The Light Within Us

It felt good to be out of the hive for a change. I hadn’t even had to go far nor invent elaborate new activities to entertain myself; I’d found what I needed right here in the meadow that had once been a wasteland, under the warm afternoon sun, surrounded by clusters of flowers and shrubs and the occasional tree, listening to the soothing ripples of the freshly-completed stream meandering through the verdant scenery. The green was a welcome reprieve from the endless engrossment into scroll upon scroll of dull reports and observations, but no matter how necessary the mind-numbing task was and how soon it needed to be completed, I was grateful to Antenna for requesting my help with an entirely different matter. Though I could have relegated the weeding and replanting of her gardens to any random drone who happened to be nearby, I opted to do it myself, admittedly just because it hadn’t crossed my mind that there were other options, and what a difference it made!

I finished planting the tulip bulbs and went to find Antenna, to see if there was something else she needed my help with. I found her trimming an oleander bush.

“How’s it going?” I asked.

“A little slower than I’d like, but nothing to really complain about. Are you finished already?”

“It wasn’t that hard!”

“I suppose it isn’t when you have magic…”

“I only used it to levitate the spade! Okay, and the bulbs too… but nothing more elaborate than that!”

“Sure you didn’t,” she chuckled. “Your hooves aren’t muddy at all!”

A quick glance confirmed it; until the flowers began sprouting, I had nothing to show for my efforts save for the slightly disturbed ground if one knew where to look. Okay, feeling alive again after a full week of uninterrupted scroll-studying following Pharynx’s armor ordeal had to count for something, but if one looked at me now, they’d have nothing to clue them in on what I’d been doing for the past three hours, which couldn’t be said for Antenna, whose legs were splattered with brown all the way to her barrel.

“Hey, I’m not complaining,” she added hurriedly. “I don’t care how people do things as long as they don’t mess anything up!”

“Thanks,” I said. “Is there anything else I can help you with?”

“Well, I wasn’t going to impose, but you wouldn’t mind planting some strawberries, would you? They’re in the trolley. I’ve reserved a spot for them near the edge of the fruit garden.”

“Sure!” I found the seedlings and their designated patch of land easily and got to work.

Eventually I was done with that too, and stretching myself back upright to release some of the tension left from the hunched-down stance, I turned my face to the sky, expecting to soak up some of the sun’s warmth, but was met instead with the gloom of dense clouds stifling the sky as far as the eye could see. How long had I been working? There hadn’t been the slightest puff of cloud up there while I talked to Antenna! Where was she, anyway? I couldn’t see her anywhere even after taking to the air! The trolley was gone, too!

No, wait, the trolley was just inside one of the ground-level entrances to the hive, where she normally stashed it when she wasn’t working. She’d probably been attentive enough to notice the clouds roll in and decided to finish up and get inside before-

A drop of rain fell on my head as if to accentuate the point I was debating with myself, and then another, and another, and before I knew it, I was galloping to the hive, soaking wet from the sudden downpour.

It took a moment of catching my breath before I realized I was still holding a spade in my magical grip. I chuckled awkwardly at myself, shoved it into the trolley with the other gardening tools, shook some of the rainwater off myself, and proceeded deeper into the hive.

I’d barely turned around the first corner when a black face of an unreformed changeling popped up from behind a stalagmite and hissed at me.

“Aah! What… Pharynx, is that you? What are you doing? And why do you look like that?!”

It took him a moment to stop laughing.

“Seriously, Pharynx! You almost gave me a heart attack! What’s gotten into you?” He was still laughing. “What’s going on?”

“What’s going on, Thorax, is that you’re too easy to startle! That was better than I expected!”

“Are you so bored with your life now that you have to start inventing trouble for me to worry about?”

“It wasn’t him,” said another black changeling, coming down a hallway; many others poked out of hiding and gathered around us. “It was us.”

“I don’t understand… Isn’t everyling supposed to be reformed by now?”

“We are reformed,” said another, whom I recognized as Carapace by his voice. “I saw in today’s Ponyville Times that ponies celebrate Nightmare Night tonight. I wasn’t entirely sure what that is so I asked Menace, and he said it’s a festival based on Princess Luna’s corrupt alter ego. Something about wanting to please her so she wouldn’t eat little ponies?” He shrugged. “Anyway, ponies like to dress up in disguises and play spooky games, and we started wondering what it would be like it we did something similar, and we were overheard and a lot of droned joined the discussion, and in the end it was decided that we could just look like our old selves tonight and scare and prank one another, though we’re not opposed to including elements of normal partying into the mix for those who prefer it.”

“And Pharynx was okay with that? Aren’t there… security risks or something… involved?”

“I’m the one who suggested it,” he quipped. “Yes, there are security issues, but it was worth it to see your flabbergasted face!” He snickered again.

“It’s not funny! What if I’d mistaken you for Chrysalis in disguise and blasted you?”

“I know you well enough. Besides, I bet Chrysalis would be confused if she tried to show up tonight!”

“Sorry if this wasn’t fun to you, Thorax,” another drone said. “We can stop if you don’t like the idea…”

“Except it’ll take a while to tell everyling,” another interjected.

“The whole hive is in on it?”

“Yes, and participating, although some took a bit of convincing. I believe you’re the only colorful changeling in the hive right now, Thorax!”

“Oh. Well, if the others are enjoying it, I guess it’s alright…” I turned into my old self. “We wouldn’t want to spoil the fun, right?”

“Actually…” the first drone spoke again, fidgeting her hoof nervously.

“Yes?”

“We were kinda hoping… if it wouldn’t be too much trouble for you… well, if you don’t mind, at least… maybe you could pretend to be Chrysalis instead of yourself?”

That caught me off-guard. “Why?”

“Because you’re the king… but you weren’t when we looked like this, and she was the queen, so you’ll still get to be at the throne… and because you ran away at some point so you weren’t even here all the time and it wasn’t for a mission… I mean, you didn’t really want to be here…”

“...so the hive won’t miss me if there isn’t a Thorax in this version?”

She went silent for a moment, then started avoiding eye contact. “That sounded better in my head,” she admitted. “I mean, it’s not to say that we don’t like you! We do! It’s just… we were thinking more along the lines of, what should I call it, historical accuracy?”

I cast a glance at Pharynx.

“I had my misgivings,” he said, “but if you’re accompanied by at least one or two drones at all times for the entire duration of your disguise as her, that should avoid any identity concerns. I’ll still lather you in whatever’s left of that changeling revealer ointment after the fact to make sure you’re still you if the others insist.”

I was silent for a little while. The dislike in my relationship with Chrysalis was mutual, and I wasn’t a bit more thrilled by the offer to take her shape than I’d be by the prospect of being in the same room with her. Were they expecting me to mimic her behavior too? I hoped not! It felt wrong on so many levels even if everyling would know I didn’t actually mean to yell and throw insults, and I wasn’t even sure if I could pull it off! In fact, I was convinced that even as little as looking like her would make me feel dirty! Why had they asked this of me?

“You want me to be Chrysalis that much?” I asked in the end, hoping they’d say no.

“Well, it would be interesting…” a drone that hadn’t spoken before replied.

“...fine, I sighed and heeded their request. “Now what?”

“Come along! There’s a party waiting in the throne room- uh, actually, I don’t know where they are now that the storm is raging…”

“They must have moved it to one of the larger inner chambers. Maybe the feelings forum or the weapons factory?”

“The weapons factory is working on weapons,” Pharynx growled. “Anyling who decided to start a party in there will be licking the gutters clean for the next year!”

One of the drones standing behind Pharynx snuck away from him and silently galloped down the hallway. The others pretended to not notice.

“Maybe they spread it across several chambers,” Carapace suggested. “I wouldn’t be surprised to find several parties set up independently from one another scattered throughout the hive, either. We’re bound to find one of them eventually!”

Sure enough, we found one in the arts-and-crafts area, and almost everyling froze in place the second I entered.

“Uh…” I muttered. “Guys, are you sure you discussed the whole thing with others?”

“We did, yeah,” Carapace said. “At ease, everyling! It’s just Thorax in disguise! Carry on!”

That did the trick, but only to an extent, and the party continued in a more subdued manner. Even though it’d been over a year, Chrysalis’ absence still hadn’t dulled the drones’ obedience response she’d instilled in them by the looks of it, and they seemed to dread her more than I remembered. I couldn’t blame them; she was horrible and most of them hadn’t realized the full extent of it until she’d left, and after my much more relaxed rule, the prospect of going back or even being in close proximity to her was terrifying! Was it really a good idea to be disguised as her?

But they got over it gradually, apparently having realized no harm was coming from the one who bore her face, and a few even started asking why I wasn’t acting like her.

“You want that?” I asked back.

“It would fit the disguise,” one of them said. “And we know you won’t really mean it, let alone harm us, so…”

I groaned inwardly. “Alright, let me try… How dare you address your queen like that? Off to the dungeons with you… um, are we supposed to have a dungeon?”

Pharynx happened to be close enough at that moment to overhear and facehoof. “Brilliant,” he groaned. “You couldn’t play her to save your life! Why are you even trying?”

“Because we asked him to,” the drone answered in my stead. “Okay, yes, that was lukewarm, but I know you can do better, Tho- I mean Chrysalis… heheh…”

“Isn’t it enough that he agreed to look like her in the first place?” Grim joined in.

“A disguise is worthless if behavior can’t match!” Rampage interjected. “Not that I’m surprised a fighter doesn’t know infiltration tricks!”

“My last mission was infiltrative!”

“You lasted less than a week! I spent years on mine!”

“It doesn’t matter!” Hornet outyelled them. “We all know ‘Chrysalis’ here is actually Thorax, so who cares if the impersonation is lacking?”

“I do! How does a king end up with such a lousy representation of one of our core traits?”

“It’s one of the old system’s traits! We don’t need it anymore!”

“Wasn’t this supposed to be the night of remembrance of the old system?”

“So Thorax shouldn’t be allowed in it because he failed to improvise a perfect impersonation of his polar opposite? Is that what you’re saying?”

“I’m saying he should have tried harder! And why couldn’t he practice in advance?”

“Can we please stop arguing?” I asked. Everyling shut up, only to start shouting over themselves a mere moment after. “Guys!”

“Don’t listen to them, Thorax,” Grim said. “The disguise is good enough-”

“Not without the right behavior it isn’t!” Rampage insisted.

“Stop!” I exclaimed. “Just… just stop! I would have gone as my old self if some of you hadn’t asked that I play Chrysalis instead, I’m not comfortable with even looking like her, and it’s gonna take a miracle to get me to bring myself to copy a fraction of her viciousness! I don’t even know why I agreed to do this!”

Dropping my disguise, I stormed off before any of them could say another word.

I trotted aimlessly through the hallways, and though it wasn’t my intention, furiously enough that everyling got out of my way, and the few who looked like they wanted to speak up as I passed them changed their minds abruptly. Were they afraid of me? I was too distraught to pay attention to their auras, but how ironic it would be if I was more intimidating now, as myself, when I least wanted it, than while looking like the one whose whole existence revolved around instilling fear!

I had no destination in mind but somehow ended up in my bedchamber, and as soon as I caught my breath and realized where I’d set hoof into, all the fury within me that I hadn’t even been aware of on a conscious level quickly died away, and I slumped onto the floor, worn out and hollow. Why had they asked me to impersonate Chrysalis? Did they really miss her so much in spite of my best efforts to give them a better life? Did I mean nothing to them after everything I’d done?

I wanted to be proven wrong but the love aura coming from the rest of the hive was lukewarm. I wanted to be comforted but no one was there to hug me. I listened for hoofsteps, but the only sounds were those of the rainstorm echoing through the hallways. This wasn’t the hive I wanted, and if I didn’t know better, I’d have thought I was in the nightmare of the old one!

Resigned to despair, I surrendered to the onslaught of tears.

I didn’t know how long it had been, but eventually, a prodding hoof pulled me out of my self-pitying trance.

“Are you crying again?” a voice chided. “Why am I not surprised?”

I forced my head to raise a little. “Pharynx?”

“Are you done? Because if you are, I’d like to dismiss the guards.”

“...what guards?”

“The ones patrolling the perimeter on lookout for intruders,” another voice spoke from behind me. I turned around to see Hornet, Grim, Banshee, and a few others, all their colorful selves again. So was Pharynx; why hadn’t I taken notice? “Or one intruder, actually. The arrangement is that a group of volunteers and some of the… less deserving… soldiers keep watch until the rest of us are done partying, however long that turns out.”

“Oh… well, if the party's over, I guess they can go to bed now…”

“That’s the thing,” Banshee said. “We were hoping the party wouldn’t be over! You’ve barely had any fun, and it’s our fault!”

“Oh, brother…” Pharynx groaned.

“We heard Luna had some initial mixed feelings about Nightmare Night, and that she managed to resolve them by realizing ponies had fun being scared by her villainous alter ego as long as they knew she wasn’t actually evil,” Grim said, “and we thought we could get the same with you. We didn’t realize you wouldn’t enjoy being mean or scary to us even for pretense, and it never occurred to us that you’d think we didn’t want you around just because we asked if you’d be interested in pretending to be someone else for a few hours! And it should have been obvious to anyone who knows you at all! We’re sorry we hurt you!”

“Aww, guys…”

“So what should we tell the others?” Hornet asked. “I mean, we can wrap up the night right now if you want, or you can just stay here by yourself if that’s what you prefer, no pressure. But we were kind of hoping you’d consider giving it another chance. You’d never guess, but it turns out we’re missing a Thorax!”

I wiped my tears. “You… want me back?”

“Of course we want you back! We never meant to chase you away in the first place!”

“Except before he became king,” Pharynx interjected, getting awkward shuffles in reply and a shush from Grim.

What could I say to that? Of course I was going to rejoin them! I turned back into my small, black self. “Lead the way!”

The party cheered up instantly upon my return, and save for a few drones who wanted to apologize and one or two needing Pharynx’s encouragement to do the same, soon there was nothing left to suggest a drama might have occurred a little earlier.

The dancing and harmless teasing continued well into the night, and when Psycho came to inform us that the storm had passed and that the guards had unsealed the exits to the throne room, we joined the party that had already returned there, adding their pranks and water balloon fights to our repertoire. I hadn’t expected to have that much fun! Despite a couple of hiccups, I had to consider the night a success.

But the fun had to come to an end, marked by the first rays of sunlight on the horizon, and I thanked everyling for the wonderful time and bid them to rest a little before taking on today’s duties.

“Can’t we celebrate just a little bit longer?” Retina pleaded.

“I’m sorry, we celebrated throughout the night,” I said. “If we let it last any longer, we won’t have the time to get the hive ready for the Equestria Games inspector!”