A Shadow of Myself

Charlotte woke up feeling groggy. She hated waking up like this. She used to wake up alert and early; now, it was erratic when she fell asleep, and she was still so tired. She felt around with her hands until she found what she sought. It only took a moment, and her right hand clasped around yet another bracelet. She lifted it and looked at it—just a normal one.

"It just appears out of nowhere; one second, it isn't there, then it is. That's so strange."

She turned her head and saw Rainbow watching her.

"Were you watching me sleep?" Charlotte asked.

Rainbow blinked. "Is that weird? I watched you sleep all the time when we were back home."

Charlotte licked her lips. "It's a little weird. I mean, it was okay before because you were taking care of me, and I was the only person around other than Starlight. It isn't so okay now that we are away from there."

Rainbow's ears sagged, and she backed up a few paces. "Oh…I'm sorry. I won't do it again."

Charlotte looked at the two bracelets stretched around Rainbow's front left fetlock. She closed her eyes and then sat up.

"We need to talk," Charlotte said as she opened her eyes.

"I thought that was what we were doing right now," Rainbow replied.

Charlotte shook her head. "I mean, talk about you hanging around me all the time– not that I don't like it, but I feel like it is marginalizing you."

Rainbow blinked again. "I don't understand."

Charlotte turned and sat cross-legged, looking at Rainbow. "You are the great Rainbow Brite. I don't know how much of those cartoons I watched as a kid were true, probably not much, but I do know you are a hero, someone who takes charge of situations and helps save the day. Starlight keeps saying as much. Your hanging around me constantly makes you seem like some lovestruck filly instead of the great hero you are, and that belittles you, and I don't want you belittled. I want everyone to look at you and say, wow, we have the Rainbow Brite with us; this mission is going to be so easy."

Rainbow sat and looked away. "After what happened with Princess, I don't feel like a hero. My entire universe died, Charlotte, while I lived." She started to cry. "Do you have any idea what that feels like? Can anyone understand what that feels like? The answer is no, and I'm glad it is a no because no one should ever have to carry that guilt. No one should have to watch almost everyone they ever knew slowly freeze to death in the dark."

Her crying escalated into full-on sobs. Charlotte, not knowing what else to do, worried, and feeling guilty, crawled over and hugged her. Rainbow kept crying.

"I want to help out, I do, but I'm not the big hero you think I am," Rainbow cried. "I want to make up for what happened, even though I know I'll never be able to do that, but I don't want to be seen as a hero. I can't save the day."

Rainbow pulled back and looked at Charlotte. "I've also been alone for a very long time. Yeah, I had Starlight with me, but we never talked much unless it was needed. I know that's hard to believe, but we were both hurting. We knew each other well enough that we didn't need to speak most of the time. What would we speak about that didn't just make it worse? Would we talk about old friends that we failed and buried? Would we talk about places now submerged deep beneath the snow? We couldn't…we couldn't…."

"And then you found me," Charlotte whispered.

"Then we found you," Rainbow agreed. "And you weren't just another living person; you were a living person completely unconnected to our world. Someone who hadn't felt that loss, who had family and friends, someone who had a future. Then, you offered us a future. Do you know how big a deal that was for us?"

Charlotte shrugged. "I had some idea, but…I don't know. I've experienced loss too. I guess it doesn't rank on the same scale as a whole universe, but I'm still hurting. It's still pretty fresh."

Rainbow touched a hoof to Charlotte's leg. "I know, and you shouldn't downplay how much you are hurting just because it wasn't the same scale as ours. I wish you would talk about it more." She shook her head. "Although, I do feel hypocritical for saying that. Maybe…maybe you aren't ready to talk about it. I know I don't feel ready to talk about mine in detail. I want to do it, but…it's hard."

"I can only imagine," Charlotte gently said as she laid a hand over the hoof Rainbow had put on her leg.

Rainbow looked down at the hand and took a deep breath. "And yes, I admit it, I have an…infatuation with you, but that isn't the only reason I want to spend time with you. You came into my life when I thought I would never see anyone again, and I felt like I mattered for the first time in a long time by needing to care for you. Then you shared a little of your trauma with me, a trauma that wasn't the same trauma Starlight and I have. You also shared stories of joy, laughter, siblings fighting, and just…just things happening– life. You awoke things in me that I never thought could be there again– which includes the infatuation. I like hearing from all the others, spending time with them, and seeing new things, but you were the one that brought the spark back, and that means a lot to me. I want to experience new things with you for that."

Charlotte blinked and jerked her hand back a little, but not all the way.

"I didn't mean it like that!" Rainbow said quickly, then blushed. "Well, not mostly, anyway. I want to experience that too, but I understand you might be uncomfortable with it or flat-out not want to. I know Sunset Blessing and Starlight say it is a bad idea, and maybe they're right. I don't have experience with those kinds of things to say they aren't, but I never got to experience so many things before my world ended. I don't know what tomorrow will bring or what chances I won't get again, so I'm more open to doing dumb things just to know I've experienced something. Still, if you don't want to-"

"Oh…you have no idea how horny I am most of the time," Charlotte said quickly.

Rainbow cocked her head to the side. "I know you have a horn on your head when you're a pony, but I don't see what that has to do with anything."

"It's a slang term. It means very infatuated and thinking about procreation," Charlotte said, turning almost as red as her fur was when she was a pony. For some reason saying the word procreation felt a thousand times dirtier than saying something dirty.

"Are you two going to kiss and hug and make Baby Miss Charlotte and Baby Rainbow Brite?"

Charlotte turned her head and jumped back when she saw the elephant in the room. "Empathy!! How long have you been standing there!?"

Empathy scratched his head. "I don't know. Miss Rainbow Brite and I both watched you sleep."

Had he heard all of that? She wanted to die. Her face hurt from how much blood was rushing to it.

"Empathy…" she said in slow and controlled tones. Empathy was childlike, and he didn't know any better when it came to most things. She didn't want to hurt his feelings too much by showing him her fury. She was not Sunset Blessing; she could control her temper. "Can you please go somewhere else for a little while? Conversations like this are very personal and should be kept to just the ones having the conversation."

He hopped. "Oh! I understand. You're talking about secret things. Very sorry, Miss Charlotte! I'll go someplace else."

"And don't tell anyone about this!" she ordered as he exited the small cavern.

"Empathy can keep secrets!" Empathy said happily as he finished exiting.

"Do I embarrass you?" Rainbow asked, sounding hurt.

Charlotte groaned. Why was she so bad at this?

"I'm embarrassed, but not by you," she said.

"Then what are you embarrassed about?" Rainbow asked. She sounded genuinely curious, perhaps worried, but not skeptical.

How to explain this? "I would be embarrassed with anyone in this situation. My sisters always teased me about relationships or my lack of them. Every time there was any girl that I showed even the smallest signs of interest in, I heard the teasing. It was just normal sibling teasing. We all teased each other about things all the time. However, Sunset…she would make all these other comments about her past and how she screwed up. It always felt like she was dumping all this pressure on me to be perfect regarding relationships– not that any relationship was happening when I was living at Wabash, but still. I still feel that pressure, even though that doesn't make sense…plus the threat of teasing still gives me a kneejerk reaction, but I can get over that feeling much easier than the stuff I inherited from Sunset's talks."

Rainbow hung her head. "So you don't want to pursue any relationship with me? That's alright. I understand."

"That's not what I meant!" Charlotte yelled in frustration. "I meant that as much as I want to jump in and throw caution to the wind like my body cries for me to do whenever we're the same species, I want to take it slow and do it right. I want us to spend more time together, get to where we can talk about the stuff that hurts, and learn who we're becoming. You're right; you aren't the Rainbow Brite I saw on TV as a kid. You're out doing things for the first time in decades, and you'll become someone new as you take in all these new experiences. I'm learning who I am too. I always saw myself as the pale imitation of Sunset Blessing, but that's not who I want to be. I want us to learn who we are, build our confidence in ourselves, and then decide that the other person is someone we want to do all that other stuff with. Does that make sense?"

Rainbow hung her head as she nodded. "Yeah, that makes sense." Not the upbeat answer that Charlotte was hoping for.

Blanche walked into the cavern with Empathy practically chasing her down.

"Miss Charlotte wants privacy!" Empathy fussed as he followed the kirin.

"I don't care," Blanche hissed at him. "Hey, Charlotte, Rainbow, have either of you seen our resident psychopath around?"

"Who?" Rainbow asked in confusion.

Lanche glared. "Sunset Blessing– have you seen her?"

Rainbow shook her head. "I thought she was resting. Heavyheart had taken her somewhere. You should ask her."

"That's the last I saw of her, too," Charlotte answered.

Blanche stomped. "The hippo claims she doesn't know where Sunset is. Heavyheart says she left her in a cavern to lep, but when I checked the cavern, there was no sign of her. No one else has seen her."

Charlotte stood up. "Great, what the hell is she up to now? We all knew she was plotting something. I didn't expect her to be already doing crap."

"Maybe she isn't doing anything. Perhaps she took a walk," Rainbow suggested.

"Took a walk?!" Blanche yelled and went full nirik. Charlotte, Rainbow, and Empathy all jumped back in fear.

Luckily, one of the Autobots must have been close by and a quick thinker because she was immediately doused by some sort of chemical extinguishment. That reverted her back to kirin, and she stood there, stunned and blinking for a few seconds before reaching for her talisman.

"Okay, enough of this. I'm going back to being a human. Being a kirin has been nothing but a hindrance, and the novelty has long since worn off. I'll take my chances of getting injured over this any day," Blanche announced as she switched the setting.

She reverted to her human form and didn't lose her balance due to the sudden reversion. She stood up, still covered in goop, and took a deep breath.

"Now that I don't have to worry about my temper being on overdrive, I'm going to nicely ask you to help me look for your duplicitous double," Blanche said as she wiped the muck off herself. "I've been searching this whole place, and I'm running out of places to search. I'm almost ready to say that she has flown the coop, but I don't want to say it until I have proven she isn't here. I knew that unicorn was up to something; I just didn't expect her to start doing whatever that was this quickly or to abandon us to do it."

Charlotte was shocked at the speed that Sunset had moved as well. Yeah, she could tell her other self had been planning something, but her making a move as soon as she arrived was never on the radar. It was pretty clear what Sunset wanted– Sunset wanted revenge. The old mare was probably hatching a plot to level Care-A-Lot and kill everyone in it, another monstrous act in a long line of them. The question would be if it would save this world. The Decepticons would still be there. The Autobots could fight them without fear of the care bears if Sunset killed all the bears, but it would still be a long, drawn-out war. How much more could this world take? Did anyone have a plan on how to bring it to an end?

She frowned. Yes, there was a plan. Free the bears from Dark Heart's influence and use them on the Decepticons. She wasn't sure about the morals of freeing the minds of some to control the minds of others, but that was the answer.

It was an answer that couldn't work if Sunset had her vengeance.

Charlotte started moving. "I'll help you look, but I doubt we'll find her. The Autobots should probably be scouting Care-A-Lot to see when it falls from the sky."

"Why would Care-A-Lot fall from the sky?"

They all turned to see Sunset Blessing had stepped into the cavern entrance.

"Where have you been?" Blanche demanded.

"I took a walk," Sunset replied dismissively. "Now, why is Care-A-Lot going to fall from the sky?"

Blanche gave the unicorn a close examination. "A walk where? You've got dust and dirt all over you."

Sunset smiled. "I didn't say I took a bath. I said I took a walk. I know human hearing is inferior to pony hearing, but please try to listen, though you do bring up a good point. After someone tells me why Care-A-Lot will fall from the sky, I would love to know where I can bathe. I didn't notice any facilities for that on my walk."

"They thought you would run off alone and destroy Care-A-Lot," Rainbow explained.

Sunset cocked her head. "Now, why would I do that? I promised not to kill any bears. That sounds very much like the opposite of that."

Blanche pointed at her. "Don't get coy, Blessing. We all know you're plotting something."

"Well, I am," Sunset replied. "I'm plotting to take a bath. Shouldn't you be in the process of planning something with the Autobots and the intuit? You're in charge of our little group, are you not? I was just walking around and taking in the sights. Watching transformers in action is such a wonder to a fangirl like myself. You must have been in the wrong places at the wrong times."

Blanche could be seen grinding her teeth. "I don't trust you, Blessing. You've always had a habit of just being at places or not being at places, even back when I was in college. I don't believe for a second that your presence or lack thereof is ever a coincidence."

Sunset raised an eyebrow. "I think everyone can fit that description. Everyone is always somewhere or not somewhere for a reason. You are so paranoid. Paranoia can be helpful, but I'd advise that paranoia be turned on our enemies, not me. Anyway, I need a bath. I'm going to find that hippo. She is good at finding what I want without smothering me with attention."

The unicorn walked off, leaving the rest of them just staring at the empty space.

"As I said, she just took a walk," Rainbow said with satisfaction.

Charlotte shook her head. "How much dirt and dust did you pick up walking through the tunnels? Not as much as she has on her now, and she wasn't walking most of the way here; she was on Starlight's back."

"She's been up on the surface. The question is, doing what?" Blanche replied, then shook her head in frustration and started muttering. "Damn it, Blessing. We don't have time for whatever you're plotting."

Charlotte looked in the direction Sunset had gone. "I'll talk to her and see if I can wiggle anything out of her. I know her buttons better than just about anyone. She's not the only one who can play those games."

Blanche glanced at Charlotte. "Don't get her too riled up. I'm aware of her legendary temper and her penchant for doing reckless things when angry. I don't want her doing anything stupid because she's angry."

"I'll be careful," Charlotte assured her.

Time to find out what Sunset was up to.