God Sigma Anon
The princesses of Equestria meetup to discuss the main complaints and issues they have been receiving about Anon.
Princess Celestia asked, “Are any of you princesses getting complaints about Anon?”
Twilight said, “I have been getting complaints about him as well.”
Cadence replied, “The amount of love in the crystal empire and Equestria has decreased by 30% and the sexual tension in the mare guards that work for me have been complaining about the stallion guard not being interested in them or just uninterested in love making.”
Luna with a shade of reddish purple replied, “The dreams the stallions I’ve seen so far are having some pretty raunchy fantasies of the mare’s they come across.”
MEANWHILE IN MANEHATTAN
Anon started a business that spread across equestria called the “sigma way” where stallions trained by Anon specifically train other stallions how to be sigma in a world of betas. Anon sitting at his desk listens to the princesses talk about Anon. Thanks to the magic of a guard that Anon trained, put a recording orb in the room. The princesses are still trying to figure out what they should do about his business.
Anon looked at his paper and said, “I should get this motivational speaking paper and do a tour speaking at all the most populated areas in equestria.
That's when in the middle of writing Anon hears Luna say, “I can jump into Anon's mind when he is sleeping and talk to him about this problem and see if he will respect our wishes.” Anon taking some special tea made by Zecora the zebra to stop dream walkers from entering his mind.
Anon started making tea and then his assistant walked in, and she said, “Sir, your 3 o’clock is here.”
Anon replied, pouring a mug of tea, “Good bring him in.”
Soarin walks in and sees Anon sipping a mug of tea. Anon drinking the tea said, “Soarin pleasure to make your acquaintance, please take a seat we have a lot to discuss.”
Soarin seating replied, “The pleasure is all mine, so Anon what can I do you for?”
Anon getting serious said, “I need you to join my company as a symbol for the stallions of equestria to encourage them to become better versions of themselves.”
Soarin confused asked, “Why me and what do I get out of this deal?”
Anon smiled and replied, “You are the perfect candidate because plenty of mare’s go to the Wonder bolt shows to see the ball Bron you're packing and see your forced smile and ogle you. the deal is I pay you to go on my program and you get better sponsor deals working for me then the Wonder bolts.”
Soarin looking away in shame said, “Can you give me a few days to think this through.” Anon replied, “It’s your choice to begin with if you want some time to mole, it over go ahead dude I don’t care.” Soarin then looked at Anon and asked, “What does the program consist of?”
Anon said, “The mindset pack which helps you think like a sigma which is an affordable price of 5 bits a month for one month and the grind set which is 10 bits a month for 1.5 months helps you become a well-rounded stallion more focused on their career and helps with the sexual problems in the bedroom or helps you work out. The last set is called the Sigma Set which starts at 15 bits a month for 2.5 months and starts with a scan and takes everything in your daily life and will slowly cause changes in you to become a sigma with more respect than the princesses.
Soarin hearing this asked, “What is the most paid for set?”
Anon replied, “The mindset, but by the time the mindset is done they upgrade to a grind set.”
Soarin looked at Anon and said, "then I want the Sigma Set.”
Anon replied, “Ok, but when we start you will be broken down and transformed into the best version of you and you will be the stallion all the mare’s want. Are you ok with that?”
Soarin, giving a look of fear, sighed and said, “I don’t want to be an easy target and I don’t like it when mare’s ogle me and my body and if the sponsorships are better than what the Wonder bolts have then I’ll do it.”
Anon said, “You will receive a letter in a couple of days. Ok, there will be a monitor watching your everyday life so don’t do anything different for the time being and when you get the letter come back ok.”
Later that night when Anon goes back to his apartment to make dinner and go to sleep. Anon gets into bed and drifts asleep. Luna and Celestia searching for Anon in the dream world couldn’t find him for half the night until they saw a weird dreamscape. Luna and Celestia entered the dream world. It was Anon's dream world which was a filing cabinet room with memories and information and in the middle was a clone of Anon at a desk reading a book in his dream with a headset with music playing.
Luna looked at Anon and saw he wasn’t even giving the princesses a glance. Celestia said to Luna, “Seems Anon wants to be alone.”
Luna walked behind the cabinets and replied, “Over here sister!”
Anon was actually hiding behind the cabinet looking at old memories of his time on earth when he was a boy. That’s when a file labeled “never again” floated to Anon which opened up on Anon getting bullied and transforming everything he saw in his memory to a gloomy memory. That’s when a file folder floated away from him, and a new one labeled teacher floated into Anon’s hands before it could open. Celestia asked Anon, “Are you ok Anon?” The moment the voice of Celestia entered Anon’s ears he woke up immediately forcing the two princesses out and alerting Anon that the princesses were snooping in his mind.
Anon got up out of bed and put on the bracelet he thought he would never have to use. The bracelet stops any princess from trying to enter his head and even his dreams. Anon made some calming caramel tea that always made him sleepy. Naturally time passes and anon goes to sleep.
A few months later
Soarin and Anon are sitting playing GO and Anon not trying hard is making Soarin sweat. Anon said, “Soarin I’m proud of how far you’ve come in the past two months, and you are close to finishing the last few steps of the set.”
Soarin, more focused on the game said, “Thanks, but you told me the last few steps are the hardest.”
Anon, still calm, replied, “True, but the thought process is what you need to look at to complete the last few.” The door to the office Anon was in was blown open with magic and it was done by the princesses and with an angry expression.
Anon, not looking at the princesses, said, “Hello, Luna, Celestia, Twilight, and Cadence.”
Celestia replied, “How dare you say those things about my rein and the other princesses of equestria you…”
Anon, cutting off Celestia asked, “Why do you go by Princesses instead of Queen’s? You do realize Queens have more influence and make more sense than Princess, right?”
Twilight interjecting said, “The premise of Princess vs Queen is because we have not wedded yet.”
Anon asked, “Is Equestria a matriarchy?”
Twilight replied, “Well of course it is.” Twilight, almost instantly realizing her flaw in the answer she gave, saw Anon for the first-time smile.
Anon retorted, “If it's a matriarchy then it doesn’t matter if you get wedded you are considered a Queen not A FUCKING PRINCESS. YOU STUPID HORSES!”
Anon was a soft-spoken person with little anger or malice. But because they have been trying to slander his business with bullshit side stepping points and conjecture for the past few months. Anon reached his boiling point and did his motivational speech tour all over Equestria and threw some of the shade back the princesses way.
Anon recomposed himself and opened his eye’s only two see Luna and Celestia giving him a death glare which made Anon crack his back and neck which made Luna and Celestia take half a step back realizing that Anon is a human that doesn’t take shit from anyone even if they are another species.
Anon asked, “How was your last private meeting about me and how I hurt your feelings?”
That’s when Celestia said in an angry tone, “Those are private matters who gave you the right to eavesdrop?”
Anon replied, “You did when you invaded my mind and dreams to get me to stop my little business that’s causing your precious little mare's problems because the stallion’s I'm teaching are learning how not to be a beta cuck such as yourselves and if you princesses took time to actually understand the problem stallion’s deal with then I may give you mares a little respect.”
Luna, now levitating a battle ax retorted, “The stallion’s you trained are causing tension in the mare’s all over equestria and the mares on their estrous cycle need a quick fuck to help them calm their estrous cycle down and it’s not like the stallions don’t enjoy a 30 sec fuck max.”
Anon calling in his assistant said, “Paper Trail can you get me the statistics from this month's report?”
Paper Trail walked in and replied, “I already did it on your desk.”
Anon looked at the packet, read it and replied, “Thank you, Paper Trail.”
Anon told the princesses, “Did you know that my company doesn’t just help with mental problems in a stallion’s life. It also helps them with the physical ones such as length and how long a stallion lasts in bed.”
The princesses that were blushing were scared to ask what Anon was talking about. That's when Twilight realized only for Anon to say it before she could.
Anon immediately said, “That’s right Twilight, the only mare’s that are complaining to you “Princesses” are the ones that have a cutie mark in sexual services.”
Twilight replied, “There is no way you can prove that?”
Anon, smiling as if he’s the only smart person in the room, heard laughing from Soarin while all the princesses looked at Soarin confused.
Soarin interjected slyly, “If there's one thing Anon lacked, do you think he would’ve allowed you princesses to break down his office door?”
Anon flipped the front page of a 50-page packet over and retorted, “Twilight, why do you think I did that tour while training Soarin?”
Twilight putting it together realized it and said, “So you could do a survey and the tour and find the frowny faces from the happy ones.”
Anon started to giggle and replied, “Right you are princess! Gold star for you.”
Celestia asked, “What’s so funny Anon?”
Anon looking at Celestia replied, “This page tells the overall average of dissatisfied to satisfied customers. Can you guess which one has the most Princess Cadence?”
Cadence put on the spot and said, “Um, dissatisfied has the most.”
Anon interjecting, “Nope, the answer is satisfying is the winner and my next question goes to Luna. Who were the satisfying remarks coming from Mare’s or Stallion’s?”
Luna, taking a stab at guessing, replied, “Mares were the ones most satisfied on the survey.”
Anon immediately retorted, “Correct Luna best princess right here. So, Twilight what do you think the next page will tell me?”
Twilight, thinking of an answer, said, “I don’t know, Anon, your unpredictable wild card.”
Anon replied, “Thank you for the compliment. But the next page puts those in a herd and those not in a herd. Cely, can you guess the percentile of herd vs no herd?”
Celestia annoyed retorted, “Just tell us about the information please. It's bad enough you're clearly prepared for this argument, it's even worse you're gloating like discord.”
Anon frowning replied, “You’re no fun. Sent surveyor’s all over equestria to the place’s the company had expanded to and the only percentage of dislike form the mare’s and some stallions were the mares with job’s pertaining to work the street and the stallion’s side were the soy boys as I call them. The mares in the herd prefer a stallion that will take charge and can last at least 1000 times longer in bed than a 30 sec pump and dump like you said Luna.”
Twilight flustered asked, “About helping the stallions last longer, how did you help them with that endeavor?”
Anon replied, “Twilight how gay is most stallions?”
Twilight retorted, “I don’t know why?”
Anon said, “If a stallion isn’t gay then sticking his dick in a gay stallion prostitute and trying his hardest not to cum in them would help any stallion last hours on end turning the mare’s they herd with into a complete mess every night.”
Twilight blushing so red it covered her entire body and asked, “How much longer can you last then a stallion?”
Anon seeing the hungry look in the eyes of all the princesses replied, “I won’t even dignify that question with an answer.”
Anon yelled, “Paper Trail can you come here sweetie and tell these horses what you tell all the other mares that come to this building looking for meat.”
Paper Trail walking in slowly replied, “Sorry, madam’s if you’re looking for meat try the griffon market down the street on horse boulevard.”
Anon retorted, “Well said Paper Trail you can head back to your desk.”
Anon looked back at the princesses and pointed his finger out to display he wanted them out of his office immediately. The princesses with their ears pointed down left with the walk of shame.
Anon said, “Twilight, stay for a second.”
Twilight excitedly asked, “for what?”
Anon replied, “So you can fix my door, you mares broke.”
Twilight after fixing the door left. Anon sitting back down at his desk with Soarin still playing go and working on a few more projects on the side.
Soarin looked at Anon and asked, “What’s the next plan of attack?”
Anon heard Paper Trail say something on the other side of the newly made door and replied, “For the next stallions to come.”
Paper Trail opened the door and said, “Anon your 4:30 is here.”
Anon replied, “Right on time. Good send them in please.”
Soarin confused asked, “Why did you bring these five in?”
Anon replied, “Because you're not the only face of this company. I need assets in different places of course and these five new stallions will help me.”
Big Mac, Shining Armor, Fancy Pants, Grill Cheese, Flash Sentry walked into the office, and all looked at one another wondering what Anon wanted.
Anon asked, “You all must be wondering why I called you here? But don’t worry. All I want to know is how many of you guys are looked at like a piece of meat?”
FIVE MONTHS LATER
Anon was listening to the Princesses and how Anon’s business is transforming the stallions of Equestria tomorrow into stronger stallions with a mindset capable of handling Luna’s bloodlust glare. Anon listening was looking at the pictures from the photoshoot that was done with Anon and the new Sigmatic Six Stallions that became his friends after the sigma set pack training. Anon sees the joke photo from them enjoying the photoshoot and putting the picture in frame on his desk that he bought a little while ago.
Anon looking at the serious photo grabbed it and said, “This one and these other ones will be used for the campaign and put the bios in the new magazine on the guys.”
The PR team replied, “Roger sir, this will get done and released in a month.”
Anon turned around in his swivel chair and looked out the window in Manehattan at the night lights looking down at his watch and signing left his office and heading to his birthday party.
Anon thought to himself, “telling Grill Cheese my birthday was probably a bad idea. Although he does know I don’t do big parties/gatherings.” Anon walking to his destination slowly and the fact that Anon’s side hustle transformed so many stallions into free thinking men with a sex drive that makes then last for hours.
Anon opened up his door and saw Shining Armor, Flash Sentry, and Big Mac talking to each other and Soarin, Fancy Pants explaining the situation to their wives Spitfire, and Rarity about Anon and his next business idea. Grill Cheese talking to his wife Pinkie Pie about the idea for a new food product in the Restaurant/Baker. Cadence, Twilight and Sugar Belle talking about how long their husbands can last.
All the ponies at the party looked up and saw Anon and said, “HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANON!”
Anon looked at every pony and smiled and said, “THANK YOU EVERY PONY!” Anon after the party walked into his room looking at his bed and smashing into it before he could pass out he heard a voice cough and say, “Nice party, looked like a lot of fun!”
Anon getting up quick looked to the dark corner and said, “Who are you and what do you want?” The dark figure move to the light and replied, “I’m mason and I need your help saving the multiverse and I everything in it!”
