A Shadow of Myself

Charlotte had spent many years confused about Sunset Blessing's strange interest in transformers. Charlotte did enjoy the cartoons and toys, but not to the extent her other self did. In fact, even as a young kid, she didn't think she was as attached to the brand as her other self was. Of course, this could simply be a result of growing up in different time periods. Sunset Blessing's elementary and middle school years were from the mid-1980s to the early-1990s, so many of her nostalgic interests revolved around things popular then. However, Charlotte's elementary and middle school years, aside from one year spent in school in the 1980s, were in the mid-to-late-2040s going into the early-2050s, and they brought with them an entirely different pop-culture set. Her sisters had more of their feet in the 1980s culture, but they also spent more time in that time. Charlotte wasn't an 80s kid; she was a 40s kid, 2040s.

That had never stopped Sunset from trying to interest her more in transformers, and Charlotte and her sisters got a complete education on transformer lore.

Charlotte and Andrea spent literally hours telling everything they knew about transformers based on the old cartoons. It was questionable how reliable that information was. The care bears movies seemed somewhat accurate for the intuits, with minor deviations and embellishments, which indicated the old transformers' cartoons might hold similar grains of truth. The thing was, there were a lot more transformers cartoon series, and they sometimes had conflicting details. One detail that was in none of them was the transformers living in a universe shared by intuits.

There were no other transformer parts found. As far as anyone could tell, the Decepticon who had lost this gun had lost it being clumsy when a building fell on him, not from anything the people of this town had done mounting a defense. That indicated a few things. First, the humans had been incredibly outmatched, lacking so much as rifles to fight back. Second, it meant you could damage a transformer if you hit it hard enough. That second part was comforting. There was an odd comfort in the first part as well. If the humans had lost because they were too peaceful to defend themselves effectively, the transformers might not be as prepared to fight a better-equipped enemy.

Bursa and Sapphire identified a string of towns leading north and south, presumably in the same condition. The one's going south got progressively more extensive and could be a sign that they eventually led to a major city. That was the direction the group would go.

When Josie and Phobia awoke, they were briefed as well. Then the group got the news from Phobia.

"I can't give any directions on where to go, but there are a large number of minds concentrated in clumps," Phobia informed them. "I was unable to get into any dream. The wavelengths are all too foreign for me. I might be able to in time, but it will take some work. It would help if I had one of these people with us to use as a baseline."

"Anything feel off about the dreams?" Josie asked. She had not gone dreamwalking as a safety precaution.

Phobia nodded. "They had a haziness to them. I think those dreaming don't have significant experiences and knowledge to pull upon. This supports Empathy's assertion that the humans are drugged and controlled from birth. My mother's assessment of what we faced militarily here might have been wrong, but the assessment of what the humans would be like is probably accurate. We would not be dealing with a civilized society once we free them; we would be dealing with a world with the mental development of infants– no language, no past experiences to draw on, no basic knowledge about anything, only guided by raw instinct. If we free this world, we would have to be responsible for all these people; they do not know how to take care of themselves."

"Well, that's going to be a nightmare for someone to deal with," Sapphire said with a sad shake of her head. "Won't be me; that's outside my skill set, but I feel bad for whoever has to figure it out."

The CMC all looked at one another, and it became clear they expected Sweetie Belle to speak for the group. She sighed. "Well, we are teachers…it's a much bigger job than we can do. We would need an army of teachers."

"And nursemaids," Scootaloo added grimly.

"And cooks," Apple Bloom said.

Luster shook her head. "There would need to be guards too— no telling what trouble the humans could get up to."

Charlotte could only imagine. If the only thing guiding them was raw instinct, it would be near impossible to get them to do anything they were directed to do. Plus, with no learned societal standards or self-control, there would be rapes, theft, assault, and murder going on non-stop. The future of this world after they freed it looked pretty bleak.

"Is it right to even free them?" she asked, feeling guilty for asking but unable not to voice the concern. "It sounds like it is going to cause nothing but misery."

"It might take generations, but they should recover," Cadence said. She took a deep breath. "How to deal with that problem is a concern for another day. We need to ensure this does not happen to Equestria or Earth, and we now know there is a significant military force here that we have to contend with. Phobia, you didn't mention whether there was a Dreamwarden."

"There's a Dreamwarden," Phobia answered. "But it is a passive primordial. It is barely aware of much. A secondary Dreamwarden could be installed, but I am unsure how the primordial would react. We do not want to upset it. An angry primordial is a death sentence to this world. The better option would be to try to communicate with it and get it to pass its mantle, but that in itself is risky. We may have to leave that be."

"Could we fight it? Force it to give up its mantle?" Bursa asked.

Phobia looked at Bursa like she had just said the dumbest thing anyone had ever said. "No. We cannot. There is no fighting a primordial. The best thing to do with a primordial is to ensure it doesn't get annoyed. They have no oaths and no restrictions on their powers. They can kill everything that is sleeping, all at once, with a mere fragment of a thought. I have some of the prehistoric primordials of our worlds' memories. I know full well what a primordial is capable of. If you're ever curious about why Luna rushed so fast to install wardens on Earth, it was only partially to deal with the possible abuse of dreamwalking and mind magic. The other big concern was that all those fresh magical minds were forming a primordial, and chances were it would have killed everyone. I am not going to poke this primordial with a stick."

"So, what you're saying, it short, is getting Dreamwarden help on this world is out of the question?" Luster asked.

"Yes," Phobia answered, looking like she had just eaten a lemon.

"Well, this has been nothing but good news so far," Charlotte said bitterly, crossing her arms. "I'd make some crack about at least we are dealing with something-or-other, but I think that would only make it the next problem we run into."

"Heh, you do sound like her," Josie said with a chuckle. "If the rest of you want to get sleep, Phobia and I can keep watch. I figure tomorrow is going to be a longer day than today."

"I think someone really needs to look into that toy company back home," Andrea repeated. "Care bears, transformers, Strawberry Shortcake, what else is out there?"

"Um, what was that about strawberry shortcakes?" Apple Bloom asked. "Y'all already had those; Equestria too."

Charlotte shook her head. "No, it's a line of berry-themed dolls back home. You've done it now, Andrea. Now we're going to be fighting crazed pie men. You invoked it!"

Apple Bloom looked back and forth between the others. "Am ay the only one befuddled and confused? Ay ain't the only one, right?"

Charlotte groaned. "The first thing I ever brought through a portal was a pie tin marked with the logo of Porcupine Peak. The villain from Strawberry Shortcake was the Peculiar Purple Pieman from Porcupine Peak. That indicates that toy line is real too."

The Equestrians looked at Sapphire, Josie, and Phobia for confirmation.

"I'll take their word for it. That cartoon was before my time," Sapphire replied. "I remember Strawberry Shortcake, but no details about it. I don't think I ever saw the cartoon. It wasn't popular enough for reruns decades afterward."

"Same," Josie said.

"Before my time as well, and not something I would have focused on in the dream realm. My mother would know more," Phobia said.

Andrea chuckled. "You didn't miss much. The cartoon wasn't that good. I remember the pieman from it and Sour Grapes, the other villain. Even kids had a hard time taking them seriously. It was off the air by the time Charlotte started school. Back then, the standards for girl cartoons were set exceedingly low, and it still managed to fall below them."

Cadence gave them a considering look. "I shall see to it that someone looks into it when we return. We have a trend, and it is worth looking into all ties to that trend. For now, we need to rest while we know we are somewhere relatively safe."

Celestia looked out the window of the train cabin and watched the scenery zoom by. It was mostly trees and mountains. In a short time, they would be stopping briefly at Mountainshade and then a series of smaller towns and villages before arriving back at Canterlot. She rarely rode the train, but she found the ability to sit back and watch the world go by on the ground level somewhat relaxing. She considered making more use of the train and wondered what had prompted her not to ride it more often. As old as she was, she tended to forget reasoning that she had come to centuries before. There were whole decades she couldn't recall what she had been up to because nothing particularly memorable had occurred. The decision not to ride the trains more often probably came during one of those stretches.

It was a mostly private cabin. Guards stood outside the cabin door, and she had but two companions within. The first was Sunset Blessing, riding as a human for reasons that eluded the princess. The other was Jimson Weed, the former ward of Krik, head of the Hallowed Shade reclamation project, and the first addition to the school staff that Sunset Blessing was making. Both were rude at times, as well as foul-mouthed, but both were also very knowledgeable and good intentioned. While her memory might have been patchy at points, she felt the pair would have fit in much better during the early days of Equestria. History sanitized itself, partially at her direction, and the ponies of that era were a much cruder and temperamental lot but also tended to make more significant achievements. She hoped these two could keep from offending too many while bringing back that push for progress she had long suppressed.

She turned away from the window and looked at Sunset Blessing, who was engrossed in reading one of the school's textbooks. Jimson Weed was fast asleep in a corner, wing wrapped around her head to suppress noise and light.

"Are you sure you wish to see the school so soon?" Celestia asked her controversial new headmare. "I know you are concerned about the welfare of Charlotte and Andrea. The school year can start without you, and it not cause any significant issues."

Sunset Blessing looked up from her book. "I'm concerned about the entire team, not just Charlotte and Andrea, just more concerned for them. They're beyond my ability to help now, and I need to find something to keep busy. I have struggled enough with trying to improve the key spell in our defense against the Devourers and know I will only stress myself further trying to work on it more. The only other significant task I have to focus on is taking control of your school, so that's what I'm doing."

Celestia smiled. "My sister did mention that you like to keep busy. That should be beneficial for the school. The last headmare had been exceedingly sluggish in her last few years, and although I had refused to release her from her position, I'm sad to confess I spent a considerable amount of time trying to convince her to retire. I need a leader there, not a tired figurehead."

Sunset looked down but didn't seem to be looking at her book. "Leader… that is something I said I was done with being, yet somehow I'm getting pulled back in."

"You could have refused the offer," Celestia reminded her. "You still can."

Sunset shook her head. "I needed to get away from Earth. I bring too much harm just existing there, especially to my family. I'm not going to sit on my haunches here. I want to be useful. I've complained about your education system enough. I might as well try to be part of the solution."

"Please tell me that you aren't going to fire half the staff," Celestia worriedly said.

Sunset looked up and raised an eyebrow. "I may offer significant pensions for some of them to go but won't outright fire anyone. If you didn't want change to happen, you shouldn't have offered me the job."

Celestia turned her gaze back to the window. "I don't want change to happen, but we need change. It is hard to let go of doing things the same old ways, and I admit, it scares me, but I know it is time."

"I understand the feeling. All I can say is get over it," Sunset muttered as she went back to reading.

The princess blinked and turned to stare at the human-shaped unicorn. She looked at the Earthling for a few seconds and then broke out laughing.

Sunset looked up at her, looking annoyed. "What's so funny?"

It took a few more seconds to get her mirth under control. "Dealing with you is refreshing."

The new headmare snorted. "That isn't a word I hear much in regards to dealing with me. What's so refreshing?"

"You don't care if you are rude or offensive to me," Celestia said with a relieved sigh. "I am so used to ponies going out of their way not to say anything that might rub me the wrong way. It took forever to break Twilight of that habit, and she still falls into it at times unless she is angry. I appreciate your candor. Just try to be a little nicer with the staff and students. They might not take it as well."

"They are young, with fragile feelings; you're older than almost every nation on Earth. I would hope you wouldn't be so fragile. Don't worry; I know how to be polite when I need to be," Sunset replied. She then shut the book and set it aside. "Since we are being candid with one another, I had a personal question that I have been wanting to ask for some time."

"You may ask anything, but I don't promise answers," Celestia replied.

Sunset nodded. "Fair enough. I wanted to ask… how do you deal with being so long-lived? I'm still coming to grips with the idea I might live to be over two hundred. I'll outlive everyone I love. Luna spent much of her time banished, but you lived those centuries and dealt with all the loss that comes with it. How do you do it?"

Celestia sighed. "You aren't the first to ask me that, and you probably won't be the last. It is not an easy thing to deal with. The best answer I can give is that you must accept that ponies…people… both enter and exit our lives. You learn to accept that everyone is just another traveler you meet on the road, and your paths only continue together for so long. You don't shut yourself off because of this; that is the worst thing you can do. You appreciate and love them while they are there, and do your best to remember them when they are gone. You also always cast your love wide and regularly. It would be best if you always were meeting someone new and forming new bonds. That way, when someone passes away, they aren't the only ones you have invested your heart in, and your heart still has others to love. Each loss still hurts, but there are still so many that are here that you wish to share moments with."

Sunset squeezed her hands together. "I'm not sure that is a wise idea for me. I get so protective of my loved ones. So protective that I do horrible things at times to protect them or in rage when they are hurt."

It was Celestia's turn to look down. "You don't know how many times I have wanted to do the same. When I call my subjects my little ponies, I mean it. They are like my foals to me, even if I have never had any of my own. When something hurts them, a lot of them, all at once, I feel my counterpart to Luna's Nightmare Moon whispering. I don't think it would surprise you that I, like you, have an affinity to fire, and when my ponies are killed and murdered, I want those that hurt them to burn."

"And yet, this world is not a molten wasteland," Sunset observed.

"There have been so many times it could have been," Celestia confessed. "The thing that stops me is the same thing that keeps me going through the centuries, the love for my ponies. Yes, I could have my fiery vengeance if I let myself go, but it would hurt everyone who remains that I love. I can't do that to them, and therefore, I enlist others to fight my battles so I don't lose everything in a moment of rage."

"I see," Sunset said quietly.

Celestia looked at her and set her jaw. "We are being honest with one another, even when it might come out harsh, so I ask, how many that you love have been caught in the crossfire? We both know why the attacks on you intensified over the years. Vengeance breeds vengeance, and you made a lot of ponies vengeful. Your vengeance has cost you dearly. I hope you have learned the price of it."

Sunset sat quietly for a moment, not looking at her. The human then rose from her seat. "If you'll excuse me for a moment. I need to go to the privy."

The old alicorn watched her go, and for a brief second, she thought she heard her weep.