Before I even began to consider why I am here, I had a bunch of questions floating around in my head: 1) Am I dreaming? 2) If I am not dreaming, is this some sort of elaborate prank? 3) Am I dead, and in the depths of Sheol?

Anyways, I have the audacity, so I begin asking questions.

“Where am I, and why did you kidnap me?” I asked the strange creature. “Obviously, I know I am on a moon of some sort, since you yourself said so, and the gravity here seems off. But what star system? Are we even in the same universe? Why me? Why out of literally 8 billion people and 18 million Jews you pick some 16-year-old kid from Monsey, NY? I don’t get it.” I was going to ask her more questions, but she put her hoof over my mouth, urging me to shut up.

“Look, Noah. You might be scared, and that’s fine. I get it, but I have incredibly important stuff to do, and I need your help. I will try and answer your questions now, but you need to calm down, okay?” Luna says in a very maternal voice.

“You are in a different universe, governed by different laws of physics, magic, etc. If you are contemplating whether your beloved deity Elohim is but a fiction, worry not, He is real but governs YOUR reality, not this one. In this reality, there are multiple deities, namely me and my sister.”

Multiple gods? Talk about Avoda Zara!

“Here’s the 411, kid. 1000 years ago, I asked for too much power, and my sister Celestia banished me to our planet’s moon. What is quite odd is that time in your universe flows differently, so my millennium away from Equestria translates to some 3500 years on Earth. After a few decades of being trapped on this planet’s moon, I discovered a method of traveling between realities. I came across your planet by accident, and was quite intrigued by your Hebrew race.” Luna says, projecting images of her past life events on the wall of her lunar citadel.

“Wait a minute. 3500 years ago? That was back during the time of-.”

“Yes, dear, Abraham was a very smart man who discovered the natural laws of his reality, and the one Deity controlling it. It was incredibly brilliant of him. We spent many years discussing theology together, and I helped him calculate the months using your moon. I do have a specialty in moons, you know!” Luna says, laughing.

If she actually spent time with Abraham, the first Jew, how far down does this rabbit hole go?

“Hold on, if you spent time with Abraham, how much of my people’s history have you observed?” I asked the alicorn, who seemed more patient than before.

“Well, all of it! From Jacobs’ 70 descendants going to Egypt, all the way to 1967 CE. For some reason, the connection to your reality severed then, and I only managed to come back in 2003 CE, when you were born, dear!”

“I am so confused, Luna. Did you spend time with my ancestors? Like, all of them?” I asked her.

“No, around the 6th Century CE, when that Ishmaelite came along and modified your tradition, I stopped visiting physically, and only interacted in dreams. I can access the dreamscape. In fact, I am pretty sure I gave very important magical information to the Maharal of Prague, and helped him build the Golem, protecting your people from evildoers.”

Wait a minute, the Golem of Prague?!?! This is getting really interesting, really fast. I wonder if she knows Kabbalah? Anyways, Maimonides says not to touch that stuff until you are 30 years of age. I was only 16 at the time of my abduction.

“I have to admit, I spent a fair amount of time with a bunch of different races on Earth, and your people are the most resilient I have seen. They have been pushed to the brink and always managed to come back. I am so sorry for what happened to them a generation or two ago. I pray it never happens again.” Luna says solemnly, thinking about what she saw in those poor children’s dreams in the camps.

“If it comes as any consolation to you, I transferred all of your spell books from your house to my citadel, so you have all the reading that you want during your stay here.” Luna says, using magic from her horn to bring literally every tome I own at home to my new room/prison cell.

“Spellbooks? Those aren’t spellbooks, they are Torah commentaries! What are you talking abou-” Luna puts her hoof on my mouth again, like a patient teacher trying to explain things to her student.

“I must say, from what I have heard, your race is quite adept at magic. Think about literally anyone notable from your people’s history! I am surprised you don’t see the connections in the Hebrew letters, dear.” Luna says, opening my copy of Tractate Shabbat, 33b, reminding me of the story of Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai, who hid in a cave for 13 years with his son, learning the most esoteric secrets of the universe.

Damn, this Luna mare is good! I didn’t even think of this.

“I know your recent lineage is more legalistic in its approach, and that is fine. I just need you to diversify a little bit, if you know what I mean. That is why I turned you into a unicorn, Noah; so you can harness the magic from your tradition to help me.”

I get a bit bold in my next question. “What’s in it for me, then? I help you take over this planet that I have never been to, and for what? Do I get to go ho-’. A rather horrifying thought enters my mind. One I didn’t want to accept, but one I HAD to ask. “D-did you erase my family’s memory of me?”

“Yes, I had no choice but to do that. They would have been worried sick if you were gone.’
She places a hoof on me. ‘You have my word that I will restore your family’s memory of your existence once you assist me in this manner. Ah! I almost forgot.’ Taking off her hoof, she backs off a bit. ‘You asked me why I picked you in the first place. Here’s why. You are a direct maternal descendant of the great Lithuanian sage Vilna Gaon, are you not?” Luna asks me.

“Uh, yeah, why?” I replied.

“Well, the Vilna Gaon, as you must know, was a once in a millenium sage. One of the smartest humans I have ever encountered, I must admit. He wrote a treatise on certain Kabbalistic formulae that would be quite useful for me, and they are encoded in your family’s Torah books. I need a smart kid like you to help me decode them.”

Interesting. I thought the Vilna Gaon was one of the Misnagim, or opponents to Hasidic Jewry. I guess you always have more to learn, and a talking magical pony can teach you stuff.

“In return for your assistance in this matter, I can help your people rebuild their temple in Jerusalem.” Luna said, noticing that I smiled at that comment.

My people have not had a central temple of worship since 70 CE, when the Romans destroyed it out of spite, although the Rabbis of the Talmud have many opinions on why it was destroyed.

“I guess we have a deal, then!” I say, reaching out my front right hoof to “shake hands” on this agreement. Nightmare Moon does the same, and we shake on it. As soon as I touched her hoof, I felt a massive surge of power, and I felt amazing.

“Congrats, Noah. You are immortal now. I can’t have you die on me while you help me decode stuff, now can I?” Luna says, laughing.

“You know, you might not be that bad, especially if you keep your promise and return me to my universe when this is all over.” I reply, with Luna just nodding in approval.

Meanwhile, while all of this was happening on the moon, and I was busy trying to find codes inside my entire corpus of text, another alicorn princess was writing a letter to a certain unicorn, advising her to move to Ponyville and try to make friends.

“Hm. 1000 years are almost up. I think that Twilight could be the one to do this. At least I have a good feeling about this.” The other alicorn says, sending the scroll to Twilight.

“Uh, Princess Celestia. We might have a problem.” Said a royal guard, bursting into Celestia’s private study.
“Yes, what is it?” Celestia replied.

“It seems your sister, Princess Luna, found a teenager from that other universe you two used to go to, and made him her pupil. With all due respect to Her Majesty, I have a bad feeling about this.’ The guard says.

“Oh dear. I hope she doesn’t make the poor thing like her. I wonder what the child is like…” Celestia thought to herself.

Author's Note

GLOSSARY:

Sheol: One layer of the Jewish underworld, often misattributed to Hades

Elohim: one of the many names of G-d (the G-d of the three major monotheistic faiths)

Avoda Zara: Idol Worship (or anything antithetical to traditional Jewish values)

Maharal of Prague: Famous Czech Rabbi, most well known for the fable of the Prague Golem, which legend says still exists in the basement (or attic) of the Prague synagogue

Golem: an animated anthropomorphic being in Jewish folklore that is entirely created from inanimate matter (usually clay or mud). ... It can be a victim or villain, Jew or non-Jew, man or woman—or sometimes both.

Kabbalah: Jewish Mystical tradition. Jews are traditionally advised not to study this until they master the basics, lest they go insane

Maimonides: Famous Jewish Rabbi, physician, and philosopher who lived in the 12th century

Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai: Famous 2nd century mystic, rabbi, and sage. The Zohar, the key text of Kabbalah, is accredited to him. According to legend, he lived in a cave for 13 years with his son, learning the secrets of the universe

Vilna Gaon: (Elijah ben Solomon Zalman) was a Lithuanian Rabbi, scholar, and mystic. He was the leader of Misnagdic Jewry (Non-Hasidim) in Lithuania during the 18th century

Talmud: The main code of Jewish law, folklore, and legend. Considered to be the oral tradition tied in with the Written Torah (Pentateuch)