I’m in the f***ing past

“nnnnngggggguuuuuuuh” Sunburst groaned as Celestia punished him by shining the rays of her sun directly in his face for an offense he couldn’t recall. It’d be easier to recall if not for the splitting ache that had joined the sun in tag teaming his head. “Damn overgrown plasma ball” he grumbled as he pulled his blanket over his eyes to block Celestia’s attack.

“Maybe Nightmare Moon was right. Hrrv!” he shivered, realizing he accidentally uncovered his legs in covering his head. He tried to recover them, but found that he was back to square one with his head. After some fumbling around and feeling the collar, he realized he was using his cloak rather than a proper blanket. And there wasn’t one to be found on his grassy bed.

“Well I hafta go to the bathroom anyway” Sunburst said as he pushed himself up into a sitting position, his eyes still clenched shut. “Ah!” he groaned as he started massaging his temple with one hand, using the other to support himself. “Why? Why why why why why does my head hurst so much? And why does my mouth have a worse morning taste than usu-”

“Aw come on, Sunburst. Live a little!” Starlight encouraged. “You can’t agree to join me on a night out and not drink with me.”

”I am drinking.”

“Apple juice! Not even cider, let alone hard cider. Come on! Just oooooone drink. Pwease?” she asked with a quiver of her lip and big puppy eyes.

”Fine” he said with a sigh. “I will resist those eyes one of these days.”

”But not tonight!” she exclaimed triumphantly before waving down a waitress. “We need some shots over here!”

”Shots?! I agreed to one drink!”

“Multiple shots make up a standard sized drink. And I’m drinking most of them anyway.”

“You get this one loophole, Starlight” Sunburst informed her as the waitress approached with about ten shot glasses. “That’s a lot. I probably shouldn’t let you drink all of them. I’m sure I can handle more than a fe-“

“Wrong. I was so, very wrong” Sunburst said despondently as he covered his eyes in shame, embarrassment, and disappointment. “Ugh, the rest is so hazy. I’m certain I had other drinks, because I’m tasting something strong and fruity. What’s in my mane?” he asked himself, feeling something dangling to the side.

He pulled what turned out to be a beaded braid into his peripheral, triggering a brief moment of getting it done by a barber. His only solace was he also remembered sitting across from Starlight as another barber gelled her mane into a multi spiked mohawk. “Heh. At least I don’t have that going on…..do I?”

Sunburst made a reflective surface in front of him with his magic to see if he had suffered any more damage. Thankfully the braid was the only thing, besides the rest of his mane looking like chipmunks had made it into a nest.

“I should fix myself up” he said as he slowly stood himself up. He finger combed his mane to a mild bedhead, smoothed out the wrinkles that would come out on his shirt, and adjusted his thankfully still present pants. “Boy, I hope I didn’t puke in the toilet. Or that I at least flushed if I di-“ the word died in his throat as he finally took stock of his surroundings. He was definitely not in his home, or Starlight’s.

“Sssshunburssst, trusht me. Twilight ish cool. She let’s me crash here allllll the time. Jus-Jus don’t puke in her oats. She’s got a sherious hang up about that.”

Or Princess Twilight’s Castle. Which was even weirder, as the rest of Ponyville was not too far away. He was actually right in the middle of where the castle should’ve been.

“Can’t wait to hear how this happened. I got 20 bits on Discord shenanigans. 40 on Twilight experiment gone wrong. 100 on Starlight. I can bet on multiple things, right? Don’t care. Damage control first” Sunburst said as he magically summoned a pair of sunglasses, put on his cloak, adjusting it to cover his head, and made his way into town, his head hung low.

Ponies he passed looked at him, able to clearly decipher what was wrong with him, and shook their heads disapprovingly. And some nodded approvingly. He was too hungover to care, or to notice that the local vendor stands looked and were arranged differently. Granted, he was still a new resident and hadn’t frequented them often yet, so he likely wouldn’t have noticed if sober.

*cling cling*

“Argh, no” Sunburst grumbled as he walked into Sugarcube Corner, using his magic to stop the overhead bell.

“Welcome to Sugarcube Corner!” Mrs Cake declared from behind the counter in a cheery tone that was much too loud for Sunburst. “Where we have the sweetest treats to eat. What can I getcha, hon?”

“Coffee. Black. Strong” Sunburst replied rather bluntly, massaging his temple as he approached a stool at the counter. “And a lower volume of speaking, please. I beg you.”

She had seen this sight too many times to count, though not with this stallion. At least he said please and sounded sincere about it. She could sympathize, having been in the position herself more times than she’d ever admit. “Sure thing, dearie” she replied at a lower volume. She brought him a mug of freshly brewed holy liquid, which he gladly accepted.

“Had a fun night, eh stranger?”

“Ahhhh. Not fun enough to deal with the next morning” he replied after taking two big gulps. Her jovial tone aided his assumption that her use of stranger was a joke.

“Been there. Won’t do again” she remarked. “Any pastry with that coffee?”

“No thank you, Mrs. Cake.”

“Ugh, please don’t call me that. Makes me feel old.” Just because I act a little motherly and own a pastry shop she thought to herself in annoyance. “Call me Chiffon.”

Mrs Cake wasn’t the oldest mare he knew, but also not the youngest. And after having the twins, it was inevitable she’d try to hang on to any semblance of youth. That probably explained why she was using her old hairstyle. “I like your hair. I’m sure Carrot will love it.”

“Really?! I-I mean, thanks. It would be nice if he said something. Not that I want or need him to!” Chiffon stammered as she started twirling one of her pigtails with her finger.

Wow. Guess he hasn’t been giving her as much attention as he used to he surmised. “I’m positive he will. It’s a good look” he said with a sly wink, making her blush.

“Why thank you, dearie” she replied with a giggle.

A handful of minutes later, he remembered what he meant to inquire. “Say, do you happen to know what happened to the cas-?” he started to ask her, only for the door bell to ring and a large group of ponies to start coming in with a cacophony of conversation.

“Excuse me, I gotta attend to the breakfast rush. Good morning, everypony! If you could all just form a straight line, I would appreciate it!”

“Welp, I’m not getting anything out of her for a bit. And I’d rather not be here with so much noise” Sunburst said to himself as he fished in his pants pocket for bits to pay for his coffee, relieved that he hadn’t lost them. He placed them on the counter, waved at Mrs. Cake to point them out, and left.

Chiffon gave him a quick wave back, and a sympathetic smile, seeing him massage his head as he left. She picked up the coins, surprised at how much he had tipped, and briefly gave them an odd look. Huh. These must be from a mislabelled batch. The dates are ahead up to five years.

Sunburst made his way to the Friendship School. It was Starlight’s favorite place to hide after a magical mishap when the castle wasn’t available, and one of the places she tended to end up after a really fun night. He stopped in his tracks when he discovered it too was absent. Not only that, the environment looked the way it did before it was constructed.

“…I raise the bet to 120, saying Starlight Discord combo” he said to no one while raising his index finger in the air. He then turned around and started making his way to the train station. He was in no mood to go searching for Starlight when he still needed to clean himself up and probably take some Trotlenol. “Too bad I already moved out of my place in the city to be the Friendship School’s vice principal.

“And my new place in town is being fumigated for ants. Never letting Pinkie use my kitchen for a bulk order baking emergency again. AND I was staying at one of the school’s vacant dorm rooms!”

He could try the Crystal City Castle, but he doubted Cadance and Shining Armor would approve of their former Crystaller showing up to their house, where their infant daughter was, hungover.

Speaking of, Flurry Heart was in the middle of her “this is mine and will throw a very loud tantrum if it’s taken away from me” phase. All the more reason to NOT try that castle.

He also didn’t want to bother the (former?) Element Bearers with this sort of problem.

As much as he hated to admit it, there was one place he could think of where he would be gladly welcomed and allowed to clean up. His other former living space.

“Home” he grumbled.

After getting off the train and removing the noise cancelling headphones he had worn since before it had arrived, Sunburst could tell something was different with Sire’s Hollow. For one, the gate was gone. And when he walked past the entrance, there was no speaker voice welcoming him.

“Huh. Wonder what kind of deal Firelight made with mom to get rid of those.”

To his further, larger surprise, the whole town appeared to be back to the way it was. The old stands, the ones that were set up already at least, were back. As were the stores that had been replaced.

Wow. I know mom said in her letters that the newer businesses were struggling, but to have closed down so quickly? And be replaced with the old ones? I find it hard to believe she would’ve allowed that. But I guess if the new wasn’t as working as well as the old…

Sunburst lifted his sunglasses briefly to make sure he was correct in something else he noticed. They look new but also familiar. Like the way they did when I was a little colt, but newer. Probably Firelight trying to get it as close to the original as possible. Or knowing my mom, probably a temporary throwback design he assumed as he continued making his way to his old childhood house.

Whoa. Maybe it’s more of a throwback theme for the whole town. There’s no way my mom would allow those to be a permanent return Sunburst thought as he lifted the glasses again to make sure he wasn’t delusional. The unicorns were wearing horn ribbons.

A truly baffling and thankfully short lived fashion trend of Sire’s Hollow in which unicorns tied a ribbon to the base of their horn, either as bow knot or like a lock of hair that had somehow grown right next to the horn. For some it actually worked, but this was a very small amount and largely looked stupid.

Sunburst could still remember when he found an old picture of his mom wearing one, which she was naturally mortified by. She was one of the few who went with a different tying option, a gift bow. Her reasoning being that she was a gift both to the town and any stallion lucky enough to catch her interest.

He chuckled, remembering the laugh they’d had about that. He even tried it out himself in his room and had a private laugh at his own expense.

“I know I embarrass you sometimes, Sunny. But I promise that I will never embarrass you by putting one of those stupid things back on. I’ll sooner be caught dead before I wear one in public again” she had sworn to him.

Glad to know I’ll be spared that eyesore while I’m-

*bonk!*

“Gow!” Sunburst exclaimed as he hit his head, having walked into a wooden sign, stumbling to the floor on his rump. “Oof! Owwwww” he whined as he rubbed his head. It wasn’t that bad of a hit, but being hungover made it ten times worse.

“Oh my goodness! Are you okay?!” the voice of an approaching mare exclaimed. A voice that would’ve sounded a lot more familiar if not for his daze.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine. It feels a lot worse than it is” he replied as he rubbed his temples, unintentionally covering his eyes.

“Here, let me help you up” the mare said as she offered a white colored hand that he spotted between his fingers.

“Thanks” he said as he stopped rubbing his temples and accepted her hand. He looked off to the side for his sunglasses, retrieved them and put them back on as he stood up. Once he was standing straight, he looked directly at his helper.

“I should really watch where I’m goooooooooooooing” he said, almost unable to finish the last word as he saw the mare’s face.

“Oh. No problem, cutie” she replied with brief surprise before her mouth curved into an interested smile.

Sunburst slowly raised his index finger to push his sunglasses up, giving his wide eyes a better look at his own mother. Except, she looked noticeably different than he remembered. She was wearing a green shirt and jeans rather than her usual business attire of a suit and matching skirt, not even her pearl necklace and tie. It was rare she ever took those two off these days, but she did. She had her casual days here and there.

If that wasn’t odd, the fact that she seemed to have aged backwards certainly was. Her wrinkles were practically nonexistent, and her coat looked even brighter and smoother than usual. Her objectively attractive figure was basically the same, save for one minor detail. The miraculously small amount of sag that age and gravity had applied to her double D breasts was gone.

He could of course chalk this up to a new and improved cosmetic routine, and a new bra, even though his mother prided herself on having aged gracefully and didn’t feel the need for these before. But one last thing he noticed about her really clashed with the rational assumptions.

The ribbon on her horn.

That was made into a gift bow.

And suddenly every other thing he had noticed that hadn’t alerted him before came flooding back. As did another memory of the previous night.

“Y-Y-Y-Yknow, we don’t even neeeeeed that dushty old parchment anymore. I…I got that shpell right up here in the in the old brain…place” Starlight said as she pointed to her head, the other hand holding herself up on the Friendship Castle’s table map.

“What sssspell?” Sunburst asked, his chin resting on the table.

“You know. The shpell I cashted that got me in trouble.”

”Gonna hafta be more Starlight there, specific.”

“Aw come on, you know! The BIG shpell! One of the firsht. It was pretty bad.”

“Still more Starlight, please” Sunburst requested as his head flopped to the side.

“You don’t member?! I mean you were there!

”…..Oh wait, no. No you weren’t. That wazz young you from before the prezent. Ooh! This ish perfect! I’ll prove I brain shaved it by cashting it!”

“Are you suuuuure, specific?” Sunburst asked, as he climbed onto the table and curled up, using his cloak as makeshift blanket.

”Yesh! I’m sure I’ve got it in my my info keeper” she replied as she charged her horn, not realizing he meant if she should actually cast the spell. She zapped the table with her magic, and the dreaded time portal opened above it, starting to suck up Sunburst. “Aha! I told you I had it in here! Now how do I turn it off aga-? Uh oh. Wherearetheoats?! Emergency!” she exclaimed as she ran away, a hand covering her mouth.

The last thing Sunburst remembered of that was the feeling of weightlessness as he drifted off to sleep, assuming the latter was responsible for the former. And then he was waking up to Celestia’s wrath. His pupils became pinpricks as he finally realized it.

I’m in the fucking past.