Celestia's School For The Sexually Gifted

by Jest

Saying Hello

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In only a few seconds after leaving her parents behind, Twilight had already completely forgotten about them. The young mare was already too busy inspecting the architecture, and occasionally glancing at her fellow classmates. She spent most of the walk up to the central building ignoring everyone else however, her gaze rarely left the many buildings.

The main structure most fascinated the unicorn, who inspected the numerous small details closely. Hidden in small alcoves crouched gargoyles, which Twilight recalled could be animated and used as security in case of an emergency. She could also tell from the larger, more ornate stained glass windows that the main meeting hall was nearly halfway up.

There was more to look at and to inspect, but Twilight found her attention shifting skyward. Up to where the many gems inlaid into the mostly smooth roof of the enormous cavern she now stood within. Twilight recalled from her notes that it was a perfect replication of the stars during the longest night in late June. It was also incredibly beautiful, and so eye-catching that Twilight very nearly walked into someone due to how distracted she was.

Thankfully she stopped just before she would have run face-first into a minotaur’s backside. The towering female didn't even notice Twilight's sudden proximity, as she was listening intently to an argument. One which was coming from the center of the small crowd and was being fought by a changeling, and unicorn stallion of noble birth.

Though Twilight didn't wish to engage in eavesdropping or gossip, she couldn't help but find herself intrigued. It was rare that a changeling interacted with other students undisguised, the shapeshifters sticking to their own for the most part. So with her curiosity piqued, Twilight subtly slipped next to the minotaur, and leaned towards the bovine, whispering quietly.

“What happened?” Twilight asked.

“Lord Dorkus over here made some remark about Chrysalis, and lady Cheese Legs took offense to that,” replied the minotaur.

Twilight nodded.

“I don't even know why you creatures even bother to try,” scoffed the pure white unicorn. “You aren't about to beat Celestia, Cadence or no. There is a reason we have maintained control over the school since its inception.”

“We remember the time when Luna ruled, and brief though it was, Sombra held the reins of power,” retorted the changeling in a low, menacing tone. “Your control is not quite as unbreakable as you make it out to be.”

“Pfft, Luna held it for less than a decade, and Sombra had it for an even shorter amount of time. Something your queen couldn't even manage” retorted the highborn stallion.

The crowd oohed and glanced expectantly to the changeling for their rebuttal.

Rather than be unnerved, the black-clad creature merely smirked. “Change is inevitable, and we are change given form. I would not be so quick to dismiss the machinations of your betters.”

“Ha! Betters? In what way?” scoffed the male. “Sure you can lie, cheat and steal better but only an idiot would value such qualities. Face it, the only reason the badlands haven't been conquered by the other races is because of the compact your queen was forced to sign alongside that fool Sombra.”

This time there was no oohs or awws, only stunned silence, and a wall of eyes staring intently at the changeling.

Who jabbed her hoof at the stallion, her horn sparking with magic. “I’ll have you know that Queen Chrysalis signed it willingly. She knew that eventually you all would fall under her influence and so she fooled you into thinking you had won.”

“Right, fooled,” remarked the stallion while rolling his eyes. “First you lost the war of long daggers, and since then you’ve lost a thousand years in a row. Face it, you changelings are the weakest of the races and the greatest accomplishment of your history has been joining Equestria.”

The crowd was silent as the stallion leaned in with a smirk.

“At least now you have a true leader, rather than a despotic tyrant so ugly that she could never actually seduce-” he continued, only to be cut off by a cry.

The changeling shrieked like a demonically possessed cricket and leaped at the pony with her fangs extended. Twilight winced and quickly backpedaled as the crowd began betting on the victor, or arguing over what was said. The loud clunk of stone feet was already on the way, and Twilight knew it wouldn't be long before the hall monitors arrived.

Before that happened Twilight teleported away, reappearing beneath the shade of a large white and red mushroom. The pony then watched as a half dozen stone golems waded through the crowd of young adults and plucked out the two fighters. Who had managed to get absolutely covered in bruises, scratches, and a few scorch marks in the minute-long scrap.

“Idiots,” Twilight muttered.

Now with her curiosity satiated, and disgust rising in her belly, the mare continued on her way. Once more she found herself observing her surroundings, noting all the small parks filled with underground flora that dotted the area. Larger, almost forestlike areas were closer to the edge of the cavern wall, their grounds monitored by strange bipedal mycanoids.

Though intrigued by these odd beings, Twilight focused forward, and on the long path leading to the school itself. Resembling a standard road, and lit by street lights containing heatless golden flames, it felt almost nostalgic in a way. It felt a lot like Canterlot, though it differed in many obvious ways, it still made Twilight feel rather at home.

Even the things that stuck out didn't dissuade the feelings of nostalgia that Twilight felt deep down in her heart. Like the many non-ponies who walked the streets, the louder, more frequent crowds and the nearly ever-present sound of music. Creatures of all shapes and sizes played instruments, or mere recordings, the many discordant notes creating a strange harmony.

In only a few minutes Twilight had made her way all the way up to the entrance of the main school building. There she looked around expectantly, hoping to find a sign of either Cadence or Shining Armor, though she found neither. Instead, she bore witness to a sea of anonymous faces that Twilight didn't recognize even in the slightest.

That was until she saw the face of a pony whom she could actually recall the name of, much to Twilight's disappointment. Rarity Belle, leader of the Chique Clique, was standing near the enormous open double doors of the school. Thankfully the well-groomed white-furred mare had yet to lock eyes with Twilight, allowing the unicorn to hastily duck behind a draconic golem standing nearby.

Once out of the line of sight Twilight breathed a sigh of relief and peeked around the dragon’s leg. There she saw the other unicorn was still chatting loudly with her posse of mares, and the lone stallion of the group. Unlike the females who wore the most fashionable clothing Twilight had ever seen, the single male wore only a bulky sweatshirt.

Between the cumbersome black clothing and the wall of bright pink hair that fell down from the side of his face, there was little to see. Only a single teal eye was visible, as well as the stallion’s pink back legs and his cutie mark of three pink butterflies. He stood apart from the others, remaining in earshot, but not so close that partaking in conversation wouldn't be awkward.

“That's weird. You’ve never tried to bully me before. I wonder what you're doing as part of Rarity’s little posse of preppy princesses?” Twilight muttered to herself.

A sudden groan was all the warning Twilight got before her cover abruptly vanished, the golem trundling off for unknown reasons. Left with nowhere else to go, Twilight was about to teleport away when a voice suddenly cut through her concentration like a razer.

“Oh if it isn't little Twilight Stumble. I’m amazed you even made it this far given your penchant for face plants,” Rarity exclaimed.

Twilight turned to find that fashionable mare and her posse of equally pretentious ponies were already upon her. Along with the feminine male in the sweatshirt, though he remained at the back, and didn't seem enthused about the sudden shift.

“Just what I needed. Another pain in my ass,” Twilight muttered.

“Did you say something, darling?” Rarity replied.

Twilight grit her teeth and shook her head. “Nothing. Just commenting about what a wonderful day it is outside.”

“How can you say it's a wonderful day if you can't even see that scorching orb you pray to every morning?” Rarity countered. “If anything it's a wonderful night.”

Her gaggle of a half dozen followers all giggled amongst themselves, occasionally pointing a hoof at Twilight as they laughed.

“We may be in a cave, but that does not change the fact that it is currently daytime,” Twilight retorted, smirking. “Or did you not even read the answers you copied from my test?”

“I was merely observing my fellow students in case they required my help,” Rarity exclaimed with a smile. “And you do need my help. I mean come on darling. Who did your mane, your mother?”

Twilight's face burned a bright red as the mare suffered silently under the many jeers of her tormentors.

“Say. Why don't you come by my dorm tonight? I’ll fix that mess of a mane before I ruin it even worse,” Rarity offered, the mare leaning in close and licking her lips seductively.

“I… uh…” Twilight stuttered.

“You aren't teasing my future sister-in-law now are you?” questioned a voice.

All eyes, including Rarity’s, turned to the source of the question.

“C-cadence! Of course not! I was just offering my expertise in mane styling to Twilight here,” Rarity replied, taking a quick step back.

Cadence stepped forward, smiling down at the finely dressed unicorn and her posse of similarly dressed mares. She was joined by the slightly demure, and wide-hipped stallion that Twilight instantly recognized as her brother. Both unicorn and alicorn alike wore a set of saddlebags packed full with supplies for school, though Cadence’s was slightly larger.

“I don't think that will be necessary,” Cadence replied, her tone almost sickeningly sweet. “In fact, I think Twilight looks rather good in her current style, wouldn't you say so?”

Rarity bit her lip and nodded. “Now that I look at it in a new light, I must agree with you. It suits her wonderfully. Really brings out her eyes.”

Twilight smirked, silently enjoying the subtle back and forth playing out before her.

“It's getting late though. You’re going to miss the choosing ceremony if you don't get moving,” Cadence offered.

“Oh right, of course. Let's go ladies, and Fluttershy,” Rarity exclaimed.

The gaggle of girls that followed after her muttered amongst themselves while Fluttershy remained silent. As one, they trotted away, with only the lone male of their bunch glancing back at Twilight before disappearing inside.

“Sorry about not coming with you,” Cadence began. “But we got slightly…. Distracted.”

“No problem. I know how you and Shining get,” Twilight replied. “So…”

Cadence smiled back, and as one the pair began to sing a song together while dancing along.

“Sunshine sunshine, ladybugs awake. Clap your hooves and do a little shake,” they both eagerly sang.

The pair ended the impromptu display by giggling and hugging one another tightly.

“I’m so glad to see you two. I feared I wouldn't be able to find you until the choosing,” Twilight exclaimed, glancing at Shining Armor expectantly.

“We wouldn't do that,” he replied.

“No, of course not. Some important matters just came up, is all. But don't worry. It's been uh, taken care of,” Cadence exclaimed.

Twilight blinked. “Are you sure? You look a little tired. Have you been getting enough sleep?”

“We have been getting plenty of sleep,” Shining Armor declared. “Isn't that right honey.”

“Uh uh yes. Yes, we have,” Cadence added.

“If you say so,” Twilight muttered. “Will you be joining me in the main hall? Or will you two be handling more quote-unquote, stuff?”

“I uh. Am not sure,” Cadence murmured, glancing expectantly at Shining Armor. “Do you remember anything we have to do, honey?”

The male shook his head. “No. We should be fine to join my sister to the ceremony.”

“Awesome,” Twilight proclaimed. “I’m glad you can join me. Walking in with you will really boost my standing amongst the student body.”

Cadence chuckled, leaning down to elbow Twilight in the side. “I didn't think you cared much for climbing the social ladder.”

“I wasn't,” Twilight admitted. “But if I’m going to become one of Celestia’s students then I will have to learn to be more personable. Like how Shining Armor needs to get better at eating spicy food. Can't have a repeat of the last time, right?”

Shining Armor nodded. “Of course. That was quite embarrassing.”

“Huh. Not quite the response I expected, but I’m glad you’ve finally stopped pretending like you didn't tap out after only two peppers,” Twilight remarked.

“Of course,” Shining Armor replied, extending a hoof. “Now. We better get moving. Wouldn't want to be late now right?”

Twilight bobbed her head eagerly. “Of course of course. Lead the way.”

Cadence smiled, and did just that, with Shining Armor close behind the alicorn as the trio made their way towards the double doors. Twilight in turn followed on Cadence’s left, the young mare having to trot a little faster just to keep up. Twilight didn't mind, however, as she had grown quite used to a slightly faster pace given her years of experience with Cadence. So it wasn't a surprise that they soon made their way into the building, and up the many flights of stairs towards their destination.

“So, do you have any questions about school?” Cadence offered. “I know you’ve read a lot about it, and heard stories from your parents.”

“Too many stories,” Twilight replied, sticking out her tongue in disgust. “If I have to listen to another long-winded rant about some teacher who retired a decade ago I think I might puke.”

Cadence giggled. “Well, I promise I won't say anything like that. Unless we are talking about miss Dollars. I take umbrage with that mare, and her tacky pink outfit she always seemed to wear.”

“It is a good thing she isn't around anymore,” Shining Armor added.

Cadence released an uncharacteristic snort of derision. “You're telling me. I’m so glad they caught her in the act of spanking a student. I mean, you know me I’m fine with a bit of rough play but what she did went well beyond that.”

“Wait, really? What happened?” Twilight inquired.

“I’ll tell you another time. It isn't a nice story,” Cadence replied.

“Oh fine,” Twilight pouted.

Together the trio made their way up the endless flights of stairs, with Cadence taking the lead. The alicorn’s vast experience at the school was put to the test as she deftly avoided the most congested areas with ease. She would pause to detour down a seemingly random side hallway, and then quickly climb a narrow staircase hidden halfway behind a banner advertising some club Twilight had never heard of.

In no time at all they had managed to climb the many levels without getting bogged down by other students. Twilight wanted to ask why such a long way round was necessary, but then remembered just how popular Cadence was. This point was drilled home not long after they arrived in the massive corridor that led to the main meeting room.

There dozens if not hundreds of students milled aimlessly about the area, waiting for something to happen. This something seemed to be Cadence’s arrival, as only a few seconds after entering the area a silent call had seemingly gone out. Many heads were turned, and a flurry of whispers could be heard all around the trio, a dozen quiet conversations being sparked.

Though Cadence did her best to politely avoid being dragged into anything, it wasn't long before she could dodge no longer. A tall, slender, and utterly bewitching red unicorn mare with a long braided golden mane stepped out to block their passage. With a confident smirk, she strode up to Cadence and flicked her hair out of her face in a way that was oddly challenging.

“So, you’ve returned,” exclaimed the strange mare.

Cadence sighed and gave Twilight a weak, apologetic smile before turning back to the new arrival. “Yes Flame Strike, I have come back for my final year here.”

Twilight quietly stepped away, choosing to avoid the conversation and political maneuvering that Cadence had been forced into. Rather than retract completely, she stepped closer to her brother and bumped her hip against his. This seemed to startle the demure stallion who jumped while releasing a girly shriek of surprise.

“Oh, uh sorry about that sis,” he quickly muttered. “I’ve had a lot on my mind.”

“It's okay. I know how much is riding on this last year,” Twilight replied.

Shining Armor released a long sigh. “You have no idea. There is so much pressure to complete the grand galloping game, while also balancing our own school work.”

“In addition to having a social life,” Twilight added.

“On top of having time for ourselves,” Shining Armor exclaimed. “They barely leave enough time in the day to sleep.”

“Don't overschedule yourself. You don't want to feel as though you are a prisoner of your own making,” Twilight pointed out.

Shining Armor nodded slowly. “Wiser words have not been spoken.”

The siblings sat quietly, watching as Cadence managed to deftly maneuver her way through a trap-laden conversation. Subtle barbs directed at her appearance were avoided, and deflected, while also managing to send a few back at the other mare. So graceful was the dance that in the end the cocky unicorn was forced to leave in a huff without a single one of her jabs having landed.

“Sorry about that,” Cadence whispered after the golden-maned mare had left. “Flame has a bit of a crush on me, but I don't think she really knows how to deal with her emotions.”

“Well you could just fuck her,” Twilight offered, glancing at Shining Armor. “Provided it's allowed.”

Shining Armor shrugged. “I don't mind, though I don't think that will help.”

“Exactly,” Cadence exclaimed. “She needs to get some self-control and learn to accept herself. Or at least learn not to react to love with aggression. Either way it's not my business. We have better things to do.”

“We are a bit early for the choosing. You can go mingle if you’d like,” Twilight offered, the mare silently hoping that her suggestion went unheeded.

Cadence glanced at Shining Armor who shook his head. “I think we’ll stick with you this time. It is your first year after all and you might need a hoof.”

Twilight scoffed. “I’ve read everything about this school and its traditions. Though I wouldn't mind the company.”

“That's the spirit,” Cadence exclaimed, stepping forward. “Then we better get moving. Wouldn't want to get stuck near the doors now would we?”

“Lead the way,” Twilight exclaimed.

Cadence smiled and did just that, trotting ahead of the group who all fell in behind her. Which was exactly how Twilight was hoping it would go, as Cadence was able to cut through the crowd with ease. Allowing them to quickly pass through the massive, nearly two-story tall oak doors relatively quickly and without being slowed.

Upon entering the grand hall, Twilight found herself paralyzed by the splendor before her.

At first glance, the hall looked like a typical cafeteria, though it lacked any visible kitchen or wait staff. Only four long rows of mahogany tables with seats big enough to accommodate even an overweight yak filled the floor space. Leaving just enough room to pass between them, and a single wide walkway that went all the way to the far end.

There on a raised platform were the four thrones of Equestria, the center one standing taller than the others. Which were arrayed on either side of the largest one, with the blue chair to the main one’s right and the two smallest on the other side. Behind them was a great mural showing the second founding of Equestria at the signing of the Canterlot Accords.

This central scene was then surrounded by dozens of other smaller ones arrayed around it like slices of a pie. The battle of Hornburg was recreated in stunning detail, along with many other battles, and pivotal moments during the conflict. Each was a stunning work of art that covered dozens of square meters, which somehow managed to flow together.

Each unique event and painting lead the eye back to that fateful meeting in a simple red tent at the base of Canterlot. Which featured Celestia, Luna, Sombra, and Chrysalis all visibly worn from combat, and weary from fighting. Despite the signs of battle they all wore smiles, and gripped a pen together, marking the end of the struggle.

“Woah,” Twilight muttered, temporarily taken aback by the artistry on display.

“It sure is something, isn't it?” Cadence mused aloud. “I remember the first time I walked into these halls.”

“Me too. Seemed a bit gaudy,” Shining Armor remarked.

Twilight barely even heard the back and forth as she was too busy inspecting the many small details. Beyond the great painting, there were also many unique things to be spotted amidst the great hall. Such as the small nooks visible along the walls, each one of which contained a unique dragon statue waiting to spring to life.

Like the rest of the stone servants, these were made of marble, and were themselves works of art. They were joined by two much, much larger dragons that sat in alcoves directly on either side of the double doors. These were truly massive creatures, though Twilight recalled that they had not been activated in centuries.

“Come on,” Cadence urged. “Let's find a spot to sit before all the good spots are taken.”

“Oh uh yeah,” Twilight muttered. “Probably shouldn't stand here gawking all day.”

“Not unless you want to get teased for being a newbie,” Cadence chided, shooting the unicorn a wink.

Twilight nodded slowly. “Right, lead the way I guess.”


Author's Note

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