Equestria ½ How Is This My Life?

Prologue

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I blink. Something feels… off.

As my mind starts to catch up with my surroundings, I suddenly wish I’d remained oblivious, as I realize I’m falling from a stupidly high height.

I’m maybe several thousand feet in the air, with some trees right in my line of sight.

“SHIT!” I scream, glancing around frantically.

How did I get here? Where am I? WHY AM I FALLING THROUGH THE AIR?!

As the trees get closer and closer, as does the ground, I think I spot a branch that, if I can grab it, I might be able to at least stop my fall.

I wait until the branch is close and reach out… before something very odd happens.

Soon as I grab the branch, my body swings, as if on instinct.

I let go of the branch, grabbing another and swing on that towards one further down, my body twisting so my feet make contact, my legs bending as if I’m readying to leap… and I do.

I feel like I’m watching a move from a first person perspective as my body leaps and twists around, with my not even trying.

Within less than a minute, I’m swinging down from the last branch and landing firming on my feet on the ground.

I just stand there for several long moments, not moving, trying to figure out… What the bloody hell just happened?

I glance up and find myself blanching.

If I had to be a guess, I fell about three times the height of the Eiffel tower… yet I’m standing on the ground, not a scratch on me.

“What in the world is going on… here?” I say, before wrapping a hand around my throat. “Whoa, what’s up with my voice? This isn’t my voice at all. And… what the heck happened to my body?!”

Glancing down, I realize my body is not how I know it should be.

I look… good.

I mean, I’m not a bad looking person, but it’s not like I’m handsome either.

I’m you’re average looking dude, if apparently looking like I’m ten years younger than I actually am, according to most people.

Also… I am nowhere near this fit.

Looking my body over, I’ve somehow got a really good muscle toned body. Nothing big or ridiculous, like a Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure character, but I’m definitely well-toned… but know I sure as shit wasn’t before.

I’m not unhealthy or fat by any means, but I do have a bit of a stomach and a wee bit of flab on my arms.

Or… at least, I used to?

What the heck happened to me after…? After…

I blink, before my blood runs cold. I don’t remember what I was last doing! I… I don’t even remember where I was or… or who I was.

What the flying fuck’s going on around here?

Suddenly, I feel something light land on my head and glance up, seeing some kind of envelope.

Curious, I take it and open it, pulling out the contents, two sheets of paper being all that’s inside.

Noticing one’s a letter, I read it.

Hello, worthless mortal.

I have chosen you for a higher calling. Aren’t you honoured?

You are to fight in a war I am currently engaged in with a being I’m sure you would agree has no right to be questioning my righteous authority.

As such, I have selected you for your tactical way of thinking and given you a form more suited to fight in my war, as it is from one of those television shows you enjoy.

Should you choose to repay me for taking you from your pathetic existence and giving you a higher calling, as we know you will want to thank me for my boundless generosity, please sign on the dotted line.

The list of your abilities are on the second form, as I’m sure your feeble mind isn’t powerful enough to remember them all.

Master your new abilities and then join me in my righteous battle.

Here’s to a valiant battle.

Signed, Your (should you choose to accept me and we know you will) New God

I ………., agree to fight in your righteous war and devote my entire being to your serve.

I stare at the paper for several seconds, the meaning of what I read slowly processing through my brain… before I feel a pit of rage flare up within me, my face morphing into a snarl and I shred the letter.

Are you fucking kidding me?! Some cosmic being just yeeted me out of my life and expects me to fight in some war they clearly started?

What a fucking asshat!

And, talk about contradictive!

Says he chose me for my tactical way of thinking, that says I need a list of the abilities they gave me because I’d be too stupid to remember them?

“Screw you, you piece of shit!” I shout, stomping on the tattered remains of the letter, pressing them into the dirt.

After a few moments of twisting my foot over the remnants of the letter, I sigh, my anger spent and sit down on the grass.

“What do I do now?” I ask, resting my head on my knees and looking down at the dirt.

I don’t need someone to tell me, I’m clearly in another world.

Glancing around, I don’t quite know what world I’m in, only that it’s clearly not mine.

The air smells a lot different. I can’t really put my finger on what, but it’s different.

Sighing, I decide I may as well see what abilities the asshat who brought me here gave me and pick the other sheet of the ground… only to wince.

Whoops. Some dirt’s gotten on it and obscured some of words, so I can’t properly read them.

Well, guess that’s what I get for letting my temper get the better of me.

Sighing, I start reading what I can.

You are now R…a Sa….me.

You possess all t..s character’s abilities, including, but not limited to:

The ……yo Curse

Kenpo

The Tenshin Amaguri-ken

The Hiryuu Shouten-ha

…..al ..ts Cheerleading

Ma..l..t.. Rhythmic Gymnastics

And… that’s about as far as I actually can read, as everything else is too smudged in dirt to read it besides a Couple letters here and there, none of them making sense since I can’t read the others next to them.

I grumble.

Great, so I don’t even get to know the abilities the asshat gave me. And he expected me to fight in a, I’m guessing, cosmic war with cheerleading and rhythmic gymnastics?

Oh, and I’ve apparently got some kind of curse on me too. Again, how was I supposed to fight in this moron’s war while under the effects of a freaking curse?

Sighing, I stand up, looking myself over again, moreover, my clothing.

My memory may be foggy right now (no doubt a side effect of what the asshat did to me, the dick), but I do know these aren’t what I was wearing before I found myself falling through the air.

Best I can tell, I’m wearing some kind of Chinese-style clothing, a red sleeveless shirt, dark blue pants and some kind of slip on black shoes.

I rub my head, frowning as I feel a slight throb. I can’t quite remember, but this is familiar. I think I know who that asshat turned me into, but I can’t quite remember right now.

And why in the word is my hair black and in a braided ponytail?

Deciding to put it out of my mind, I look around my surrounding again, this time trying to spot any signs of civilisation. Once I find that, I should be able to figure something out.

And it looks like I’d better hurry. There’s clearly rain headed this way. If I can’t find a settlement, I’d at least like to find shelter before that hits.

Squinting, I think I see a dirt road through some trees and start in that direction.

It doesn’t take long to reach the road and, seeing nothing of importance either right or left, I decide to just wing it and turn left.

It’s about half an hour of walking later I hear a sound I recognize as a wagon moving along the road.

It’s a plain brown, clearly not meant to look fancy on the outside. Outward appearance it clearly not the worry of the owner.

Reaching the top of an incline quickly, I see that, indeed, there is a wagon moving in the opposite direction I’m going and I see two people on it.

I’m about to call out, raising my hand, when I stop, something odd catching my eye.

While there are two people there, I hadn’t notice something very odd til just now. They’re not both riding the wagon; one of them is pulling it, like a horse. He’s got a harness around his waist that is connecting him to the wagon and he’s pulling it along... and doesn’t seem the least bit bothered by the weight.

But, that’s not all I notice.

The one pulling the wagon, a tall man with a strong build, has deep blue skin and black hair. He’s wearing a simple, plain red farmer’s looking shirt and jeans. On his right shoulder is a tattoo of a pitchfork and a bale of hay.

However, that’s not what makes his appearance odd. It’s the fact he has, best I can describe them, pony ears and a tail, the latter the same colour as the hair on his head and the former the same colour as his skin.

The one sitting on the wagon isn’t any less strange in appearance.

It’s a girl, of that I know for sure. She has skin a slightly lighter shade of blue than the man. She’s wearing a white tank top and jeans and, on her shoulder, the same shoulder as the man, she has a tattoo of a barrel fall of apples with lines that indicate it flying in the air, as if kicked.

Her hair is a mop of disgustingly bright yellow, as is the tail next to her, her ears being the same as the man’s.

What in the world kind of world did I get sent to? They kind of make me think of demihumans from Rising of the Shield Hero, but demihumans have normal human skin, not blue.

And the girl barely looks like she’s out of her teens. Why would her parents let her have a tattoo at that age?

Deciding I may as well bite the bullet, I put their odd appearances aside and hurry down the incline towards them, calling out, “Hey! Hey, you got a second?”

The man pulling the wagon stops, himself and the girl glancing up as I jog down the road to reach them.

“Howdy… sir?” the man says, looking slightly unsure as I reach them… suddenly aware the guy’s at least a foot taller than me and finding it very hard to ignore those huge muscles. “What might a… being like yourself be doin’ in these here parts?”

I frown. “What do you mean “being”? I’m a human, pal. What, haven’t you heard of them before?”

I barely finish the sentence before I see by his expression that he clearly hasn’t.

The girl, however, has a look of recognition. “Wait. Didn’t a unicorn in the last town mention that word? Ah remember hearin’ it a couple o’ time ’efore we left Cousin AJ’s farm, pa.”

I blink as what she said actually registers in my head.

“A… unicorn?” I ask, my stone sceptical.

The man nods. “Yeah. Ya know, unicorn? Look like us, less strong, those little nubby horns on their foreheads?”

I turn and just stare at the guy… trying to figure out the joke.

“Look like you? A unicorn? Dude, I don’t mean to disrespect your knowledge of biology, but unicorns aren’t bipeds like us. They’re quadrupeds.”

The man frowns at me. “Son, you feelin’ alright? You bump yer head or sumthin’?”

I’m about to answer him, when I think about the fall and the fact I’m clearly in another world.

For all I know, maybe he’s right and unicorns are bipeds. I’ve watched anime with weirder fantasy world ideas, after all.

“Um… maybe?” I say, putting a hand to my head. “It’s been a… weird day.”

The man nods, indicating to the wagon. “Hop on in, son. We’ll get ya t’ the nearest town and ya can get checked up there.”

Suddenly, I feel a drop hit my nose and look up as the rain starts falling.

“Better hightail it,” the man says, putting a hand on my shoulder. “Don’t look like it’ll be a strong one, but best we not be out too long when the rain hits.”

“Hope Cousin AJ won’t mind us stoppin’ by fer the night,” the girl says, giving the man, her father I’m now realizing, the stink eye as the rain starts to fall in earnest around us. “Granny told ya we’d never make it t’ the next town afore the rain came. But did ya listen to her, pa? Eenope. Yer just as stubborn as Granny herself.”

“Alright, Apple Buck. Alright, Ah get it,” the man says, looking down to me as. “So, how’s about we… get… going?”

The odd look he’s giving me isn’t lost on me. I know exactly why he’s giving it to me… though my brain is also not fully paying attention is it’s trying to process the feelings I’m experiencing.

As the two were talking and the rain started, I felt something suddenly change about me. Something that… doesn’t make sense?

I shakily raise my hands to my chest and feel it. Or, rather, the two fleshy mounds that have suddenly formed there.

Ripping my shirt open, I gape at the two very obvious breasts now sitting on my chest.

My heart skipping a beat, I reach down and feel for something… that I can’t find.

“Wh-wha-what?” I murmur, lifting my hands at staring at them in disbelief. “I… I’ve turned into a… a girl?”

How? What in the world could’ve turned me into a girl? And why now? Why wasn’t I turned into a girl when I first got sent to this world?

What happened to turn me into a girl? The only thing that’s changed in the last half hour is… is…

I slowly raise my head, looking up at the sky as rain conotues to pitter down.

Cold rain.

Wet rain.

Cold water.

Quickly reaching into my pocket, I pull out the paper from before, reading it over.

Specifically, two parts.

You are now R…a Sa….me.

You possess all t..s character’s abilities, including, but not limited to:

The ……yo Curse

Have I…? Am I now… Ranma Saotome from the anime Ranma 1/2?

Author's Note

Yep. Your eyes are not deceiving you.

A new story, despite all the others I STILL need to get back to updating.

Why?

I'll be honest, getting back into the swing of writing is not easy write now. finding the time to just sit and type something up has proven surprisingly hard to come by over the last couple of weeks.

on top of that, 3 days ago we had to put our family dog, Jack down, so writing any of the fanfics in which the character is currently at a happy point made me feel kind of bitter.

So, i chose to write this instead, since it's been something I've been mulling around in my head for the last week or so, but was putting off because i wanted to try updating something first... then 3 days ago happened.

I'm posting 2 chapters at once to be sure i've added enough to identify it as MLP, so you can move on to the next chapter if you wish.