Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony

“Wait.”

Twilight stood up from the table.

Cake crumbs and tea melted into a sticky mess in her mane and coat, a sudden flood of tears mixed with the tea that dripped down her face.

“Celestia, I’m being an immature, petty, bitch. No matter how much I miss him, I shouldn’t act out against you all, I am so sorry. Forgive me.”

Celestia paused by the door. “Yes, dear, you are being a bitch.” The sternness of her expression softened. “Of course I forgive you. And I love you more than I can say, my student, even when you act out.”

“Thank you, your Highness, I don’t deserve your kindness. I’d hug you but I don’t want to make a mess of you before you go to your special friend. Go have a nice time. Please don’t let me spoil everything for you too.”

“He’s not specifically expecting me to attend him until later…” Celestia paused, then addressed the whole group, “Girls! Let’s hit the hot tub!”

“I just want to go cry all night…” said Twilight “I’m crashing hard from the stimulants, I’ve just treated my friends poorly, and I need Tangent.”

“Then you are definitely coming with us.” said Cadance “We do not take care of our friends by abandoning them to weep alone. A soak may not be exactly what you need most right now, but it’s what we have.”

“Indeed, dear Twilight. We have no doubt—” Luna cast a sidelong glance at her sister “—that thou wilt achieve thy heart’s (and other parts’) desire, but thou must pull thyself together to achieve this inevitable victory.”

“Thank you, Princesses,” Twilight sniffled.

Tea had been set in one of the small meeting rooms adjacent to Celestia’s private chambers and it was only a few lengths down the hall to the baths. Before heading to the tubs, the princesses showered; Twilight scrubbed extra hard to get all the mess out of her coat.

“Go on ahead, ladies,” Celestia said, grabbing a bathrobe after she washed “I just need to pop off to my rooms. I won’t be a moment.”

As soon as Celestia was gone Luna said “We wager a week of deserts she fetches hither her indispensable confidant and adviser, Lord-Sir Rubber Ducky. The hot tub on the balcony, methinks?”

“Agreed,” spoke Cadance, “the balcony. It will be a lovely evening, and you will be able to raise the moon without leaving the water. Nopony here is foal enough to take that bet, Luna.” she lowered her voice to a conspiratorial whisper “Twilight, did you really um… so mark …your bold paramour?”

“I swear its true.” Twilight tapped her chest with a hoof, traced the sacred horseshoe over her heart. “Right in his face!”

“He permitted this exotic ritual?” asked Luna.

“I did indulge myself the practical expedient of not asking first.”

“Th’art most brazen.”

“Ooooooooooo so kinky!” squeaked Cadance.

“Yeah… and then he went down on me until I couldn’t even stand up.” Twilight was lost in the memory. “I think he carried me to bed after that… but I felt like I was floating on a vaporous cloud of spectral moonlight wafting across perfumed breezes after the sybaritic rites of maying while the song of a thousand falling stars echoed in my heart.”

“Astounding, Princess, thou must tell us more cheeky tales of moist deeds before sister returns with her ducky.”

“But, Twilight, you were starting to talk like him. Be careful, Auntie warned me about the romantic soliloquy he snared you with. We’re all dealing with what it did to Equestria.”

“Truth be,” Twilight sighed, “I was well ensnared long before those words were spoken. I have learned ever so much about a very a special kind of friendship with Tangent.”

Cadance smiled. There was more to this tale than Celestia or Twilight had shared, but his kind of friendship was indeed her realm of expertise. A discreetly continuing analysis of the information she had already gathered might bust the mystery wide open.

“Tell us what kind of adventures you got into on Tangent’s world while you were gone.”

“Mostly just sex. Lots and lots of sex. And after that we had sex. Every room in his home, in public, after monster attacks, and trespass, too. We snuck into the library and did it in the secret archive.”

“Secret archive? We are surprised thou were not too busy reading.” Luna narrowed her eyes questioningly. “Do not say thou wast face down in a book while he…”

“Yup! But I didn’t absorb much. From the book.”

“We do hope you showed him some attention.”

“Of course, Luna. I don’t want him to see more of my awful side just yet! It’s bad enough that you girls have to deal with me at my worst.”

“Truly he will have many good memories to sustain him until certain reunion.”

“Tell us about your first time with the human!” Cadance wanted to hear more of the romance angle. It could be key to her surreptitious sleuthing of sex secrets.

“Oh, Cady, it was wild and crazy and insane and wonderful. I teleported him out of his bed into the night sky kilometers above the vast city where he lives. I’d, um, never been with a stallion before in real life so he took my virginity up in the moonlit clouds and we flew on moonbeams as we made love.”

“Moonlight,” Luna said wryly, “tryst thou not without it…”

“Oh, how sweet! Did it hurt?”

“Only the tiniest bit… he was careful… and he wept at my beauty,” Twilight blushed happily at the memory, “when he came.”

“Hist! Thy tale is beyond exquisite, but ‘Tia returns, bespeak thee some construction matter endlessly dreary.”

Twilight raised an eyebrow but complied “…and that conclusively demonstrates” she raised her voice “how the initial increased expense of double-glazing window technology as pioneered in Terran construction will actually save Equestria millions of bits in civic energy costs over the next decades…” she droned.

From the balcony the three princesses could see the hallway door open and Celestia enter. “I believe I have a strictly no work talk in the hot tub policy, dears!” she called. She stepped out of her bathrobe and into the shower.

“Didn’t you already shower, Auntie ‘Tia?” asked Cadance as the water started.

“Oh, um, my bad, I forgot. I’ll just be a moment…”

Her highness's second shower was more than just a moment, and Cadance prompted Twilight for another tale of her time on the human’s world.

“Well,” said Twilight, “there was the time we got busted fooling around at a restaurant.”

“He couldst not keep his, eh, hands from upon thee?” asked Luna.

“Actually he wanted to go home and do it there, but I didn’t want to wait. I promised him that I wouldn't make any noise. Imagine my embarrassment when I neighed at the top of my lungs during my climax. And it was a long one! I didn’t know I could even do that in a human body. They threw us out without even giving me time to put my pants back on.”

“Was it worth it?” asked the Princess of Love.

“Oh buck yeah!”

Finally Celestia paced out to the balcony and slipped into the warm water. Lord-Sir Rubber Ducky was balanced on top of her head. She twitched her ear and Ducky tumbled into the tub.

“Quack!” said Luna from the side of her mouth. The two younger princesses giggled.

“Now this is much nicer than trading barbs over tea, no?” she raised a hoof to Twilight. “Pax?”

“Pax.” said Twilight, touching her hoof to Celestia’s. “But I keep trying.”

“Of course you do. And I shall relinquish the second I see enough of the future to be sure of Equestria’s safety.” She sank lower into the hot tub and smiled largely. “Ahhhhhhh.”

Peace among the princesses? She would savor it while it lasted.

Luna leaned close to Celestia, and sniffed. “Thou hast semen breath, o sister, mine. Methinks the dashing yak fellow was waiting for thee after all! No wonder it took so long to find Ducky, it seems thy ducky was not the only thing thou found.”

“Guilty!” laughed Celestia, “But I wish I had time to enjoy the young prince better, he’s shaping up ever so nicely.”

“I wish Shiny were home from the border outpost inspections,” said Cadance, failing to volunteer the fact that she had sent him on such tedious inspection duty after his failed break-up mission. Perhaps, though, it was just as well he had not been able to dissuade his sister. She was undecided. Her research findings would decide the matter.

“I wish I were alone in the hot tub with Tangent,” sighed Twilight.

For a ponderous moment three princesses waited to hear Luna’s wish.

“We wish… I mean I, I wish that I were not asexual,” said Luna morosely, but her gaze lingered desperately on Twilight’s profile.