Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony

“So tell me,” Discord asked with an easy, deceptive, casualness that didn’t decept me for a moment, “about the noise cancellation device in your boudoir. Is it magical or mundane?”

“Mundane, simple electronic technology. It creates—”

“I understand the wave mechanics of active sound cancellation; I can do it myself when I have magic to spare. I merely inquire regarding the operational mechanism of the apparatus driving the effect, as an ineffectual feint to put you off your guard when I broach an awkward topic. Now then, I must ask, was there a particular reason for turning said device off during your most outstanding vocal performance of exuberant erodivergent mayhem last night?”

I looked away to hide my blush. Twilight was positively glowing with embarrassment, her face red-violet.

“How much did you hear?” she asked.

“Mostly just the screaming,” Isha offered, encouragingly.

“And the roar,” Discord added.

“I’m sorry. I must have turned it off by accident. How embarrassing!”

“I wasn’t going to say anything about it until he opened his big, chaotic, mouth.”

Isha elbowed Discord in the ribs.

“I promise,” I said in a small voice, “we’ll try to keep it quiet. Before long you’ll be wondering if we even still like each other.”

“Don’t be silly,” Discord said, “don’t be embarrassed, you are among friends, and this is your residence, Tanna. I simply ask that future nights are more peaceful than last night.”

“Yes sir.”

—

In the darkened living room, two guests tried to sleep on two sofas. The sounds coming through the wall had been still for a while but now they were louder than ever.

Finally Discord spoke into the darkness.

“I do appreciate your efforts to be more demure than our enthusiastic hostess, but it is only fair to tell you that I can hear your heartbeat.”

Absent other indicators, a racing pulse peaking at an aerobic crescendo in time with the howls from the next room, before returning to rest rate, had told its own story.

“Oh,” said Isha, blushing in the darkness. She had only been moving one single fingertip, nothing more, but apparently she was discovered. “I’m sorry. If you need some privacy for self care, I can leave for a while.”

“Thank you, but no. I have gone centuries at a time without sexual release. I can wait until I am reunited with the pony I love.”

“Centuries? I don’t know whether to praise your self-control or weep for you.”

“Once I am returned to Fluttershy’s cottage, you needn’t do either.”

“What’s she like, this Fluttershy? Tanna and Twilight both seem to be good friends with her.”

“Imagine a terrible magical beast, with incredible, wild, power. Indifferent and arbitrary. And like as not to eventually destroy the world just to watch everypony run around with their manes on fire. Not specifically to hurt anypony out of ill will, you see, just to take in the spectacle.”

“That’s your lover?”

“No, that would be me. And she has defeated me with her kindness, her gentle heart, and her obstinate goodness.”

Silence fell again.

And in that silence, Isha wept that a world of such fairy-tale wonder would be forever out of her reach.

—

Gloam had drawn eyes on one end of her pillowcase and folded the pillow in half to make a mouth.

I smiled as pillow-monster menaced an assortment of terrified toy animals.

“Ahm gawn’ eatchewwww!” Gloam growled at them, moving the pillow’s mouth as it ‘spoke’.

“Oh, no!” I squeaked and made one of the plushie critters run ineffectually from its predator.

The pillow pounced, fold-mouth gaping hungrily.

“Rawwwr!”

I blushed again as Gloam roared exactly like her father had roared the night before.

—

After sending Gloam to bed we congregated around the kitchen table for a last cup of coffee.

I struggled to think how I could assure our guests that we would not disturb their rest, without inflicting too much information upon them. If we limited ourselves, tonight, to missionary position, lights out, no talking, one time only, we might keep the noise level under control. Being very careful with the sound suppressor would help too.

As I reflected, Twilight stood. She took my hand, and bowed graciously over it.

“May I have the pleasure of your company for a stroll in the evening air, Missus Sparkle?”

“Why, certainly sir,” I attempted to match her sudden formality. “Will we be promenading along the avenue?”

“The roof, I was thinking. We can perhaps see the stars from there.”

And perhaps nobody would hear us up there. Our previous rooftop excursions had been discreet enough, with no witnesses that we knew of. Before long I’d be bent over the railing, with my skirts hiked up around my waist.

“If you’ll excuse me for just a moment, I should powder my nose before stepping out.”

When I returned from the toilet Twilight took me by the arm to escort me forth. At close range she was able to initiate a telepathic connection.

,,If you were wearing panties under that dress, I hope you took them off. Otherwise I’m going to snap the waistband and rip them off of you and chuck them over the edge,,

It was a shame, really. I was wearing one of my favorite pairs and I would hate to lose them. But how could I resist a threat like that?

Isha and Discord couldn’t hear Twilight’s silent words, but they surely had to have heard my involuntary whimper of desire as the door closed behind us.