Sleep had become a luxury I no longer had. It eluded me, hiding somewhere out of reach. I found myself staring at the patterns on the ceiling, and though it felt like hours had passed, the reality was likely only five minutes. My mind was racing with thoughts, and there was a lot weighing on me.

I struggled to recall my life beyond the past year, skipping over some of the gaps in my memory. As time went on, memories became more elusive and uncertain, leaving me wondering if they were even real. My mind began to wander, and every little sound I heard sent my anxiety skyrocketing.

Are those birds chirping at this time of night? No, it's something else. I'm in danger, I can't stay here.

Kicking off my sheets and blanket was one problem, but now I was tangled up with the intravenous line running underneath the sleeve of the hoodie I was given. Something told me that ripping it out was a bad idea.

Every small shadow danced upon the wall, and I was almost glad I wasn't sharing the room. If someone else was in here, who knows what they'd think of me.

Untrusting of what my eyes were seeing, I closed them, but that only invited my ears to pay extra attention. I heard a rustling outside, possible hoofsteps in the hall, and someone at the front reception filling out paperwork. My hearing, once a valuable tool in the forest, now only hindered me.

Why couldn't things just be simple again? Hunting and living in the forest with Mama was simple. But that was taken from me by that Nightmare lady, and the anger and killing intent boiled inside me. I had no outlet, so I bottled it up, save it for later. That was how I did things before.

Taking a deep breath, I recalled wise words to help one sleep: 'Pretend you're asleep until you are.' It always worked for me when I was human, but now, I struggled to calm down.

Tidying up my blankets, I slid down inside them. Sleep was vital, and I couldn't operate on less than three hours of it. My eyes closed as I tried to relax and drift off, but the memories of my past kept me up, haunting me.

Weightlessly, I drifted, all worries and fears melting away. They were unimportant, insignificant.

I had a big day, things happened that I wish hadn't, but it doesn't matter now. It is what it is.

Am I dreaming? How long has it been?

The sensation of floating in zero gravity overwhelms me. It's like I'm an astronaut in space, twisting and flipping aimlessly.

A shadow emerges in the distance and gradually moves closer, taking shape. It's Mama! I call out to her, but no sound escapes my lips.

I'm gripped with fear, unable to move in the emptiness around me. Mama's shadow fades into the void, disappearing once again.

Awoken in a cold sweat, I felt my fur matted to me. I never realized how bad the smell was, but I remembered I probably hadn't had a proper shower in a year. Being licked clean hardly counted. Plus, there was that one time in my first month of existence when I almost drowned in a shallow pond since I couldn't swim.

The room was quiet, and daylight shone through the curtains, despite me thinking I'd only had at most an hour of sleep.

Hearing my distressed sleep, the student nurse Helping Hoof entered my room. She came right up to the side of my bed, with an expression of concern lacing her facial features.

"You alright sweetie?" she asked me.

I tried not to cringe at being addressed that way, but unfortunately, I could not hide my next reaction. Helping gently placed a hoof on mine, causing me to visibly flinch back.

I spied her out of the corner of my eye with a hurt expression, and now I felt bad.

"S-s-sowwy," I stammered, giving a poor apology.

But she just smiled at me, silently letting me know she'd be there for me. There was something else behind the kindness in her blue eyes, but just as I started to notice it, it vanished.

"Helping, a moment please." Doctor Horse, who had been standing in the doorway for who knows how long, ushered the nurse away.

They walked out into the corridor, and although my hearing was good, I still struggled to pick up what they were saying.

"...ever seen…abused…careful." That sounded like Doctor Horse.

"...teeth…filed? …Do this?" Helping said, worry and concern ripe in her voice.

None of that sounded good. I had to get out of here, but I was still restricted by the cannula. Escape would prove difficult.

Suddenly the sound of receding hoofsteps made my ears prick up and swivel to the source. The hoof falls were far too light to have been the doctor.

Why was Helping leaving though? Did I do something wrong? Oh fuck, I did something wrong for sure.

Calm down, you're just overthinking things. I tried telling myself to no avail.

I didn't want to have a panic attack in the hospital; then, they'll think I'm a special case and not leave me alone. Constantly hovering. They'll hover.

My inner pre-panic attack was interrupted by Doctor Horse entering my room with another pony, one who wasn't Helping Hoof.

"Good morning, Grey," he greeted me. "I've brought a friend with me today," he finished.

A light turquoise Pegasus stallion followed after Doctor Horse. "Hi, I'm Doctor Sweets," he sounded young. "I'm a psychologist. Do you know what that is?" He's patronizing too.

I just clenched my jaw and nodded. There was no point in arguing if I couldn't even articulate properly. His name sounded familiar for some reason, but it couldn't be because I've obviously never met him before. With the brief thought deemed not important, I mentally shelved it.

"Now, as to why I'm here," Doctor Sweets started, "Doctor Hooves saw your self-harm scars." He ended his sentence to almost sound like a question, prompting an answer.

Fucking shit. Damn it. I'd hoped he wouldn't. Guess it's too late for that now; better come clean. I nodded in response. Yes, I self-harmed.

"I'm here to talk to you about them. Those scars look pretty old. Have you stopped doing that now?" He asked.

I nodded my affirmation.

He paused for a second, looking back at Doctor Hooves, who whispered something to him. Turning back to me, suddenly, he looked more attentive. I could feel him scanning me with his eyes, watching for body language indicators.

I ran with the assumption that he was told of my speech impediment or, rather, my extremely limited vocabulary.

Doctor Sweets brought himself to my level beside me. I could see into his eyes now; young, but not uncaring, he simply had a job to do. I felt like I could lower my guard a little around him.

"Would you mind telling me how you're feeling?" He asked very politely.

I just shrugged my shoulders, not quite sure how best to answer such a loaded question. What I'm feeling now was vastly different from how I felt over two years ago when I picked up the blade.

"Okay, that's okay," Doctor Sweets said, "how about when you first did that yourself?" Pointing to my fetlocks.

I was silent for a few seconds before answering, "S-s-sa' a-a-an' ang'y." I stuttered, hating the sound of my own voice.

"Sad and angry?" He repeated.

Upon seeing the surprise on my face at him having understood me, Doctor Sweets revealed, "you're not the first foal I've dealt with that has some sort of speech impediment. It's okay, take your time."

Simply nodding to him, I calmed myself and prepared for the next question.

"Now," he continued, "have you been suffering or have suffered from depression?"

Wasn't it obvious? Instead of arguing I just nodded dumbly.

"Any key memories that you believe may have contributed to it?" He asked with a notepad ready at hoof.

What caused my depression? Easy, it was because of…

Or was it…

Why was I depressed?

I started to panic. My face went tingly and my muzzle felt like static. My exhalations became far more deliberate.

I couldn't remember why I was depressed. This was an answer I should know.

I soon started hyperventilating. The heart rate monitor started going crazy. A panic attack was inbound, I could feel all the warning signs.

Doctor Sweets was trying to say something to calm me down, but his voice was drowned out by my heartbeat in my eardrums.

It had been too long since I had last felt this stressed.

"U-u-um I-I-I… ab-a-ba-a f-f-f–" I babbled incoherently, much like my thoughts were.

Everything was going white.

I passed out.

***

I slowly opened my eyes, feeling disoriented and groggy after passing out. An amount of time had passed, although I didn’t know by how much.

Everyone had since left my room.

Course the doctors wouldn't stick around, I'm a lost cause for sure. Maybe it'd be better if I just went back to where I came from, in the forest.

Lying in that hospital bed, I felt small and vulnerable listening to the sounds of ponies bustling in the hallway outside my room.

Before I could get deeper into my self loathing, a pegasus mare I didn’t recognise popped her head in my door.

"Captain, she's awake." She said to another, out of sight.

The door swung open, revealing the other pony, a large normal stallion. They were both clad in gleaming golden armor, and a blue star was embedded in the center of each of their chests. The larger pony had a stern expression on his face, while the smaller pegasus had a gentle smile.

I took further note of their appearances, the stallion had a rugged, scarred face that was partially obscured by the visor of his helmet which he refused to take off, even in a hospital. His fur was a dark green and had a silvery mane and tail. He moved with a powerful grace and had a no-nonsense attitude that made him seem like a natural leader.

His companion, at least, had some decorum and had since removed hers, revealing light blue coloured fur and blonde mane and tail both tied back with pink ribbon. Despite her small size, she exuded a quiet confidence that commanded respect.

As the two military ponies stood in my room, they paused to introduce themselves. The larger earth pony spoke first, his voice deep and commanding. "Greetings, young one. My name is Captain Golden Hoof, and this is my colleague, Lieutenant Skywing. We’re with the Canterlot Royal Guard."

The smaller pegasus, Lieutenant Skywing, gave me a warm smile and a nod of greeting. "It's a pleasure to meet you, miss," she said in a gentle voice. "We're here to help you in any way we can."

My heart pounded as they approached me, their hooves clanking on the hard floor. The normal pony's voice was deep and commanding as he spoke. “We need to ask you some questions."

I looked up at them with a mixture of fear and curiosity. Who were these ponies, and why did they want to talk to me? I didn't have much experience with authority figures in my old life, not having the best experiences with the police over the years, but these ponies were different. Their armor made them seem powerful and imposing, but also trustworthy.

As the stallion leaned in closer, I felt a sudden urge to retreat deeper into my blankets. But then, I remembered that I had nothing to hide. My limited vocabulary made it difficult to communicate, but I tried my best to answer their questions.

"Can you tell us your name?" the Lieutenant asked.

"Gwey," I replied.

"Okay, Grey," she said. "We'll take care of you. Don't worry."

"Where are you from?" the Captain asked rather bluntly.

"F-f-f-ow-west," I replied. Although it may have sounded more like a question.

"How did you get here?" Skywing asked, more gentle sounding.

"Don't ‘member," I said.

They looked at each other with concern, and I felt bad for not being able to give them more information. They tried asking me more questions, but I struggled to find the words.

Finally, Skywing came to sit down beside me and looked at me with kind eyes. "It's okay," she said softly. "We're here to help you. You don't have to be afraid."

I looked across at her, feeling a little bit better. Maybe they weren't so scary after all.

Then came the question I’d been dreading.

Captain Golden Hoof wanted to know how long I’d been out in the forest. I considered lying, but the more I tried to think up a convincing lie the longer I was feeling the gruff Captain’s stare. So I relented and told the truth, as best as I could.

I tried to convey the story of my survival with the addition of simple nods and gestures while the two military ponies looked on. They’d occasionally look at each other with shock and disbelief, I guess having never heard of anyone, let alone a child, surviving in the forest. When I managed to get out that I’d been raised by a creature they later identified as a manticore they held surprised looks on their faces. I suppose it wasn’t a normal occurrence.

Skywing gently touched my facial scar, “Did the manticore do this to you?”

I didn’t want to say anything, else it would be misconstrued. However the concerned look on her face compelled me to.

“Ash-i-den’” I carefully, although incorrectly, sounded out.

The look Skywing gave me told me she wasn’t satisfied with my answer but accepted it nonetheless.

They stayed with me for a while longer, asking me simple questions and trying to get me to communicate in other ways. They helped me eat some food and drink water, and I started to feel a little bit better. They didn't seem like bad ponies. Maybe they were right. Maybe they could help me.

Eventually, they left, but they promised to come back and check on me. I was still scared and confused, but I felt a little bit better knowing that they were trying to help me. Maybe one day I would be able to talk more and tell them where I came from. Until then, I would have to trust them and hope for the best.

After the two military ponies left, my nurse, Helping Hoof, entered the room to check up on me. I had already grown somewhat comfortable with her presence. Her soft voice and gentle touch was always welcome.

"Good afternoon, Grey," Helping Hoof said with a warm smile as she approached my bed. "How are you feeling?"

I gave a small shrug, still feeling a little overwhelmed by the events of the day. Helping Hoof didn't seem to mind and instead began to check my vitals and adjust my pillows. I’m glad she didn’t say anything about the fainting spell.

After a few moments, Helping Hoof asked, "Did the military ponies tell you anything interesting?"

Another shrug was my response. I was tired of communicating with ponies for the day.

Helping Hoof placed a hoof on my shoulder and said, "You're a very brave filly, Grey. To have survived for so long in the forest is truly remarkable."

I blushed at the praise, feeling a little embarrassed but also a little proud. I was glad to have someone like Helping Hoof looking out for me during my stay at the hospital.

A while later, after Helping had left again, the military ponies returned to my room. Captain Golden Hoof's face was grim as he spoke. Unusually, his helmet was by his side. "Grey, we found the manticore. We had to kill it."

My heart stopped as I struggled to process his words. The manticore...dead? My eyes filled with tears as I thought of the creature who had raised me in the wilds. "Mama?" I whispered, my voice barely audible.

"I’m sorry, Grey," Lieutenant Skywing said softly. "We went to the area to see, but it attacked us as soon as we approached, we had to defend ourselves."

“We also couldn’t have something so dangerous so close to town. We hope you understand.” Golden Hoof added.

I felt a sense of anger welling up inside me. How could they just kill my mother without a second thought? "M-mama g-gone?" I managed to stutter out.

Lieutenant Skywing knelt down beside me, placing a hoof on my shoulder. "We understand how hard this is for you, Grey. But we'll do everything we can to help you find a new home."

I panicked and bit her foreleg. "No! No new home!" I shouted, my limited vocabulary failing me.

I didn't mean to hurt Skywing. I just didn't want them to have taken my mother away from me. But when I bit down on her foreleg, I felt something warm and wet in my mouth it tasted coppery and metallic. I didn't understand what I had done until I saw a chunk of flesh dangling from my sharp teeth.

Skywing cried out in pain, before I could even apologise for what I’d done, Golden Hoof shoved me away from her.

“You stay away from her!” He commanded, before calling for the hospital security.

I didn't understand what was happening until two ponies in white uniforms burst into the room and lunged at me. I tried to back away, but they were too quick. They grabbed me and held me down, and before I knew it, a sharp pain pierced through my body.

I struggled and thrashed, trying to get free, but it was no use. The world around me began to spin, and then everything faded to black.

Alone again.

Author's Note

Sorry for the long wait folks. Got half this chapter done last year and got hit with writer's block so i left it. Knocked all of this and chapter 7 out in a day.

Thanks for sticking around and look forward to reading more.