An Anomaly Too Far

"Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, never stay awake when you can sleep." – Murphy's many laws

Date: Unkown
Location: Ponyville Hospital
Mission: Locate two VIPs for the former ruler of Equestria and ensure their wellbeing

So, I am not dead, that's a win, but now i have other problems....

"Where the fuck are my clothes at?"

To my utter dreed even when i looked around the room i couldn't see any of my clothes or gear anywhere. Looking down to the rest of my body i notice that my right leg is finely wrapped in bandages, and my arm is on some kind of IV drip.

"At the very least the medical here is first rate, maybe i all the shit that just happened was a bad dream and when the doctor walks in this will all come in everything will be back to normal."

As the hopeful thought crosses my mind i hear multiple foots steps outside of my door. Looking around the room i notice all along the walls are pictures of horses in various outfits on what's looks like advertisements, and even one of an anatomical slice of a pony.

"Am I in a fucking Childrens hospital or a goddamn vet clinic..." I mutter under my breath in utter confusion.

When the door opened i just sat in silence as i witnessed my fears come true, three horse people walked in.

One was dressed in a nurse outfit with some kind of chart in her hands, the other one was wearing i believe is golden plate armor, the fuck? Finally the one who appears to be charge came in, she wore a dark blue dress and around her neck she wore a crescent moon neckless with a tiara with the same symbology.

All three of them just stood and stared at me for a brief moment almost as if they just couldn't believe what their eyes were telling them. The Nurse noticed i was sitting straight up in my bed and finally broke the silence in the room.

"Please Mr. David lay down, you are still not fully recovered from all your injuries just yet."

My eyes went wide, how do they know my name? Because i discreetly remember telling one person or rather pony my name.

"Don't you fucking touch me lady, and secondly where did you get my fucking name from"

"Mr. David please calm down we read you name off the neckless you wore when we found you. Now please lay back down, you will do more harm than good right now."

"Oh....I see"

I feel really fucking stupid right now, how they fuck did i forget about my damn dog tags. I am not thinking straight, i need to change up my approach with these horses.

Now After this quick little spat with the nurse the tall blue one finally spoke up.

"Well, you seem to be in a very talkative mood right now, this is most fortune it for we have many questions for thee. But i must implore to you that you follow the nurses suggestion"

With my attention fully in the direction of the blue princess i finally lay back down onto the bed. However, i wont be answering this horses questions without making some demands of my own.

"I won't answer any questions you have until i am garenteed that ALL of my equipment is returned back to me princess"

"i will return everything but your weapons of war, there will be no other concessions in this matter"

After we both said our pieces, we had lock eyes in a sort of showdown to see who would back down first. It has lasted only for a about a minute, but for the other two in the room it felt like an eternity. However, i have a little plan for this matter that my or my not bite me in the ass later...

"You have a deal princess, i will hand over all of my weapons to you, however i must stress that improper handling of my weapons my result in injury"

With my seemingly easy defeat I notice a small smirk come across her face as soon as i told her what she wanted to hear.

" You know i am quite shocked you agreed without much resistance my little...oh, my apologies to you , but we don't know what your race is called."

"I am a human, but please just call me David and drop any of the formalities"

"Very Well David what would you like to know?"

Better keep the questions relating to the mission at hand, current Location, time, and any knowledge of my VIPs. Yeah, that should be a good start because i can really give a shit about much else right now.

"One where exactly am I right now, Two, what is the current date and lastly three where is the current location of...god what's her fucking name?...Celestia? Yeah Celestia."

"OK David, you are in the city of Ponyville in the country of Equestria. Date is January 15, 2235, and as for my sister why do you need to know where she is?"

Well shit, real fucking subtle their David now, if she wasn't already, she ought to be really fucking suspicious of us now.
Great, now do i come clean and tell her the mission or make up some bullshit...wait. She said sister...i am a fucking idiot she is also one of the VIPs. You know what fuck it i will just tell it to her straight and see what happens from there.

"Well now that you ask, I was contracted by i guess your mother to both locate you and your sister and make sure the two of you are not in any danger. I know that sounds like a lot of bullshit coming from me but right now this mission is my only ticket back to my world."

Well good job asshat you spilled the beans and just threw OPSEC in the fucking trash, But Faust never stated that you had to keep the mission details on the down low. At least i hope not, plus having one of the VIPs know i am supposed to find them makes my job fucking easier in the long run anyway. So here we go will she believe me? Because i fucking wouldn't not in a fucking heart beat.

The room was so silent you could hear a pin drop. Then after mulling over what the human said Luna finally spoke up in response.

"Ah i see...well that is a lot to take in, though i respect your honesty human, i wasn't not expecting that in the slightest."

"Well i glad to hear that but right now i would like to see my equipment please."

Luna with a quick nod then light her horn, ~~that shit still puts me on edge,~~ and with a flash all my gear appears in a nice pile to the right of my bed.

"Thank you, princess, not if you will excuse me i would like to make sure its all here."

As soon as i said that a certain nurse was about to object but i was already of the bed having just pulled the IV off me.

After a quick check of my gear and being satisfied with the result the princess speaks up to me in very matter of fact tone.

"Now David now that you satisfied will you relinquish your arms over to myself as per the agreement."

Now to put my little scheme into motion.

I grab both of my rifles, having one in each hand i hand over both of them Infront of Luna's guard, along with my skinning and fighting knifes.

"Here are my tools of my trade, everything else is non-comabt equipment."

Skeptical but seemingly happy with this result and with another glow of her horn she teleports my long guns and blades away so some unknown location.

"Now my little human with this little exchange i must take my leave, others will come to ask you further questions and as for now i suggest you get your rest"

And just like that she just ups and walks out with her armored entourage, now that just leaves me with just the nurse who helps me get back into bed.

"Say nurse i didn't catch your name."

"My Name is RedHeart, now in the morning the doctor will be asking about your medical history so be ready for that ok. Now before i leave do you have any questions for me?"

"Yeah i just got one, can i smoke in here?"

She looks at me with the most unamused face i believe she could muster.

" I will just take that as a no then"

And with that she walks out leaving me to my own devices. Well great, no more doubt about it, i am now dealing with some out of this world level of bullshit. First i am stuck in this hospital bed made for fucking short people, now i don't have any of my long guns to keep me company. But at least i still have my handgun and grenades with me so that's a small win. But i need a new game plan for what i am going to due next.

But still this is a lot to just put up with and i don't know about you but i see a perfectly good window so smoke out of.
This time with a bit more finesse i leave my bed once more making my way over to my gear pile and after shuffling through it for a few seconds i pull out my Cigarettes and lighter and make my way towards the window.

"RedHeart is going to be fuck pissed if she sees me right now but i couldn't give a fuck less at the moment, I NEED this right now."

After smoking a single cig i flick the now non light butt out the window and make my way back to bed. I need to change tactics here, i guess i will just play ball with these horsefuckers for a bit gain their trust so i can just do my job and go the fuck home. I just hope i CAN go back because if i am stuck in this weird horse universe i might...NO i will go fucking insane.

Fuck me man, i need some sleep, i just hope that i don't have to stay here too long.

And after what seemed like an eternity i finally managed to calm the fuck down and let sleep take over my body.

The Next day

"So just sure i heard you correctly, you have been stabbed, shot, burned, electrocuted, mauled, poisoned, and have multiple instances of using 'combat drugs' and other various medicine mixed with alcohol?"

Just seeing the look on the doctor's face was enough for me yo have a small giggle at all the shit i had to deal with on the daily. He was a funny looking sort, we had yellow fur with a dark red mane, and to top it all off he wore the most stereotypical getup for a doctor to wear. Lad coat, glasses and a fucking stethoscope around the neck.

"Yeah, doc that's most of it, you would like to know anything else?"

"Yes, this time enough about your personal history and more of your species. What do human eat and what is the average life span of as human?"

"Well Doc human are Omnivores so we eat just about everything, and for life span if you life a healthy lifestyle you can live to about 100 or so, give or take"

After scribbling all i said down to his clip board he then turns his head to the nurse and instructs her to deliver my breakfast.

"Nurse Red heart will return with your breakfast, and as for me i have all i need for now so i must attend to my other patients so i will see you around for now. Oh and that reminds me you have visitor"

"All right Doc i will catch ya later, and who is this visitor?"

Before i could even finish my sentence the Doc had already left through the door.

"Well shit that's fucking rude, well atleats the doc said i only have 1 more day left here" I mutter to my self.

The Doc had been talking my ear off all morning with his endless medical questions, and of course i had to play the nice guy in all of this because this will work in my favor in the long run with the locals. HOWEVER, that doesn't mean i fucking like it, i mean hell every day second i spent here in ponyland i feel my man card being striped away from me forever.

I wonder who my visitor is...