Fallout Equestria: A Wastelander Tale

Fallout Equestria: A Wastelander Tale, Chapter Seventy Two

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Reciting on what I had been through started out easy, but the more I talked about it the more I was back there, and harder it got. Even with the private room Mint had taken me to, and Plasma by my side for support, I found myself choking up. The day in and out of rape and humiliation, being turned into nothing more then a sex toy to be used and abused. The worst of it being the times I would lose my mind and want more, then later return to sanity. I remembered wanting to go mad again, to not understand what was being done to me, and hurting myself until they were forced to keep me restrained.

I think… no, I know I did. Several times I bit off my own tongue in attempt to kill myself. Only for them to push it back on and a healing potion to be shoved down my throat.

It was not just me that was like that. Other mares and stallions were in my position, and I had to watch them be raped. Though I clearly was the most popular, no, it was by Grinder's order that I was used nearly non-stop.

"There there." Plasma comforted me as she patted me on the back.

I had began crying without realizing, and quickly wiped the tears away. "Must I talk about everything?"

"No… but it will help you in the long run." Mint said, and looking at her I could see her own hoof trembling, her muzzle in a barely contained look of disgust. "If you bottle up your emotions, it eventually explodes. The more you bottle up the worst it gets. At best you start suffering from catharsis syndrome, at worse, full on wartime stress disorder. You may never fully recover, but by talking about it, it will help lessen its control over you."

She was right, or at least I believe in her to be right about this. She did have over two hundred years of experience to understand how all this works.

"We can stop here if you like." Mint then offered.

I shook my head. "It's… okay. I can go on a bit more."

There was so much I didn't want to say, so much I didn't want to relive, but I knew that if I didn't face it, then forever it would have power over me. So I brought myself back, describing to them the details of that nightmare I had lived. Though most of it blurred together, it was still just as horrible as the first time. Worst was the feeling of hopelessness that had taken me, since Grinder knew everything about the plan to assault the Breaking Grounds. I knew it was not my fault, but the guilt of telling them they made me feel like I deserved to be used.

Then I got to the last day, having spent hours as sone sort of decoration that ponies could fuck, then to have Bandsaw take me out. My meeting with Candy Corn, and her eating my eyeball. Then being forced to kill an innocent mare and fucked by a dog. I didn't know what was worse, what I hated the most.

No, I knew what I hated the most. That poor mare, forced to fight me to the death, and then being eaten by the raiders. Losing an eye was bad, but I was still alive. Being raped by a dog nearly shattered me, but it was no worse then what they already had done to me. But that mare was dead, and nothing came back from dead.

"After that, I got free." The words escaped my lips, yet something felt off. "Wait, how did I free myself?"

"Maybe it's best if we stop here." Mint suggested, she looked exhausted from just listening to me. "I'm glad you were able to share your experiences, but I don't want to push you to your limits. Or at least not today. Anyways, the fact that you can talk about any of that at all is a good sign. Actually it's almost unheard of, but then again most of my psychology experience is self taught."

"Two hundred years of self teaching is still more than most ponies in terms of experience." Plasma commented.

Mint slowly nodded, her movement hinting at a sadness only felt by those who have lived for too long. "Yes, even by just observing, you can learn a lot. Anyways, I'm not going to stop either of you from leaving, but if either of you change your minds and want to stop fighting, I won't blame you. Truthfully, both as your psychologist and as your friend, I much rather you both stay safe."

"Thanks, but this is something I must do. If Grizzly has a plan to destroy the Bailfire Fiends, I'm going to be a part of it." I looked down to see my own hoof was trembling, but taking a deep breath, I managed to regain control over it. "Anyways, Plasma and I aren't the only victims of those raiders, and if we don't make sure they are dealt with, then we won't be the last."

My mind flashed back to Spine Breaker and the other raiders who raped me. The memory was harsh and viscous, but at the same time distant. Each time I faced the memory, talked about it with Mint, the less it had a hold over me. I may never be truly free of it, but it didn't control my life.

A smile crept onto my face, and it felt honest. "Mint, thank you for being there, and helping me face the pain. I don't know what would have come of me without somepony to guide me."

Somehow the old ghoul looked embarrassed as she looked away, clearly trying to sort out her thoughts. "I… you know. Been trying my best. And helping you, and the others, it all has helped me out as well. Honestly, I think I was on the verge of going feral before you showed up, losing so many, both to the raiders and going feral, I had nearly given up."

I gave Mint a hug. "I'm glad you didn't."

Strangely it didn't feel like I was holding a dry and undead mare, but a live mare a bit older than me. One with a beautiful blue and green mane, and filled with a passion to help others. But as I let her go, only the ghoul remained. Yet under all that dead flesh, she was still beautiful. "Well, I should go and see what Grizzly has planned."

"Just be careful, okay. Don't let those raiders drag you down to their level." Mint said to me with a gravely, yet hopefully voice.

As Plasma and I left, closing the door behind us, Plasma stopped me to ask. "You sure you're okay, Lottery? I mean, what you told us was… it was horrible."

I nodded. "I'm fine, not great, but I'm not about to fall to pieces. There's too much to do to be letting the wasteland drag me down. Once Tripwire is dead, then I can relax and have a breakdown."

Plasma let out a long sigh. "Ya, I get that."

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Grizzly Deal's office was a buzz of activity as it had been for a long time now, with paperwork scattered all over, and with ponies moving all about. A tired eyed Grizzly waved us over. "Good, you're here. Sparkling told me you were back up."

"And she told me you're planning to go after the Bailfire Fiends." I commented.

A smile crept on Grizzly's face, one of gleeful bloodlust. "E'yep. Thanks to them being the last of Tripwire's fighting force, they finally spread themselves too thin just keeping us on our tippy hooves. It's a rare chance to take out their base while most of them aren't home. Without that damn re-education center, the Bailfire Fiends become nothing more than just another raider clan. One we can hunt down to the last mare."

"And we're using Silver to get in, correct?" I asked.

Grizzly nodded. "No other way in so long as they have power to their defence grid. But once in, if we manage to turn off that defense grid, it's goodbye Bailfire Fiends."

Plasma and I took a seat, and though I trusted Grizzly, I had also come to know that she can be shortsighted at times when it came to personal matters. And this was very personal to her. "That's all and good Grizzly, but it can't be that simple. What's the plan?"

She took a deep breath, calming herself down. "Right, of course. Been trying to get through all this paperwork before I get ready to go myself, so my brain is a bit… overworked."

I cocked an eyebrow. "You're coming?"

"I need to go. I need to end them myself. It's the least I can do for my family. For what I did." The shame and guilt were clear on her face, but it didn't stop her from signing off on a document. "As for the plan, Plasma can fill you in on the details."

I looked over at Plasma and she shrugged. "You were busy." She told me.

"Alright, fair enough. So tell me how we're taking out the Bailfire Fiend's base?" I asked.

"Right, well it may not be as simple as Grizzly made it seem, but we're at least not going in blind. Well not completely at least. While you were out, we managed to coordinate with Honeycrisp and get access to the bunkers archive." From inside her jumpsuit, Plasma then pulled out several folded up pieces of paper, and opened one to reveal a strage blue map. "I had suspected that the re-education center may be a low level ministry building, and the Applejack Rangers fortunately have blueprints for most of the ministry buildings of low to mid level." She then put the maps away. "Once we teleport into the center, the plan will be to find out where we are, and then make our way to the security control room, and disable it. Well, I'll be disabling it, you and Grizzly will make sure the raiders don't stop me."

That sounded just like what Grizzly had said but with more details. "Right, so that's Silver, Grizzly, you and me. Anypony else coming?"

"Unfortunately, no." Plasma began to explain. "With all the fires being set, anypony who can be put out to fight, is being put out to fight. I don't like it, but with how much chaos the Bailfire Fiends are causing, it's unlikely there will be much opposition inside the re-education center. There is also the problem of Silver, the poor mare is still unstable, and her magical control is… unreliable. Once we're in, it's unlikely she will be able to teleport us out anytime soon after. Actually, three ponies other than herself is her limit, anymore then that and she could pass out."

"What about the hostages and Molo?" I asked.

Grizzly then spoke up. "Once the defense grid is taken out and the doors are open, we can call Prickly and her berserker's. They will clear out the remaining raiders and rescue the captives. It will be like the Braking Grounds, but hopefully with less explosives."

Plasma nodded. "If things go well, we should be done by the end of the day."

"If they go well. It's raiders we're dealing with." I reminded my friends.

"Quite right." Sparkling said as she trotted in. "We don't know what you will see once you enter that damn place, but it's best to keep your guard up around the raider. Madness is unfortunately an effective tactic when it comes to a fight. So you three should get yourselves prepared first, and don't take any chances."

A yawn came from the real Grizzly. "And a rest too. I'll be up in two hours, Lottery, Plasma, you two go get ready."

"So is my gear ready." I said, look at the dress I was in. "Can't go out in this."

"Worry not, I already sent word for all your things to be sent back to your penthouse. You will find them all in the best condition as they could be." Sparkling then leaned in and sniffed me a few times. "I suggest you wash up first, and maybe see Sunset for your mane. You might as well look good as you crush those bitches."

I sniffed myself, and recoiled a little. I was not as bad as I had become in the Breaking Grounds, but I was getting a bit ripe. "Alright, and after this we go after Tripwire."

"Naturally." Grizzly said. "Spell Circuit is already working on that with Cold Trails. Once the Bailfire Fiends no longer have a safe haven, they will run and scatter. This will free ponies up to move onto the Naysayer Manor."

I gritted my teeth as excitement and hate bubbles up within me. I was so close now, so close to ending all this.

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The shower would have been absolutely revitalizing if there had been any hot water, but due to all that activity going on, Ursa's Den's boiler burnt out. But at least I was clean, though no amount of scrubbing helped me feel truly clean. Thankfully Plasma kept an eye on me, so I didn't end up scrubbing my fur off again.

I may have control over myself, but Mint was right about the help I needed. And no matter how long it will take, I'll make sure I will recover. If I give in to despair and shame, they win.

"Say Plasma." I spoke up as I put my gear on. "Do I just have too many guns?"

As Sparkling had told me, my things had arrived at the penthouse not long after I had, all in top condition and thoroughly clean. I was sure my dress must have shrunk a little, as it didn't feel right as I put it on, though it still fit me just fine.

"Honestly, ya. You got two revolvers, two rifles, and an axe shotgun, along with those claws you love so much." She pointed out before sighing. "But, considering where we were going, the more guns the better." Plasma then pulled out from a duffel bag the two IF-64'S welded together, though now they have clearly gotten more work done. "Afterall, we know what will happen to us if we are captured, so overkill is the logical choice."

I looked at my magical Gauntlets, the claws moving with my hoof. "Ya, no mercy for them." Strangely, as I looked at the Grizzly Gauntlets, I realized that I didn't remember where I got them. Like one day they were just with me… no… right, I fixed them over my month as a brothel mare, having won a broken set off an old tribal in a poker game. Rattlebones helped me complete it, all while I was high off my flank.

Something did feel right, like I had forgotten something.

Tearing my eyes from my Gauntlets, I looked over at Plasma, who was now changing into a new outfit, and unlike me, she had not removed most of her piercings, even having one on her tongue now. The outfit she was pulling out looked like a steel rangers scribe's uniform, but if the scribe also worked at the Red Light Showroom. And knowing Plasma, it was close to the truth. She had an armored reinforced leather vest with too many pockets covering it, along with leg armor and leather boots. But instead of the thick red cloth bodysuit, she had a fishnet bodysuit, A collar and cuffs. Thankfully she had shorts on, though they were as short as they could get.

"Let me guess, some stallions have a Steel Ranger fetish?" I playfully asked my friend.

Plasma carefully placed a cap on her head, getting it ever so just right. "There's actually this one knight who has a thing for eggheads. Big and rough around the edges, and aggressive too. Also having on the proper Scribe uniform feels uncomfortable, I don't even know how I manage having all that fabric pressing against me."

"I worry for you, you know that right?" I told her.

Placing both the rifle and crossbow into sheaths on the side of her back, Plasma then looked over at me with a smile on her face. "Oh come now. I'm sure I'll settle down once the curse is over. Anyways, you sure everything is fitting right? I heard they had to retailor your dress."

"Ya, it's weird to see it actually. Not just the tits, but my hips too. If you all didn't pull me put of there I might have actually became some sort of broodmare." I stuck my much longer tongue out causing Plasma to flinch a little. "I hope I return to normal after this."

Plasma check her own tonged and shrugged. "Well at least you look good, I mean I wouldn't mind looking a bit more like that if it can be controlled."

I rolling my eye at her, sure that it was more the curse talking, then her own desires. "You wouldn't be saying that if you had to trot around with them rubbing on your thighs. Or that I bight my tongue all the time now."

She sighed. "Maybe your right."

As we made our way to the salon, it was clear that ponies were stealing glances at us. But it felt different then when Onyx paraded me around like a whore. It felt like they were watching out for a predator, that we were something dangerous. It felt good, as it made me not feel like the dumb mare I was before, not like a pony ignorantly being used and abused.

"Lottery, oh it has been too long!" Sunset greeted me, but as he got closer, shock formed on his face. "Oh my, your eye." Then he gasped. "Your mane, what monster butchered your beautiful mane!"

I let out a chuckle, not surprised in the least that he was more shocked about my mane then my eye. "Raiders." Was all I said.

The mane dresser clicked his tongue. "Typical barbarians. Well not much we can do about that, not even magically. Well that's what I was taught I mean, can't regrow a mane and tail with magic."

"Realy?" I asked, finding it odd that a mane and tail would be resistant to magic.

Sunset shrugged then directed me to a seat for him to get to work. "We got some old textbooks on it… well all textbooks are old as a matter of fact, but this one was personally co-authored by Rarity, under the chapter about dealing with wardrobe disasters. You should read it if one is ever recovered."

I sighed. "I would if I could."

"Right, sorry for bringing that up." Sunset apologized as brought out his tools.

I sighed. "No worries, there are worse things then others bringing up my illiteracy." I tapped at my eyepatch, "far worse things."

With a smile, Sunset began wetting my mane and with his wings, brought out a clean comb and scissors. "Oh, I had High Pressure visit some time ago, the poor mare still has headaches and such, but it's good to see her again. I was really worried when she first arrived, with how bad things can be out here, as you know, I wasn't sure my old friend would still be her when she woke up."

"She's rather resourceful and quick witted." Plasma commented.

Sunset nodded. "Oh you should have seen her when we were kids. High and Low were like an unbeatable duo… until they started fighting." A long listless sigh then came from the mane dresser. "If I was not gay, I know she and I would have made a lovely couple." His scissors then made a loud snip near my ear, causing me to flinch. "But I had to fall for Low."

"Hey now, I get how ya feel. Low is… weirdly charming." I said, trying to lighten the mood.

"Not to mention a good fuck." Plasma needlessly added.

Sunset gave a disappointed glance at my friend. "I'm not going to deny that it is true, but I rather not be reminded about it by a mare he had to be forced upon."

Plasma rolled her eyes. "You know that jealousy isn't your color."

I lifted a hoof up to get their attention before the stallion with sharp objects made a mistake. "How about we not talk about Low Pressure. He's a big dick with a big dick, we all know that, and we all tried it. So how about we talk about something else?"

Sunset snipped his scissors again, but this time far more gently. "You're right. Actually, I've been getting a few new customers. This one was something else. Honeycrisp was her name, has such a beautiful mane, I just had to work on it."

As he worked on my mane, Sunset would keep up the gossip, which helped me relax. It felt like I was not about to go back into the fight, but just having a relaxing day. Back when my biggest problem was my self loathing and fucking enough stallions to pay off my debt. Not the best of times, but I still had two eyes and wasn't pregnant.

It felt a bit strange that my time as a prostitute felt like a better time then now. But then again, being a whore was far more bearable than getting shot at.

It really made me wonder how things could have turned out if this bramin shit with Tripwire was not going on. Maybe having met Plasma out in the wasteland first, and safely making our way to the Ursa's Rest. Strangely, I had a feeling that if I was with her when I first started out in the wasteland, we'd likely end up in the Showroom just to make extra caps. Maybe, or maybe not. I do know that I'd have had more fun if I had not gotten raped first.

"You okay, Lottery?" Plasma asked.

Refocusing, I let myself relax. "Sorry, ya I'm fine. Just lost in thought."

She held onto my hoof, which helped calm me down further. "You have nothing to apologize for, it has happened to me a few times as well."

I then felt Sunset combing my mane down, moving it around. "And done. Mostly… I'm not sure if you wanted the eyepatch seen or not, so I can have part of your mane covering it, or I can have it framed by your mane.

Thinking about it, I was not ashamed by the missing eye, not at all. Though I felt as though an important part of me was gone, and not just the eye. Like as though Candy Corn had defiled what little pride I had in myself by taking an eye and cutting my mane. No longer would I ever hope to look like one of the old world mares, the mane may regrow, but the eye was gone forever. But I also didn't care. Those ponies from the past, and they made this wasteland I now suffered in.

I pulled out the purple eyepatch with the pink heart on it. "If I wore this, how would the framing of my mane work?"

Sunset cocked his head for a short moment. "Maybe, it does go with the color you put in your mane. Here let me see." Switching out my eyepatch, and moving my mane, he then smiled and nodded. "Yes, this will work."

The pegasus pulled out two mirrors, letting me see all of my mane. The uneven cut in the back was gone, replaced by a more fluffy, yet fierce mane that feathered out in the back. My bangs were mostly untouched, lightly trimmed and with the pink highlights covering the eyepatch just enough that it didn't hide it, but made it feel more mysterious. I still missed my old long mane, but this new look… I liked it.

"As always, you did a fantastic job." I told Sunset as I took an extra moment to look at myself.

It was undeniable that I was no longer the pony I was before. No Longer innocent and full of the idea of romance, but also no longer weak and ignorant. What looked back at me was a hardened mare who was soon off to kill other ponies. Not for caps, or for a sense of fighting the good fight, but to get revenge for myself and justice for others.

"I am a professional after all. And I'm glad to help you, even if it's a small thing like this." He told me as he placed his tools into a sanitizing liquid. "Out of all the ponies I have had come here, you're one of the ones who deserved better. To deserve to be happy. So if you're ever feeling down, just come see me, and I'll do my best."

That put a smile on my face. "Thanks for being here Sunset. And if I have daughters, I'll be sure to take them to you for their mane cuts."

"And I'm sure they will be beautiful, even without my skills." He then began cleaning his chair, using his wings as dusters. "But until then, do take care."

Waving goodbye, Plasma and I trotted off back to Ursa's Den, as it was soon time for the killing to start.

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