything for a moment, but he did reach up to caress her cheek, once he found a way to work around the bridle. “I appreciate that, my love. For the record, I do like how you look with the tack, and the saddle, and the socks. Especially the socks.

“But I don’t think I’d ever be comfortable with ordering you around like a slave; it just doesn’t feel right. Maybe if we switched? You could be the dominant one, and I’ll submit to you?”

Celestia scoffed. “I already have a whole kingdom that does that. That’s not attractive or alluring. For me, it would be Tuesday.”

Bean slowly nodded. “That is true. I’m not sure how we can make this work.”

“Then perhaps it is best that we forget this happened,” Celestia said softly, or rather, as soft as she could get around the accursed bit in her mouth. “Give me a few moments to remove my accouterments—once I figure out how to get out of them—and…”

“Wait a second.” Bean sat up and studied her intently, with his gaze covering several of the more bizarre pieces of tack that she still could not remember what they were called. It warmed her heart to see that he was not looking at the strange restraints, but past them as if he was concerned about her comfort. “I really do appreciate that you went through all this effort for me. I feel kinda bad now.”

“As do I, but I don’t think tonight was a total loss.” Celestia reached up to pull the bridle off, but couldn’t seem to find the buckles that held it in place. “It is comforting — where is that buckle — to know that — I think it’s stuck — you have no need to be dominated and I have no desire to dominate you. Even with this stupid bridle. I believe we now have a better idea — ah, there it goes — better idea how much we respect each — now it’s stuck worse — respect each other, and that is a critical ingredient of any successful marriage.”

“Still.” Bean rubbed one arm with a forehoof, keeping his eyes mostly away from where Celestia was struggling with the harness and making the strangest faces in the process. She was not sure if it was to keep from laughing at her, or because he was uncomfortable with her struggle, but she decided to assume he had the better of the two intentions.

“Come here,” Celestia said, pulling him into her embrace with a smile and a kiss. “Tell you what. Once we figure out how to get this saddle off, I’ll keep the socks on, and we can cuddle tonight while you tell me about your ideas for your next book.”

“I think I need to get a book published first before I start on a sequel.” Bean booped her nose with his. “But I would love to hear you tell me a story.”

“You would?” Celestia asked, her previous embarrassment being driven away by the combined armies of delight and contentment. “Very well then. I shall tell you the story of a lonely princess who was locked in a high tower, and who secretly longed for a special somepony to call her own. And then, one glorious day, a noble knight of yellow and brown came to her rescue, and her life from that moment on has never been the same, in all the best ways.”

“I can’t wait to hear it.”

“And then afterwards, we can get into the shower and wash this stuff off.”

“I can’t wait for that either.” Bean hesitated, clearly fighting down a series of chortles. “On second thought, can we shower first? I just can’t take you seriously like this.”

“Deal.”

“Let’s see,” he moved to work on the straps on her rear half. “I think this goes… maybe over here… and that…”

The Princess twisted around in an attempt to help, but somehow, that managed to tangle her up even more. “I think that went over there, Bean. And then it should slide under that…”

“Does that even go there?” Bean asked, yanking on something unseen and eliciting a high-pitched squeak from his wife.

“Too tight!”

“Um… so… wait.” Bean tugged a bit more in a different spot that did not help. “So, how uncomfortable would you be if you had to stay in the tack all night?”

* * ✹ * *

“We got her untangled after a few hours, with several sharp knives. We haven’t discussed what happened since then,” Bean explained, fidgeting slightly. “I guess everything worked out. Celestia’s overall mood doesn’t seem to have changed at all, so…” He paused, then drew in a deep breath. “I admit I’m a little worried that she’s still secretly disappointed. She went through all that trouble, and nothing came of it. I know she loves me, but there are times when I can’t help but feel like I’m not giving her the satisfaction she craves.”

Doctor Cheerilee nodded. “Celestia told me about what Prince Blueblood said to you prior to Tirek’s attack. Something about being a moldy meal and swamp water, correct?”

Bean nodded. “And then eventually, she’ll realize that’s what I am. I mean, I know it’s not true, but the doubt still lingers in my mind, especially after what happened with the… um… tack. She went out of her way to do something special for me, and I…” he sighed. “Should I have, like, done better? Gotten into the roleplay and everything?”

“Your Highness, I don’t believe you did anything wrong. No two relationships are the same, so every couple is going to find things that add some spice, so to speak, and things that don’t. It’s far more important that you tried, instead of rejecting her right out.”

Bean let out a sigh of relief. “Thanks. Got any tips on how to increase my self-esteem?”

“I believe there’s a few things that may help you, but I think you may already be familiar with them. The main thing I would suggest is to remember that you are loved. Celestia cares for you and loves you deeply, and it would take something far more serious than one awkward night to change that. If you are devoted to her, then she will always be devoted to you.”

* * ✹ * *

“Celly?” Bean called out, shutting the bedroom door.

“In the bathroom,” she called back. “My apologies for not being available when you returned from your therapy session. Blueblood and Horowitz had a great many things to go over, and the meeting ran long. How has your day been? How did things go with Doctor Cheerilee?”

“Fairly well,” he said, checking quickly on his sleeping son in the bassinet. “We actually talked about my self-esteem issues, mostly.”

“Good. Do you feel that it was time well spent?”

“Yeah. She wants to meet with me again in about a month.”

Celestia slowly emerged, and Bean’s jaw dropped. Somehow, his beloved wife was now covered from nose to tail, and from horn to hoof, in what looked like a sparkly gold paint.

“It would seem I am in need of your assistance,” she confessed, slinking over to him and leaving a trail of gold dust in the carpet behind her. “Horowitz wanted to learn more about bundt cakes, and I offered to make one for him. In the process, I managed to break open a large container of luster dust in my search for cinnamon. Tell me, do chefs use this particular confection often?” she said slyly.

“Um…” Bean forced his mouth to close, and a slow smile began to creep into his features. “Luster dust is mostly used for desserts, like fancy cakes that look like real life objects. I heard somepony made edible boots with the stuff once, but we used it back home rather sparingly. It sticks to fur like glue, so I always had to be careful. Come to think of it, Mom did tend to have several ‘mishaps’ with our supplies.” He hesitated with several startled blinks. “Usually around Hearts and Hooves Day…”

“So, do you know how to remove it?” she asked with a knowing grin.

“Only one reliable way to get it off,” he answered with a bob of his eyebrows. “It’s edible, so you nibble it off, bit by bit. I suppose I could help you, but…”

“But? ‘But’ is such a strong word,” she pouted playfully.

“But only if you tell me how your day went.”

“Really?” Celestia asked with surprise. “You really want to hear about all of that?”

“Well, more than anything, I just want to talk with you. I like having conversations with you, however mundane they might be. It makes me feel special,” he confided warmly.

“It does?” Celestia said in surprise and delight.

“Yeah. Maybe it’s a little strange, but the fact that the Princess of Equestria—well, the most beautiful one—is willing to converse with me, a nobody from nowhere, makes me feel like I’m important; loved even. I…” he shook his head and chuckled. “I really can’t explain it any better than that.”

“If that is what makes you happy, then I am pleased to oblige,” Celestia booped his nose with hers, leaving some sparkles to ‘remove’ later. “But it may take some time to convey everything that happened.”

“We have all night,” he replied cheerfully, looking around. “What happened to the...um... things?”

Celestia giggled in a way that made Bean’s heart melt. “I put them away where nopony is going to happen upon them by accident. Well, most of them.”

* * ✹ * *

“Wys?” Corporal Quillpoint sighed, kicked the door shut, and flicked the light switch. He hesitated when nothing happened, but then went into high alert and began to look around carefully. “Wysteria? Is everything okay?”

“You’re home. Good.” Wysteria slowly slipped into the stream of silver moonlight coming from the window, slapping a riding crop rhythmically across the frog of her forehoof. “My mother has the twins until tomorrow at noon. Your armor stays on tonight. The safe word is ‘pineapple.’ Now, come here.”

* * ✹ * *