A Shadow of Myself

"Charlotte? Wake up! Come on; this is really starting to worry me!"

Charlotte moaned as she rolled over. "Ten more minutes…."

"Well, she isn't in a coma," someone else said.

"She's never been hard to wake up before and is suddenly now every time!" Andrea could be heard fussing. "Charlotte, get up!"

Charlotte absently waved her hand as she rolled back over. "Five minutes…"

"Could be some lingering side effect of Sunset Blessing's spell combined with Luna's. Mixing spells can sometimes have unexpected results."

A hoof kicked her, and Charlotte's eyes popped wide open. "Hey! That hurt!"

Andrea, back in her centaur form, glared down at her, but there was concern in her eyes. "Well, if that is what it takes to get you up from now on, that's what I'll keep doing."

Rubbing her sore side, Charlotte sat up. "You've got hooves like an actual horse, not a pony. You shouldn't be kicking people."

"Blame Luster for my hooves," Andrea countered.

"Hey!" Luster protested. "I didn't intend for your hooves to come out that way. I think it is some weird evolutionary fallback."

The centaur turned her attention to Luster."Are you calling me unevolved?"

"No…" Luster meeped.

Sapphire chuckled. "Well, we're off to a great start with getting along today. Maybe everyone should take a breath and count down from ten."

Andrea did visibly take a breath. "Sorry. I'm just on edge." She looked back at Charlotte. "And I'm worried about you. Suddenly, it seems impossible to get you up until you're ready. You've never been like that. You've always been one of the first ones up, no matter when you went to bed. Are you sure you're feeling okay?"

Charlotte rubbed her side. "Aside from getting kicked by your hard-ass hoof, yeah, I'm fine."

Josie yawned as she walked over to Andrea. "Blessing is an early riser too. Always up with the sun, or just before; I guess it is genetic. Knowing that, I understand your concern, but I'm tired, though. Can I crawl up on your back now?"

"I'm not Sunset Blessing," Charlotte mumbled.

Josie yawned again and looked at her. "I know, but everyone is part nature and part nurture. Your nurture is different than hers, but you come from the same nature. I don't have an issue with the nature part of her and you, aside from the fact you both seem temperamental."

"She was a sweet kid until she became a teenager," Andrea said.

Cadence stepped into view with a smile. "I think that becoming angsty as a teen isn't uncommon. You should have tried dealing with Flurry when she was still trying to find her place. Luckily for everyone in the Crystal Empire, that was a short-lived phase. Anyway, let's prepare to go. We have a lot of walking to do."

Charlotte's hand nudged something as she was getting ready to get up. She looked down and saw the bracelet that she had found yesterday. It must have fallen out of her pocket somehow. She grabbed it and finished standing up, and then stuck the bracelet and her hand in her pocket before jerking them out.

"What the…?" she gasped. She transferred the bracelet to her other hand and reached back into her pocket, pulling out an exact match of the bracelet she had just tried to deposit in her pocket. "That's weird. I found another one."

Josie looked at her and folded her ears back while slightly spreading her wings. "I know there was no bracelet on the floor here. I checked the whole place over. I would have noticed."

Everyone was looking at her. More specifically, they were looking at the bracelets in her hands.

Sweetie Belle was the first to speak up. "I think we need to take a closer look at those things. Something is fishy."

Apple Bloom looked at Phobia. "Maybe ya can take another gander at her to see if her mind's been tampered with?"

"I knew something wasn't right!" Andrea said, sounding like she had just been validated.

Charlotte tossed both bracelets down on the ground and raised her hands defensively. "Nothing is wrong with me! I feel fine."

Cadence frowned down at the bracelets. "If your mind had been tampered with, whoever did it would have assured that you did feel fine. There is something strange going on. You have items appearing near you after you sleep, and you're exceedingly challenging to wake. I think it's worth it to have Phobia take a good look at you again. We don't know for sure how No Heart subdued the human population, and you're the only human in this group to target. We're all in serious trouble if something happens to you. Luster and Sweetie, please take a closer examination of those bracelets. Break them apart if you have to."

Phobia raised a wing and gestured to the two unicorns. "Hold off on your examination until I have begun mine. If there are any mental ties from the bracelets to her, I want to be examining her when the bracelets are broken or tampered with. That allows me to see if there is any reaction."

"She's nervous, a little afraid, and flustered, but I don't think any of that is odd, considering all this commotion," Bursa informed them.

Charlotte apprehensively watched Phobia approach. "This isn't going to hurt, is it?"

Phobia paused. "Hurt? I can't say for sure. Negative reactions are likely, even in the best-case scenario. However, I will need to use my mind magic on you, and for that, I need your permission."

"What's your mind magic do?" Charlotte asked, drawing back.

Phobia cocked her head. "I was the Warden of Fear for more than one reason. I draw your fears to the surface. I will do my best to be gentle."

"How is that supposed to help anything?" Andrea asked in confusion. Charlotte pointed at her sister to indicate she wanted to know the same thing.

"If you are under the influence of mind magic already, it will cause a negative reaction. If anything had been used on you already, mine should eventually overwhelm and eliminate it," Phobia explained. She stopped advancing and sat down. "Even with Cadence's order, I can do nothing without your permission. This will be unpleasant, and I'm sorry for that, but this is to assure you're safe and in control of yourself. You do want to be confident your decisions are your own, don't you?"

"And if there is no mind magic already there?" Charlotte asked timidly.

"Then you have an opportunity to face your fears," Phobia said sagely. Screw her and her obsession with facing fears!

"Come on, sis. This is for your own good," Andrea pleaded. "Anyway, you know your greatest fear, so it shouldn't be that bad. You're kinda prepped for it."

"The clowns from Killer Klowns from Outer Space?" Charlotte whimpered.

Andrea blinked. "What?! No, not that. Does that stupid movie still freak you out?"

Charlotte balled her fists. "I still can't eat cotton candy or popcorn!"

"Um, didn't that movie come out after you guys jumped time?" Josie asked.

Charlotte pointed an accusing finger at her sister. "She found it on streaming when I was eight and said it was a comedy!"

Andrea shuffled her hooves. "I thought it was funny. Our mom grounded me for three days for showing it to her— Charlotte's kind of a fraidy cat. A quick warning, she pees her pants when she gets too scared."

"Andrea!" Charlotte shouted in outrage.

"Well, you do, and if you're about to get super scared, it is worth warning them."

"No one's going to laugh if you pee yourself," Scootaloo assured her. The other CMCs gave her dirty looks. "What? I'm trying to make her feel better."

Phobia sighed and shook her head. "She may be too concerned about looking cowardly or childish for her to allow me permission."

Childish?! Charlotte's fury blazed at the word.

"No! I'm doing it. I'm doing it right now!" Charlotte asserted.

Phobia smiled at her.

Her eyes widened. "You just played me, didn't you?"

Phobia shrugged. "If you want to withdraw your permission…."

Charlotte shook her head. "No, I'm doing it," she reasserted. "I'll show you all I'm not a fraidy cat."

Josie looked at the Crusaders. "See, here's a difference between her and Sunset. Sunset will openly admit she's a chicken. However, both of them seem like they are still the types who will face their fears if they have to."

More comparisons to Sunset were not what Charlotte wanted to hear right now. She'd show them she wasn't a coward like her other self was.

Charlotte sat back down and glared at Phobia. "I'm ready. Bring on the clowns!"

"That isn't your biggest fear," Andrea muttered. "You know it, and I know it. You fear forever living in Sunset's shadow. That's what you need to brace yourself for with this."

"You don't know anything," Charlotte grumbled, crossing her arms.

"I'm your sister, and I know you," Andrea replied. "No one, not even Mom, Dad, or Sunset, has spent as much time with you as me. I know what makes you tick."

"You don't know me as well as you think," Charlotte growled. She then looked at Josie. "And stop comparing me with Sunset. I'm not her! Sunset can go fuck herself."

Josie chuckled. "You might want to reconsider your choice of words, given who you are."

This team was made of horrible people. At least when they came from Earth.

Phobia came up beside her. "If this gets too much for you, then say so. We can break this up into sessions and give you breathers. These are your fears, and we won't know what you are experiencing unless you say something. What you choose to share is at your discretion and your business and does not impact whether this accomplishes its goal. There is no judgment. Everyone here, no matter how brave they may seem, has something they are intensely terrified of. I have seen their fears, all of them, and I have seen yours as well. I have reduced even some of the most mighty to a crying mess doing this, so feel no shame. I will not reveal anyone's private information, yours or theirs."

"She did it to me," Josie whispered. "I heard from Luna that she did it to her too. I'm no weakling or coward, and neither is Luna. You learn stuff about yourself."

Empathy walked over and laid a hand on Charlotte's leg.

"You may wish to stand aside," Phobia warned him. "She could lash out, and I do not want you to get hurt."

"Couldn't she lash out at you too then?" Luster asked.

Phobia nodded. "That is a risk. Are you ready, Charlotte?"

She nodded. "Let's get this over with and clear my name."

Phobia raised a brow at Empathy. "Final warning, elephant. Please, I know she would be devastated if she hurt you."

Empathy looked worriedly at Charlotte before seeming to get an idea. He held up a finger, indicating to hold a moment, then hurried over to the toy aisles. A few seconds later, he returned and handed her the stuffed toy of Heavyheart.

Brave Heart might have been more appropriate, but she still smiled at him as she accepted the gift. "Thanks, buddy. I appreciate it."

"We begin," Phobia said as Empathy backed away.

Seconds passed, then more seconds passed, then a minute.

"Nothing's happening," Charlotte muttered.

"Patience," Phobia replied. "I'm doing a slow build. You others can work on the bracelets." It must have been a very slow build.

Charlotte fluttered her lips. It would take forever for her to be seeing visions of clowns at this rate. Andrea might have thought it was hilarious, but that movie really freaked her out as a kid. It still freaked her out. It was like some triggered response. She didn't ever want anyone getting popcorn near her, and just the smell of it curdled her stomach. Whenever she saw a big wad of cotton candy, she imagined some disembodied bloody limb at its center. Just thinking about those things made her shiver.

She watched as Luster and Sweetie cast spells on the bracelets. It was annoying she was losing her souvenirs, sure, but she didn't have any attachment to them. Heck, Empathy had just given her a much better item to take back home. Still, it was a little worrying to think those things had just appeared out of nowhere and right next to her. Was she using her portal powers in her sleep? That would be a huge concern. Thinking about it made her feel a little anxious.

"Anything yet?" Andrea asked.

"No," both Charlotte and Phobia replied at once. They were probably answering different questions. That was good, right?

She looked at Phobia.."Are you sure your powers are working?"

"My powers are working just as intended," Phobia answered, unmoving and unblinking, just watching her. Well, that was creepy. She thought about cotton candy and opening portals in her sleep, and she rubbed her arms. She could deal with the staring. There were worse things than being stared at.

SLAM!

"Sorry!"

Both she and Phobia jumped when the slam happened, although Phobia quickly recovered and went back to staring at her. Charlotte looked at the unicorns and saw that they had found a dark brown brick somewhere and used it to crush one of the bracelets. They were just now removing it to reveal crushed and broken pieces of plastic. They used their magic to start fishing through the debris.

"Give us some warning next time," Charlotte complained as her heart settled back down.

"Will do!" Luster called out, although she seemed focused on the broken bits of plastic.

Charlotte settled down again and let her mind drift. She was a little annoyed at her sister for having shown her that movie at the age of eight. Sure, Andrea had been twelve at the time and not so easily frightened, but Andrea was supposed to look out for her. Eight-year-olds shouldn't be watching movies like that. What should eight-year-olds have been doing instead? She wasn't sure. She never got to have many friends growing up, primarily confined to the manor. What had she been doing instead?

She remembered sitting at the dining room table, copying from a book. She was so engrossed in it that she didn't notice her mom come up behind her.

"My, aren't we studious? You're doing your homework without prompting," her mom said proudly.

Little Charlotte shook her head and swung her dangling legs. "Nuh-uh, I'm copying magic runes."

"Why are you doing that?" her mom asked, not sounding so cheerful.

Charlotte had been oblivious at the time. "Sunset said she knows lots and lots of runes, and you need to know what all the runes do to be a great mage."

"Did she give you that book?" her mom asked, sounding slightly angry. It was enough to get Charlotte to notice.

She stopped copying and sank into her seat. "No…I borrowed it. I'll give it back."

Her mom relaxed. "How about you let me do that? You can go outside and play, watch some tv, or play a video game. Don't those all sound more fun?"

"But I want to be a great mage, like Sunset," little Charlotte whined.

"You can learn about magic when you're older. Go outside and play," her mom said briskly, grabbing the book. Not quite snatching it, but not waiting for Charlotte to finish.

"But, Mom-"

Her mom pointed a finger to the dining-room door. "Go outside and play, now."

Charlotte closed her eyes and shook her head. Why was she remembering that? She hadn't thought about that incident in years. Had Phobia made her remember that? Why? It was not a happy memory, being that was the first time she realized her mom didn't want her to be a mage. That could be devastating for a kid, learning your parents didn't support your goals. It still hurt, even if she had long ago figured out that being a mage wasn't happening. It was a hurtful memory, not a scary one.

There were scarier memories.

She was nine, and she and her sisters were running for their lives.

There was an intruder in the house. They didn't know where, but the alarms were blaring. They had been downstairs in the rec room, playing, when the alarm went off. They'd been told that if they ever heard that alarm that they were to get to their rooms and lock the doors. So that was what they were doing.

They had been running up the stairs when Andrea tripped on a stair and tumbled down to the bottom in a heap. Charlotte's eldest sister had been going through an awkward growth spurt at the time, making her somewhat clumsy on her hooves. Both Charlotte and Kristin immediately stopped and turned to help their fallen sister, but Méng reached the bottom of the stairs first.

"Keep going; I've got her!" he shouted frantically as he started working to try to lift her on his back.

Andrea was bigger than he was, even at that age, and he didn't have a lot of extra strength. Charlotte was unsure how he was going to manage. The fact that it seemed impossible for him to help carry away Andrea by himself made both Charlotte and Kristin hesitate. Kristin had residual earth pony strength from her time as a pony. She could easily lift about three times her weight. Andrea was well over a hundred-fifty pounds at thirteen years old, but Kristin could manage it.

The thought seemed to have occurred to Kristin, and Kristin ignored Méng's order and retreated to help their sister.

Then they all screamed as the front door literally exploded into wood chips as an unfamiliar earth pony came barrelling through it. He looked at Andrea, and then he screamed as well.

"The Apostate is making monsters!" he hollered. He then braced himself for another charge, this time aiming at Andrea and Méng.

There was a flash, and then blood splattered everywhere, even reaching where Charlotte was. Everyone yelled in terror again as the corpse of the stallion collapsed, dumping more blood onto the floor as it gushed out of the gaping hole from where his head had previously attached to his neck. As for his head, the foyer was covered with bits of skull and fur, a stray ear and tooth, and a ton of gore. Both Andrea and Méng were drenched in the stallion's blood.

There was a monster in the manor, but it wasn't Andrea. Sunset Blessing was powerful enough that she could have stopped anyone bloodlessly. She could have frozen the stallion in place or teleported him straight to the police station. She could have injured him but not killed him. However, Sunset always felt the need to make a statement with the ones that breached the manor's walls, and she didn't just kill; she killed in horrific ways. The law said she was defending her home and therefore had the right, but what she did was not right.

That was the first time Charlotte had witnessed Sunset Blessing flat-out kill someone. It was also the point where she began to feel small and helpless compared to her other self and the dangers of being near the menacing mare. She also felt weak and powerless in terms of helping those she loved, forced to rely on her other self for protection. Méng would argue with her about her methods after, as well as her doing them in front of kids. He would move out of the manor before the year was over. He couldn't take it anymore. He had been the last of Sunset's foals to leave.

Charlotte shivered at the memory, feeling sick.

"We're about to break the other one!" Sweetie Belle announced. It wasn't much of a warning because it only was another second before the brick came down with another loud crash, destroying the other bracelet.

"Any reaction?" Andrea asked.

"No," Phobia answered, not diverting her gaze from Charlotte. "I will say if there is anything I detect. Please, stop asking. It's distracting. I don't want to accidentally slip and give her too much at once."

Charlotte wouldn't mind Phobia doing a surge. Waiting for anything to happen seemed as bad as something happening. Was the former warden even doing anything but stare?

She looked at the two unicorns. They were examining the newly demolished bracelet. From what she could tell, they weren't finding anything. That meant they destroyed the charm bracelets for nothing. She understood the reasoning, but it still stung. Those were her souvenirs of the trip. She gripped the stuffed hippo tightly in one of her hands.

Her eyes drifted off towards the wall full of stuffed care bears. The light from Cadence's spell reflected off some of their plastic eyes, making them look like their eyes were glowing. One of the bears had a cotton candy belly badge. That made her shudder and turn away.

Everyone was being quiet. They must have been worried they would make Phobia or one of the unicorns miss something. Bursa had sat down in a corner and looked bored. Cadence was primarily watching the examination of the broken bracelets but gave Charlotte an occasional glance. Josie had gone to sleep and had a wing wrapped over her head. Apple Bloom and Scootaloo sat to the side and watched Phobia and her. Sapphire had climbed into the storefront display window and was watching the outside. Andrea and Empathy were totally focused on looking at Charlotte with concern.

So many people watching her reminded her of the endless sessions of failure she spent with Sunset Blessing. Her family had been stuck living in the nightmare of Wabash Manor because of her. Now everything had come to a standstill with this mission because of her. No matter what, she always ended up ruining things for everyone else.

Not just ruining things. She had been a target for the time-traveling ponies that Sunset had rescued them from. She was also the one Andrea got shot saving and the one that had led those bears to their world who killed Kristin and Méng.

"These bracelets are just that, cheap plastic bracelets," Sweetie Belle announced. "There isn't anything hidden inside or hidden spells."

Which still led to the question of where they came from and how they got there. Was she opening portals in her sleep? Was some interdimensional horror going to come through in the night and kill them all? It would be because of her. She always messed things up, and those screw-ups could lead to people dying.

She looked at the cotton candy bear again, and her heart started pounding. Would those portals lead No Heart to them? She looked at Andrea, and her breathing started getting more labored. Would Andrea die helping protect her? She looked at Phobia, who was still staring. Did the former warden stare because she knew how much of a liability Charlotte was? Was she staring in judgment?

It was getting hot and hard to breathe. She had a death grip on the stuffed hippo in one hand, and her other hand gripped her arm so hard it hurt. She was going to ruin everything. She was worthless. Sunset couldn't even teach her to use her magic, and her magic only brought harm.

Her hands started to sweat, and the only thing she could think of was she needed to get away before she hurt anyone else.

"She's had enough," Phobia announced, breaking her gaze. "Cadence, stop her before she does something regrettable."

Magic bubbles suddenly appeared around her hands, and she shook them in terror, crying the whole time, trying to get them off.

Andrea grabbed her and held her tightly. "Charlotte, calm down. You're okay. Nothing is going to get you. Calm down, please."

She struggled against her sister's grip in vain. "You don't understand. I-I have to get away. I'm going to get everyone hurt or killed, just like I got Krist….just like I got Krist…please, l-let me go."

"You're having a panic attack. Just breathe and try to relax. You aren't hurting anyone," Andrea said gently. It sounded like she was crying too. "What the fuck did you do to her, warden!"

"I brought her greatest fears to the surface," Phobia replied, backing away. "It would seem you were wrong about what they were. Her sanity will reassert itself in a moment or two. Just keep her under control."

"Was there any other mind magic at work?" Cadence asked.

"No," Phobia answered. "Nothing I could detect. I need to examine her dreams when she sleeps next. If they check out, we can give her the all-clear."

Charlotte stopped fighting and collapsed into her sister's arms. Her sister gently hugged her, and Charlotte cried.

"Did you have to be so rough with her?" Andrea demanded.

"This was gentle. I was going out of my way to be gentle. I knew it would get bad, eventually, but this is nowhere near as bad as it could have been," Phobia explained. "When she is done sleeping, you can try talking to her about the things she imagined. She was expecting a boogeyman or monsters under the bed, so she thought nothing was happening, but our worst fears are far more sinister than spooks and ghouls."

Sleep was coming far quicker than she expected. She was exhausted, and the world faded black as she hung in her sister's arms.