Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony

I don’t normally sleep in on a Saturday, but after nearly dying, and then celebrating not dying, I apparently slept right through the alarmer’s outraged shrieking.

Twilight was just stepping into the bathroom as I sat up.

“Are the kids awake?” I asked.

“Isha’s out rousting Garny’s peeps. She took Gloam and Discord with her, as well as a couple very serious gentlemen who apparently work for Bear.”

I rolled out of bed and oriented myself approximately perpendicular to gravity without opening my eyes.

“Mmmkay.”

If Bear had arranged for security, I wouldn’t bother worrying at all. With them all out of the domicile, I also wouldn’t bother putting any clothes on before finding something to drink for my sandpaper tongue. I must have been mildly allergic to Mister Wiggly. Sinuses were congested and I felt like I’d been mouth-breathing all night.

Bleary-eyed, I wandered out to the kitchen more by sonar than sight.

A glass of juice improved the mouth situation –I no longer felt like I could seal envelopes with my tongue even without any glue– but I was still groggy as hell. I stumbled as far as the kitchen door and leaned against the door frame as I had a good scratch.

“Hey Twilight,” I yelled when I heard the toilet flush, “are you gonna get your dick out here and fuck me while we’ve got some privacy?”

If she replied, I didn’t hear her.

Instead I heard, “Tanna, you may wish to retreat to your bedroom without looking around yourself.”

I looked around.

In my defense, I knew that given a safety critical situation Bear wouldn’t phrase an important survival tip like it was merely a suggestion.

“Aphrodite Anadyomene ascending! Why didn’t you tell me?”

A dozen pairs of eyes stared bigly as I rubbed at my crotch, sticky from the dried remnants of last night’s intimacy. I wasn’t technically masturbating for pleasure, but I wouldn’t count on anyone believing me if I told them so. It had felt good to take care of the itch and I hadn’t exactly been quiet about it.

It was pointless to cover my nudity, and perhaps not the best timing to advance the “it’s just natural” argument. Composing myself, I addressed my unexpected audience.

“Excuse me, I didn’t see you there. I’ll hope that you can do me the kindness of pretending that you never saw me.”

Steadily, in control, I walked to my bedroom, gently closed the door, took a deep breath, and collapsed against the door trying not to melt from embarrassment.

“Hey, did you say something while I was in the john?”

Twilight emerged from the bathroom.

“Honeeeeeey, can you fuck me so rough that I forget the last two minutes of my life?”

“What?”

“Can you just punch me out? I don’t want to be conscious right now.”

“What?” she repeated and I explained my self inflicted humiliation.

“Oh, Tanna, you dorky, dorky, dorky, dork-dork, I love you. I have something even better than a concussion and it’s much better friendship than spousal abuse.”

I felt a little bit of hope as I looked at her.

“There’s a short interval forget spell—”

“But I don’t want you to use up any of your power and keep us here longer than absolutely necessary. Not even ten seconds! I want to go home to Equestria.”

“This spell is simple enough that I think you can cast it with your Terran power.”

“Will it be okay to teach me?”

“No,” she said with a smirk, “but if you forget the spell at the same time you forget about putting on a show for everybody, Arcane Control has nothing to complain of, right? Now follow after me…”

—

I smiled up at Twilight.

“I must have still been half asleep when you made your move,” I said. “I don’t remember how this started, but I like how it finished.”

She paused before the withdrawal and dismount.

“You started it,” she admitted.

That was news to me, but I could roll with it.

“I think I approve of whatever I was dreaming at the time, I just wish I remembered it! Are the kids back yet?”

“No, but a buncha Garny’s people are waiting in your living room.”

“Oh! It’s a good thing you said something, I might have walked out there butt naked.”

I didn’t want to even imagine the level of embarrassment a faux pas like that would lead to.

—

My domicile was fuller than ever before. The entire surviving group of evicted wanderers, a group of thirty-seven men, women, and children, had crowded into a living space that had seemed roomy enough with five. But the tight quarters would be good for practicing the coordination they would need to fit through the portal fast enough. I estimated that I could keep it open at least a hundred seconds if I stayed at the sending end instead of going through.

“Okay people,” I addressed the packed room, “I told you to bring one backpack of Robinson Caruso type supplies per person. I’m not going to take the time to judge what you’re bringing, I hope you all picked wisely. Once you go through there is no coming back and no certainty of more supplies from Terra. Also I need one of you to grab this tote.” I patted the cargo carrier where it sat on the coffee table, relocated to the edge of the room to the right of where I planned to place the portal. “I’m sending the last three centuries of Terran history and twenty kilos of industrial nano paste.” I heard several intakes of breath at mention of the nanos. On the Imperium black market this was wealth enough to buy a decent planet. With judicious use this resource should shave decades off the technological build out. I’d have to ask Bear if he was ceding his existing stash of the stuff to the colony.

“So we’re really going offworld? It’s real?”

I’d never met Garny before, though I recognized him from his description; Isha had told me about him. The squat, broad shouldered man addressing me had become the de facto leader of the evictee tribe. I’d heard that his guidance had been instrumental in keeping their losses down in skirmishes with enforcer patrols as they tried to survive as nomad squatters.

“I’ve been there, Garny,” Isha assured him again, “it’s real. A new world, and I was the fourth human to set foot there.” Isha was not part of his band, but clearly she commanded his respect. “It’s clean, and beautiful, humanity can do it right this time.”

“We’ll take it,” he said. Funny, I kinda thought they were already committed. “We have no other option.”

“You’ll be safe, there,” I assured him. “But we need to be sure everyone can make it through in one go. If anyone gets left behind, I can’t cast the spell again for three days. Family groups should stick together.”

“I still don’t see why we couldn’t have done all this in the warehouse where we’ve been staying. Or outside the city.”

“Well—” I started.

“Because,” Bear interrupted, “I have better defenses here than at your warehouse. And I can better disguise your movements within the city than I could mask a large group exiting, even over several days." It was actually easier for him to deceive the thousands of cameras one might traverse in the city than to black out the military security that had grown up in the city walls since my last illicit excursion. "How many of your people have ever been to the Outside?”

“An Abominable Intelligence?” Garny asked, parroting imperial propaganda. “The emperor has—”

“The emperor has no say in these matters.” Bear ignored the insult. “And this Artificial Intelligence will do everything within my power to protect you and your people. For precisely so long as Tanna asks me too.”

If Garny didn’t interpret that warning correctly, he was less of a leader than I had been lead to believe, but I dove in with a distraction, a ploy in keeping with techniques I had watched Twilight use to defuse conflicts.

“Let’s just practice now. I need you all to fit through a magic door in a hurry.”

I had Twilight and Isha stand a couple metres apart to simulate a portal. The actual portal would be wider, but we drilled and practiced until the refugees could squeeze through the narrow opening in fifty seconds. I really didn’t want any stragglers being left behind. I could try again in ‘only’ three days, but after yesterday, I was keenly aware that there was no telling what might happen before three days passed.

As they repeated the drills, one tall fellow bumped me with his backpack. It was heavy!

“Oh, sorry!”

At least he caught me before I hit the floor.

“I know I said I wouldn't judge, but what’s in there?”

“Adze heads.”

My bafflement was sufficient to prompt more information.

“Adzes are specialized axes. These are tools for shaping timbers for building.”

“I don’t know if there are any real trees there,” I admitted. “Other than a few fruit trees.”

“I have seeds too. I’ll grow my own, if I have to. I can wait.”

Did he have long life genetics too? I think he was serious about growing his own trees.

“What’s your name.”

“My name?” He stood in thought for a moment, contemplating a complete break with the past.“I think I’d like my friends to call me ‘Tree’.”

“Good to meet you, Tree.”

—

As everyone drilled yet again, I took a bathroom break. Leaving the master bath I found one of the refugees sitting on the edge of my bed waiting.

“Me next,” she said. “I’ve been admiring your bedframe. That’s some solid construction.”

“Uh, thanks. Hand built by me!”

“Why so strong?”

“No comment.”

“Kinky stuff?”

“Sister, you have no idea.”

“Try me.”

“Last person who asked, regretted it.”

“My name is Pandora. I am congenitally unable not to ask, in spite of the warning.”

“My husband can turn into a pony.” I winked. “Makes for some wild nights.”

“How am I supposed to believe something like that?”

“Do you believe that you’re going to another planet today?”

“I don’t know if I can believe it or not. No where else to go, so I might as well follow Garn’.”

“Tell you what, when you get there, send me a postcard and tell me if you believe then.”

Pandora nodded.

“Hey,” she paused in the door, “can I beg a—”

“Middle drawer, left of the toilet.”

“Thanks.”

—

The door chimed as Bear unbolted it to admit two more.

“Can you get us out of here?”

“Eric!” I squeezed through the crowded room to hug my brother. “Good to see you, I need to tell you about what happened yesterday, after I send everyone to Gallop. Get you out?”

“I need an exit, sis. Enforcers just showed up at the Library. It doesn’t take black magic to tell they’re probably snooping after you and anybody connected with you. For example, me. I just had time to grab some documents and thaw Leslie.”

The pale girl who had accompanied Eric bobbed her head and smiled weakly but she seemed too overwhelmed to speak. I could sense power emanating from pack he wore on his back – ‘some documents’ had presumably come from the dark stacks.

“You have a girlfriend, and you never told me?” I asked, ignoring the topics of forbidden books and unexpected security actions.

“Just a former employee I’ve been helping. She’s been in stasis. My last ‘girlfriend’ was your mother.”

“You know, you never told me much about that. Did you two get on well?”

After randomly meeting her on the street, I found that I was actually curious about my mother’s life.

“I’ve told you enough; the only reason I fucked that bitch for five years just so I could keep an eye on things and make sure she wasn’t planning an accident for you.”

“She says it worked.” Eric startled at the revelation that I had had any contact with my mother. I hadn’t had time to tell him that she had changed, but I found his disrespect galling. “At least a professional of her stature would have given you your money’s worth.”

“Uh, no comment.” He picked up on my saltiness but didn’t take the time to question the reason. “Leslie and I both need passage to this mysterious refuge of yours – I couldn’t leave her behind in a stasis pod for the enforcers to find. Her boyfriend was on the Longshot 7 and she went into stasis a few years after the collision, she hoped to sleep until we got word if any of them survived.”

I still hadn’t had a chance to tell Eric where the escape led, nor what ship had landed there.

“The Seven, huh? Was he running away from her?”

I wondered if this boyfriend would be one of the survivors. Odds were high. Hopefully this wouldn't be awkward. At a glance I could tell that she wasn’t carrying this boyfriend’s child, that for obvious reasons she couldn't.

“No, they met a week before launch. There were harsh penalties for missing your flight so he had no choice but to go.” I’d read about that: the launch event had been followed up by the executions of those who deserted. “If the dumbass had come to me for help I could have got her on board. They left Sol with two cryo’s empty, and I had connections.”

Leslie finally spoke up, “I think that only would have worked if I was biological female. They would have wanted fertile colonists.”

“Oh!” Eric was surprised. “I never realized you weren’t. Even that could have been taken care of, I know of a couple of ways.”

“Dork—” I playfully elbowed my brother “—as if it wasn’t obvious. Miss, I can fix that right now if you like.”

Could I spare the power? How could I not help someone so heartbroken, with such need?

“Fix that? Really? I mean its too late,” the sorrow in her eyes spoke volumes, “but, yes, please.”

I glanced over my shoulder, Twilight was telling Isha about Equestria and had her back to me. This would use much of my store of Equestrian magic, but it was a worthy cause and as long as Twilight did not notice, my oath would be intact.

“Allow me, miss,” I murmured and slipped one hand under Leslie’s shirt, under her bra, and rested it on her chest between her breasts, reached the other hand inside waist her stretchy pants. Sure enough there was the protuberance of a shrunken penis down there, an empty sack behind it. I closed my eyes and traced through my memory of the diagram Twilight had used so many years ago. The spell took more effort without the physical circles to guide the energy flow; in fact I was realizing in real time, too late to stop, that this was actually a bad idea. I would avoid casting this way in the future. It wearied me but it worked: I felt her breasts swell as the penile mass melted away and buried its newly clitoral self discretely in the apex of a velvety soft pair of just-formed labia. A million less visible alterations were taking place internally, organs changing and shifting, Y chromosomes transforming to Xs in every cell.

Leslie’s eyes went wide at the changes taking place in her body: when I took my hands from her she was completely female.

“I greet thee as sister,” I said formally and kissed her cheek, welcoming her to her womanhood, “it is complete.”

She was too amazed to speak.

“I cast the spell exactly the way I saw it done for me. You should be fertile right now and your cycle will continue regularly as if you were already a sexually mature woman. And get the bra off, it’s too small for you now. They don’t wear those on Gallop anyhow.”

“Sonofa…” Eric swore, “you did that solo. And without a circle.”

I realized we had an audience in Gloam, Discord and several of the refugees, but Twilight was still oblivious. Call me a dreamer but Isha might have been drawing out the conversation on purpose to cover me. How much did she surmise?

“I had the circle in my head,” I over-simplified to cover my tracks. I had drawn from a little human magic as well as pony primary spell, and I didn’t need anyone realizing exactly what I had just done. “And I embody the spell myself, or else I couldn’t’ve done that. But it was exhausting, I’ll need to rest before I cast again. Anyway, funny thing about the Seven—”

“Tanna!” Bear interrupted me. “Something is wrong outside, the building external cameras have just looped, seismic sensors indicate massive activity in the street but I cannot see anything. Get your portal open fast! You need to go through too, this is critical.”

I didn’t wait to ask what he meant. If an AI with an IQ in the thousands says it is critical to hurry, I hurry.

“Millions, actually,” he said, in tinny, tight-beam, audio.

What?

Did I say something out loud?

“Line up people this is the real thing!” It was far too soon after transforming Leslie, but I put my hand on the wall anyway and cast the spell to open the portal, regretting my foalish use of power. In an instant the morning light of Hoof was streaming into my crowed living room. There was a collective gasp from Garny’s troupe. “No gawking! Move, move, move! Gloam, stick to your father!” I was already tired but with close proximity I should be able to maintain it long enough – if nobody caused a delay we should all get through.

“Discord, Gloam, Twilight, be ready to go through before Tanna!” Bear ordered - it sounded like he had good reason to change our original plan to follow after a few days. “Isha, you go to Gallop too, I can not allow you to stay here.”

What the heck was he seeing? He’d have told me if there was time.

Practice paid off as the artists, engineers, and misfits crowding my domicile lined up to go through to a new life.

Garny was first, ploughing through even as the portal was opening – probably saved half a second right there. Demonstrating supreme self control, instead of looking around him he was facing back towards the portal, calling his people by name, making sure they got out of the way once they were through. Left, right and straight ahead he steered them out of each other’s ways, didn’t let anyone block the exodus. Anyone who so much as paused was grabbed and bodily hauled clear. People filed through like a well oiled machine and the room was emptying.

“I’ve got a satellite view,” Bear announced. “The army has the building surrounded. Everybody keep moving.”

Twilight stood at the left edge of the portal, Gloam close at her side. Isha joined me at the right edge. They were ready to help if anyone tripped, ready to push people through if it came to that.

“This way, sir.” Discord was guiding my brother to a spot behind an ugly but energetic fellow whose burden for the new world was a portable incubator with three dozen live chicken eggs strapped to his back. In his arms he carried a wire cage with two hens and a young rooster. “You and the girl get in line after the chicken lord. Tanna has to go last.”

Eric’s amazement had redoubled since his first surprise at my blessing upon Leslie, but he didn’t stay alive for centuries without knowing when to take orders instead of giving them.

I could taste the fresh air of Gallop blowing through, there were just a few more evacuees before Eric and Leslie would step through. After my brother, it would be time for my party to escape to a world where we could safely wait for Twilight’s power to regenerate and take us to Equestria.

As they stepped towards a new life, the evacuation was nearing its completion.

Tree was through; chicken guy would go next, then Eric, Leslie, Discord, Isha, Twilight and Gloam, and I would step through and the portal would close and we would be safe.

Everything was going to be perfect.

And ten more seconds would have been enough.