Beavis and Butt-Head Do Equestria

Beavis and Butt-Head Do Equestria

By NocturneD

About a good majority of the ponies got food poison that day. Rarity's show was a disaster. The stage and guest tables were covered in vomit. The two menacing teens just stood there by the table, acting like they usually did. Some ponies were moaning in pain in front of them. Bon Bon was trying to regain her balance using the entree table but fell over due to dizziness and feeling light headed.

"Uh... hmmm." Butt-head pondered, "Guess the show sucked after all."

"Yeah. Eh heh heh. "Beavis chuckled. "Rarity needs to like... make sure ponies don't get sick... or something."

Then a flash of light erupted in front of their faces. The moaning ponies stopped crawling. Stopped breathing. Pretty much stopped moving in motion.

"Eh... who hit the pause button?" Beavis chuckled.

Suddenly they heard clapping. Whistling. And laughing.

"Uh... Was that you Beavis?" Butt-head asked. Beavis didn't move, obviously it wasn't him.

"Bravo. Bravo!" The voice hollered.

"Uh... okay." Butt-head said to himself.

"I have been admiring your work." The voice swirled around them, feeling something like a serpent. "Just two human boys can cause so much vandalism and chaos to a little community." The voice no longer echoed as the source was right in front of their face. "I wonder... how were the lives back home feel about your constant trouble making?"

"Uh... well the ponies here aren't big ass wipes like the people back home." Butt-head answered. "But they still suck. Uh huh huh."

"I don't like Tinkle Spermicus. She's an annoying know it all." Beavis frowned.

"Yeah really. She has to like throw her... uhhh... two and half cents in every conversation." Butt-head explained.

"Plus her butt is too big." Beavis chuckled.

The voice roared in a fit laughter. "Oh... ho ho. Twilight Sparkle is indeed a party pooper."

"You said pooper." Butt-head chuckled.

"Eh heh heh. But first he said poop." Beavis pointed out.

"So indeed I have." The voice agreed. "I just wished the ponies learned to relax and enjoy chaos instead of running around screaming and crying they want harmony."

"Yeah... Every body here is a dumb ass." Butt-head chuckled.

"I think the term you wanted to say was pony, not body." The voice corrected.

"Uh. No." Butt-head replied.

The owner of the voice sighed, "You two are a piece of work you know."

"Yeah. People back home used to call me a piece of shit all the time." Beavis chuckled.

"Your vocabulary intrigues me." The voice pondered, "Seem harmful, yet don't feel like they do. Only to either get your point across but in most times are funny. I do like the word... butt munch."

"Free country." Beavis chuckled. "Use it."

"I honor your kindess. But love your ruthlessness." The voice was pleased.

"Uh... Thanks." Butt-head chuckled.

"Oh how rude of me, I forgot to introduce myself." The voice explained, "I am the god of chaos... many ponies say I'm the agent of disharmony. I am, Discord." With a puff of smoke appeared the mismatched serpent.

"Discock?" Butt-head eyes widened and chuckled.

"Discord you simpletons." Discord frowned.

"What do you know ass wipe?" Butt-head shot.

"I know everything about this world and yours... butt munch." Discord smirked.

"Oh yeah?" Butt-head asked, "Did you know Beavis's mom is a slut?"

Discord nodded his head, "Oh definitely. I could tell she's one that has been around the block." He snickered, "You sure do give that poor old fellow Tom Anderson a run for his money. Breaking into his tool shed and taking advantage of his possessions."

"I usually whack off in his tool shed." Beavis chuckled.

"Oh believe me Beavis. I know. Defiling his property." Discord coiled himself around the two and smiled, "I also know about your first night at little bubbly Pinkie Pie's little business of Sugar Cube Corner." He stopped, "Then I wonder how the ponies here are too slow to catch on with your actions." He smiled at Beavis, "You enjoyed the whacking huh?"

"You knew I was whacking?" Beavis eyes widened then chuckled, "No way. I had the covers over me."

Discord slowly eased away from the two teens then stood towering above them. He snapped his fingers and poof, out of nowhere came a television remote. "I'm going to cut to the chase you two." He said proudly, "I noticed that you came into possession of a horn. A horn that acts like a conduit, sort of like a philosophers stone that allows to wish for one's own desires. Only that there is a flaw." He nearly pressed his own face against the two, he smile devilishly, "The horn can either work of two ways. One of running of one's magic and mental capacity."

"Uh... Beavis really isn't too smart." Butt-head interrupted then chuckled.

Beavis frowned, "Shut up Butt-head."

Discord chuckled himself, "Yes I can tell Beavis here isn't the sharpest tool in the shed. But anyway." He snapped his fingers and summoned a cloud while still twirling the remote in his hands. "And the second way to use that horn is to use... some sort of source that expels magic. And since I know that you two were in that diamond dog mine, that giant white gem gives off a surge of magic." Discord fell backwards and sat on the cloud. "But in other words boys. You're basically running around using an alicorn's power." He gave a wicked smile, "And since I only know of one alicorn that can grant wishes, I take it you're from the same place she was from."

"You mean that pony with a schlong on its head back at the museum is a girl?" Beavis asked, eyes widened then chuckled. "I'll be damned."

Discord frowned, "I guess you never heard of the phrase, too dumb to live?" He shook his head. Again snapping his fingers this time he summoned a couch and made the two teens sit. The two didn't complain, then Discord summoned a screen that they can watch off of.

"Couch is pretty comfy." Butt-head felt the cushions with his hands.

"Yeah. No spring trying to go up my butt either. Eh heh heh." Beavis chuckled.

Discord cleared his throat, "If you two are done? I'd like to show you a little something."

"Cool!" Beavis chuckled. "Are we going to see bare ass?"

Discord pushed one of the buttons on the remote then a picture showed a yellow alicorn with white wavy hair, something like Celestia's and Luna's. "As far back as it goes, me and this alicorn named Genie, we were quite the pair. Her magic was nearly infinite and thats what I needed to run Equestria with. She granted wishes to ponies of the purest heart and truly needed something to help turn their life around. Sure my power is nearly endless but my heart on the other hand." He brought his lion paw to his chest and gloated. "It was exactly what I wanted. Only problem was... she was related to the princesses. I can't remember how many family members the royal family has but I knew she was the one I needed."

Beavis was too busy digging his hand into the couch trying to find loose change.

Discord again cleared his throat and pushed another button, "So I had to come up with something cunning. I wooed her." He smiled wickedly.

Butt-head was sniffing his finger.

Discord pushed another button, this time showing a picture of the agent of chaos holding the alicorn in what you can in a romantic hold. "It took a while but she finally came around."

"Did you score?" Butt-head asked.

"Discord smirked, "If you mean score as in I used her to get my way and take everything that was dear to her. Then yes I did score." He frowned, "Though her sisters were a pain."

"Did you score with them too?" Beavis asked.

Discord stuck his tongue out like he wanted to gag, "Ugh... Celestia and me that would not work well. She acts like she's perfect but deep down she's a bitch. Then there's her jail bait sister."

"Yeah that seems about right. Eh heh heh." Beavis agreed.

"Celestia is a lazy ass hoe. She has wings but she has those two pussy whipped guards of hers pull her around." Butt-head chuckled.

"Yeah! Yeah! That dumb bitch is trying to make us do friendship reports or... something." Beavis chuckled.

Discord smirked, "I like you two... I'll be honest." He clicked the remote again to continue. This time it showed the alicorn transforming into a vicious version of herself. "Celestia and Luna saw past my game. But Genie actually fell for me, would do anything for, just to be with me. She finally snapped and became Nightmare Jinn. This time as the wishes she made when she was normal had no hitch, but when she's Nightmare Jinn they have side effects. If you wished for money then you'll lose it unexpectedly after awhile. If you wish for better health, then you'll die when you don't know it. Nightmare Jinn feeds off of misery and disappointment while Genie loved everything."

"I... I got a question." Beavis raised his hand. "When I wished for porn earlier and how come I got ponies bending over?"

Discord shifted his shoulders, "Maybe neither Jinn nor Genie ever saw a human to know how to process that. Or her stone body she couldn't see and only her thoughts stayed in tacked."

"But nachos are okay then?" Beavis scratched his crotch.

Discord snickered, "She can sense what your heart desires. Full of lust and wanting power. Anything that can work in this world can be brought here." He continued the little show. "Eventually Celestia and Luna used the elements of harmony to banish Nightmare Jinn or what's left of Genie to your world. Her power was just far too great for Equestria. And since the dream team was down to one, I had to face the two alone. Then sadly defeated and turned into stone. What they didn't know is that I can separate my subconscious from my body so I'm floating around for a thousand years studying the pony world." He frowned, "Though after Genie was banished... You could say, that I felt a bit lonely as she would worship me and do anything to see a smile on my face. So... from time to time I would jump from this world to yours. Have to say though." He smiled like a player. "You got some interesting things going on in your world." He leaned froward from his cloud seat. "Oh the violence, the screaming, the fire... but I got to admit, the non chaos things also intrigue me." He frowned again, "But I'll tell you this. I'm never going to Arlen, Texas ever again."

"Sounds like a stupid place." Butt-head chuckled.

"Oh believe me. I followed this one person around and he goes on an on about propane and propane accessories." Discord sighed, "I never found a person more boring than he was. Until I saw his wife. How annoying she was. And his son I wanted to bash his stupid head in." Discord did an impression using a southern accent, "That boy ain't right I tell you what." Then Discord showed a couple pictures of his trip to Cape Canaveral, after that the show was over.

"So you two probably have questions?" Discord made the remote and screen poof and disappear.

"Uh... what?" Butt-head was dazed as usual.

Beavis used the horn to pick his nose.

Discord frowned, "Beavis as much as I admire disgusting bloody things. Picking your nose is one thing I don't like seeing. Plus your using the horn."

"So?" Beavis continued to pick his nose with the horn.

Discord curled his lip, "How Jinn doesn't explode on you I'll never know." He rubbed his chin, "She must of taken a liking to you then Beavis."

"Can't imagine why." Butt-head replied.

Beavis wiped a booger on the couch.

Discord made the couch disappear, "Alright that's it no booger wiping on my couch." He rubbed his chin again, "How you two arrived here is the question." Slowly the horn started to react to Discord's presence. He turned his attention to it, "Oh ho ho ho. Genie... or Jinn I take it that you heard everything?" The horn started to shake violently. Discord smiled like a player, "Don't worry, we'll be together again." He looked at Beavis, "Tell you what boys. Before this thing blows up in my face I want you two to do something for me."

"Will we get paid?" Butt-head asked.

"Oh you'll get paid alright. Women, booze, money, the works." Discord chuckled, "I just want you two to cause a little bit more chaos around Equestria. I am indeed here because of you two. Feeding off your actions." He smiled, "You two are actually making me stronger." He continued, "I do have something planned, and it does involve that horn." He slowly coiled around the two like a vicious snake, "The horn isn't at full power yet either as I can tell. It needs to feel more rage and feed off your selfish desires. But for right now, I'll let you continue your fun until things pan out."

"I got a question." Butt-head asked.

"Yes?" Discord tilted his head evilly.

"Can you like pick your nose with your butt?" Butt-head chuckled then joined by Beavis.

Discord frowned, "Just remember. Cause more chaos and I'll pay you greatly. If you accept my terms, keep it a secret and don't tell Twilight Sparkle and her friends." He snapped his fingers and disappeared from the teen's sight. Then the surroundings regained normal speed. The horn that was vibrating violently with dark reddish hue, now slowly with a light blue aura. The horn that carried Jinn and Genie's thoughts and soul, now scarred. Betrayed. After waiting for so long to come back to Equestria, it no longer vibrated at random times.

The ponies continued to moan and puke all over the place. Rarity was trying to regain her balance to apologize to her guests. She tried to run towards the VIP area only for her to lurch forward and trip on her own vomit.

Beavis looked at Butt-head, "You know what Butt-head?"

"Uh yeah? Uh huh huh." Butt-head chuckled.

"I sure did learn something today." Beavis chuckled uncontrollably.

"Uh... no you didn't Beavis." Butt-head countered.

"I'm serious." Beavis quickly said, "I learned that princess Celestia is a lazy ass whore."

Butt-head chuckled, "You should write that in the friendship report. Uh huh huh."

"Okay." Beavis chuckled then turned his head to Spike who was on the floor crawling in pain, "Damn it Spike! Take a letter!"

Half the ponies in town were hospitalized that night.

But Genie, the soul inside the horn... died a little inside that day...

Meanwhile in Celestia's throne room. The princess was sitting on her throne finally finishing up her business. Suddenly a letter appeared in front of her. She uncoiled it with her magic and read it. Then stared blankly at it. Confused as she glanced at it, she could closely translate the bad spelling errors and grammar. Also looked like some pony tried to draw a picture of a horse wearing a crown with a huge rear end with wavy lines implying that it was smelly.