"So um why did you come to me?" Chara asked as she looked at the two nobles who had come to her complaining about leaves in each other's yard.

"He got leaves in my yard! I want him in chains!"

"I didn't your highness!"

Chara stared at the self-entitled nobles with a deadpan before yelling "get these morons out of my throne room!" The nobles started yelling and begging for mercy as they were dragged away. And a good majority left not wanting the same treatment.

A blinding white light burned Chara’s eyes as an energetic voice called out.

“Hello there, wonderful ponies of the empire! It is I, Discord, the Lord of lunacy, the Monarch of Madness, the world’s leading Connoisseur of Chaos!”

Fake applause thundered through the room as the light faded to nothing, revealing the grinning madman that Chara knew as Discord

Oh, it’s Discord!

Then a shower of lemonade covered Chara in all its sour glory.

Oh, it’s Discord…

Chara scowled at the grinning draconequus.

“Where is it?”

He blinked.

“Where is what?”

The scowl deepened.

“Where. Is. The. Chocolate”

Discord blinked a few more times before grinning again.

“Oh, I’m sorry my dear but chocolate was so last season. Lemonade is in and it's wonderful!”

Discord made the mistake of closing his eyes with his last grin, which made the sudden flare of pain all the more surprising. Discord’s eyes shot wide open as he plucked a knife out of his snout.

He scowled back at Chara.

“Rude.”

Chara growled.

“I am the queen here, my word is law, now the law is that every month is chocolate month!”

Discord shrugged before snapping up a pink forecast.

“Very well.”

Chara shivered in excitement as the brown goodness fell from the faux heavens.

She stuck out her tongue as Discord faded from reality in a fit of giggles. The subtle retreat saved him from a burst of Chara’s rage as the brown turned white.

“Get back here you heretic!”

Another flash of light burst from behind her and a Discord garbed in all red screamed.

“Heretic, where? Nopony expects the Chaos Inquisition, I swear I’ll root out the cause, you majesty just give me…”

Discord trailed off as he noticed Charas’s glare.

“Uh, no hard feelings?”

The kid rolled her eyes as she sat back on her throne.

“Whatever, let’s just get this over with.”

With a sigh, she straightened.

“Discord, I would like to bargain.”

The self-proclaimed Lord of Lunacy stared at the little queen before him.

“Are you sure?”

She nodded and Discord squealed in excitement.

“It’s been so long since I got a legitimate bargain. What da ya want? Power? Money? Your own personal galaxy?”

Chara shook her head.

“Nah I have enough power, I own an empire made of gems, and a personal galaxy sounds like too much work.”

Her gaze gained an edge it lacked before.

“You get to play your little jokes and have a few laughs as long as it’s not detrimental to the empire.”

Discord’s face lit up with excitement. Chara continued.

“But, you will back us when we need it. Do we have a deal?”

Discord’s head became a blur as he nodded with an outstretched hand.

“Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes!”

Chara walked around the throne to pull out a glowing golden sheet of paper.

“Then just sign at the bottom.”

Discord grabbed a phoenix feather out of thin air to write his name at the bottom. The whole paper lit up in flames and dissolved into nothing before a perfect copy of the agreement popped into existence before each of them.

“Oh, I am going to have so much fun!”

Chara grinned at Discord with squinted eyes.

“Oh, I’m sure you will, it was a pleasure doing business with you.”

With that Discord, the Dastardly Devil, the Baron of Boorishness, the biggest sucker this side of anywhere, blinked away to whatever mayhem he would manage.

Cadence came in wearing a new outfit that consisted of a dress that was silky, shiny, and smooth to the touch. It went halfway down her thighs and was colored white with gold trim, the dress hugged her form and left almost nothing to the imagination.

"Are you sure that was a good idea?" Cadence asked with a worried look in her eyes.

Chara rolled her eyes "I know what I'm doing I went through that thing with the thought process of seeing if I could find loopholes in it."

Cadence continued to look worried even as Chara snickered at the thought of how thorough she was.

"Your highness, a yak Jarl is here." A guard said a little worried as Chara groaned in exasperation.

"This is why I say ruling is not worth it," Chara grumbled to herself as she gestured to let them in. Chara watched as a giant fur-covered beast of a man stomped into the throne room. The dreadlocks that hung over his eyes swayed as he lumbered towards the throne. Each step sent vibrations through the floor and his black, spiky armor clinked as it shifted.

He came to a stop a few feet away, looming over Chara before tilting his head. Chara was looking at him bored as she rested her head in one hand leaning to the side and crossing her legs in front of her.

The Yak spoke first.

“WHERE IS QUEEN?”

The wind from The Yak’s question blew Chara’s bangs back and up over her head.

"Oh, you want her? That's nice, hello~" Chara said, derision dripping from her voice as she waved her hand.

The Yak stared for a moment before bursting into a series of guffaws that made the room shudder.

“THAT IS GOOD JOKE LITTLE SKIN THING. BUT QUEEN KILLED SOMBRA, QUEEN MUST BE STRONG, AND YOU ARE SMALL.”

"The only joke here is your dick size," Chara smirks in response.

The Yak tilted his head again.

“WHAT DOES JOKE HAVE TO DO WITH MY FRIEND DICK? AND WHY SIZE? HE MAY BE SMALL BUT HE VERY SMART.”

"I was talking about your penis dumbass and considering you called your friend smart I believe he would barely be able to answer 2 + 2…" Chara said before whispering "I'm surrounded by idiots"

“NO NO NO, SILLY GIRL, TWO AND TWO MAKES FOUR, NOT SILENCE! YOU REALLY SHOULD JUST GO ASK MY FRIEND DICK FOR LESSONS.”

The Yak shook his head.

“I’M SORRY LITTLE SKIN THING BUT I MUST TALK WITH QUEEN NOW.”

"I am the queen you dumbass! I killed Sombra, ripped out his fucking soul, and ate it!" Chara said activating the throne just to show off.

The Yak stared at Chara for a moment.

“HOW DID HE TASTE?”

"Like gumdrops and ice cream…" Chara said sarcastically.

The Yak brought a hand to his chin.

“DO YOU THINK HE COULD BE MADE INTO CANDY? I LIKE CANDY, MUCH MORE USEFUL THAN WHAT HE DOING BEFORE.”

"Oh God, I traded Celestia for this…" Chara said and dawning a horrified expression

The Yak shook his head.

“SO YOU QUEEN, EH?”

"Yep, I got settled with the worst position ever created…ruling over morons, "Chara said with a twitch in her eye.

The Yak stared for a moment before shrugging.

“IF YOU NO LIKE YAKS, THEN IS FINE. WE’LL TAKE PEACE GIFT HOME WITH US.”

"Oh no it's not you that I hate, it's the fact that I have a bunch of whiny bitches called nobles constantly asking me to solve their problems…why couldn't they just work out the fact that the tree is on both of their lawns so both of them should take care of it, not try to shove off the work to someone else!"

The Yak shrugged.

“BACK HOME, NOBLES FIGHT DUELS TO SETTLE DISPUTES. ALL THE HIGH KING HAS TO DO IS MAKE SURE FIGHT IS FAIR. IS USUALLY A LOT OF FUN!”

The Yak grinned as he turned to walk away.

“I WILL SEND PEACE GIFT AND INVITATION TO NEXT DUEL! IT BE ME AND THE BARD THIS TIME!”

"You know what, I'm going to take your advice! Scribe, I'm making a new law! From this day onward if anyone has a dispute they can schedule a duel in my presence and they can literally fight it out!" Chara said with a grin as the black veins in her eyes pulsated.

Before the scribes could reply, a pair of yaks rolled in a life-size replica of The Yak made entirely out of chocolate. One of the yak couriers shouted.

“THIS YAK PEACE GIFT, WE GO NOW.”

With that, the two towers of armored fur left.

"scribe another thing! Yaks are now our friends!" Chara yelled before diving onto the giant thing of chocolate yak and eating her way through it.

Author's Note

Hi all this fic is no longer being co-authored by azure5555