Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony

A fortnight had passed since illness had struck Equestria, six short weeks since Tangent had been taken from her. Twilight returned to the Canterlot Castle library to continue her research. There were books that few had access to – she couldn’t just send a runner to copy down the required passages for her. Scarce had she begun to dig into the day’s work before Celestia strode in.

“Good morning, Princess,” said Celestia. “Are we still feeling civil today?”

With Tajrahaz still out of town, the white alicorn had time, and attention span, to check in on Twilight.

“We are.”

Twilight bowed.

“And I apologize again for being such a brat. You’ve been very kind and gracious, our differences notwithstanding. I hope that we can continue to work together effectively even if we are at cross-purposes regarding my personal life. You seem to be completely well, my dear teacher.”

“Yes, thank you, I am feeling almost entirely better. And you student, you look to be satisfied with your research.”

“I am. Very, in fact. How fares your own research into why so many mares, and it seems to me their stallions too, were affected? Affected by love-talk that should have stayed between Tangent and and I. I’m still willing to help with that research.”

“Noted, appreciated and declined, my dear. It is better that we keep the investigation isolated from anypony who was part of the incident. What I really wish,” said Celestia, “is that I knew the exact words he spoke to you before your -ahem- vigorous amorous encounter.”

“Oh that’s easy, you should have asked,” said Twilight, semi-distracted by a page of the counter-spells she was developing, “It was crazy hot. You saw how hard we were going at it in spite of your distraction.” Unconsciously she thrust her hips. “Mmmmmm. You want a copy too?”

“A. Copy. ¿Too?”

Now there was concern in Celestia’s voice.

“I had it calligraphed to hang on my bedroom wall. I could get a copy for you, you can read it to your yak. Rawr!”

“Oh, Twilight, dear student… have you not noticed that this spell was immensely powerful and profound in its implications to our entire land? Who did the calligraphy, were they affected? I hope they didn’t mumble it out loud while they wrote!”

“Yeah, no problem, Discord was immune to it (maybe not if we have ‘Shy recite it!) and his penmanship is very nice. His illuminated capitals in particular commemorate the event exquisitely. If you look closely, they are animated.”

“Pardon my hyperventilation, dear student, I may just have the vapors.”

Celestia sat.

“I don’t suppose arming Discord with that spell really makes him any more alarming than his own intrinsic nature does. But I certainly wouldn’t like to see him decide it was a challenge to be bested.”

“I have the scroll with me, I haven’t remembered to take it out of my pack and hang it, back home.” Twilight magicked it out of her saddlebag and floated it over to Celestia. “You can read if if you think it might help you understand why Tangent’s words and my magic combined like that.”

Celestia evinced a mixture of curiosity and trepidation as she started reading. Within seconds she was squirming on the settee. Before she was half done she had covered her face with her hooves and was peeking out to read the words. The occasional squeak emerged. Finally she levitated the scroll back to Twilight, looking as if it might bite.

“Goodness! He didn’t need spells for that at all. ‘Lofty tower, sacred flower, inner bower, hidden hour’, oh me, oh my word. Combine his words with your magic and its a wonder that stallions didn’t get pregnant too.”

“Ha! Imagine his surprise if I told him we were having a foal as a result of me doing him! You could knock him over with a feather.”

“Mayhap you should take a pregnancy test before you banter so merrily.”

Twilight was instantly morose.

“Just in case I fail,” she sighed, “I wish I did bear his foal. But I know of certainty it is not so. So I must not fail.”

“I am sorry, Twilight. Reading the future is not so simple as checking the right book out at the library. Would that I could welcome him to Equestria. Regarding that scroll, I’m invoking state arcane secrets act. You may keep it if you secure it better than Luna’s stash of contraband spells that you raided. Do not hang it on the wall unless it is the wall of a very secure sex dungeon. I specifically deny permission to expose Cady to that fervently fecund flourish of florid prose. If you wish to question my decision about Cadance you may consult Luna and if you convince her I will hear your arguments.”

“Neigh, I absolutely concur with you about Cadance. I am pretty sure that she won’t want to hear it anyway. She chided me once for speaking too much like Tangent.”

“In the mean time, I feel a growing need to attend to Tajrahaz soon.” Celestia cleared her throat. “I suppose we should be thankful that the spell did not pair me off with some stallion, you cannot possibly imagine what complications would arise were I to give birth to a foal.”

“I’d think it would benefit both the realm and your rule to have a proper heir on tap.”

“What I wouldn’t give to be so blissfully unaware of courtly intricacies, my dear. Now, regarding your counter-spell against my barrier. I am still willing to accept your triumph as something of a sign, much as the timing troubles me.”

“Understood. I have enough faith in you not to waste my time randomly beating my horn against it and expecting something to happen. I have this organized.”

Celestia looked more closely at Twilight’s notes.

“What is this? Multiple spells at the same time? Five?”

“There are five root spells; they combine into twenty three endpoints. I’m using a directed acyclic graph of ontological synthetic ordinal constructs to optimize the time division multiplexing attack. One spell at a time is not going to work, I have learned that the hard way. But with this, if you stand by your word not to update your spell (I know you will) it is only a small matter of time before the barrier falls.”

“Again I will urge you to be careful. I lack your certainty regarding this Tangent fellow… And you… my student …you are insanely, fearsomely, skilled at magic.”

“No, teacher. I am Magic. Not just the ‘element of magic’, that’s just a silly title. Celestia, I can’t offer you the deep surety I know, I can’t pass on the trust feel in every fibre of my being. But I have served you my entire life and you can take my confidence as your touchstone. Hooves, horn, and wings, I swear.”

“I doubt not your sincerity. But what if you are wrong?”

“If I were wrong, or by some impossibility turning against you, you would have far worse to worry about than one little earthpony.”

Not to compare Twilight’s spouse (Ah, was that a foalish move? Anger is such a betrayer…) but past experience had ensured that Celestia would never underestimate ‘one little earthpony’.

“Dear Twilight, I truly wish I knew it was safe to condone his presence in Equestria. But I see no evil behind the words he spoke to you, only the prophesy gives me worry.”

“From where did you source this prophesy of yours, teacher? I have studied the books of law, and the prophets, and the sages, from cover to cover. Yet I find nothing to explain what has compelled you to turn my life upside down.”

Celestia spoke in a small voice, almost contrite, as she revealed her ultimate crime.

“The duocorn.”