Cultural Differences

Work was tough as usual, and he had to stay late today. Insurance work was as annoying and draining as it was boring, especially with the other things he’d been through lately, namely his girlfriend dumping him for reasons he didn’t understand.

As he pulled into the parking lot at the apartments, he was met by an increasingly common sight in his city. It was a small pony with a bright yellow coat with pink mane and tail, sitting in the grass drinking from a teaglass as she watched the sunset. She looked rather cute with her tail coiled around her and chest fluff swaying a bit in the breeze, but he had to remind himself that these were sapient creatures so he probably shouldn’t just go up and pat one like it was a poodle.

She’d recently moved into the apartment next to him. He’d have never thought he’d live to see the day when tiny horse aliens started moving to Earth and living next door.

“Hey, Anon!” she waved a hoof at him as soon as he got out of his car, holding her teacup in the other hoof, despite the lack of fingers. He always wondered about that, but didn’t feel like asking.

“Um, hello,” he said. “But my name is actually George.” Why did ponies always want to call humans that?

“Oh, I’m Banana Paradise!” the pony smiled at him, her pink eyes glittering in a way real eyes probably shouldn’t. “I um… overheard you talking yesterday about your girlfriend, sorry… so I wondered if you were okay.”

She put her teacup away… somewhere. He had no idea where since she was naked, but they did things like that. The naked part made him nervous by itself, since they were intelligent beings after all, but human laws allowed it to respect the aliens’ culture. They were allowed… a lot of cultural differences actually.

“Ah, I’m fine… I’ll get over it.” George replied unconvincingly. He nodded politely again and turned towards the apartment building.

As he walked towards the entrance, he heard tapping little hoofsteps on the pavement behind him, and glanced back. Banana was following him, ears flattened and shoulders drooped as her blue earrings tinkled around, sad on his behalf. It was a little embarrassing to have a stranger, alien or not, worry about him like that, so he quickened his step and entered the door, making sure to be far enough ahead that it wouldn’t seem impolite that he didn’t hold the door for her.

“So, George!” her voice was right next to him again half-way up the first flight of stairs. “Have you seen one of my shows?”

“Argh!” George jumped and almost fell back down the stairs. He hadn’t even heard her open the door behind her.

“W-was it that bad?” Banana looked like she might cry, dipping her head.

“No, I mean, you have a show?” George asked, starting to walk again as she kept up beside him.

“Yeah I work at the Fuzzy Holes,” Banana nodded and smiled again.

“T-the strip club?” George’s eyes got a little wider. That was the name of a club that just opened down the street, the first in the city to specialize in pony strippers, though he’d never dared go. Though that brought another question to mind as they reached the second flight of stairs. “But… you’re already naked.”

“Well I put on clothes before the show, silly,” Banana giggled, then winked. “And stripping them off isn’t the only thing I do on stage.”

He opened the door for her as they arrived at the floor where both their apartments were, and she walked ahead, flagging up her tail. He cleared his throat, trying not to look beneath it, and her smile faltered a bit when she realized that he wasn’t staring.

“It’s more of the dance that matters,” Banana tried to explain more. “I’m helping humans release their weird taboos and feed their minds on what should be proper and natural, after all.”

He supposed that made sense. From what he’d read on them, most pony religions looked down on shaming sex in the same way humans would look down on a public orgy. It was quite the reverse, and just thinking about it had him blushing up a storm walking behind her.

She suddenly stopped, and he didn’t stop in time to keep from bumping a leg into her behind, which made her giggle and waggle her little rump. It was becoming increasingly obvious that she was brazenly flirting with him in an effort to cheer him up. He bit his lip, still not looking where she wanted him to and walking around her.

“I thought that stallion that helped you move in was your boyfriend,” George commented, staying as polite as he could while this flustered. “I guess that isn’t the case?”

“Oh, is that why you’re reluctant?” Banana nodded and continued following him. “I forgot humans think like that, sorry. No, he wouldn’t mind at all. It’s not like a human can get me pregnant and I don’t think we can catch any of the same STDs, so it’s really no-strings-attached, you know?” She stopped at her door and tapped it. “So your place or mine?”

“N-no thanks still, sorry,” George stuck his hands deep in his pockets and continued towards his own door.

“W-what?” Banana sounded a bit pitiful, as if it confounded her that a stressed guy wouldn’t jump at the offer for a cross-species bang with a near-stranger. “A-am I ugly to humans?”

“It’s not that,” George said, fumbling for his keys and moving to unlock his door. “But we’re strangers, you know? This is the first conversation we’ve ever had. I mean do you even remember my name?”

“Of course I do,” Banana tilted her head. “Anon!”

“It’s GEORGE!” he was a little upset now, though less at the mistake and more at the fact that his pants felt a few sizes smaller after listening to the lewd conversation. He rammed the key in his lock a bit harder than he needed to.

“Sorry!” Banana said, then licked her lips a little at how hard he’d rammed the key. “George! Got it now!”

When he started to open the door though, the pony suddenly moved between him and the door, holding her front hooves out as she stood on her hind legs. She was breathing a little heavily and smelling a little sweeter than she had any right to, more so than when the conversation started..

“I don’t understand why you’re so reluctant!” Banana said as he took an awkward step back. “You said you liked fillies, right? Or did you want to try something new? I could invite my boyfriend over if you wanted to…”

“You are kidding me!” George dropped his keys in a panic and then leaned over to pick them up, dodging a nuzzle from her as he did so. “Like I said: We. are. Strangers!”

“I know and I don’t make a habit of it!” Banana claimed. He was incredulous of that. “But you obviously reaaally need it! And I really promise my coltfriend won’t mind!” She seemed to believe that was the only problem. “Sex is natural! So we don’t mind if each other does it with friends or even occasional strangers.”

“Please… let me go into my apartment… alone,” George sighed.

“You are going to smash my banana cream pie right now! For your own mental health!” Banana claimed, quite loudly.

George face-palmed as his whole body went red, noticing out of the corner of his eye that an older lady down the hall was standing outside her door and looking at them with wide disapproving eyes. She shook her head and entered her apartment, slamming the door.

“Why do none of the humans I like put out? It’s so frustrating!” Banana sighed, apparently trying for pity-sex now.

“Is that the only reason you came to Earth?” sighed George, trying to reason with her. Damn she smelled good though, like a literal banana split. He wondered if she actually tasted like one down… no! Don’t think about it!

She was a lot sexier than she deserved to be too, sheesh. Even that little tramp stamp on her hips, a cutie mark if he remembered right, was a banana with its tip covered in liquid chocolate and two scoops of ice cream on either side. He’d assumed ‘sweets chef’ before, but now knowing her occupation it somehow seemed even more appropriate.

“N-not the only reason,” she got somewhat quieter and shifted a hoof about. “But like I said… no pregnancy or disease… it’s just a perk to think about, ya know? Look… I can tell when a guy is horny, even if he’s hiding it behind clothing.”

As if she wasn’t being brash enough, she turned her bottom around to him, hiking her up tail higher than before, standing high on her hind hooves so she could barely reach to rub her posterior against his crotch. She looked over her shoulder again and licked her lips slowly.

“You want inside… I saw you looking before…” she claimed even though he’d made it a point to not look the whole time. “Just unzip and have a dip? A nice little quickie before you head into your apartment.”

“We’re in public,” sighed George. “And public sex is illegal for me, even if not for you ponies for reasons.”

“Well it’s not as illegal for you to do me as it would be with a human, at the very least,” her smile increased devilishly as she raised her rump up further, lifting her hind hooves off the floor and holding herself up with her front hooves as she grinded herself against his pants. “Come on, Anon… I’m literally begging you for this. Just. Unzip. And. Dip.”

“Oh for crying out…” George sighed.

Finally he grabbed her hips, making the pony moan as if she thought she was about to get pounded, but instead he pushed her out of the way as politely as he could, which was still pretty rough. She toppled over with a squeak, which he felt bad about, but at least it allowed him to dart through his front door, slamming it behind him and latching it.

“Oh come on!” she called through the door. “You obviously need relief! Why are you being a dummy and taking care of it yourself when there are three willing mare holes RIGHT HERE!” She sniffled a little and added quieter as if to herself. “Damn I’m horny…” Followed by sad little hoofsteps as she trotted down the hall to her apartment.

He sighed, looking down at his pants and patted his bulging crotch to feel the sticky layer of fluid she’d left on it. For a moment he was severely tempted to taste it, but shook his head, sliding the pants off so that he could chuck them in the laundry and go find a change.

Afterward, he sat on the couch, groaning in frustration as he turned on the TV.

“Today there was another protest by the International Naturist Federation,” said the newscaster, showing an image of censored naked humans and uncensored ponies holding up picket signs. “They were protesting that humans cannot be nude even though our new Equestrian friends-”

Damn it! He turned it off, stood angrily, and walked back towards his bedroom for a nap.

He really wanted to, but didn’t at the same time. It wasn’t that he was particularly conservative, it was just too weird to consider after living in a human-only social system for so long. He tried to sleep, pent up as hell, and afraid to even masturbate for fear that he’d fantasize about that sexy little… cute! He meant cute!