Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony

As Tanna scrambled towards the kitchen Twilight found herself left alone in the bedroom with Isha.

“Isha? Are you alright?”

“I don’t know. I can’t believe she fucked a bunch of fucking losers for my sake. What about you? Finding out that your wife was whoring herself while you were gone? If I’ve just ruined everything for you two by forcing her to tell me, I’ll never forgive myself.”

Silently Isha cursed herself for having a Plan B. She didn’t want that to happen, she tried to convince herself, but she knew better.

“I knew,” said Twilight grimly.

“You knew?”

“She told me last night. Not the specifics or why.”

“And you still—”

“Made love to her all night long? I wish she hadn’t gone through all that, but I am not going to reject the pony I love over it.”

“Do you resent me as the cause? I sure do.”

“No. If you are precious to my beloved, you are precious to me. I mean it, that's not just an empty platitude. But I think I may resent your world, or at least its government.”

“Don’t we all, brother!”

“Would they really have just let you die? If she hadn’t gone to such lengths to pay for your treatment?”

“Technically if Tanna hadn’t put a deposit down on me, they would have kept me drugged and unconscious while they nursed me back to health and then disassembled my body for spare parts.”

Twilight shuddered.

“I’m generally healthy, it would have been highly profitable. Of course, if the filth took all her earnings, I shudder to imagine what she did for that last guy to earn enough to keep me alive. What about you? Why’d it take you years to get here?”

“My liege Celestia had cast a barrier spell because she halfway believes some ancient prophesy says Tanna will somehow weigh the fate of our world. Never mind that I am the throne’s right bucking hoof. I eat Ancient Prophesy for breakfast and then I crap Forgotten Rumors some time after supper. Time was flowing differently between our worlds, it was only about eight weeks in Equestria until I circumvented the spell. If I had known about the timeslip, or known that I had a daughter, I would have worked a million times harder to get here.”

“Only eight weeks? Obviously you know how long she’s been waiting for you.”

“I’ve never heard of such a strange time phenomena before. So how mercifully did Tanna treat ‘the two thugs’?”

“She killed them quickly.”

“Oh. I see… I always assumed that I would be the strong one, it will take some time to get use to her being fierce and strong.”

“Maybe these years have strengthened her. Or maybe, you were overlooking the truth.”

“I think both are true. And for my blindness I am ashamed.”

“It will be alright. She’s pretty crazy for you.”

Twilight smiled. “It’s mutual.”

“Of course, you should ask her to tell you about the time we almost hooked up offplanet. You nearly had some real competition!”

“Why don’t you tell me about it? Hopefully its a happier tale than the last two.”

Careful to avoid the various damp spots and a suspiciously chewed looking hole in the sheet, Isha threw herself back onto Tanna’s bed.

“Have a seat, pony.”

Twilight continued to stand as Isha began her tale.

“If Aphrodite is wrong, and if I never know love, the night I nearly spent with Tanna will be enough. You probably won’t understand this, but in spite of being a so called expert on love I never had any particular urge to be with anyone until I met your wife. And as you may have noticed, I get off on my own just fine. Yet something stirred when I first set eyes on Tanna. It just took a little bit too long for that something to come to fruition.”

“A few days ago Tanna took me on a magical trip to another world that she had discovered. We portalled in just before dawn and spent a day in the wonder of a fresh sun, pure air, and a thousand colours of green that don’t exist in this city.”

“That night, your lovely wife and I danced the most romantic dance ever. It was just the two of us on the empty world while Gloamie snored beside the campfire. Evening fell and a twin planet rose overhead like an enormous crescent moon. Alien music played as we clung to each other in the silver light, skin to skin, breast to breast, and mound to mound. And just when I knew that I would die if I didn’t claim Tanna as my own, an orbit to surface shuttle landed and she had to go rescue a spaceship of colonists.”

“A space ship?”

“Yeah, it was damaged, and was going to crash. There was something important she did, I can’t quite remember.”

“The action never resumed after the rescuing?”

“It never did. I was so relieved that I hadn’t lost her when I carried her out of the colony ship that protective instinct took over from romantic love. By the time my mother urge calmed down we had lost our momentum and were slowly working our way back, but you got here first. Are you going to take her away to your world?”

“If she’ll come with me.”

“Fuck, I’m gonna miss her, and not only sexually. It’s not really an ‘if’, right?”

“I’d certainly like to hope so. But, um, did Tanna ever tell you how awful I was when we first met?”

“No, she’s only spoken of you in glowing terms. And with great longing. And sometimes with one hand suspiciously under the table as if she could distract the priestess of Aphrodite by fiddling with her coffee with the other hand.”

“I was awful. Our first three, um, encounters ended with me kicking her.”

“Do you even have humans on your world? Do you know your kick can kill one of us? Even if you aren’t as big as a horse.”

“It doesn’t excuse my behavior, but we met in dreamspace several times before I first came to Terra, so at least she wasn’t in danger of real physical harm. After that we agreed -or rather I imposed- that I would use her for my own sexual pleasure but she was not to climax. I was awful. To me the worst part is that she forgives me. But how can I ever forgive myself?”

“By Hel and Hades, that’s heavy.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry to lay it on you like that. I don’t expect you to absolve me of my sins or anything, but since you are a spiritual advisor and I just had to talk to somepony…”

“You’re not like that anymore? You were careful and considerate in your lovemaking last night. I would have gone psycho apeshit if you had hurt her.”

“I could never treat her like that again. What exactly is psycho apeshit?”

“Psycho apeshit is, precisely speaking, bad. Then what the fuck made you act that way in the first place?”

“Something happened that I don’t want to talk about – I don’t know why it happened, but it’s on me that I reacted poorly. Afterwards, I was horny and naive and stupid and immature and I just wanted sex with no emotional commitment or effort. I was wrong. I just wanted to get laid and ended up with true love. I got ever so much more than I asked for. And far more than I deserved…”

“Then speaking as the priestess of the goddess of love and sex I say you must forgive yourself for Tanna’s sake. If you are constantly cringing under a load of guilt for your asshole behavior early on, you won’t be able to give her the best of yourself. You don’t need to feel guilty any more, but you must not forget, must never slip into that behavior again. And remember, she’s got big sister now to keep an eye on you, mister.” Isha point her finger at Twilight’s nose but refrained from booping her.

Twilight chuckled. “If I ever treat her badly again I hope I die.”

“I was just thinking a vigorous bitch-slap to knock some sense into you. She loves you too much for you to find such an easy escape - not even death will keep you from her!”

“A good slapping then. Promise me.”

“I promise.”

“And I promise you’ll never need to. What was the rite you were talking to Tanna about? Grounding ritual?”

“People in the modern world can go their entire lives without touching the living surface of Terra with their skin. A grounding ritual usually involves walking barefoot on the grass; Tanna prostrated herself naked on the grass to pray. Depending on your perspective, she either used our very planet as a masturbation object…”

Isha paused, the flush of memory just visible on her dark cheeks.

“Or…?” Twilight asked after a moment.

“Or she made love to a goddess.”

“A goddess?”

“Yes. Gaia, mother of all, she is the very soul the planet.”

“Wow… that's just wow.” Twilight shook her mane. “Isha, I don’t know you well, but I’m sorry your love goddess said no to forming a triple. I swear I would have learned to love you as much as I love Tanna. And I promise you, Tanna and I will do anything within our power to help you find your ‘even better’. We should go see if we can help with breakfast, and I’d like to see my daughter before she goes to school.” Twilight chuckled “I’m still reeling from learning that I have a daughter. I expected to have months to get used to the idea of offspring. I didn’t even get minutes. One more question. Isha, why did you come here last night?”

“You heard me tell Tanna, the Civic condemned the Golden Way arcology, the big building I live in, as unsafe. I am un evictee errant.”

“But you didn’t just come here looking for a place to crash, did you?”

“You only beat me by a couple hours last night, pony. I was going to ask Tanna to marry me.” Isha cleared her throat and met Twilight’s gaze defiantly. “Her answer was going to be ‘yes’.”