Beavis and Butt-Head Do Equestria

Beavis and Butt-Head: Do Equestria

By NocturneD

Dark... damp... cold... that was the only thing that was left to describe.

"Ugh... eh heh heh..." Beavis squirmed on the hard stone floor. He rubbed his forehead and opened his eyes. "What the hell? Eh heh heh."

Butt-head was already awake, while sitting down with his arms resting on his knees he looked straight at the crudely shaped iron bars that the two were behind. "Well this sucks... uh huh huh."

"Where are we?" Beavis asked.

"Probably prison... uh huh huh." Butt-head looked left and right.

Suddenly the heard a weird cackle or laugh, or perhaps a trio of cackles.

"Look what cat dragged in." One of the voices said.

"Ohhh... something useful to us?" Another one asked.

"Is it me... or does that sound like that little weird dude from Lord of the Things?" Beavis turned to Butt-head.

"No butt dumpling. That's Lord of the Rings... Uh huh huh." Butt-head replied.

"You... in trouble... for trespassing!" The third voice squealed.

"Uh... okay." Butt-head answered.

One of the voices belonged to a grey creature, a diamond dog to be exact as this one wore a red vest. "We now found a new valuable item. it's shiny! It glows like sun!"

"Can we see? Eh heh heh." Beavis chuckled.

"NO!" The red vested dog shrieked.

"What a bung hole." Beavis frowned.

"What bung hole?" Another diamond dog came out from the shadows, this one was bigger but more hunched over.

"You're a bung hole bung hole!" Butt-head countered.

"We not bung hole!" A smaller diamond dog with lighter fur hoped out from the shadows.

"Uh yeah you are." Butt-head chuckled.

"Am not." The dogs shouted.

"Are too..." Beavis chuckled.

Just then the diamond dogs responded by nearly shoving spears at the two teens' throats.

"Uh okay... you're not." Butt-head slowly chuckled.

Out of Beavis's pocket feel the horn he was keeping. It started to glow. The diamond dogs tried to reach for it but Beavis snatched it back. The dogs knew that the horn was special. The teens were chained up and being poked again and again to keep going in a certain direction. To them it felt like hours with each twist and turn until eventually the two were told to stop and watch in awe to the diamond dog's new project. Instead of smaller gems, there in a large cavern in front of them rested a building sized gem. White and pure.

"Ohhh.. pretty." The smaller diamond dog said.

"Wow... that's a big god damn gem." Beavis chuckled.

"Yeah. Imagine that going around the neck of some rapper." Butt-head added.

"Or making himself some teeth with that." Beavis chuckled.

"They make teeth outta gems?" The bigger diamond dog asked still holding his spear to Butt-head's back.

"Only if you're rich dude." Butt-head replied.

Suddenly the large pure white gem started to glow once the two teens got closer.

"Big white gem... Black horn..." The red vested dog pointed. "Glow for some reason."

"So what..." Beavis retorted.

"Bring horn and gem together!" The red vested dog shouted poked Butt-head with his spear.

"OW!" Butt-head reached for the spot he was poked at, "DAMN IT! If you poke me with that thing again I'm going to break it and shove up your butts sideways!"

"MOVE!" The diamond dog shouted.

And so the two teens did what they were told. For some reason, the aura around the horn was getting stronger. Almost like it needed the large gem to draw power from.

Beavis tried scratching himself, only for the strong iron cuffs preventing him to do so. "Damn it... I wish my nads didn't itch anymore." The horn blinked faster and faster and let out a flash of light. Beavis felt relief in his crotch, "Well I'll be damned. My nads don't itch anymore. Eh heh heh."

"Uh... really? Wish for something else." Butt-head asked.

"I wish for..." Beavis rubbed the horn.

"Uh... that makes it look like your masturbating Beavis." Butt-head chuckled.

"Oh yeah... Eh heh heh." Beavis chuckled, "I wish for... some PORN MAGAZINES!"

Just then a giant pile of pornography magazines fell in front of the two. They bent down to look, flipped through the pages and found something wrong, "Uh... something's wrong here." Butt-head said. "These are all of horses." He turned to Beavis, "Damn it Beavis you wished for pony porn didn't you?"

"No. You heard it yourself I said I wished for porn!" Beavis shouted, just then more magazines fell in between them. More of the same unfortunately. Beavis frowned, "Ah damn it... there are probably... rules to this thing or something."

"That sucks... Uh huh huh." Butt-head frowned. "Try wishing for a TV."

"Alright..." Beavis rubbed the horn, "I wish for a TV."

Just then a forty two inch TV fell from the ceiling and landed on a random diamond dog guard.

Butt-head frowned, "Uh... maybe you should try wishing it safely on the ground or something."

"Enough! We want power!" The red vested diamond dog pointed his stick at the two teens.

"Eh... no." Butt-head replied. The diamond dogs pointed their spears. "Uh... alright then."

"We want gems! Lots! LOTS!" The smaller diamond dog jumped up and down.

"NO! WE WANT DIAMOND DOG PORN!" The large diamond dog argued.

"OHHH!" The red vested dog clapped his hands and nodded, "WE WANT ENTERTAINMENT!"

"Okay... I wish for beer! Yeah!" Beavis continued rubbing, "I WISH FOR MONSTER TRUCKS! I WISH FOR A REALLY BIG TV! I WISH FOR A COUCH! AND CANDY! AND HOTDOGS! AND NACHOS! AND TACOS! AND LOTTO TICKETS!" All that came crashing down in different parts of the large cavern.

Many hours later...

It was a hard core party wish heavy metal music blaring in the background. Beavis and Butt-head banging their heads to the music while the diamond dogs were enjoying the festive. There was drinking alcohol, playing pool, playing cards, smoking cigars, playing PAC-PONY, watching MTV like they used to. About a thousand pounds of tacos and nachos must have been consumed. By the end of the night, most of the diamond dogs were either passed out or lying around, or even drunk.

Beavis and Butt-head remained on the couch they wished for and looked at the huge mess. Beavis chuckled, "You know what Butt-head. Eh heh heh. The diamond dogs aren't that bad."

Butt-head agreed, "Yeah really. These guys know how to party." Then he frowned, "Not like the ponies were its all cutsie and friendly." A light bulb appeared above Butt-head's head then fizzled out. "Wait a minute... I think we were supposed to do something today Beavis."

Beavis chucked a taco at a nearby wall, "What?"

"I think Pussy Pie told us about a party in our honor... or something." Butt-head chuckled.

"Oh... right. Eh heh heh." Beavis realized, "We better go then."

The two stood up, "Hey what's the closets way out of here?" Butt-head asked.

The drunk diamond dogs pointed in different directions.

"Uh... okay." Butt-head said.

"Eh... that will like take too long." Beavis frowned, "I wish we were back outside."

And just then... they were outside where they first started. They agreed to go back the way they came and will visit the diamond dogs again someday. Before they zapped out back outside Beavis took a couple souvenirs like gems and a small piece of the giant white gem that managed to fall apart during the party. Before they could make it to the Everfree forest a familiar voice called out to them.

"MR. BEAVIS! MR. BUTT-HEAD!" A voice shouted.

Beavis and Butt-head turned around, both of them frowning and disgusted. Pinkie Pie and the rest came running up to them and soon the rest of Ponyville surrounded them.

Pinkie Pie hugged the two of them and wanted to cry, "ARE YOU TWO HURT? WHY'D YOU DISAPPEAR LIKE THAT?"

"Uh... sorry." Beavis was the only thing he could think of.

"We had to put the banquet on hold until we found you two!" Rarity scolded.

"I knew you two were trouble." Apple Jack gritted her teeth.

"Come on guys." Twilight stopped her friends, "We found them and I'm sure they had a good reason for being out here."

"In the diamond dog field I sure hope they have a reason." Dash crossed her ponies of Ponyville were talking among themselves not sure what to make of the situation. A job well down that they found Beavis and Butt-head and was probably kidnapped by the diamond dogs or mad that they wandered off and seemed more destructive than their worth.

The ground started to shake a little, three familiar diamond dogs bursted from the ground, the ponies were stunned but ready to stand their ground against the diamond dogs. The red vested diamond dog wobbled in front of them trying to keep his balance, "The... Diamond dogs want to..." He hiccuped, "Extend our gratitude by...by... giving you... our friendship..." Just then he barfed in front of the two then fell over to his side. The other two dogs vomited as well and gave the two teens a thumbs up before they passed out.

"COOL! Eh heh heh." Beavis smiled.

The red vested dog moaned, "If you want gems...go ahead and take what you want..." He waved then threw up again, then passed out.

Twilight and other ponies were bewildered, Beavis and Butt-head tamed the diamond dogs? Others were grossed out because of the puke.

"Those guys really know how to party." Butt-head chuckled.

"PARTY? YOU TWO HAD A PARTY WITHOUT ME?" Pinkie shouted.

"That's enough Pinkie Pie... I'm sure the two had their reasons." An angelic voice eased the tension down.

Twilight gasped, "You're still here princess Celestia?"

Celestia smiled, "Oh my guards and I participated in the search as well Twilight. Besides I heard a lot about these two."

"Well here they are." Twilight introduced her, "Princess Celestia, this is Beavis and Butt-head." Twilight tried to motion the two to bow, Celestia waved the idea.

Celestia bowed her head slightly, "It's an honor meeting you two. Twilight told me so much about you two that I was dying to see you two up close. You two are indeed not ponies but never the less I welcome all creatures in Equestria."

Beavis was too busy picking his nose.

"I have word that you two have earned the trust and friendship of the diamond dogs. That's very impressive and will be vital to ponies everywhere." Celestia smiled, "Since your time in Ponyville... have you two learned anything about friendship?" The other ponies smiled for their response.

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh no." Butt-head said.