Twilight was barely home from firmly reminding the Leviathan of its duty to honor certain oaths undertaken by the Sea King, and the very next day she was going to leave me behind, again, while she befriended another monster of the week – whether it wanted to be friends or not. On her previous mission, it was my knowledge of arcana which had supplied her with a rune once taught, but still she would hear none of my arguments towards allowing me to accompany her on this mission.

“How often does this happen?” I asked as she was about to set out.

“It’s pretty random – sometimes we go months with no call-outs for any of us. I’ve never gotten two back to back like this. But my on-call week is over in another two weeks and then Starlight Glimmer is up next.”

“A week ends in two weeks? How’s that even work?”

“Oh we just call it on-call week. We do month long rotations now. Now stay safe and be good. This one shouldn’t take too long.”

If I ever do get that training I want, I’ll just follow her and she won’t be able to stop me. Shadow Herd mythical? My flank it was!

Until then, I would just have to see how much trouble I could get into this time. First stop would be Sweet Apple Hectares, to see if Applejack would like to learn about the fine art of distillation!

—

I inquired after Applejack at the farmhouse; Dawn Apples wouldn’t hear of me leaving for the orchard without stopping for pie and coffee first – not a bad second breakfast at all and I learned a bit about her and Big Macintosh and their agonizing approach/avoidance courtship. At last she sent me over the hill to the northeast orchard where Applejack was working.

AJ was busy, of course, but if I gave her a hoof pruning deadwood from a few rows of older trees she was willing to listen to my ideas.

“I’ll jes’ mark where I want you to cut and when I get t’ enda row I’ll start cutting until I meet you in the middle. Then we can pick up what’s onna ground and move to the next row.”

“You got it, boss.” I grabbed the saw and shears and started on the first branch she marked.

The work was hard but we got it done well before noon.

“I figured it’d take all day to git that done alone” Applejack stood there fanning herself with her hat. “Now tell me again why I’d want to boil perfectly good cider and de-still it until there is less of it?”

“I think I can show you. Ever drink wine? Its kinda like cider made from grapes.”

“Yeh, it ain’t too bad but Ahm mighty partial to our family brew.”

“Try this.” I reached into my satchel and offered her the bottle of brandy I had brought from Terra. “This started out as wine and underwent the process I which am proposing to you.”

Applejack took her a big old swig. Her eyes got wide but she didn’t choke.

“Woah, Nellie! That packs a bit of kick—” she wobbled slightly after swallowing “—but it warms the belly right comfy.” She took another swig.

“Imagine a product like this—” I paused to take a pull from the bottle “—made from the best cider in the land, aged mellow and smooth in applewood casks, estate bottled, and sold for a premium across Equestria.”

I could see the bits flashing in Applejack’s eyes as she sampled the brandy again.

“Ah like the sound of it,” she said, “tell me how this works.”

I had spent hours working out a process that would be safe and achievable with the current level technical sophistication available in Equestria. There would be no fusel oil sniffing mass spectrometers in this down home appleshine operation. The efficiency might be lower than a more advanced apparatus, but as long as she followed the design and operated it properly, nothing toxic would be produced.

Applejack’s enthusiasm grew as the brandy shrank and I explained it all to her. And enthusiasm was contagious. Without realizing it I slipped into using her rural mode of speech.

“Did you just say ‘boy howdy’?” she interrupted me to ask.

“Reckon Ah did. And as long as you keep the temperature stable on the—”

“Yuh’s havin’ a laugh on account a’ the way Ah talk.” Applejack was not amused.

“No.” I dropped the accent. “I was talking country because it’s good fun and I’m slightly buzzed. There was no disrespect at all. Zero.”

She continued to give me a hard look.

“Ah pinkie-promises it, ma’am.” I made the motion of smashing a cupcake in my eye.

Then her expression softened.

“Wall sheee-ooot, I shoulda know’d you din’ mean no harm ‘t all!” Her smile was warm now. “Ah reckon country IS one-a the most vibrant vocal varieties of verisimilar verbal vernacular in the whole dang whole of ‘Questria! That makes all the dif’rence inna world, like the dif’rence between alfalfa hay and hay alfalfa!”

“Dang right, mah frien’!” I hoped she would let my ignorance of hay nuance slide. “Now that we’ve got that clear’t up, any more questions about the distillayshun process?”

We talked it over some more and went over the diagrams I had printed from the records available on datalinks.

“I can’t rightly say I grasp all the chemistry but surely I can build this, for sure. And the nice thing about runnin’ a farm,” Applejack said, “is I can buy any dang odd bit of hardware and ain’t nopony gonna bat an eyelash. Anything Hoofenail ain’t got in stock I can probably cobble together from chewin’ gum an’ bailin’ wire.”

“Sounds good. Gimme yell if you have any problems. Remember its gonna go down like turpentine until you age it. Probably need at least a year just to be able to swallow it. Give it ten years and ponies will be lining up to shell out a hunert bits a bottle. If Twilight is outta town ag’in I’d be pleased to help with the construction, too.”

“Yer right helpful, Tangent, y’know that? Must be why the Princess keeps ya ‘round!”

If Twilight thought I was helpful, maybe I’d be with her. Helping.

“Yeah,” I said glumly, “that must be it.”

—

“Cheer up!” said Pinkie, “turn your—”

“smile, over for a while?” I completed the cliché incorrectly.

I had met The Pink One on Appleranch Road as I moped back towards Ponyville. She was carrying a pair of empty baskets; presumably for the malic bounty of the very place I had just left.

“Oh, that bad, huh? Does Twilight know you have a mood disorder?”

“No, Pinks.” Now I smiled, at least halfway. “Probably for the best it stay that way.”

“Well, okay… I won’t tell. Maybe what you need is a good brawl.”

“Sure, Pinkie. What are we going to fight about?”

“Not with me, silly!” she giggled. “Find somepony less cheerful. It’d do you good to get it out of your system before Twilight gets back.”

“I have no idea how long her mission will be.”

“Easy, peasy, she doesn’t get home until three chapters from now!”

Author's Note

H/T to M.M. & Hawkwind