Hold me in your arms

“You wanna get some lunch?” I ask Luna, “cause I’m only running on coffee and some toast from this morning.”

“Tha—“ she starts to say before her door opens.

“Sorry to burst in here like this vice principal Luna but I have his guitar and amp, I wanted to drop these off before I head to lunch.” Rainbow says while gesturing towards me with her head.

“Set my guitar on the couch and the amp on the ground please.” I ask the rainbow haired girl.

“There’s that smell again, are you using that pen thingy!” Rainbow raises her voice at me. A scowl present on her face with anger in her eyes. “I told you that drugs are bad for you dude, why are you doing this to yourself?”

“Well you should have seen me last night; drunk, I was dead drunk.” I tell Rainbow as I look directly at her, locking my deep brown eyes with her vibrant magenta ones. “You really wanna know why I do drugs and drink?”

Rainbow looks at me as I step closer to her, a somewhat crazed look on my face and a deep sadness in my eyes. Luna stands up letting the chair hit the wall behind her and carefully watches this interaction play out to see if I do anything. Getting closer and closer to the rainbow haired girl, my shoes shuffling on the carpeted floor like something is forcing me to walk. “I drink because it numbs my pain.” I let out with forced breath. Still shuffling my feet like a man possessed.

“Tha—“ Rainbow tried to say but being cut off by the hand I placed on her shoulder.

“I do drugs to feel something, anything. Do you know what it’s like to be a shadow in your own home?” My voice turning low and gravelly, “do you know what it feels like to be alone, truly alone. Do you wake up every day surrounded by people who don’t even look like you even though by law you are related to them, or that you have so many questions about who you are and why you look so different from everyone in your family but get the runaround because your parents ‘know what’s best’ for you. Do you know what if fucking feels like to not have a voice or to be taken seriously?!?!” My voice rising in volume as my hand squeezes Rainbow Dash’s shoulder harder and harder as I trail off listing example after example of what it’s like at home and ultimately the reason why I do what I do.

“Ah– stop squeezing my shoulder it’s starting to hurt.” Rainbow says to me but her pained expression is lost.

“Do you know what it’s like! Do you know what it’s like to have a part of you feel like an empty void?!? Waking up day in and day out just wanting to die because you realize nothing fucking matters, realizing the only good thing in your life is fucking gone forever and all you have is this and her lingering words repeating over and over in your head.” My voice manic matching the pained expression on my face, eyes filled with pain and regret. My free hand reaches into my shirt to pull out the Mjöllnir around my neck. “The weight of her last gift constantly reminding you of her never coming back!!!”

Luna walks over calmly and removes my hand from Rainbow Dash’s shoulder. “Enough Mr. Blackwood.”

“Sorry Britt, I think I went too far this time.” I say barely above a whisper. “I’m getting lunch, my offer still stands if you care to join Lulu.” I force my hand from Luna’s grasp and walk past Rainbow Dash, my shoulder checking hers as I make for the door.

“What was that about?” Rainbow says to Luna while rubbing her shoulder, “why’d he go off like that?”

“Loss can have a deep lasting effect on some people Miss. Dash, did you see the necklace he pulled out?” Luna inquired.

“Yea, what does that have to do with anything?” Rainbow huffed, “he went too far squeezing my shoulder like that.”

“I’m not saying you’re wrong don’t let this put you off, Mr. Blackwood is in pain but it isn’t my place to tell you why if he wants to tell you he will.” Luna retorts. “Go to lunch, I’ll look after Mr. Blackwood’s things.”

The cafeteria was bustling and the loud din of students filled the air, moving past groups of students sitting at the tables conversating about their plans for the weekend or what the latest gossip was around school. Not caring who I bumped into on my way to the chow line, too emotionally drained to even think at this point some one shoulder checks me hard enough that I loose my balance.

“Watch where you’re going you stupid fuck!” Someone says off to my left. I turn to face him and see that he’s a good few inches taller than I am, even though I stand about five foot six and fairly muscular from working construction jobs with my dad.

“How bout you fuck off you pretentious twat.” I say back to him, my words dripping with venom. Mad dogging him as he squares up on me, broadening his shoulders making the letter jacket strain.

“What’d you say bitch.” The jock says trying to intimidate me.

“You heard me motherfucker, fuck off you pretentious twat.” I repeat myself emphasizing what I previously said.

“John don’t he’s not worth it.” One of the girls behind him says, trying to deescalate the situation by grabbing his shoulder.

“Having your girl fight for you Johnny boy? Thought someone like you wouldn’t hide behind his old lady but I’ve been wrong before.” I say reaching into my backpack searching for the flask pocket I sewed onto the flap, finding what I’m looking for I unscrew the cap and take a swill of the whiskey in the stainless steel container, screwing the cap back on, placing it back into my bag I look at John seeing if he will make the first move.

“Come on Johnny boy if you’re lookin for a fight then I’m game mate.” I say to him as the whiskey burns my throat and gives me a good warm rush that spreads through my stomach. “Cause right now I see two cunts and smell only one, you can argue who has the sme—“ I couldn’t finish my thought before John punched me in the jaw.

“Fuck me, solid hit mate.” I say as I rub my jaw

I lunge at him and deliver a punch to his stomach, John let out groan as he held his stomach bent over trying to get his breath. I grab the back of his head and bring my knee up to connect with his face, hearing a sickening crack as his nose breaks against my knee, I strike again and again. Blood stained my jeans at the knee from the repetitive strikes.

“Ahh, my nose. You broke my fucking nose.” John cries out in pain.

He stumbles back holding his face as blood pours down. I take a step forward and throw punches to his midsection and face, falling to the floor spread out unable to get up. I kneel down grabbing the jacket, “are you done?”

By now there’s a crowd standing around, looking on in horror, some students have their phones out taking videos and pictures of the fight. John connects a punch to my face hitting my eye. “Apparently not.” I say as I grip his jacket tighter forcing his torso up and bringing my head down on his already shattered nose, “done now you fucking cunt.”

Another strike to my face, this time to the nose, blood pours down my mouth as I slam my head back down, again and again and again, my long dread mixed braid whipping forward and back while the ends were getting covered in blood from the boy’s face. While blood covered my forehead and dripped down my face letting out a feral yell As I smashed my head down once more connecting with the battered face of the boy beneath me. Getting up I run my hands from my jaw up my face and through the hair on top of my head straightening out the hairs that got loose from the fight. Small drops of blood mixed with sweat trickled down the shaved sides of my head. Getting up and looking around at the students holding their phones and quietly whispering to each other, the cafeteria was deathly quiet, I picked up my flask from the top of my bag unscrewed the top taking a long swill before walking to get some food.
I step up to the chow line and grab a pre made sandwich from behind the plexiglass turning around and heading back the way I came with lunch in hand, a student with a teacher comes through the doors of the cafeteria. Slowly walking past the group of students huddled around John I look down at him, face a bloody mess but still breathing at least he’s sitting up unaware of where he’s at.

“Come with me, now.” The teacher says as he lays a hand on my shoulder. “You’re in big trouble son.”

“Don’t touch me, I’ll follow you to wherever you’re taking me but don’t touch me.” I reply my voice weak and gravely.

“Very well, you’re going to Celestia’s office now follow me.” He says, I look at him and nod my head in acknowledgement.

Exiting the cafeteria we walk down the hall past the classrooms and lockers lining each side. He looks back at me checking if I am still there, his face holds a scowl as if he’s pissed at the world, the dulling golden hair atop his head contrasting with the gray stubble on his face, the creases on his forehead between his brow remind me of my father’s disappointing gaze. We passed the trophy case in the main entrance, turning left down another hallway towards the admin office. Stopping at a door with frosted wire glass and the painted name of principal Celestia on the lower half with bold lettering on the top saying: ADMINISTRATION.

“Wait out here and don’t wonder off.” The teacher says with a short tone as he looks down at me while knocking on the door. Waiting for a few seconds before a voice on the other side replies.

“Come in.” Principal Celestia says.

Opening the door, we step through and Principal Celestia motions me to have a seat. What can I help you with Mr. Roberts?” She says in a chipper voice looking at the teacher that brought me into her office.

“Well Principal Celestia, this one was fighting a student and beat him badly then walked off got lunch like nothing happened.” Mr. Roberts said as he motioned a hand in my direction.

Celestia looks me over and seeing the black eye that was forming on my face along with a bruise on my jaw, the dried blood on my nose and mouth as well as in my hair. Reeling back and covering her mouth in shock as she takes in the full extent of my face, “what happened?” She asks me trying to remain calm at the sight.

“Well I was walking up to the chow line, this guy shoulder checks me, words were exchanged, fists were thrown and I ended it by smashing my head down on his already broken nose to get him to back off. Don’t worry he’s not dead or anything but might have a slight concussion.” I say while looking at Principal Celestia, my eyes never breaking from hers.

“That’s…why would… I don’t even know what to say to that. Mr. Blackwood do you know that fighting on school grounds is an immediate suspension.” Celestia says to me, that motherly tone turning a bit cross.

“I’ve been through this before, so yes I do. But might I add that I was minding my own and defending myself he threw the first punch, I just finished the fight. Also can I wash up first?” I tell the principal, “I’ve got blood all over my face, my eye is swollen shut, and there’s blood in my hair.”

“Sure, Mr. Blackwood, go to the locker room and wash up I’ll have my sister to escort you there and back.” Celestia says while getting up and motioning to the door. “And Mr. Blackwood, don’t think about skipping out on your punishment.”

“I know, I must face what corrupt justice the school has for me.” I say while unwrapping the sandwich in my hand. “Oh, by the way Tia, I prefer to go by Milo. Mr. Blackwood brings up some memories that I’d rather not re-live. If you ask Lulu about it she’ll tell you.”

Standing in the hall outside the admin’s office while eating my sandwich not paying attention to my surroundings, a girl with fiery red hair and streaks of gold walks past. I look up to see who’s coming down the hall only to be floored by what I see. “Britt?” I say in a low voice.

Walking to catch up to the girl I put my hand on her shoulder spinning her around and giving her a massive hug. “Britt, I thought I lost you.” I say with a shaky voice holding the girl tight in my grasp.

“Who are you and why are you hugging me?” The fiery haired girl says in my ear, I pull back and look at her.

“Britt it’s me, Milo.” I say with worry in my voice. “Don’t you remember?”

“Why are you calling me Britt, my name is Sunset Shimmer and stop hugging me it’s getting weird.” She says as she lightly shoved me back.

“Sorry you look like a friend I lost a while back, fuck this is awkward now. My name is Milo Blackwood by the way.” I say while scratching the back of my head trying not to look more a fool than I already am.

“It’s fine, weird that it happened but fine.” Sunset says. “Also weren’t you the one that beat down that guy in the lunch room?”

“He threw the first punch all I did was end the fight.” I reply. “Sorry again for the mix up I really did think you were someone else.”

“You’re fine, sure it caught me off guard but no harm no foul.” Sunset says with a bright tone and a smile.

“You just look so much like her except her eyes were this deep emerald green with hints of blue, and she carried herself like a princess. I see a lot of that in you with how you walk, just like her.” I say, sorrow and regret coming through in my voice.

Luna walks up beside us and places a hand on my shoulder, looking down at me with a mix of understanding. “Well Milo, let’s get you cleaned up and then you’re spending the rest of the day with me as punishment.”

“Threatening me with a good time again Lulu?” I say.

Sunset’s jaw hits the floor as she hears the words leave my mouth. “She’s the vice principal of our school at least have some respect.” Sunset scolds.

“Oh lighten up, if Luna feels uncomfortable with how I talk to her she’s tell me, right Luna?” I retort, looking at Sunset then to Luna, who just nods her head in acknowledgement of my question. “Now I need to clean this dried blood off my face and change my shirt, good day Sunset and may the gods watch over you.”

I look to Luna with a melancholic expression, “let’s go please, I’d like to clean up a bit.”

Making my way to my gym locker, footsteps echoing in the locker room. The jangle of keys and the metal clunk as the lock opened, taking the lock out of the hole and opening the locker I set my towel on the small bench behind me. Unbuttoning the soft acid washed grey denim shirt, I look over the blood on the front. “Well there goes my favorite shirt.” I say to myself, the slight reverb of the room making my voice sound lower than it actually is as I set my shirt down on the bench I start taking off everything else. Making my way over to the showers the sound of bare feet plodding on the tile and the short sputter as water made it through the shower head as I turned on the water. Putting my head under the stream, letting the blood wash down my face and body I run my hands through my hair trying to wash out everything.

“Milo hurry up.” Luna yells into the locker room. I don’t hear anything except the high pitched ring in my ears, looking off into space letting the warm water hit my head as I am lost in the memory of the last time I saw Brittany.

**

“So Mr. Blackwood looks like the school year has come and gone, any plans for the summer holiday?” Brittany asks me as we walk down the main hall of the jr. high. Her long blond hair slightly bobbing back and forth beneath the single braid that runs across the back of her head. She looks up at me with a small smile and places her arm around my right one.

“Oh you know Britt, work with my dad and possibly a holiday to see my grandparents. Would you like to come with this time, I’m sure my parents would allow it.” I say to her as I sneak my right hand out of her grasp and place it around her waist pulling her close.

“Not here Mr. Blackwood, people are watching.” Brittany says, as she turns and buried her face in my chest making me stop. “Later, when you walk me home okay?”

“As you wish.” I reply as I kiss her forehead softly.

She looks up at me and backs away slowly and turns around calling over her shoulder. “Follow if you’d like Miles, otherwise stop staring it’s unbecoming of my closest friend.”

“As you wish.” I reply as I take a few strides to catch up with her. “Do you want to come over to my place later and just relax, maybe watch some tv or something?”

“I’ll call you, but I do have to get going my parents are waiting.” She says as we make our way out the entrance of the school. “One more thing Mr. Blackwood.”

She runs ahead a few paces and turns on a heel, reaching into the front of her dress pulling out her Mjöllnir, taking it off. She curls her finger begging me to come to her. “Take this to remember me by, I’ve had this for a long time and I want you to have it. It’s Mjöllnir, Thor’s hammer wear this and I will always be with you and in return Thor will give you the strength to overcome anything you set your mind to.” She says as she gets up on her top toes to place it around my neck. I bend down some as she wraps her arms behind my neck and fastens the clasp. “If I were to go away tomorrow, would you come for me?”

“I would follow you anywhere Britt, you know this.” I tell her as I pick her up and kiss her. Letting her down she looks up at me a blush on her face, her freckles seem to pop in the noonday sun. Bending my head to whisper in her ear, “I love you Brittany and nothing will stop me from doing so, not even death it’s self.”

“When your time comes I will be waiting for you in Hel’s hall my love but be strong and live for me.” Brittany says to me her forehead on mine tears in her eyes. “I will miss you Miles Blackwood, may the gods be with you on your journey through this life.” Kissing me lightly while pulling away.

**

“Mr. Blackwood.” I hear a whisper in the distance.

I shake my head to clear my thoughts, I turn off the shower and peek around the corner of the shower area to see Luna standing by my gym locker. Clutching the Mjöllnir around my neck I step out into the open, “what is it Lulu?” I say before I shook my hair out, the dread and braid whipping my face and neck as I do so.

“What the fuck Mr. Blackwood put some clothes on now!” Luna shrieks and covers her eyes.

Placing a hand over my bits, I walk past Luna grabbing the towel on the bench. “Is that a blush I see on your face Lulu.” I say wrapping the towel across my waist. Looking over to Luna who looks like an over ripe cherry tomato, “see I’ve got the towel covering my twig and berries.”

I slip into my underwear and get my gym shorts out of the locker, letting the towel drop to the floor. “Luna I’m covered, what is it that made you come in here?” I say.

Luna turns around still that over ripe cherry tomato red covering her face and gasps. “How’d you get those scars on your chest?”

“I’ve had these since the accident, I was lay up in the hospital for about 3 months.” I say pointing to the scar that ran from my right collarbone to right under my left pec my tattoo sitting just outside the scar on my right pec. “I was working with my dad and the hole hog slipped and went from my collarbone down my chest, I broke 2 ribs.”

“When was that?” Luna asks as she moves closer.

“A few weeks after the wake. You can see some of the lettering got scarred over.” I say while pointing to the blurry faded letters of my tattoo. The Mjöllnir laying in the center of my chest, beads of water dripping down my front I feel Luna’s hand trace the scar with her fingers.

“And this one?” Luna says as she raises her hand to my right shoulder. Looking over the various scars on my body completely enthralled by how much damage my body has taken over the years.

“The first time I met Brittany. I scared her pretty badly and she stabbed me with a pencil. After that she was by my side till she passed in a car accident.” I told Luna, my voice getting low.

The pain coming back to my eyes, grabbing her tightly I lightly sobbed “I miss her so much Luna. Seeing sunset in the hallway outside your sister’s office threw me off, she could be her doppelgänger. My arms wrapped around her waist and head buried on the top of her shoulder, her small frame taking a considerable weight from mine.

“Why’d she have to die Luna, why?” I sob out in pain, I feel Luna hold me tighter.

“It’s ok Milo, it’s gonna be okay.” I hear Luna say softly, her breath tickling my ear. “Let’s go back to my office and if you want to talk about it we can.”

“Thank you Lulu.” I say as I raise my head, moving my hands up her sides to hold her head, lightly kissing her forehead. “Let me get my gym clothes on and I’ll meet you out in the hall.