Fallout Equestria: Lionheart

Sparky walked away from that close encounter of the furred kind feeling a hundred pounds lighter, though the actual weight loss would likely be closer to... How many pounds did three litres of lion-unicorn semen weigh, again?

She could certainly tell you...

If she had weighing scales around to check her weight before, and after she had dickscovered what a big guy he really was.

He had left the scene of the crime (Well, she consented to the sex and offered to clean up after it solo, but walking away from his final apocalyptic bukkake blast of a smokin' sexy suppository without helping her to clean it up personally felt like a war crime) with a spring in his step and a reason to smile genuinely for a while.

Ah, meaningless sex with complete strangers...

Slimy, yet satisfying!

He wouldn't allow himself to admit how hollow it felt, because right now, he needed something to smile about.

He'd even gotten her name and PipBuck number memorized, so that if he ever obtained a PipBuck of his own, calling her up for a good time would be easier than ordering food.

Mostly because ordering food was hard when you were pretty much broke. Plus considering how often food delivery animals were jumped and killed for the cash or food they carried, he didn't want any part in putting those animals in any more risk.

He'd love to get to know her some day, as she probably had a tragic backstory.

Why else would she be so weird when it came to sex?

Her words, and his own, echoed once more in his mind...

“I can't believe this is really happening...” Dazed, he could hardly believe what he was seeing from her, the casual and experienced way she stripped, as though she was getting another routine oral examination at a doctor she trusted with her life and body, as though she'd already done this a thousand times with a thousand other males. “I can't believe you'd really want to bone a guy like me.”

“Why not? You're a big guy.”

“For you.”

“What?”

“Nevermind. I mean... I'm part Unicorn, and in a Stable where they're not allowed to use magic, that's basically just a weaker-than-average horse. And I'm part Lion, too!"

She smirked. "I'm a Lion! Raaaargh!"

He smiled nervously. "Uh... Roar?"

"Rawr," She purred. "Now show me your meat."

"Exactly, meat! I'm a big meat-eating monster! Doesn't that... bother you?”

He looked shy, and she rolled her eyes.

“Should it?” She asked, tilting her head and adorable bunny ears.

“I don't know,” He looked down. “Usually, it bothers everyone in this society.”

“Who cares what society thinks? If you've got a dick, I want to suck it. I live for dick, because sex is the only thing I can control, and it's the only thing I'm good at. Besides, everyone deserves a chance to feel good, no matter what they look like.”

“But wasn't I supposed to be rewarding you?”

“Getting to taste a unique new flavor is its own reward. Now shush already!” She smiled. “In times like these, only one of us is supposed to use our mouths.”

Wow...

He loved Service Tops like her.

They knew what they were doing.

More than him.

In the moment, he had felt deflated upon hearing her refer to him as a unique flavour, as though that was all he was to her.

But then she started servicing him, and deflating was the last word you'd associate with what was happening to him and his magnum dong.

He'd love to tell the world he was a god of sex who could make bitches jizzplode the entirety of their clothing off with just a look, but he was still a beginner, even with his lessons from his boss. The one he didn't hate, not the sheep.

He wanted to see that Rabbit again.

He wanted to fuck her again, sure.

But he also wanted to talk to her again, get to know her, see if she needed help, learn why she chose to give her body away to strangers more casually than one might give their PipPhone number away.

While he didn't enjoy listening to the tragic backstories of others, he did enjoy listening. He enjoyed listening to those hurting, and giving them someone to talk to.

His emptied balls felt so great, his smile was only mostly destroyed when he exited the train on the Lust Ring's lowest floor, only for his vision to be assaulted with the train station's tasteless hot pink and tacky crimson décor. Ceiling-mounted and floor-mounted wind machines filtered dust from the air before polluting them with pheromones, and false rose petals spiralled around the room in countless miniature storms. The only break from the relentless reddish rose were pornographic watercolour paintings ten times the size of any pony mounted on the train station's walls, and the alabaster statues of headless quadrupedal males of all shapes and sizes, though with uniformly apelike cocks bigger than any mare's entire torso, ramming their visually synchronized meats into feline females, canine females, apes, birds, and more. There was even a statue of Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, faceless but with their mouths open wide and their bodies bowed, brought low by their cock-craving depravity, jacking off an orgy of stone statues with rock-hard rock cocks with their hooves as countless more were stuck into their holes, or thrust into crevices and cracks in their thighs and elbows and knees.

As he tried to ignore the horny décor and the dead-eyed dull look of those used to this sort of thing around here, he joined the constant crowd of beasts milling to and fro, and he wondered if anyone would notice any scents or pheromones upon him hinting at sexual activity over the stink of sex that saturated this floor like the stink of death and blood and smoke in a warzone.

By the time he had walked past a small town's worth of city blocks, some with closed pneumatic blast doors and some with signs outside the opened blast doors, he had lost his smile completely.

Butler's Service, an uncreatively-named Butler Cafe, loomed before him, along with two handsome Lion bouncers.

Sparky was a poor person, so he had to go around the city block to enter in through a back alley, using a door for the poor known as a Poor Door, so that richer clients didn't have to see him enter the building out of his uniform. Greeting the two thuggish bouncers, a contrast to the more handsome bouncers, he entered the building and searched around for his boss.

He simply had to sniff out the scent of a horny cougar, and he found her. A literal Cougar, with a purple mane, purple eyes, and a white bath robe, talking to a manly Tiger in his early twenties with a shock of blonde hair and a black leather jacket over a yellow shirt with an explosion on the front. “For real?” He asked the Cougar woman. “I thought Sparky was joking, but... We're not just serving these babes drinks?”

“We're serving many drinks,” She purred sensually. “Including those sold nowhere else. Those only you can provide. It all depends on the customer's desires. It is your job to influence those desires, with your... unique charms.”

When the Tiger sniffed the air and turned to Sparky, joy lit his face up. “Bro!”

“How's it going, Rocky?“ Sparky bared his teeth in a meaningful grin, now that he was finally exclusively in the company of fellow meat-eaters. “You ready for your first day as a stud horse?”

“It'll be nothing for me,” He boasted dishonestly and failed to completely hide his nervousness. “I've boned tons of bitches before!”

“Your mom and sister don't count,” Sparky rolled his eyes.

“Eat shit, asshole!”

The two laughed, confusing the Cougar as she fucked with her childish (cubbish?) pink diamond-studded pink PipBuck Princess Edition for a few seconds, spawning some outfits out of nothingness as she gave her device the command to drop them from her inventory. She passed them a pair of black butler suits, stereotypical aside from the slutty velcro tearaway sections, and she passed Sparky a PipBuck to borrow, a bulky but golden-coated machine with a multicoloured screen on a black leather strap. “Are you two ready for your new Butler outfits?”

“Hell yeah, babe! Bring it on!” Rocky picked them up, before noticing something. “Wait, are these for real? They've got velcro everywhere!”

“They help females with weaker teeth enjoy the experience of tearing them off,” The Cougar explained.

Sparky took his sunglasses off, and-

“Those eyes!” She gasped, grabbing his face and getting a closer look, since she was kind of fucking blind. Not completely blind, just a little. “Honey, why aren't you getting enough sleep?”

“I work two jobs and I'm studying full-time for my-”

“It's fine,” She fucked with her PipBuck Princess Edition until there was a desk before her, with some makeup upon it. “Hold still,” She said as she started applying makeup to his face to conceal the dark rings around his golden eyes.”

“Bro, are you wearing make-up? Gay,” Rocky smirked.

“She's closer to me than she is to you,” Sparky smirked back.

“For now,” purred the horny Cougar, wrapping her tail around his foreleg and snaking towards his crotch-

“W-Woah there!" He stammered, pulling back.

“Oh, darling, if you can't handle things getting that intimate, this might not be the right business for you.”

“It's fine! I can psych myself up for it!” Rocky insisted. "Those girls can pinch my ass all day, it's fine, I'll put up with anything!"

“Show some self-respect, would you? Women like that in a man. Anyway, it's time you two got dressed. Normally, you know, the old-fashioned way, not with your fancy new-fangled PipBucks. That way, you can get used to putting these outfits on and taking them off.”

Sparky headed for the changing rooms as the only friend he felt he could truly be himself around followed him.

Sure, he could mostly be himself around Luna, but he also felt like he had to set a good example for her, act like a good father might.

It wasn't as if she'd had a good father.

The two brothers, not related by blood but in soul instead, made it to changing rooms that seemed bizarrely mundane given how horny so many things on this floor looked. They'd swear these were changing rooms for a swimming pool, locker walls and all.

“When I got fired from that mechanic gig, I thought I was fucked!” Rocky yelled as he took his leather jacket off. “Thanks for getting me this sweet gig!”

“No problem,” Sparky took his trucker hat off, which was as blue as Rainbow Dash's tight fuckable athletic asscheeks.

“We're still working out for two hours at the usual gym, right? Or do you have some last-minute bullshit in the way?” Rocky took his shirt off, revealing alright abs and powerful pecs and fluffy fur.

“I'm heading for the gym,” Sparky nodded as he stripped naked completely and rolled onto his back to start threading his legs through his black butler-suit pants. It'd be tricker if he had to make do with hooves. “And I'm making up for the session my bitch sheep boss made me miss yesterday, I'm breaking my bench record even if it fucking kills me!”

“Sweet! Those punchbags won't know what hit them! First we're pounding bitches here, then we're pounding iron! Then we're heading to the gun range and shooting some big irons! And then... Well, that's all I've got to do today, are you doing anything besides studying?”

“There was this one thing...” Sparky thought about earlier that day, when that hot Rabbit babe had sucked his cock. And then he thought about even earlier that day, when that weird mare who looked like Twilight Sparkle gave him a business card. “Lower your voice, right?”

He nodded. “This should be good.”

Sparky lowered his voice, and fucked with his PipBuck controls to get Synthwave playing so loudly, it caused pain to both of their ears. He stuck the PipBuck away from them, using the sound as a cover, and started to whisper. “Earlier today, some weird mare gave me a business card for some weird church, and told me to meet her there.”

“A church? You hate religion even more than me.”

“I don't HATE religion, I just think it's a load of nonsense helpless people use to feel better about this cruel cold unfeeling universe of chaos and lies.”

“Yeah, you definitely hate religion. Normal people just shrug whenever the topic comes up. Where is this church, anyway?”

He tried to tell him. And failed, to his surprise. “...I don't know why but I can't put it into words. I think that card of hers was enchanted.”

“For real?!”

“When I looked at it, I knew exactly where it wanted me to go, and when. I can't tell you where I'm going, but nothing's going to stop you from following me the whole time, so we can both visit. And get this... The mare who gave me this obvious call to adventure?”

“She was hot?”

“Definitely, but that's not all. She looked just like Twilight Sparkle, only young and sexy instead of old like in her final years, and the pink bits on her were a different colour.”

“Well that's pretty damn weird... Who'd want to dress up like HER?” Rocky wondered.

“There's more. Right after she got me alone and shoved that card in my face, she disappeared.”

“Like, she ran away, or...?”

“Teleported.”

“No way!”

“I swear in the name of Harmony, I could smell the magic in the air. I don't know who she is or what's going on, but I'm getting answers today.”

“Hell yeah! Now we're talking! This just got real interesting, real fast! Rocky and Sparky, two brothers on another whirlwind adventure!”

“I wish I had your enthusiasm,” Sparky sighed.

“The hell are you talking about?” Rocky asked. “My enthusiasm ain't worth shit. It's your determination to do shit right that inspired me to get my life on a better path. Your help made me a better man, man. Without you I'd probably still be running with the Sheer Khans.”

“Fuck those guys,” Sparky smiled.

“FUCK THOSE GUYS!” Ryuji yelled, far too loudly.

A wolf man poked his head out from behind a row of lockers. “We fuck females here. The gay butler place is two blocks down, next to the gay bath house.”

“Hello, Goose,” Rocky rolled his eyes. “Fuck you, Goose.”

“No, fuck you, Tiger-boy!” The wolfman barked.

Sparky had to interrupt this before things potentially turned violent. “Bet we can sell more overpriced shit than you today!” He boasted.

“You're on, faggots!” He yelled like a bigot, because he hated gays. Everyone who hated gays or used the word faggot was a total bigot. “By the way, turn your Shitwave off.”

“It's called Synthwave,” Sparky turned his music down, but not off, because fuck that guy.

Goose the Wolf, whose parents had shit taste in names, fucked off, leaving the two alone in the changing rooms once more.

“For real, bro, thank you for doing this for me,” Rocky gripped Sparky in a tight hug.

Sparky patted the Tiger's back. “Thank me later, this job can take a lot out of you.”

“What, jizz?” He chuckled. Sparky rolled his eyes with a smile. “I'll be fine, I've fucked tons of babes before!”

“No you haven't.”

“No I haven't,” He looked down. “But how hard can it be, right?”

“It's your job to show them how hard it can be,” He grinned.

“Holy shit, was that a motherfucking cock joke?!” Laughed the Tiger. “You know, buddy, you're really coming out of your shell these days.”

“What?”

“You used to be this creepy moody fucker without any friends, but then you met me and Luna. Now you're the smoothest motherfucker I know!”

“Yeah, whoring yourself out for pay in a fake butler cafe kind of forces you to learn how to be sexy, plus that Cougar's been giving me charm lessons. It's all about saying smooth, unexpected shit, getting them off-balance. Don't just bludgeon them with endless innuendos and cock jokes or they'll expect it. You need to cultivate a charming persona, when you feel like hiding the real you or playing around. Shocking remarks work best when they're unexpected, and they thought they could relax around you without you whipping out a classic like that's what she said! Ideally, they should never expect it when you twist their words around in a horny judo technique to double-penetrate them with their own words, because making them eat their own words is too mainstream.”

“Well, when I'm done learning the ropes, I'm gonna be beating the bitches off with a stick!”

“Insert beating you off joke here, or pegging dick stick joke, I can't think of anything, let's get on with this shit and get this bad dialogue over and done with so we can get started with my straightforward call to adventure.”

“That's the spirit! Adventure awaits!”

And so, the two mighty males, in their seductive Butler outfits, left the changing room...

But not before posing in the mirror together as though they were bodybuilders.

Because damn, they looked good.