Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony

Tea was ready and the six friends helped themselves to the assortment of treats.

Technically it was Fluttershy’s turn to host, but the event had been moved to Rarity’s home in the Carousel Boutique on pretense of Angel Bunny’s migraine. As the oldest mare in the group, Rarity had the maturity to facilitate a painful, but necessary, conversation.

Chatter died down and everypony looked at Twilight – with a sudden sense of unease she realized she was the focus of their attention.

“Um, yes?”

“We would like to voice our concern about a missing pony,” Rarity said.

“Yer particular missing pony, in fact.” Second oldest, Applejack did her best to back Rarity up.

“He’s fine and I’m working on the spell that will let me bring him back here.”

“What if something were to happen to him without you?” asked Fluttershy.

“He might seem soft by our standards, but he knows his world and how to stay safe there.”

“That’s not quite our point, though I am sure it’s a valid concern.”

“Now that you done found a feller, don’t go losin’ him. Its about time you considered gittin’ hitched.”

“We’ve semi-discussed it and—”

“Well that's dandy, just dandy!” Applejack smiled. “Now lets see you git aholt of’m and get a date set!”

“Don’t rush me! I said we semi-discussed it. We need to work out some details.”

“It sure would be nice having another pony in the on-call rotation,” Fluttershy said.

“After last time?” Twilight’s skepticism was unexpectedly harsh.

“What’s that mean? I heard he did awesome!”

“I was so embarrassed! And then I had to reprimand him for his performance on duty.”

“Say wut now? A rep-ri-mand?”

“I was hardly myself on the occasion, but Ifelt that he acquitted himself rather well, in a supporting cast kind of way.”

“He only dropped the soul gem down a bottomless pit.”

“That’s nothing, I managed to drop myself down the pit!” Pinkie argued, or possibly boasted.

“Anypony can have an off day—”

“‘Cept fer him, you sayin’?”

“—and if Pinkie hadn’t been there in the pit to catch the gem we couldn't have used it to capture the demon.”

“I didn’t catch it. The gem got caught in the rocks right at the edge, all I did was pick it up with my mouth and spit it to you.”

“Nopony told me that!”

“You did cancel the debriefing, darling. Even I noticed that in spite of my exhausted post-possession condition. I also noticed that he was the one who drove that horrible demon out of me. Even if his method was harsh, it surely must count for something.”

“I skipped the debriefing so I wouldn't have to give him a written reprimand. And it was Applejack who told him how to drive the demon out.”

“What Ah done tol’ him was that we all had confidence in him,” Applejack clarified. She squinted sourly. “In retrospect, I mighta bin inadvertently lyin’.”

“I think you’re being way too harsh. A rookie’s gotta learn somehow. That’s why they work with us pros before they go out on their own.”

“He came to Sugarcube Corner to drown his sorrows in ice-cream and all I did was give him free pickles…”

“Chill out,” Twilight insisted, “the mission was technical success but an operational disaster. Crap, girls, he didn’t even put out that night!”

Twilight’s attempt to lighten the mood with humor fell flat.

“I don’t s’pose you tried th’ old fashioned practical expedient of bein’ nice? A kind word at the right time can be a helluva leg spreader.”

Rarity nodded solemnly, but all eyes were on Twilight.

Applejack’s brutally honest drawl had hit like a kick and Twilight winced. She remembered that night well. Tangent had returned from Ponyville somber and humbled; quiet, with a sad smile, his mane looking frankly amazing. She had been somewhat distant to him that night, waiting for another apology. Waiting for an apology for something that was really her own problem.

“I’m sure he’d be safer here, uh, where you can keep an eye on him.” Fluttershy was trying to steer the conversation back on track.

“I said he’ll be safe!”

“What we are trying to say dear, is that your mysterious beau has made a fine impression on us and we’d hate for anything to happen to him. It is a bit alarming when our friend’s somepony special is suddenly ejected from Equestria. His old world sounds very strange indeed.”

Twilight twisted awkwardly in her seat under the focused attention of her friends.

“Bring him back!” said Dash.

“We really want to see you settle down with the pony you love,” said Fluttershy.

“We’ll have the biggest engagement party ever for you two!” said Pinkie.

“A real shindig!” said Applejack.

“Ahem,” said Rarity.

She cleared her throat and again the room grew silent.

If Twilight had been discomfited before, now she was really on the spot.

“I seem to recall,” Rarity said frostily, “a reference to a kicking incident. Perhaps there is more to this matter. Perhaps all is not as it should be, Miss Sparkle.”

“Rarity,” Twilight’s voice was flat now, “I could use something a little stronger than tea.”

“Certainly, I have a bottle of emergency brandy, I’ll be right back.”

Rarity slipped away and returned, a sparkling cut crystal bottle floating beside her. She topped off Twilight’s teacup with Ennessyhay VSOP.

“Leave the bottle.”

“Of course dear. Tell us what is wrong, we will help however we can.” She spoke more gently now.

Twilight drained half of her cup of tea-and-brandy at a gulp. Rarity topped it off again.

“The truth is—”

The truth was interrupted by a crash from upstairs, and something came tumbling down from the upper story.

“Mom?”

Spike had landed in a heap at the bottom of the long curved flight of stairs.

“I was going to tell you that they planned to interrogate you but Rarity tied me up again.”

He was bound and and foot, tied to the remains of an elegant chair. The chewed shreds of a gag hung around his neck.

“Now Spikey dear, I did ask you to stay out of this discussion. And I believe you have woken—”

A cry sounded from the next room.

“It’s okay, Spike,” Twilight said, snapping his bonds with rose magic. “They aren’t interrogating me, they are merely insisting on the truth.”

“I’m not sure what the difference of those two things is. I should stay here with you. To make sure you get a fair hearing.”

“No, why don’t you and Spike Junior run along now? You’re a big boy son, I love you to pieces, but you still don’t need to hear about your foalish mother’s mistakes in love.”

“Well, okay mom,” he kissed her cheek, “but you’re not a foal, you’re the wisest sage I’ve ever known of any species. And if you need any help, you can always count on your former number one assistant!” Turning to Rarity he added “Don’t be too rough on my mother, please, my Lady.” He knelt and kissed her as well, longer and on the lips.

A moment later Spike and Spike Junior were away. Rarity refilled Twilight’s cup of brandy again. There wasn’t much tea left to dilute it.

“As I was starting to say, the truth is that my relationship with Tangent started off on a very bad hoof…”

Twilight didn’t go halfway, she told everything. Every abuse she had inflicted, every petty cruelty. Laid bare in obscene clinical detail.

“…instead of asking him if he consented to be the center of a three way, I sprang it on him as a surprise when he was going down on me and told him to lick it like he meant it. And that's about all.” Her telling ended at the very nadir, before the turning point.

“Oh dear,” Rarity whispered, “I think that’s quite enough.” Absently she filled her teacup with brandy, passed the bottle to Applejack. Applejack filled her own cup and passed the bottle on. It made a full round of the table.

“But why? I don’t understand,” Fluttershy asked sadly, “why were you so conflicted?”

Twilight’s lip quivered like she wanted to speak, but no sound emerged. She couldn't force herself to make any complaint on what she had been through, the single most important detail that she had left out of her tale. Mention the withdrawal symptoms and her friends would ask why she had been medicated in the first place. And she could no more answer that question than she could pass the blame to the one pony who did know.

“I dick-punched a colt because I liked him and didn’t know how to admit it,” said Pinkie, “but that was when I was six, not twenty six.”

“Is he stupid?” Rainbow Dash asked, “why would he put up with that? I thought he understood what friendship is – he helped me be a better friend!”

“You two seemed like such a perfect couple,” Fluttershy was still mournful.

“I cain’t say that isn’t some pretty messed up–” Applejack hushed up when she felt Rarity’s hoof on her shoulder.

“No, you can’t say that it wasn’t messed up. None of us could. But I think we’ll agree that it is not our place to be indignant on Mister Tangent’s behoof if he has chosen to overlook some rough spots in his relationship with Twilight until now.” Focusing her piercing blue eyes on Twilight she continued, “however, Twilight, we are your friends and we love you. We can’t let our friend behave like you have; there can be no more abusive behavior. But we will do anything, absolutely anything we can, to help you fix the situation. We have agreed among ourselves that if he is willing to return to Equestria, it is imperative that you bring him back immediately, if not sooner.”

“Yeah!” Applejack, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash all agreed in one voice.

“And,” Rarity added, “if he doesn’t wish to return, you must let go.”

“Ladies, ladies, ladies! I do appreciate your concern, but you are all over-reacting.”

“I truly do not think so.” Rarity’s voice was laden with drama and left a chill lingering around the table as Twilight stood.

“Yes, we had a rough start, it’s true. But I will break Celestia’s spell; it won’t take more than another week or so. I promise you, he’s fine. He probably needs a little time to wrap his head around everything that’s happened, I know I sure do!”

Halfway out the door she turned to say, “I’m sure he’s doing great.”

She was almost confident enough to convince her friends.

“Trust me!”