Chapter 4: Questions and Sorrow

Both of them looked at each other, one of them having a kind and friendly sight meanwhile the other was looking at the taller one with an expression of shock. It took one minute before the mare was able to recover from what she saw.

"How? And…" She asked softly, looking at him just like if she was looking at a ghost that shouldn't be there, with her. She saw how the face of her friend deformed into a bitter look and how his smile disappeared before looking at another direction. "Why?"

"I…" His words got out from his mouth with a tone that she never listened being used by him before, it was weak, insecure, just like if she was talking with… Herself. "Don't know."

At the very moment she listened to those words, she hesitated a moment, it wasn't Discord, or at least, not how Discord would've answered, which only remarked how much she knew about her… Best friend. But she needed to be strong in that moment, she saw how he was struggling to not running away from her sight, it was a very different attitude from what she was already used to.

It was like… Meeting someone the first time, just like if she didn't know anything about him.

"What do you mean?" By any pony that knew Fluttershy, it'd be surprising to see her making a whole sentence without hesitation. But in that moment her mind was a disaster, and she needed everything she got to not scream at the answer he just gave to her. She was containing her tears, but even with all her strength, she needed all her concentration to not let a single tear to go all the way down.

But from what she looked at his face, and for what she felt in her cheeks, she knew she was failing. But she needed to proceed, he needed her.

"I… don't know flutters, it's just-" She saw how he just stopped a moment, before looking back at the surroundings. "What Twilight said, everything just…"

A silence fell in the whole place after his sentence wasn't completed, the confusion and the need of answers were in there, as well as the fact that Discord seemed to be doing his best to answer them, but because for his emotional state, he couldn't do it.

She saw how his body was tense, she was able to see how his muscles were flexing just for the physical and emotional strength that he had to use to not fall down into a emotional disaster, just like if was trying to contain everything.

She just stood there for a moment, Discord wasn't trying to make jokes, or even trying to make her feel better, it just showed how much Discord wasn't managing all of this. The mere fact that he was being alone with her only made her rethink about the whole situation she was in.

Slowly, she got closer to him, she saw how he just put his gaze upon her moves, she saw how the muscles started to be flexed, not on purpose, it was easily to see that because his sight was upon her he wasn't doing it on purpose, but because of some kind of instinct. It reminded him about some bears that were injured that she had to feed in the past…

In less than a moment, she was in front of him, and with just a single movement, she hugged him.

He didn't reacted. He didn't until some minutes after that, she thought at first that he was uncomfortable, but when she tried to move away to give some space, he just placed his arms around her body before starting to cry.

Maybe she didn't get her answers, but she knew that he wasn't doing well, and… that she was there, with him being hold around her arms meanwhile she felt how he was doing his best to hold his tears, but failing for the fact of how she felt how his tears were falling down to her fur.

She stayed there for what she felt an eternity before she woke up.

When she woke up, she went straight to the diary of Discord. She needed to know more, to truly understand what Discord was feeling, she knew she couldn't do all the work, but she could help him at the beginning of the process of healing.

But in order to do that, she needed to completely understand what Discord had to say… And the answers lied inside of Discord's diary. Taking a deep breath, she tried to make her daily routine before digging inside of her best friend's diary.

It took her almost two hours before finishing all her chores, and when she sat down on her couch, she decided to grab the diary, and start another chapter of his story…

I… Cannot really say that I don't care…

I… They tried to kill me.

I'm not bad, right? I just defended myself.

They tried to kill me when they saw me. No, they tried to make themselves look friendly.

Everything is a trap.

The Sky, the Shadows, the Light, the Order.

Their Knights tried to kill me.

I… How was I able to overcome them? I don't remember how I did it. I just felt wrath, I felt my instincts taking over, I remember lying down on the ground after they tried to ambush me.

Oh God, why can I still feel the blood? I washed my hands! I still feel their blood covering me!

… The… Diary ends there? How? She remembered that there were more pages!

Unless… Discord! He should've done something to diary, this looks like if many entrances were erased on purpose!

But why?

It's just like if… “Because there are some and certain things that you shouldn't know. Not even the Heralds of this Era know about it…”

She quickly turned her head towards the direction where the voice came from. She just saw Discord, or at least, Discord in his new form.

“Why?” She asked hesitantly after a while, trying to make sense of the whole situation. “Why can't I know?” She repeated her question after finding the inner strength to make it. She needed to know why all of this spectacle was made, why would he have just given his heart to her, just to vanish it in front of her.

“... Fluttershy, there are things that no one in this Era knows about. I don't even know how all of this started, but I finished it a long time ago.” He growled before looking at her eyes.

In that brief moment she saw… Grief, and… sorrow?

“I don't want you to be crushed under the weight of that knowledge, the diary and your knowledge are just a part of a complex system of… Destiny? You might call it like that, but it is ultimately a safeguard system to keep you alive if those things ever came out from where I threw them.” His explanation didn't make sense, or at least, not for her. “Just… Desist, I'm gonna get help Shy, but please, don't ask me to tell you”

“Tell me”

She didn't hesitate, she knew that it was not the best way to help him, but she ultimately knew that even if he tried to get help, he wouldn't open up to anyone but her and the others.

He already tried to take his own life, but it didn't work. She didn't know why, maybe the Elements didn't want to kill him, but she highly doubted it, after all… Discord and the Tree where opposites, natural complements that helped to regulate the world.

So… Maybe… He had… No, it was pretty accurate that he didn't die because of something, but it was certainly not the Elements or the Tree of Harmony.

“I'm not asking you to tell me everything, but I want to help you… I just want to know how you feel.” The words came out from her mouth faster than she intended, maybe it was the nervousness, but she meant every single word.

“I… I'm not alright Shy, since I wake up in this Era… Everything is hard, I have to keep the balance, but the Tree… It wants to recreate the Old Order… It thinks that I… No, you don't need to know about it. My job is now extremely difficult… I fought against this one time Flutters… I don't want to fight you. The mirror was my last effort before…” His words had a tone of sadness and stuttering, it was almost imperceptible but she caught it because of how she was with him.

“What do you mean?” She asked before gulping, she didn't know why but all of this felt a little bit… Uncanny, almost disturbing for how he looked at her and his surroundings, she almost felt the sickening tone dripping from his words.

“I… already destroyed the life, Flutters. I don't want to do it again, not to you.” His voice sounded voided almost as if he tried to hide his feeling before a tone devoided of feelings.

And she just felt a shivering going through her body after what he said.

Author's Note

It's been a while~!