Beavis and Butt-Head Do Equestria

Beavis and Butt-Head Do Equestria

By NocturneD

Beavis and Butt-head; the heroes of our story decided to help the little dragon; Spike with his date. It had its awkward moments as Beavis would shout from the other side of the room for Spike to pull out his schlong in front of Rarity. But the dragon knew better, matter of fact it has been going smooth for quite awhile without the dynamic duos help. All they ever did was just watch Spike try to score with a white unicorn.

Spike and Rarity took their seats in the theater. Center seats, not too close to the screen to discomfort their own necks. Not too far out from the exit. It was just perfect. Meanwhile Beavis and Butt-head were sitting rows behind them with their own snacks that they stole from the concession stand. Dumb ass practically had his back turned as the two teens stole four plates of nachos, a giant tub of popcorn, two mega gulp colas, gummy bears, and chocolate. Practically, Beavis and Butt-head didn't even pay to get into the theater in the first place.

"Hey Butt-head?" Beavis asked, "How come like... ponies can eat cupcakes and stuff?"

"Beavis." Butt-head turned his head to his friend, "You can basically eat whatever you want here and you're asking why ponies can eat cupcakes?"

"Yeah." Beavis answered, "How come horses back home can't eat all this stuff?"

Butt-head pondered, "Uh... Hmm. Maybe they're diabertic or something."

"Remember that old fat dude that would come on the TV and say he's got dibercus." Beavis chuckled.

"That fat old fart can keep his testing supplies. I'm going to eat all the damn cupcakes, cookies, and cakes I want." Butt-head chuckled.

"Yeah." Beavis took a nacho chip and put it into his mouth.

Butt-head learned to his left to get his soft drink. Until his radio emitted a loud shriek that hurt every pony's ears. Because he's Butt-head he doesn't turn it off right away until he was told so. Meanwhile further down the row Spike was wondering how he was doing. Rarity seemed concentrated on the movie. Mixing eating popcorn then taking a few sips of her diet soda. Usually between dating an older woman and seeing a rated R film you would think the little guy would be enjoying himself. He knew Butt-head poured that weird powder into the drink and said it was supposed to help him score. This is where the little dragon gets confused. Score as in getting a kiss? Or score in something else? His little immature mind couldn't grease up the gears to turn in his head so he trusted the two.

Rarity would stop every so often after she would take a sip. Let the liquid swish in her mouth like as if she didn't trust in the taste. Ever notice when you so used to drinking one soft drink then get its diet version instead by accident? Yeah its like that. But it was a waste of soda if she decided to just leave it on the floor, plus it would be rude if she told Spike must of ordered the wrong soft drink. Oh well. She figured it was just a regular soda and think having a regular won't spoil her diet.

*GURGLE*

"What was that?" Spike turned to Rarity.

Rarity's eye twitched as she winced in slight pain, "Oh I'm sure it's nothing."

"JESSIE WATCH OUT THERE'S A ZOMBIE OVER THERE!" A random character from the movie shouted.

"OH NO! LARRY SAVE ME!" Another useless random character replied.

*GURGLE*

Spike turned his head, "There it is again."

"Ow..." Rarity moaned. Her face turned from assuring to in pain.

"Is everything okay Rarity?" Spike asked his date.

"Just... dandy." Rarity forced a smile. Her legs twiddled as she tried to fight the pain in her lower abdomen.

That's when it happened. Rarity watched the movie for another minute up until one of the main characters takes out a chainsaw and rips a zombie apart. Blood sprayed everywhere and organs were dropping onto the floor.

Rarity stood up in the theater practically trying to jump over Spike's direction just to get out of the row.

"Where you going?" Spike asked.

"IT FEELS LIKE I'M GOING TO GIVE BIRTH NOW GET OUT OF MY WAY!" Rarity screamed.

Spike was confused, as the rest of the ponies in the theater.

Bon Bon tilted her head to her friend Lyra, "I didn't know Rarity was pregnant."

"Uh huh." Lyra could give zero or less craps right about now while sipping her soda.

Rarity raced to the womens' restroom and wandered inside. Typical, all the stalls were taken. Rarity shouted some obscene things and paced back and forth for a stall to be free. Another minute went by and finally a pony left the stall. Rarity wasted no time barging in practically shoving the pony out of the way. Closed the door and locked it. Another pony came out of the stall next to Rarity's and out came Rainbow Dash. The next stall after that was Gilda who came out and both approached the sink area.

"Man sounded like someone was in a hurry." Gilda chuckled.

Then all of a sudden, an eruption happened followed by a loud fart.

"Damn that sounded wet." Dash was disgusted.

"WHA HA HA!" Rarity let out her trademark gasp followed by more rude sounds.

"Sweet Celestia that smells awful!" Another pony shouted.

"Oh please Celestia let this pain go away!" Rarity moaned as her hooves stomped on the tile floor.

"Is she giving birth in there or what?" Gilda asked wanting to leave.

"Sure sounds like it when Mrs. Cake did." Dash covered her snout.

The night ended prematurely. Rarity was unable to walk home by herself because he legs went numb and complained that her ass felt like it was on fire. She was crying as well while being carried out by Apple Jack and Big Macintosh who just so happened to be there by taking the cutie mark crusaders to see the other movie. To every pony's surprise, there was no baby as some believed as the paramedics were called just in case. Just a messy toilet for a sad janitor to clean.

"So did I score or what?" Spike was left confused.

Rarity had to go home to recover. Spike stood there on the side walk with a sad look. The dynamic duo walked up to him and sad down beside him.

"So how did the date go?" Beavis chuckled.

"Well... Rarity left crying and saying her flank burns." Spike put his hands to his cheeks looking glum.

"Eh... guess you didn't score then." Butt-head pondered.

"Nope." Spike sighed.

"Well... you suck then." Butt-head chuckled.

Spike sniffed, like he wanted to cry.

"Oh come on Butt-head." Beavis said quickly, "Look at the little guy."

"Uh... Spike... since you suck at dating. We'll let you hang out with us for tonight." Butt-head chuckled.

"I dunno guys. Twilight says you two aren't the best role models." Spike responded, wiping his nose clean.

"Twilight is a know it all fart knocking butt munch." Butt-head frowned.

"YEAH! AND HER ASS IS TOO BIG!" Beavis chuckled frantically.

"No she's not!" Spike argued.

"Oh yeah." Butt-head asked, "Then how come you're her bitch?"

"Her what?" Spike asked.

"Yeah! She's dragging you around by the balls and telling you what to do all the time!" Beavis chuckled. "You need to slap her in the face and tell her to shut the hell up and make you a sandwich!"

Spike frowned, "Don't want to go that extreme."

Beavis frowned, "Well if you want to put it that way..."

A light bulb appeared over Butt-head's head, fizzling in and out. "Hey Spike. Shut up for a second okay." Butt-head chuckled, "Do you have any fishing rods?"

"For what?" Spike asked.

Beavis and Butt-head looked at each other, shaking. Both turn to you the reader and shout, "COUCH FISHING!"

For some reason the three decided on going to the library to try this stunt. The fishing poles were easy to get. Just steal them from Apple Jack's barn without her knowing. Beavis and Butt-head were sitting on the very uncomfortable couch that was old fashion. Beavis stuck his hands into the space in between the cushions.

"So how does this work exactly?" Spike asked.

"Uh you use bait and cast it out the window." Butt-head chuckled.

"Just like regular fishing." Spike caught on, "Except while sitting on the couch." He tapped his chin with his tiny finger, "What do you use for bait?"

"Anything that's inside the couch." Beavis pulled out an old half eaten muffin then slid it on the end of his hook.

"Hey I was wondering where that went." Spike pointed out.

Beavis casted his line out the window and waited.

"Um... So isn't this dangerous?" Spike asked, "What if someone actually does take the bait?"

Suddenly Beavis's line tightened, "I GOT ONE!" Beavis shouted as he started to pull back on it.

"Must be a big one." Spike observed.

After a minute of struggle, Beavis managed to pull his catch through the window and make whatever land in the bucket below the window. Apparently they caught Derpy. The grey pegasus was sitting in the bucket while eating the left over muffin.

"You caught a stupid pony." Butt-head chuckled.

"I wonder what could of happened?" Derpy stood up with the bucket still stuck to her ass.

"Watch this." Butt-head stuck a picture of Rainbow Dash on the end of his hook and let it fly out the window. After a minute of waiting, he got a snag on his line too. He pulled and pulled, they heard a small squeak.

"OW!" Shouted a small pony. "WHAT THE HEY IS GOING ON?"

"Hey it's that chicken pony." Beavis pointed out.

With another tug, Scootaloo came flying and landed on the floor. The hook was attached to her wing, Scootaloo was gritting her teeth in pain as the hook came out. "What the hey?"

"Um... this doesn't look safe you guys." Spike pointed out.

"Quit being a wuss Spike." Butt-head said while trying to find more bait.

Minute after minute, Beavis and Butt-head kept dragging in more ponies. They caught Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Dr. Hooves, Big Macintosh, Soarin, Colgate, Cheerilee, Sweetie Belle, Diamond Tiara then eventually Dash and Gilda.

Meanwhile outside...

Twilight was watching the events unfold as she saw another pony being dragged down the street by a fishing line, "What the hey?" She followed the trail to find out it was coming from her library. The lights were on and laughing could be heard. She just came from Rarity's house to help her sick friend out but seeing this. She had no doubt it was those two responsible for this. And pretty much she was tired of this.

She bursted through the doors, "AH HA!"

Butt-head managed to pull Carrot Top through the window.

"What is the meaning of this?" Twilight demanded.

Beavis and Butt-head knew they were in trouble. And from Twilight Sparkle surely she will lecture the hell out of the situation and make them write another report to princess Celestia.

"But Twilight they were only..." Spike tried to speak up.

"Can it Spike! These two have been brewing the pot ever since they came here." Twilight made her assistant stop in his tracks. "And you Spike. They made you throw a party in the library didn't they?"

"YAY! PARTY!" Pinky blew on some streamers.

"In my own library without me knowing?" Twilight was fuming.

Another light bulb formed above Butt-head. "Uh.. Hey Twilight. You want to couch fish with us?"

Twilight stopped, "Why would I want to do that?"

"Er... uh it's fun. That's why every pony is here." Spike tried to explain, "They came up with this awesome game and every pony heard about it!"

Beavis tossed his fishing rod to Twilight. She caught it and wandered over to the couch, "So how does this work?"

Beavis and Butt-head stood up while Spike was explaining the rules. They wandered over to the window and saw a royal chariot outside the library as it just touched down. Princess Celestia stepped off and she wasn't in a good mood. Twilight casted her line and smiled, "So... am I doing this right?"

"Uh... I guess." Butt-head chuckled while he looked out the window.

There was a huge knock at the door.

"Wonder who that could be?" Twilight asked.

Butt-head answered it, "Uh... what the hell do you want?"

Celestia stood there, not happy, "Is Twilight Sparkle in?"

"Uh... No." He slammed the door in Celestia's face. The knock was louder this time. He opened it again, "Damn it. We don't want any crap you're selling."

Celestia didn't even react. "I demand to see Twilight Sparkle immediately."

"Uh... okay." Butt-head let the white alicorn in.

Every pony gasped, Twilight was still holding the fishing rod.

"Princess Celestia? I didn't know you were coming." Twilight panicked.

"Save it young lady!" Celestia shouted.

Twilight coward back, every pony along with Spike did the same.

"I'm very disappointed in your actions lately. Clearly the friendship report is nothing but a big joke now a days." Celestia scolded.

Twilight winced, "I'm sorry but... what did I do?"

"Celestia is going to lay the smack down on Twilight's ass." Beavis chuckled.

Celestia used her magic to show her a letter that she received recently.

"But I didn't writ..." Twilight stuttered.

"It was signed by your name. And as usual you made Spike write this." Celestia explained, "Are you trying to tell me something young lady?"

"No I..." Twilight stuttered again.

"Are you not happy with my teachings?" Celestia was practically yelling now.

"I..." Twilight tried to speak.

"Then I'll give you a choice..." Celestia growled. "You come back to Canterlot and go through training all over again... or you can stop being my student!"

"WHAT?" Twilight shouted. Every pony watched in horror, Pinky was eating popcorn. "It wasn't my fault princess Celestia! It was those two!" She pointed to Beavis and Butt-head.

"Twilight it was also your responsibility to teach these two about friendship. AND YOU SCREWED THAT UP!" Celestia shouted. "You were a terrible example for these two!"

"Yeah... We like tried to learn princess." Butt-head chuckled.

"But we couldn't. She like hit us." Beavis lied.

"Yeah she tried to bite Beavis's butt." Butt-head chuckled.

Just then every pony except Celestia and Twilight were chuckling exactly like Beavis and Butt-head.

"I'm waiting Twilight Sparkle." Celestia looked down at her student.

Somewhere out there. Discord was sitting on his couch watching the events unfold on his television. He roared with laughter not because of the dynamic duo making him laugh out loud, but also victory to get rid of the element of magic. Just then he summoned a fishing pole of his own and a window to a parallel dimension.