(A Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance reference with far too much effort put into it for April Fool's Day)
Anon has had enough of being constantly teased by all the ponies in Ponyville. Since coming to Equestria he hasn't had sex once, despite all the fat-assed mares walking around. So he decides to take things into his own hands, armed with a kitchen knife and all his wits, nothing is going to stop him. At least that's what he thought, until learning Mayor Mare has the power of nanomachines on her side and is more then prepared to turn the tables.