This entire situation is rather strange. I am on the moon, with an alicorn princess, who claims to have interacted with my people for millennia. At least she brought me my reading material.

“Random question, Luna. Do you have any idea how a unicorn is supposed to put on Tefillin?” I remembered that it must be morning and I have my morning prayers.

“I had a feeling you would ask that. Worry not, Noah. I made sure to bring all of your ritual artifacts to my lunar palace. I assure you that you can exercise your faith tradition fully during your stay here. I am just as accommodating, if not more so than my sister. If I might add, your prayers are quite beautiful and poetic.” she adds, pointing her hoof towards my bag containing my phylacteries.

“If you need any more incentive to work with me, Celestia also spent some time on Earth, out of sheer boredom, not exile, and was worshipped by the Babylonians, Greeks, and Romans as a sun deity. I do believe these three civilizations have a complicated history with your race, do they not?” Luna asks rhetorically, knowing full well what they did throughout Jewish history.

I nod, but I have other concerns on my mind. “I wonder if I can put my tefillin on with telekinesis?” I think to mys-. “WHOA!” My bag actually opens, and the two leather boxes containing sacred writings float out of the bag,

“I see you have taken a quick grasp of elementary magic, Noah. I am very impressed.” Nightmare Moon says, with a grin. I check to make sure my yarmulke is still on, and I think Luna put it back on. I make the proper benedictions and put on the phylacteries, making sure the one resting on my head has its knot touching the occipital bone on my neck.

I make sure to add additional requests in my prayers that Luna doesn’t hurt me, and that she is truly as benevolent as she seems. Taking around 90 minutes to finish my prayers, I put all of my ritual items away.

“Okay, Noah. Now that you have finished your prayers, I need your help with something. Are you familiar with the ancient text the Sefer Yetzirah?” Nightmare Moon asks me, using her magic to send a book towards me.

I have heard of that book before, and that it is traditionally attributed to Abraham himself. It discusses creation, man’s relation with G-d, and how Man can emulate this.

“Actually, I’m not. What is it?” I ask her.

“Well, it is a good place for a smart colt like you to start in Jewish Mysticism. I need you to try and figure out how to make a Golem. Obviously, this won’t be the Golem I will use to conquer Equestria, but it will be a good place to practice. When I gave you immortality, Noah, I made it so you can survive in the vacuum of space as well. I need you to get some lunar rocks to use as the base for your Golem. Can you do this?” Nightmare Moon asks me. Well, I have no choice in the matter, so I go outside, and to my amazement, I can breathe normally. “Let’s go make a golem, then!” I say to myself.

From the quick reading in the Sefer Yetzirah that I did before going on the moon (yeah, it’s crazy, I am on the MOON!), combined with the footnotes of my ancestor the Vilna Gaon, it seems that I need to collect virgin soil, as in material not touched by human (or in this case, equine) hands. I need to know what kind of golem I am going to make. Am I going to make one that looks like a regular person, or a pony? I am so confused right now. Anyways, I am glad I brought a shovel with me, and I started digging for enough lunar rocks to make a golem.

CANTERLOT: EQUESTRIA

As I was off trying to make a golem, Princess Celestia was in a cold, subdued frenzy, trying to figure out what exactly is happening on the moon. “Did my sister really kidnap a human boy? ” Celestia questions the guard.

“I don’t know, ma’am. I am just reporting what I know, that’s all. ” The guard says, nervous about this unknown side of Celestia.

“You were right to have reported this to me. I am not cross with you, only with Luna. You are dismissed.” Celestia says to the colt. He salutes and leaves the room.

Now, the real problem begins. Who is this human she abducted and is he compromised yet? Celestia then did something drastic. She usually doesn’t teleport ponies away from what they are doing without warning, but she needs another opinion on this matter. She then decides to summon her prized pupil, Twilight Sparkle.

“Huh-? wha-? PRINCESS CELESTIA! I thought we both agreed to not spontaneously teleport me anymore!”

“That is true, Twilight, but these are extenuating circumstances. I know I just wrote you a letter advising you to go to Ponyville and make friends, but we might have to delay that for a moment. I apologize for the inconvenience.”

Twilight looks at her teacher in confusion. “Well, what could be so urgent that it interferes with the mission to stop Nightmare Moon?” She asks Celestia, who frowns.

“Well, as you might be aware by now, the Mare in the Moon myth that you have heard since you were a foal is more than a myth, it is true. Nightmare Moon is returning, in a rather short time, in fact. She wants to remake Equestria in her own image, ruling over a kingdom in eternal night. It has come to my attention that Nightmare Moon abducted a child from another universe to be her ward.”

“What?! That’s insane! Wait, did you say that there are more universes?!? Maybe magic exists there too? Can we go visit? I wonder if the food is any good, and-” Celestia hushed her student.

“Yes, other universes exist, Twilight, but the issue is that a child was kidnapped! I need a second pony to help me figure out who this child is, and what they are capable of. Can I trust you with this?” Celestia asks her student, who nods in agreement.

“Perfect. Here is a book about the most likely universe this kid came from.”

“Okay, time to read!” Twilight says, beginning to look at what this “Earth” has in store for her.

EQUESTRIA’S MOON:

After digging what I believe to be enough lunar material, I return to the lunar palace and show Nightmare Moon my findings. “I think I brought enough lunar material to make a practice golem. Does this work for you?” I ask my new boss, who nods in approval.
“Excellent, Noah. I am truly impressed with your perseverance. Now, I would highly recommend sculpting your golem in a humanoid form, since this would be the most unfamiliar to Equestria’s citizens, and harder to defeat.”

Hold on, is Luna planning on killing innocent creatures? “Are you going to kill anyone?” I ask, defiant but also a bit nervous.
“No, my dear. I just mean that if my sister’s military forces try and kill the golem, they will have a harder time doing so. I assume you know the proper formulae for awakening it’s power? I mean, your Rabbi didn’t call you a prodigy for nothing, right?” Nightmare Moon says, using her magic to open the appendix of the Sefer Yetzirah.

Oh boy, this is getting serious. To create a golem, one needs to recite several names of G-d the way they are actually pronounced. For example, when a Jew normally prays, the name of G-d is replaced with the term “Adonai”, which literally means, ‘My Master’, rather than speak the holy names of G-d. To make things even more complicated, the names are often cryptic, with individual letters being hidden within acrostic poetry or other words.

There are a few key names, such as the Tetragrammaton (YHVH), Elohim, El-Shaddai, etc. I picked a few and began sculpting the golem. I decided to make the practice golem small, around the size of a house pet, although I will admit, I am not the best artisan. My golem looked like a play-dough action figure made by a 5-year-old. It certainly didn’t help that now that I am a unicorn, I don’t have opposable thumbs!

“Ah, Noah. I see you finished sculpting your golem. Excellent job! Now, try and animate it. I have faith in you, as I have had in your race for millenia.” Nightmare Moon says, watching studiously as I try to animate the golem. I was very careful to pronounce the names of G-d correctly, lest I say a name in vain. The ritual itself was rather tedious, especially the final part, where I was to write the word “אֶמֶת” (truth) into the golem’s forehead. This activated the golem, sending a massive wave of energy pulsating across the castle foyer. It began to grow hair, fingernails, and even had eyes that were the color of the lunar surface.

“My, Noah. I am truly impressed. You created life, my boy. Not many unicorns, or humans for that matter, have successfully imitated their Creator. You are truly gifted.” Nightmare Moon says, giving a nod of approval.

“So, what do you want my golem to do? I can have it clean up the palace, or kill spiders. I mean, it’s rather small, so it can’t be a weapon of good use.” I say, waiting to see what my new boss has to say for herself.

“Umm, maybe stack books or something? Just to see if it actually works. Animating it is only one step. You also have to instruct it. I must warn you, when I helped the Maharal of Prague with his golem, it took every command literally, and almost killed its creator.” she replies cautiously.

“Okay, so I just need to be very specific with my instructions, then?”

She nods.

“Okay then, Mr. Golem. I want you to put away every book in this palace in alphabetical order.”

The golem stood up and began to walk over to the palace library, where the books were in complete disarray. With superhuman speed and agility, the golem put away every single book in alphabetical order, and then returned to the foyer where we were standing.

“Excellent, now shut down.” I command the golem. It obeys, and becomes lifeless, like the lunar statuette that it is.

“Very good, my dear. I’d say you earned a break. I relieve you of duty for the rest of the day. Perhaps we can catch up a bit, and I can get to know my new recruit better?” Luna says, embracing me with her wing. I follow her to her throne room, and she conjures a desk, where the two of us can sit down and have a conversation.

“Well, Noah, I know a bit about you, since I have been watching your dreams for years, but not enough. Tell me about yourself.” Luna asks me, in a maternal manner.

“Well, I could ask the same about you! I know nothing about you. But sure, I’ll entertain this thread.” I say.

We discuss many things over the next few hours, ranging from theology, to tradition, and even food! “I have taken a liking to you, Noah. I can see why my idiot sister always had a pupil with her. She needs company, and you see a little bit of yourself in them, too.” Luna says, with a smile. Okay then, that’s nice, I guess? “Tomorrow is when the real work begins. We need to find legal recourse to actually have grounds to invade! I assume your knowledge of the Talmud can help with this. Law codes are the same!

Huh, legal grounds for a coup. A new thing to add on my CV, I guess?

Author's Note

GLOSSARY:

Tefillin: Lit Phylacteries. Two boxes containing sacred writings that Observant Jews wear during morning prayers. one goes on the arm, and one on the head.

Tetragrammaton: The Ineffable four letter name of G-d. Jews do not pronounce this name as written but replace it with the honorific ADONAI, or my master.

“אֶמֶת”: Truth in Hebrew