Why Daddy, What Big Wood You Have

“So, mom. Are you like entirely, completely, one hundred percent sure you can’t take dad with you to this Yakyakistan trade meeting?” Flurry Heart asked Cadance hopefully as she hugged her. They were saying their goodbyes at the Crystal City train station where Cadance was about to board for a week long trip to said destination and occasion.

“Sorry, honey, I’m a thousand percent sure” Cadance replied in amusement before they pulled away. “He needs to recover.”

“Yeah, I’m an injured stallion, over here!” Shining Armor declared from nearby, gesturing to his bandaged arm in a sling, a scratch on his face, and his mane that was cut shorter due to the rest being slightly shredded.

“It wasn’t even that bad!” Flurry argued.

“Wow, good to know your father being attacked by timberwolves ‘isn’t that bad,’ young mare” Shining replied jokingly.

“I didn’t mean it like that! You were obviously more than a match for them since you don’t even look that hurt” Flurry said nervously.

“Uh huh. Sorry kiddo, doctor says I gotta stay home and rest. So you’re stuck with dear old dad” Shining said, using the thumb of his unslung arm to point to himself.

“Why couldn’t they, or either of you, do a healing spell?!”

“Because timberwolves are the product of wild magic, so their bites can leave trace amounts of it behind, and wild magic interacting with controlled magic can have adverse effects” Shining explained.

Shit, Flurry thought. It’s time pull out the big guns.

“But dad, aren’t you worried about mom being without you for a whole week in Yakyakistan? You know how big they are compared to ponies! The average size of their…privates…has to be huge compared to a stallion’s! I’ve heard mares don’t go back after having one!” Flurry urged with a whisper.

“Flurry, if a massive dick bigger than your father’s was enough to take me away from him, it would’ve happened a month after we started dating.”

“What?!”

“That’s when she told me she wanted to have an open relationship since her drive is so high that she prefers multiple partners” Shining explained to his very shocked daughter.

“And you were okay with that?!”

“Are you kidding? I was relieved! I was sure she was gonna kill me of dehydration or exhaustion eventually. I didn’t even take advantage of it being a two way deal for weeks so I could recuperate.”

“I deeply regret what I chose to say to try and get you to go with mom” Flurry said in a haunted tone and pinprick eyes.

“Now you know to just accept your fate next time” Shining said with a chuckle as he wrapped his free arm around her shoulders. He then turned to wave at Cadance as she boarded the train. “Bye, Cady! Since I’m here, you don’t have to be distracted worrying about our daughter throwing a crazy party in the castle! So try and have some fun with some yaks to alleviate the boredom of the meeting!”

“You know I will, Shiny!” Cadance called back from the window of her seat. “You should try and have some fun with the maids and female guards!”

“STOP TALKING!” Flurry practically screeched as she covered her ears before teleporting away, leaving her parents laughing hysterically.

They blew each other a kiss before the train sounded its whistle and started departing. Cadance pumped her arm while saying choo choo with the whistle as loud as she could. Shining did the same, but paused when he realized he said awoooo, instead.

“That was weird” he remarked before teleporting back to the castle himself. When he saw Flurry wasn’t in the living room or in kitchen trying to sneak alcohol, he went to her bedroom and knocked. “Flurry?”

“Not listening to you being gross, lalalalalaaaaa” she said from inside. He knew she was sticking her fingers in her ears without needing to see it.

“But you’re always saying that you’re an adult and want to be treated like one” he teased.

“Not about sex! The Talk was enough when I was a teenager!” she said, shivering at the memory of the far too detailed and informative exchange.

“Okay, if twenty isn’t old enough for casually talking about sex, what is?”

“With my parents? Whatever age I am when I’m dead!”

“Cool. Me and your mom have always wanted talk to a ghost.”

“Pfft! Shut up, dad! And I’m an alicorn. Chances are me and mom will be talking to your ghost.”

“With this horrifying injury, that may happen sooner than expected” Shining replied in an overly dramatic fashion.

“Hang on, let me conjure up Equestria’s smallest violin to play just for you.”

“You really do care about your old man!” Shining said, making it sound like he was on the verge of tears.

“Heh heh. After that TMI moment, I wouldn’t go that far” Flurry replied, trying to hold back laughter.

“Oh calm down. We were just messing around with you to drive away any thoughts you might have of going crazy while your mom’s away.”

“Really?”

“Yes. Kind of.”

“Huh?”

“Nothing. I’m sorry for mentally scarring you. Can you forgive your poor, near death father?”

“…I guess.”

“Then come out and give him one last hug before he kicks the bucket.”

“Will you stop already?” Flurry said with a chuckle as she opened the door and embraced her father. “We both know you’re too tough and strong to let one little pack of timberwolves be the death of you.”

“Can’t argue with that” Shining replied as he returned the hug with one arm.

“Hey, how were timberwolves so close to the Crystal City, anyway? It’s not their territory. And wouldn’t they have frozen?” Flurry asked as they separated.

“Well unfortunately, there’s still trace amounts of Sombra’s dark magic in our area, kind of an aura. It attracts aggressive animals to the city. As for how they didn’t freeze, wild magic is unpredictable. Seems it allowed the timberwolves to adapt to the weather so they could try and claim new territory. I didn’t mention it before, but they were snow white with blue eyes.”

“Whoa. Well it’s a good thing we had our big, strong, handsome prince to protect us.”

“I’m not gonna let you have the whole top floor to yourself so you can have a secret party.”

“It was worth a shot” Flurry said with a shrug.

“But, since I’m a cool dad, we can indulge ourselves a little in a way your mom wouldn’t approve. How about we order a big old pizza for dinner, eat it on the couch while watching a dumb comedy, and have some alcoholic cider?”

“Wait, are you serious?!” Flurry asked excitedly, restraining herself from questioning the claim of being cool.

“So long as you don’t tell your mom.”

“Not a word! You’re the best, dad!”

“Yup. Why don’t you get into something more comfy while I order and do the same?”

“Don’t have to tell me twice!” Flurry exclaimed as she went back into her room and shut the door. She changed into a thin pajama long sleeve with some pajama pants. It was always a bit chilly in the castle, but usually not too much. Plus, her dad was probably gonna wanna snuggle, and he’d have plenty of heat to share.

This was especially evident when she found her dad wearing a tank top and black shorts. He runs like a furnace, Flurry chuckled internally. It became much less of a joke as they sat together enjoying their pizza and movie. She was glad she had put on tank top herself under the long sleeve.

Flurry found herself smiling, not just from the movie, but from how comfortable she was snuggling with her father, leaning her head on his chest. She didn’t even mind when he laughed; she found the vibrating noise in his chest pleasant, along with his heartbeat. It made her feel safe. No wonder mom’s always on him like this.

A few times she spotted her dad looking at her, which she didn’t give much thought to, assuming he was just being a big softy, happy to be spending time with her. Which wasn’t wrong, but also wasn’t the whole picture.

Shining couldn’t help but notice after Flurry took off her long sleeve that she wasn’t wearing a bra under her tank top. His fatherly instincts wanted to half joke half warn that she better not be going out in public without a bra. But those instincts faltered as he kept looking at her.

He couldn’t help but admire the beautiful young mare his daughter had become. Much like her mother. And that thought made him remember how Cadance’s clothes would gradually come off from being so close to him for so long. He couldn’t blame either of them, with how hot his body tended to get. He was actually feeling a bit warmer than usual. He couldn’t bring himself to tell her to cover up her attractive self and suffer the heat.

At the very least she wasn’t removing anything else. For some reason, he didn’t question why that thought didn’t make him shiver uneasily as it probably should.

Once the movie finished, Flurry volunteered to clean up the plates and cups, quickly downing the last of her and Shining’s cider. If his had more than the very bottom, he would’ve playfully scolded her rather than chuckle and thank her.

“Goodnight, dad” Flurry said as she hugged her father, using her magic to levitate the small handful of dishes. “This was fun.”

“Goodnight, Flurry” Shining said as he hugged her back a bit firmer than usual. “Thanks for indulging your old man.”

“My pleasure” she responded before heading for the kitchen.

Shining found himself smiling lovingly at her as she walked away. And then once again admiring her, his eyes tracing up her body, taking in her figure. She’s as beautiful as her mother. He went to bed thinking about how lucky he was to have two beautiful mares in his life.

In his sleep, the stallion began to stir. And growl.

Flurry awoke with a gasp as she heard something clatter. Aw, come on! she thought as her mind started to clear and she lightly smacked the pillow she had been hugging rather closely. Me and ripped dream stallion were just getting hot and heavy! she mentally whined.

Wind probably knocked a bowl over or something. Sometimes I hate that we live in blizzard central, she thought as she drowsily made her way to the kitchen. She was ten feet away from the open doorway when some tupperware suddenly flew out of it, startling her as it made plastic clattering noises. What the hell? she wondered, now fully awake.

Her confusion only grew as she got closer and started to hear another noise. A continuous, organic sounding one. As she slowly approached and peeked her head into the doorway, she saw a shadow moving on the floor that seemed to belong to something hairy. Then she realized it was growling she was hearing, right before her eyes followed the shadow to the fridge.

And there was no mistaking what was in her house, not after seeing the canine legs and hulking body they were attached to covered in wood that was partially lit by the refrigerator’s light. Said light also revealing numerous plates and containers torn apart and mostly relieved of the food they had held.

Holy shit! How did a timberwolf get in here?! she wondered to herself as she hid behind the wall, outside the kitchen. Why is it here?! It should have animals to prey on in the wild, the mooch! Maybe it followed dad’s scent and managed to sneak past the guards. Well, I’m not gonna let it take another bite out of him. Time for some payback.

Flurry may have slacked off in her father’s physical combat training as a teen, but she still maintained her magic combat skills. At least, to a better degree. And it was just one timberwolf, if a rather large one. No contest.

“Hey! Walking termite buffet!” Flurry shouted at the beast as she jumped into the kitchen. It paused it’s ravenous eating and looked back from under its foreleg, it’s glowing green eyes the most visible thing about its mostly shadowed face.

“Get out of my castle!” she declared as she charged her horn and fired a magic blast immediately after speaking. But the beast was ready. It quickly backed away from the fridge, causing the blast to hit the bottom of the appliance. “Aw, damn it! I got a clean that scorch mark, now! You! Stay still so I can turn you into firewood!” she demanded as she shot off more blasts.

But damn if the beast wasn’t quick. And resourceful. It managed to evade almost every shot. And the ones it didn’t simply hit the chairs and table it used as cover.

“No way! You guys are supposed to be easy! Gotcha!” Flurry yelled as the timberwolf finally got in the open again. She fired off a shot bigger than all the others and grinned, positive that she’d won.

And then the timberwolf leapt at her, and batted a chair in front of itself. The chair exploded into debris that Flurry shielded herself from with her arms. “How the-?” she began to say as she lowered her arms, only to be tackled to the ground. “Ah!”

Flurry looked side to side and saw that her wrists were pinned by two big paws. Then she looked up and beheld the vibrant green eyes of the growling beast that had managed to best her. She shouldn’t have felt as scared as she did, being an alicorn who could easily blast the monster to pieces at such a close range. But that wasn’t really coming to mind as she felt it’s hot breath on her face and neck, saw it’s teeth glisten in the moonlight, and realized it was much bigger than she had thought.

Oh god. I should’ve kept up with dad’s training. Now I’m gonna end up like him. The wolf sniffed her, and it’s growling stopped. It’s pointy teeth parted, and it’s tongue slowly lowered from its mouth. Or worse! Flurry turned her head and clenched her eyes shut, waiting for the teeth to sink in.

They never came. Instead, the beast gave her cheek a two second lick, then leaned back and barked. Happily. “Arf arf!”

Flurry’s eyes shot open, her brow furrowed, and her lips pressed together, incredibly confused. She turned her head back to look at the animal again, now thinking someone’s dog or a stray must’ve gotten into the castle. But she’d never seen a dog this big, and with those eyes.

Then she saw that the moonlight was giving her a different, slightly better view. It must’ve been a timberwolf, because she could see wood on it in addition to the trademark eyes. But she had never heard of any having fur as well. White fur at that.

Maybe an overgrown timberpup? With that white fungus fuzz? Wait, I don’t remember anything about timberwolves having manes made of leaves. Let alone blue leaves. Wait, blue??? Large form, white fur, blue mane, expert dodging of magic blasts. It couldn’t be!

Flurry ignited her horn and switched on the kitchen lights, and beheld something even more shocking than she had thought earlier.

“Dad?!”

The partially wooden canine titled his head and made a questioning noise.

“…Shining Armor?” Flurry tried.

“Arf arf!” Shining barked happily before starting to lick her face again.

“Pff pff! Dad! Ha ha! Shining! Stop! Shining stop! Down!” Flurry said more sternly as she slid out from under him and stood up.

Shining Armor obeyed, backing off and sitting before her, panting happily. Even on his rump he was still quite big. Bigger than usual, Flurry noticed.

“Good boy” she said as she stepped forward and began petting his head, which he enjoyed. “Wait, what am I doing?! My dad’s a fucking timberwolf!” she exclaimed, shaking her head, stepping back, and gesturing to him.

Shining Armor simply titled his head in confusion again, his tail still wagging. Speaking of, Flurry took full stock of his new form, seeing that the hair of both his mane and tail was now blue leaves. And he had patches of wood on his body, mainly along his collarbone, around his wrists, and two lines down the edges of his back. Other than that, the rest of him looked like a non-timber werewolf version of him.

“Or a…timber-werewolf, I guess?” Flurry surmised as she began to imitate her father, her own head tilted in confusion. She continued looking at him, her mind trying its hardest to process this. A minute later, she couldn’t help but notice something about his torso.

“Why do you still have nice pecs and abs?!”

After some necessary clean up and magical repairs for their brief scuffle, and luring her father to the living room, Flurry went to the castle’s personal library. “Ah! Here we go!” she exclaimed as she finally found the book she was looking for. Beasts of Equestria for Dummies. She turned to the table of contents, found the supernatural section, and subsequently the subsection on werewolves.

“Let’s see. Causes, handling, treatment” she read aloud as she skimmed the pages. “Variants. That should have something. I hope” she said with a hint of worry as she looked in the direction of the living room, where she had lead her bestial father to with some food and locked him in. “There! Timber-Werewolf!”

Apparently timber-werewolves were a rare, lesser known variant, caused either by a spell/curse or being bitten by a timberwolf. “Well that’s an easy one to determine” Flurry commented as she imagined her father being swarmed by the beasts.

“The wild magic that gives them life turns their sap into a venom? But it’s so weak that the bitten pony needs to stay close to the biter for the venom to cause, pain, nausea, and partial paralysis. Good thing dad destroyed them all. But then how…? Oh.” The wild magic is still persistent, so the sap turns the pony into a timber-werewolf without the biter near by.

“Cure: none?! So my dad is stuck like thi-?” The wild magic’s weakness makes the transformation temporary and the personality change more akin to a friendly dog, so no cure has been deemed necessary to make. “Oh.”

Flurry continued reading, learning that the amount of nights the pony will transform is dependent on how much venom got in their body. Shining Armor had a tendency to exaggerate battles, but with how many bites and scratches he had, it probably wasn’t much this time.

The afflicted pony would be very unlikely to remember their time being transformed, and without clear evidence or being informed, they may not even learn about it. The longest recorded case was ten days from an attempted timberwolf hunter, who quit after said days. He was unable to confirm how many timberwolves bit him or how many times he was bit, besides many. So figuring out how many days Shining Armor had was likely not going to happen.

And then she read a rather interesting thing about timber-werewolves.

They have two main priorities, the first being food. Any pony dealing with one would do well to stock up, lest the afflicted pony turn to animals in the wild or on farms. This wasn’t ideal, as Shining Armor had appeared to already clear out most of the food they had in the fridge, and what was left she had used to lure him to the living room.

But it was the second priority that made Flurry’s eyes bug out. The one that would distract them from food. A mate.

Should a timber-werewolf find itself without food and/or without its hunger satiated, they will seek out a mate. Typically they go for their actual romantic and/or sexual partner, but a few recorded instances show they may also turn to somepony else they’ve been attracted to. In one instance, it appeared the affected pony couldn’t tell the difference between their partner, a friend, or a family member of adult age (in this instance, a cousin).

If they are unable to acquire a mate, they will turn back to searching for food, but become aggressive. This was when timber-werewolves were most dangerous and destructive, usually raiding stores or livestock, and likely to injure anyone that got in their way.

“We don’t have any farms, but we do have a lot of stores. I can’t risk dad getting out and eating somepony’s livelihood, or hurting somepony in the process. Wait…” She ran her index finger along the words of the book until she found what she was looking for.

Of the small handful of recorded cases, only a few were unicorns. It seems due to their beastial nature, they don’t consider using their magic for more than a few instances for simple things, such as obtaining food out of their reach. As such, the extent of their ability to perform complex spells in this state has not been determined.

Flurry looked up from the book to the direction of the living room. She marked the section and left the book behind. She unlocked and very slowly opened the living room door enough to peek inside, and saw her father enjoying the food she had lured him with, his back turned to her. He seemed to have gathered what he wanted most near himself.

When he finished what he was eating, he looked to the nearest item, and that’s when Flurry acted. She put up a small dome shield around her father, which he bumped into has he moved toward the food. He released a confused canine noise as he looked around at the shield. He refocused on the food, and ignited his horn.

Shining Armor traced the tip of his horn up the wall of the shield, and the magic split as if being cut open before disappearing. He started enthusiastically eating the food item.

Shit. Looks like the book is gonna need an amendment, Flurry thought as she closed the door and leaned against it, biting her index finger. We’re about to run out of food, I don’t have access to funds to buy more, thanks, mom and dad, and restraining him is basically pointless. Which means the only way to distract him to keep him here…

Fuck! I can’t even go look for an escort! Never mind how late it is, I can’t risk this getting out at all. Anyone would freak and spill, not just to cause drama, but out of concern. The citizens will question if dad is safe or capable of still ruling. They may not even believe he’s fine when the transformations run their course.

I could call mom, she’d for sure drop the meeting and come back. But I bet the yaks wouldn’t be too happy about it. And this problem is only temporary. I can’t pull mom away from important royal business for something that’ll solve itself eventually.

Flurry tried to think of anything else, but she kept coming to the same conclusions. And the whole time, the book’s text kept intruding on her thoughts. …couldn’t tell the difference between their partner, a friend, or a family member of adult age…

Flurry turned around and stared at the living room door, thinking about her father beyond it. Worrying imagery of worst case scanrios went through her mind, before being replaced with ~~intriguing~~ shameful images of what she could do to ensure those things wouldn’t happen. She stood there contemplating for a handful of minutes before coming to a decision, and realizing she had released her finger and was now biting her lip. And that her thighs had been rubbing together.

“Well…shit. I thought I was gonna be at least in my mid twenties before I had to start hiding sketchy things and doing shameful stuff for the good of the City.”

After reading through the info a second time to make sure she got everything, Flurry reached for the key and handle.